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It is important to remember that for most people, especially as the coming out process begins, coming out is extremely difficult. It may look easy to say those three simple words, "I am gay," but in fact, building up the courage to come out takes time and planning. Therefore, when someone comes out to you, acknowledge their struggle and give them a hug or a smile or do something to make them feel relieved and relaxed.

                     Questions You Need To Consider Before
                            Coming Out To Your Parents

1. Are you sure about your sexual orientation?
      Don't raise the issue unless your able to respond with confidence to the question "are you sure?" Confusion on your part will increase your parents' confusion and decrease their confidence in your judgement.

2. Are you comfortable with your gay sexuality?
     If you're wrestling with the guilt and periods of depression, you'll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part and it will require a reserve of positive self-image.

3. Do you have support?
     In the event your parent's reaction devastates you, there should be someone or a group that you can confidently turn to for emotional support and strength. Maintaining your sense of self-worth is critical.

4. Are you knowledgeable about homosexuality?
     Your parents will probably respond based on a lifetime of information from a homophobic society. If you've done some homework on the subject, you can assist them by sharing information.

5. What's the emotional climate at home?
     If you have the choice of when to tell, consider the timing. Choose a time when they're not dealing with such matters as death, pending surgery, or a job loss.

6. Can you be patient?
     Your parents will require time to deal with this information if they haven't considered it prior to your sharing. The process varies, lasting anywhere from six months to two years.

7. Do you have available resources?
    Homosexuality is a subject most non-gay people know little about. Have at least one of the following available: a book addressed to parents, a contact for the local Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, the name of a non-gay counselor who can fairly deal with the issue.

8. What's your motive for coming out now?
     Hopefully it's because you love them and are uncomfortable with the distance you may feel. Never come out in anger or an argument, using your sexuality as a weapon.

9. Do you depend financially on your parents?
    If you suspect they are capable of withdrawing college finances or forcing you out of the house, you may choose to wait until they do not have this weapon to hold over you.

10. What is your general relationship with your parents?
      If yo've gotten along well and have always known their love and shared your love in return - chances are they'll be able to deal with the issue in a positive way.

11. What is their moral societal view?
      If they tend to see social issues in clear terms or good/bad or holy/sinful, you may anticipate that they will have serious problems dealing with your sexuality. If however, they've evidenced a degree of flexibility when dealing with other changing societal matters, you may be able to anticipate a willingness to work this through with you.

12. Is this your decision?
      Not everyone should come out to their parents. Don't be pressured into it if you're not sure you'll be better off by doing so, no matter what their response.