| That night I stayed at my house, as I had
been doing on every Sunday. I reflected upon the day with a great amount of sadness, perplexity, and relief. My emotions were beginning to overwhelm me after all that I had been through since my surgery. I woke up the next morning feeling quite melancholy, which seemed to be normal anymore. I remember having the satellite radio playing as I went about my morning activities of having to dilate, eat and get ready for work. I don�t remember the song that was playing as I went through the second dilation, although I do remember it made me cry and seemingly for no reason at all. At that moment I doubted my tears were anything unusual. My emotions frequently brought me to tears since the day I left Montr�al. I dismissed the episode as being par for the course, yet I couldn't have been more wrong. That wasn�t the only song that made me weep that morning. I had a difficult time attempting to bring my feelings under control as I left my house for work still in tears. The crying didn�t let up once I got to work either. It didn�t matter what I thought about that day. Whatever I was exposed to brought me to tears. It just happened without any provocation, and most importantly, I was almost powerless to stop it from continuing. I was able to stem the tide for short periods that day in order to tend to business. I was so glad to get into my car and head for Jodie�s house that night. The crying didn�t stop, though, as I sped away from work. I was a complete wreck and I had no idea as to why I was feeling so blue. I truly did feel out of place, like I just didn�t belong anywhere in this world. My inability to understand why I felt this way absolutely confused me beyond the limits of my sanity. I hoped seeing Jodie would lift my spirits. When I got to her house I found her in as sad a state as I was in. Her Easter Sunday turned out to be a disaster, spending it alone and in tears. It was hard for her to accept that her family life was over as she once knew it. It was even harder for her to face her future alone. She was sitting at her computer when I came in. We slowly began to speak of our discontentment and despondency. I�m sure it was not a pretty sight watching the two of us bemoan our troubles. I was exhausted and still plenty sore, so I laid down on her floor to take the pressure off my groin. For nearly the next two hours we commiserated our very existences. I remember feeling so hopeless that I really didn�t care if I lived or died. Jodie would have taken it a step further had I not been there to listen to her despair. It had to be the most disheartened I think I had ever felt in my life. But amazingly enough, after those two hours of espressing our anguish and trying to console each each other, something bewildering happened. The song �You�re Only Lonely� , by J.D. Souther, came on the radio as we put the finishing touches on our pity party. I�ve heard that song dozens of times before and it really had little meaning to me until that night. I began to cry as I heard the lyrics, only this time there were a few tears of joy mixed in. I was crying and laughing as I got up to hug Jodie. We melted into each other, and scratched our heads at the same time. <<BACK<< >>NEXT>> |