| Easter Sunday was approaching quickly
as time started to separate me from my sojourn in Montr�al. Jodie was having a particularly hard time with the fact that her holidays were now no longer involving a collective family which she had known for 30 some years. At the same time I was not exactly feeling connected to my family either. I had doubts about what I should do while the two of us discussed our plans for Sunday. I was supposed to go to my father�s house for dinner with most of my family. Jodie was planning on seeing her daughter and grandson that afternoon. I don�t know why I ignored my instincts, which were telling me to skip the family get together and spend the day with Jodie. Soon, though, I was on the road to my Dad�s house doubting my decision to leave Jodie behind. I arrived somewhat late to find everyone else had already gathered there. I�ll never forget walking into my Dad�s house on that Easter Sunday. For my whole life I had tried to live on the fence between my brothers and sisters. Believe me, that was never easy, because it was usually the men lined up against the women. My mother never helped matters much by being the biggest enabler to the men in the family. She was definitely from the old school where it was the obligation of the women to take care of the men. I don�t blame her for doing what she did, for she really loved her family, the men seemingly coming first. This created tensions on a great many occasions between my brothers and my sisters. You see, my sisters never really shared my mother�s desire to coddle the men in our family. This would inevitably put me right in the middle of many a disturbance. It was tough because my mother certainly included me in the male population of our family for most of my life. I never really had the opportunity to know her as Stephanie, albeit I sure wished that I could have been a part of a mother/daughter relationship before her passing. So, whenever a skirmish developed between the men and the women, I was always in conflict. My heart would go out to my sisters, even though my mind new better than to ruffle the feathers of the men in my family. The closer I came to my transistion my allegiance to my sisters became more and more apparent, much to my brothers' dismay. It was an evolution of sorts that brought me closer to my sisters and my budding womanhood. When I walked into that house not one of the men in my family greeted me except for my father. Conversely, the women, including my sisters and nieces, greeted me warmly as I entered the kitchen. It was at that moment that I heard the thud of myself falling off the fence. The detachment of the men was indeed revealing and cold. The warmth and acceptance of the womenfolk lay in stark contrast to the menfolk on that day. My place in the family finally had been cemented that Easter Sunday. It was a long time coming, but it would also be a long time before I could overcome my feeling of still not belonging. I did not know where this feeling of being out of place emanated from, only that it plagued me with every breath I took. After dinner everyone decided to go for a walk, which has been somewhat of a tradition when we assemble for the holidays. I was too tired and sore to join them, so I ended up playing a game of �chicken croquet� on the front lawn with the two youngest of my nieces, who were 10 and 6 at the time. Those two girls were the very first to take to me as Stephanie and religiously call me by that name. In them there was plenty of curiosity, but absolutely no judgement. They accepted me into their lives without hesitation from the first day they realized thier uncle was going to become thier aunt. I love them dearly for their ability to love me for whom I am. That day would be the beginning of many more encounters with them that would eventually save my life. <<BACK<< >>NEXT>> |