REALICIDE LYRICS
“RESISTING THE VIRAL SELF” LP /
CD
OPEN EYES 2
I don't want to be
anywhere with anybody
and I can't live with myself
nowhere to go when I
want to get lost
from this world, this
city, this room, this body, my self...
same age-old inability
inescapable, alien
scapegoat
no home, nobody, no
body
can't connect to
anyone I know - no...
(I know, I know!)
waste of breath and
flesh and thoughts
when the night is over
what've I got?
I'm up all night every
night
just to be alone I
gotta get my head together (right!)
lookin' like shit
outta fuckin "I, ZOMBIE"
and I'm wondering
"will it be this way forever?"
knowing damn well that
I need a change (yeah!)
no more waiting (no no
no NO)
what do I got in me -
to offer myself?
nah fuck it - one
time, this time
what can I offer to
someone besides my self
my life - I thought if
I concentrated
my life - but where is
that taking me
I'm cold - to everyone
who is close to me
I try - but have I
been lying when I look at my self
waste of breath and
flesh and thoughts
when the night is over
what've I got?
what did I say before?
I'll reach out to you?
what did I mean by that?
I'll lift you up?
what do I got in me -
to offer my self
fuck it - this time,
one time
what can I offer
someone besides my self!
my life - I thought if
I concentrated
my life - but where is
that taking me
I'm cold - to
everybody close to me
I try - but have I
been lying when I look at my self
CHANGE -
without first thinking
about what will come back to directly benefit me
what is it to
comprehend another man's existence as significant as my own
afraid of realizing
that I am equal in every way
though our cultures
may be separated it's only a dividing line
to keep a sense of
distance from the fact that we're the same
it's an isolated
island of a world we're being born into
as information
overloads the violence keeps on pouring through
and what's a better
way than staying safe within myself
remaining callous to a
fellow citizen when we're all dealt
the same hand of
cards, and the same pain is felt
the same mental scars,
the same neon hell
with open eyes I'll see
my flesh come pouring off my bones
we only got eachother,
cos in death we're all alone
my life - I thought if
I'd isolate it
my life - to break my
ego free
but that becomes self
indulgence and I'm too absorbed to see...
what did I want - I
always know
what I want - when I
can't have
what I want - the easy
way yeah
but watch this when I
find out what I need NOW
my life - I thought if
I concentrated
my life - but where is
that taking me
I'm cold - to
everybody close to me
I try - but have I
been lying when I look at my self
can I find out what I
need
when I look at my self
- with open eyes - one time - this time
THE AUDIENCE SUCKS 2
I didn't see you at
the show
no shit I knew you
wouldn't go
you'd rather worship
something on a stage
don't you ever feel
like you need a change
and share in something
instead of just pay
how old are you and
still ain't got no name
I mean what the fuck
so watch me kick you
off your fucking crutch (watch out)
the audience sucks
when did you trade your
name for a ticket
the audience sucks
did you ever have a
name to call your own
WHY NOT?
what're you afraid of
- afraid of human touch
outside of shit you
seen in a movie
illusion is a virus
out your mouth or on that screen
what do you boil down
to - not fucking much
reaching through the
dark for fammiliarity - something to distract
an entertainment model
- something that doesn't interact
unless it directly
associates with the worship of a vice
parties, sex, and
alcohol - avoid a conversation and start up a fight
who are you there I
can't see you in the dark
afraid of what a world
of cowards thinks of you
when they see you say
"fuck this" and decide to take charge
you'll expose them for
the fiction they always were
to adhere out of fear
out of fear of fellow
man
one on one we turn
against another
with brown bottles and
aluminum cans
the audience sucks if
that's all they want to be
the passive observer -
your attitude is our enemy
exercise your right to
action and your energy to choose
prove you have a
voice! convince me you've got a point of view!
the audience sucks -
but I've got the energy to give a fuck
your name, so say it,
or I'll just assume you are no one
don't you ever feel
like you just wanna explode
then why the fuck is
it so hard to show
when you're given an
oppurtunity
to communicate on a
visceral level
you'd rather live
vicariously through a flesh you'll never be
with their
pepsi-sucking-mother-fucking fake reality
the audience is part
of my community
it's part of its
inherent law to look out for you and me
the audience sucks -
if that's all they want to be
you fucking suck -
when you leave every word and action up to me
why did you come
here - what did you want
what will you offer -
yeah what the fuck have you got
the audience sucks
when it turns upon itself
no sense of
understanding what it's like to be anyone else...
DEATHBOMB
like drinking water -
I've always been a punk rock reject
outcast among misfits
- where the fuck don't they fit in?
it felt like drinking
water! - I'm not a raver I'm a fucking reject
mixtapes of redundant
rock n roll shitheads - you told me hardcore was about being different?
"free expression
not retro fashion"
I screamed that shit
while getting stabbed in the back
by the culture who
told me to be myself
but I called their
bluff and I'm gonna attack
like drinking water -
I've always been a punk rock reject
and if there ain't no
risk then why the fuck are they after it?
real cide, real death
- change and reclaim
fucking hell with
comfort and gonna take back that shit mane
you lied to me when
you said this was for me
you lied when you told
me that hardcore was free speech
you had a labyrinth of
rules set up to break me
you never had no
interest in knowing my name
I'm fucking inhuman
when I grip that fucking mic
and I know you hate
gabber that's how I know I am alright
cos you're scum and
you may have taught me about spikes, studs, and a circle A
but this is death bomb
and this shit is for today.
MYSTAGE
a camera bulb flashes
in your naked moment
and you feel disgusted
but compelled to hold it
those faces and
emotions that drain so much from you
just wither and starve
in the desert of charade
a single line of
corpse performers begging for another
night to be blinded in
the white lights of praise
in my most naked
moment the audience is screened
shrouded by the
spectacle of a most accepted scream
ONLY NATURAL THE PAIN
IS AN IDOL!
ONLY NATURAL THE GAIN
IS NOT VITAL!
ONLY NATURAL THE PAIN
IS AN IDOL!
ONLY NATURAL THE GAIN
IS NOT VITAL!
I could be dying right
there on the stage
cheered on to bleed a
little more for the men in a drunken haze
I DO NOT WORSHIP ICON
IMMORTALITY!
A LIFE OF LIVING IN
THE PAST IS A LIFE THAT WASN’T MEANT FOR ME!
in my most naked
moment I'm a vessel for your pain
take a picture of my
face and put it on Myspace
I DO NOT WORSHIP ICON
IMMORTALITY!
A LIFE OF LIVING IN
THE PAST IS A LIFE THAT WASN’T MEANT FOR ME!
OPEN EYES
I'm up all night every
night
just to be alone I'll get my head together
and I look like shit outta fuckin "I
ZOMBIE"
wonder will it be this way forever
my life - I thought if I concentrated
my life - but where is that taking me
I'm cold - to everyone
who is close to me
I try - but have I
been lying when I look at my self
what did I say I'll reach out to you?
what did I mean by that? I'll lift you up?
what do I got in me - to offer my self
fuck it what can I offer someone besides
myself one time!
without first thinking about what will come
back to directly benefit me
my life - I thought if I concentrated
my life - but where is that taking me
I'm cold - to
everybody close to me
I try - but have I
been lying when I look at my self
what did I want - I always know
what I want - when I can't have
what I want - the easy way yeah
but watch this one time find out what I
need
I'll find out what I
need
when I look at my self
with open eyes - this time
ROADSIDE BOMB
roadside bomb muggafukka
- talk about the end of your life - high oon strife
DEAD AND GROUND FLAT UPON CEMENT
a speck of life atop
vast cold alien death…
your tiny body crushed
die on sidewalk or die
in the center of a cement highway
crushed mechanically
in a way that stops
your gutted little body from disappearing into the earth
wrenched-out body
remains on concrete to be ground flat and gutted
by human worse than
human -
gutted by the
distanced tools of a human apathy and choice to ignore fault
human - killing with
thick gloves on!
human - remote control
executed pestilence destiny – human
…but it’s
always someone else’s fault?
HEAD PERFECT
world looking like one
big TV commercial and I tighten my focus on death
privacy stripped away
layer by layer
technology offers you
my voice while disguising it - gives me a face while masking it
closer and closer -
ironic by adding veils
I’m running
faster - the world so intimate yet distant
running faster - but
which way?
and when I’m in a
corner I tighten my focus on death
backup plan - red
button - excuse to escape
THE AUDIENCE SUCKS
what're you afraid of
- afraid of human touch
outside of shit you
seen in a movie
illusion is a virus
out your mouth or on that screen
what do you boil down
to - not fucking much
the audience sucks
I didn't see you at
the show
no shit I knew you
wouldn't go
you'd rather worship
something on a stage
don't you ever feel
like you need a change
and share in something
instead of just pay
how old are you and
still ain't got no name
I mean what the fuck
so watch me kick you
off your fucking crutch
the audience sucks
when did you trade
your name for a ticket
the audience sucks
did you ever have a
name to call your own
WHY NOT?
who are you there I can't
see you in the dark
afraid of what a world
of cowards thinks of you
when they see you say
"fuck this" and decide to take charge
you'll expose them for
the fiction they always were
the audience sucks -
if that's all they want to be
you fucking suck -
when you leave every word and action up to me
why did you come
here - what did you want
what will you offer -
yeah what the fuck have you got
ARMY BETA TEST (Capital
Hemorrhage cover)
unkempt teeth - I'm
shedding blood
stitched and hinged -
pulling hair from my throat
I think I've made a
big mistake
I can't read but I
have this gun
and I’ll be responsible for the end
of your life…
DELIVERANCE (NOW OR NEVER)
there are kids who need this - NOW
but you don't seem to give a shit
spend your time fucking around - WHY
when those same kids drop dead are you ready
to live with it?
they know these words
they've known for a long time
this urgency a way of every step and breath
it's not only yours - and it ain't only mine
hear about kids who are dying - NOW
their faces are emaciated and their lives
muted
by a culture that couldn't deliver its
shit on time
WHY
we've got the means
we've been given the moment to act
make it immediate
cos I can't live with a conscience flanked
with death
we don't have forever
so it's do or die
so can you decide not to lie
decide now cos the
only alternative is never
"The Shit
Punx Hate!"
studio album, 2006-07,
unreleased...
(these songs have been
released on many live and demo tapes / CDR's, such as "Which Is Your
War" and "Electronic Cage")
REAL CIDE!
REAL DEATH!
REAL CHANGE!
BRICKWALL HARDCORE
microphone bruises
I feel like I'm
drowning
I count each minute
deadline time's up
black exit let's go
I can't take this
world no more
I never liked games, I
feel it swallowing me
tear at digest me
every minute, electronic cage
each word and touch
pierces my clothing and skin
companionship is the
gun at the back of my head
companionship is a
bleeding cut on my body while I give her head
companionship is the
taperecorded glass breaking and marrying my skin
I can't stand being
alone with my thoughts but when I'm with you I know I'm just wasting them
every time stuck in a
pit
thinking I wish this
was REAL CIDE
then immediately thinking
I wish real cide was something else
didn't you hear me
gasping?
did you wonder what
the fuck I'm trying to breathe in!!!
scraping and clutching
like I'm gonna radiate an exit
like I'm gonna be a
doorway
lord look at me
drowning in my thoughts and brickwall hardcore
look at me as that
junkie for more
or that shell starved
dry or
that demented fiend -
forgot what I was hoping for
every day is all night
even when I'm
sleeping, caked in the friction of my mind
I dreamed of a kid
stabbing another kid like an assassin
am I an assassin or
did I just get stabbed
plague in my head
terminal - echoing
continuously
crippled decisions
drunk on isolation
plague dragging my
legs every step I try and make
invading my guts with
every breath I try and take
repossessed
replaced
renamed
erased
I found out anything
can be erased
and I'm scanning for
betrayal on my best friend's face
you'd bite my face
when I lean to kiss you
THE SHIT PUNKS HATE!
punk rock is pop today
kids will get shit for
being different in the wrong way
if yr life's based on
an ethic get ready to be put down
through the few who
ignore these games that’s the only acceptence I've ever found
I'm from
what the fuck you are
saying or why you are there
only criticize yr
technique, get all academic on everything
or bitch against yr
right to exist if they don't understand you immediately
the town I grew up in
is bullshit today
the only kids I can
stand
are the ones punk
rockers hate
in a fucked up way
too rigid to change
or accept some ideas
like they fucked up on
some old age
shit - and punk ain't
comfort
SHIT! - punk
ain’t commfort!
NOW! – punk
ain’t comfort!
(it's not even about music
to begin with... music? fuck it, I couldn't care less. it's just a byproduct of
my life at best! MY LIFE! out-weighs any music.)
VIOLENT DEATH (intro to
"Depression”)
I, Zombie
putrid sacrifice
know my name
hell is real
die by my own hands
done with waiting
your words and actions
so familiar
I've been here before
can but won't
you alone
can but won't
wait - for a chance
wait - for a worth
(to take control)
give a title to this
skull
die by my own hands
done with waiting
my words and actions
all I need
defined by death
beyond hospital
everything in me comes
out
hold your hand
like one hundred
knives in each hand
an ending
an alternative
sensation
my love for you
substituted by my
death
DEPRESSION (Black Flag
cover)
right here! all by
myself!
I ain't got no one
else
this situation is
bleeding me
and there's no relief
for a person - a person like me!
depression's got a
hold of me
depression's gonna
kill me
depression's got a
hold of me
depression! I gotta
break free!
(and it's gonna kill
you!)
I ain't got no friends
to call my own
I just sit here all
alone
there's no girls that
wanna touch me
but I don't need your
fucking sympathy!
depression's got a
hold of me
depression's gonna
kill me
depression's got a hold
of me
depression! I gotta
break free!
(what!)
everybody just get
away!
I'm gonna boil over
inside today
they tell me it's
gonna get better
and all I know is...
it fucking better!
depression's got a
hold of me
depression's gonna
kill me
depression's got a
hold of me
depression! I gotta
break free!
it's gonna kill me!
depression's got a
hold of me
depression! I gotta
break free!
ah haha what they
always say?
"don't worry,
it's gonna get so much better"
oh but all I know
is...
IT'S BULLSHIT SO I SAY
depression's got a
hold of me
depression's gonna
kill me
depression's got a
hold of me
depression! I gotta
break free!
everybody just get
away...
MAN O STEEL
white cell youth!
you change you!...
I am the man of steel
in a world of glass
I am the blade of
steel to the field of grass
I’m the termites
in your wooden crucifixion
I’m the blood
clots on your vein of addiction
I’m the concrete
filling up holes in the soil
I’m the blood
burning up till your heart will boil
I’m the bone
lodged in with a tip of a knife
I’m the lethal
injection to your human right
I’m the midas in
a world of vanity
a patient of the
earth’s insanity
the zombie of your
rapid fire!
I’m the need
that lingers but titles un-dire...
what is the need of a
world gone narrow?
bound and gagged by
the metal barrel!
real death
real choice
real cide
real voice
white cell youth
you change you!
apathy annihilation
MOVE MOVE MOVE!
brain, blood, to
muscle
embolism... cultural
in the vein of your
vision
Ameri-conniption
...the scalpel to the
media body
first incision...
(repeat all) I'm the
man of steel...
SHIT FOR REALITY!
my little boy will
grow up to be just like me
and when my children
see the badge they will fall down to their little knees
my little girl will
turn the tricks that turn this world
these children are my
ethnocentric entities
(watch it - what I
say? it don't matter now they're just like me!)
shit for reality
shit for reality
shit for reality
just like me
(headstrong! violent!)
my mother and my
father raped my mind and shut my eyes
now I'll raise my kids
to be the part of me that I despise
for me it's always
worked to turn the tricks that make this world so stern
next generation's no
problem-o-mine so I get drunk and count the days
before before before -
before I (what!) I die
(of course cos I was
never really thinking in the foreground of my mind so they're just like...)
GO!
shit for reality
shit for reality
shit for reality
just like me
don't make waves and
you will pave the way to keep the world the same
don't make waves
that's what I say we've got the keep this world insane
I will never know my
own name
I will stay alive just
to complain
I'll convince myself
that things don't change
and I will hang myself
with these cold chains
shit for reality
shit for reality
shit for reality
just like me
VITALITY SUCKS
vitality sucks
do you really want to
live forever, fuck no
shred your body with
the energy you have inside
and leave it behind
leave everything you see
here behind
live like you're being
stabbed
live like you're being
shot
bite down like your
time is up
and quit fronting like
it's fucking not
shred your body and
its surroundings with the energy you have inside
fucking vigor
you can't change shit
and also live forever
physical is shit
now let's fucking go
do you really wanna
live forever
fuck no
physical is shit
so let's fucking go
I WANTED TO FEEL ALIVE (SLOW DEATH)
cracked apart!
cracked apart!
jumped!
and died!
he wanted a fast death,
to take control
but he died slow
critical
anti-hypothetical
nah I need that ACTUAL
style...
choice
identity
I'll decide for
myself!
jumped a couple days
after we had saw him play
then three fucking
days into slow - death -
to take control -
power over one thing, power over something
of his own! slow -
death -
hey man did you really
wanna die
or did you want to
feel alive
I know they're just
about the same
you were a friend of
mine taking some authority
cos who the fuck could
really know your name
yeah hey what was his
name
slow - death -
who am I to say there
was a better way
but fuck man there
must've been a better way
than waiting it out,
with an element of regret
so I heard...
(I took that gun! I
fucking take my life!)
choice
identity
hey man did you really
wanna die
no I wanted to feel
alive
but watch this I found
out
there's another way
waiting with regret
cracked apart, goodbye
my friend
...I take a drink and
watch you cry with loaded guns lodged into my eyes
bullets flood into any
type of whore I ever been or you adored
I've run through fire,
felt the fire
firing into my face
more and more and more...
but I thought
"nah... how could there ever be a better way?"
and I never thought it
would happen this way...
BURY THEM ALL!
like the hell of
repetition I feel many ghosts shall wander
to the progress of the
mind with no question marks conjured
to the flaw in the
fabric as the canopy of earth
humans only provide
a fraction of cosmic
worth
I’m a vessel and
I'm dictated by mummified pharaohs
possession of power
leads to showers of flaming arrows
progress of the mental
cut by a gentle touch
OF THE HAND THAT
CLUTCHES SOCIETY TO DRIFTING DUST
to the blood of the
dead on the podium we worship
prodding at the
culture with no eyes only forceps
a forced futility
inability
to capture just an
essence
commercial presence
deadens me…
this is a majority
statement - it’s blatant
long time coming born
into with broken patience
to the minotaur and
gods and the cash cemented walls
to the faith their
sheepskin empire falls
nuclear winter is a
threat to us all
corrupt living dead
snake heads and feds
glorified the
innocents bled
WE SHALL LIVE AGAINST
THEM SENDING US TO OUR DEATH BED
an action call:
destroy the
illuminated enslavement its time to bury them all
it’s time to
bury them all!!!
IT’S A MATTER OF
SELF EDUCATION
OVERSTIMULATED,
OVERFED, OVERSEXED
SOULLESS DETACHED
CITIZENS, RAISE UP!
RAISE YOUR FIST UP!
AND LOOK YOURSELF DEAD
IN THE FACE
YOU AND ONLY YOU, BUT
NOT FOR THE SAKE OF YOU
CHANGE YOURSELF AND
OTHERS WILL BE IN THE SHADOW OF YOUR INFLUENCE
BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU
TO BE SCARED
QUIET, RESERVED,
INDIFFERENT
FLESH COVERED
BATTERIES IN THEIR EVER-TURNING BANK MACHINE
BUT YOU WON’T
FUCKING TAKE IT WILL YOU!?
NO! WE! WILL! NOT!
ANOTHER SLEEPY
SPIRITLESS AMERICAN ON THEIR SHITLIST
ALL IT TAKES TO TURN
YOURSELF AROUND IS THIS
WE’VE SWALLOWED
IT FOR TOO LONG
IT’S TIME TO
SHOW EM WERE PISSED
AS HUMAN BEINGS THE
DEATH MACHINES WE MUST CHOOSE TO RESIST!!!
I WANNA HURT (Screamers
cover)
I want it to hurt!
I wanna hurt!
I wanna hurt...
I wanna hurt
I cover my eyes
and I reach out a hand
I'm touching a face
and that face keeps
burning my brain
burning my brain!...
I wanna hurt!
wanna hurt you, yeah
hurt me!
HURT!
well I try to sleep!
and I try to dream
yeah
but I keep on
itching...
and then I start
squeezing...
and the more I
squeeze...
hey! the more it
hurts! (yeah of course why'd I want it anyway)
so I keep on squeezing
yeah!
HURT!
I wanted to hurt!
...hurt!
I wanna hurt
(always seek out harm
by default every day)
if you build a wall
you'll be safe at
night (of course)
you won't see me
but I'll be spying on
you! (of course, how easy is that)
I'll see ya washing
your hands...
and see ya turn out
the light!
I want it to hurt!
I wanna hurt
I wanna hurt you, yeah
hurt me
HURT!
HURT!
HURT!
(what'd I say though)
love...
I wanted to love...
love...
I wanted to love...
I wanna love
I wanna love...
AIN'T THAT A JOKE!
NO - HURT!!!
I wanna hurt!
I wanna hurt you, yeah
hurt me
HURT!
by default! automatic!
(year after year)
ITCHING! ITCHING!
you saw me squeezing
it away...
I wanna hurt.
I W-is-H or WANT IS HELL (adapted from the song by The Mob)
I wish I could love
it must be fun to love
cos so many people do
it
so it must be fun to
love...
and I wish I could
hate
it must be fun to hate
cos so many people do
it
so it must be fun to
hate...
and I wanted to FIGHT!
I thought it must be
fun to fight
cos so many people do
it
it must be fun to
fight!
(...to FIGHT!)
I always wanted to
kill
it must be fun to kill
right?
cos so many people do
it
so it must be fun to
kill...
(I saw you, everybody,
so many people...)
and I wish I could die
I know it must be fun
to die
cos so many people do
it
it must be fun to die
(right, of course, how
easy...)
BORN INTO IT - pure
shit - and I'm shredding my body...
"Narcissism
Is The Enemy"
live CDR, 2008
NOBODY OWES YOU
I don't want to hate
you
but you make it
fucking hard not to
bullshit sob story
attitude
as if every stranger
fucking owes you
you look at me and
target me
assume I've got the
money you want
and don't even say the
word "need"
cos you already bought
yourself a beer
I don't owe you shit
and your pathetic
hustle makes me sick
I said I don't owe you
shit
so learn to fucking
deal with it
you're not even hungry
and you're already
drunk
do I look like I got
money?
do I look like a
fucking chump?
I don't owe you shit
and your pathetic
hustle makes me sick
I said I don't owe you
shit
so learn to fucking
deal with it
NARCISSISM
you used to go against
the grain
but this year in the
city of poison shit all seems the same
narcissism -
procrastination - hypocritical
joke about it til the
joke's on you
narcissism -
procrastination - hypocritical
joke about it til yr
just a joke
I always knew this
city was poison
spent 6 years studying
a dead end (this is my thesis)
but even my friends
are infected and worthless
filled up with hate
and addicted to sarcasm
ASSIMILATED!!!
being political don't
mean shit except
stopping to show
compassion for a life other than your own
and being in a band is
fucking worthless
if instead of serving
others you just act like you're owed
yo! you're a
narcissistic asshole!
narcissism -
procrastination - hypocritical
joke about it til the
joke's on you
narcissism -
procrastination - hypocritical
joke about it til yr
just a joke…
LAZY AS FUCK
"are you
done?"
don't you insult me
or talk to me at all
there is no ending
fucking ignorant or
just a bitch
what do you care
lazy and want me to be
lazy too
I don't want to be you
waiting for me to
force you!
maybe I am talking
down to you!
I'D RATHER BE STRAIGHTEDGE
ain't fucking with
sucking down pills and smoke and alcohol
but I never said shit
if that's what you do
never used the word
before, but between crippled vices
and a way to keep
moving I know what I'll choose
I'd rather be
straightedge.
cos it ain't trying to
be fascist
don't wanna tell you
how to live
it's about moderation
but if all you taking
down is poison then what the fuck you about to give???
I'd rather be
straightedge.
but straightedge is a
joke if it's about not smoking weed
and there are a
million ways to die inside without drowning in that booze
if straightedge is
based on drugs it's as bad as like a junkie, get me?
any aspect of life can
be abused...
I'd rather be
straightedge
in a way that doesn't
scapegoat
in a way that's not
just a game
I'd rather be
straightedge
in a way that's
actually useful
a way that that allows
me a life and my own name
ALIENATION
so can I year by year
talk about alienation?
but it's my choice when
I'll be severed from anything
do I wanna make
excuses, saying I'm rejected and my hands are tied?
or can I decide what's
the right time and what alienation even means?
do I want to be buried
by a subculture
is it a tool or is it
a disease
does your lifestyle
make you fucking hate eachother
I wanna have the nerve
to see when a subculture is caging me
what the fuck is up
when bands that are supposed to be "changing" me
make me afraid to
share ideas and actions indiscriminately?
we don't got the same age
or sex or race or tastes or understanding
does hardcore really
mean this makes us enemies automatically?
NO
I'll decide
and not just say it
won't be crippled by
my culture
cos that cancels out
its supposed purpose...
LIFELONG EXIT
life hits me fast but
what do I mean
is this all, seems
like nothing to me
I am bored while
getting murdered
I try not to feel this
way but I feel like I’m asleep
sometimes I feel like
ain't no other way but this pain
find that bed to be my
body bag when I’m afraid to be awake
when I’m awake
yeah feel like shit
but when I’m
half dead I can deal with it
feel like living is
bullshit
life - that fucking
tar pit yeah
is it worth it? is it
fucking worth it?
she had told me
"risk it for a worth despite the pain
cos pain is automatic
anyway."
my hands are open
my hands are empty
beyond patient
sometimes I swear I
got nothing
cept some knives in my
back
and a gun around the
corner
looking for my head
and it's always
just 5 minutes
then I’m dead
and I can swear one
thing
you know I was looking
at least I was searching
HERE for misc. from
earlier recordings and shows.