issues2

What does it mean to "Come out"?

    Due to the nature society, as children, queer youths often assume their sexuality is to be heterosexual, as it is the norm. Most boys are taught they they will like girls, and most girls are taught that they will like boys. Not only do people make these assumptions for the children, but the children make these assumptions for themselves.
The term 'being in the closet' refers to people who are not open to others about their sexuality. The term 'coming out' refers to a person coming 'out of the closet,' meaning they are no longer continuing to hide their sexual orientation.
Coming out is the process that begins when a person realizes that they may have feelings toward someone of the same gender. That is, coming out is when a person starts to question whether or not they are heterosexual. Coming out is a process that starts gradually and continues throughout life. Every time a queer person meets someone new, they must decide whether or not to come out, or reveal their sexuality to the new person.
For some, coming out is exciitng and celebratory. For the first time in one's life, they are able to fully express their queer feelings. For others, however, coming out is a long and very difficult process.

                           The Coming Out Process

    Coming out is a unique experience for every queer person. It is, however, an experience shared in one way or another, by all people who identify as queer or have questioned their sexuality. Although the process is different for all people, for most, the following accurately reflects the steps involved:

Coming Out To The First Person

    Before coming our to friends or family, the first person that nearly every queer person comes out to is themselves. Most people can look back at some moment in their life when they can say, 'that is when I knew." Not to say, however, that once someone comes out they stop questioning or dealing with their sexuality. For some, this occurs in elementary school and for some this occurs much later in their life. For most, however, this realization comes in junior high or high school. It is important to realize that a person can recognize that they are queer at any point in their life. Coming out to oneself is often the most difficult part of the coming out process. Because of institutionalized heterosexism, accepting the fact that one isn't heterosexual can take time and reflection.

Coming Out to the First Person

    Once a person comes out to themselves, the time in which it takes for them to come out to another person can vary. Some realize it and want to tell someone as soon as possible, whereas others wait to see whether it is "just a phase," For most, coming out to the first person is an extremely emotional and draining process. The person often swears the first person to secrecy. If coming out to the first person is a success, the person coming out may continue to seek out other supportive people. If coming out to the first person is unsuccessful, it may cause the person coming out to go back into the closet. For many, there is a fear of rejection when coming out to parents.

Coming Out to Friends

    After a person has successfully come out to the first person, they may chose to come out to their circle of friends. This can be awkward, as the person coming out may feel comfortable telling some friends, but not all. Additionally, many fear that friends will reject them and that coming out can turn into a way in which friends are lots, not brought closer. One common fear associated with coming out to straight same-sex friends especially involve physical contact (e.g: what if my friend is afraid to hug me now, etc.)

Coming Out To Family

    Some people choose to come out to family before friends, while others come out first to friends. Because we are taught that our parents will always love us, rejection from family members can be especially hurtful. Additionally, many students rely on parents for financial support during and after college, which makes many ambivalent about coming out to their parents.

Coming Out On The Job

   On-the-job, coming out becomes a more complex process for many. For some jobs, people find it necessary to hide their sexuality. Others don't see it necessary, but prefer to keep their personal life separate from their professional life. The choice of coming out at work varies for all queers. It should be noted, however, that while many assume sexual orientaton is a protected form of discriminatoin at the workplace, most states and places of employment do not offer such benefits.

When Someone Comes Out

Generally when someone comes out, they are looking for support, acknowledgement, acceptance, or understanding. When someone comes out to them, a range of emotions can be felt. Some feel shocked, flattered, uncomfortable, angry, disgusted, honored, supportive, or confused. These reactions are normal, as it is not every day that someone comes out to them.