Her husband watches her for a while and then says, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce. "I don't care," she says. "I just got back from the doctor's and he says I have the breasts of an 18-year-old girl."
"Oh really?" says the husband. "And what did he say about your 40-year-old arse?"
"I'm sorry," says the woman, "but your name didn't come up."
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1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
3. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
4. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.
5. I'M OUT OF OESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN.
6. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
7. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
8. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
9. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
10. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
11. DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
12. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
The Doberman turns to the Boxer and says, "So why are you here?"
The Boxer replies, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything the chair the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The Doberman says, "So what is the vet going to do?" "Lethal injection," came the reply from the sad Boxer.
The Doberman then turns to the Labrador and asks, "Why are you here?"
The Lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the Doberman inquired. "Lethal
injection," the dejected Labrador said.
The Labrador then turns to the Doberman and asks why he's at the
Vets. "I'm a humper," the Doberman says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the Cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself.I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The Boxer and Labrador exchange a sad glance and say, "So, lethal
Injection for you too, huh?" The Doberman says, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
St. Peter asks first girl, "Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.
St. Peter says, "OK, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Karina have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
The girl is a little reluctant but replies "Well once I fondled and stroked one."
St. Peter says "OK, dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says "Susan! What seems to be the rush?"
The girl replies "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jackie sticks her arse in it!!"
