| Somehow, someway, we had managed to give each other some hope and lighten our spirits. I can�t say I was cheered up by any means, although I did feel inclined to give the next day another chance. I can�t begin to explain or even understand the connection that Jodie and I have. I�m just glad that it was present that night. For if it hadn�t been there, in my most vulnerable moment, I doubt I would still be here today. Good fortune always finds a way of creeping into my life when I least expect it. Jodie and I share in the good fortune of knowing each other. In her I have a friend who completely understands me. And without that I can�t imagine how lonely this journey would have been, or even surviving the despair I felt that night. I would eventually get a handle on the source of my discontentment, but that wouldn�t be for many more months. On My Own I was only in slightly better shape the next morning. I remember the tears flowing freely on my way to work that afternoon. It would be a few days before my melancholia subsided to the point where I wasn�t constantly in tears. Talking with Jodie had afforded me a sense of hope that seemed to stick with me as the week progressed. All the while I struggled with being consumed by my emotions, as well as the worries of my surgery. I have to admit I was obsessed with the healing process. I paid close attention to every detail of my recovery. With each dilation my mirror was close at hand to inspect my new vagina and genitals. The more I looked at it, the more I noticed minute little details about my new body. Sometimes it was nothing short of scary. Afterall, once you leave Montr�al you become the doctor. It�s up to you to determine if things are healing correctly. Being that I have no medical training, I was filled with doubt almost on a daily basis. My inner labia seemed to be healing fine along with everything else. But I was never really sure if all my concerns were unfounded or not. I was religious in my attempt to keep everything well lubricated and not sticking together. I had a handful of creams, ointments, and gels I used every day in order to promote optimal healing. I don�t think I ever really had any peace of mind when it came to believing everything was healing properly. Every little flap of skin that seemed out of place, every suture that appeared to be made of fishing line, every red area of skin and all the other things that I focused upon would create plenty of doubt in my mind as to whether I was going to be okay. There were times when I simply had to pick up the phone to call Dr. M�nard in order to alleviate my fears. He was always very good about returning my calls and assuring me that my concerns were not serious in nature. I knew he was going to be back in New Jersey in June. He always went back to the therapist�s house, where I first met him, in order to check up on the post-ops and answer questions from the newbies seeking surgery. I was anxious to see him and get his opinion on my new vagina/vulva. <<BACK<< >>NEXT>> |