REALICIDE
misc. songs
prior to “THE SHIT PUNX HATE” album…
"HEADS DOWN"
WILLSMASHER (for Apop Records “obedience”
compilation)
Remember
in elementary school you’d have to put your head on your desk until shit was
calmed down to the teacher’s liking?
forced to behave
forced to respect
educated by threats
numbed to near-death
"children behave
be bleak like me and your mom"
control your loves and your hates
little fucking bleeding timebombs
forced
forced
broken
all shit
fucked like clockwork in childhood
adulthood a fucking given
dried up
controled
all shit
"heads down"
KILLED BY GABBER (for “Shred Your Body” tape)
This is alternate version
of “EZ cum EZ go” from about a year prior.
i'd kiss your feet as you
walk on my face
and wear the small
clothes that once contained your parts
finally able to cum
unlike your young cunt
more than romantic and
much more than you are
a
self-desecrated succubus
tease with nothing to say
sloth-ridden candy
sleeping stunted
starving away
throughout your life and
your candy turns from sticky to stale
the inertia of a rapist
runs up into your future
yo i've
learned to shed my skin
and my misery can change
day by day
games just don't mean
shit to me
and play no role in what
i have to say
i want to be killed by
gabber
so come with me sweet candy,
sweet heart
we're gonna die
and you know you're
lying to me when you say that you will follow
so alone i'm killed by gabber!
yeah e-z cum e-z fucking
go!
ENEMY OF GLAM NOISE (for “Let’s Do This Shit” mix)
This song is about
noticing how hollow or content-less much of noise music is.
why are you doing this
just another trend
unjustifiable
empty, paper-thin
glamour noise fuck off
don't say shit you don't
mean
untrue to yourself
and misrepresenting
what's real
fashion noise - fuck off
KAMIKAZE HUNT (for “Let’s Do This
Shit” mix)
This
was recorded right before the first solo tour in 2004; it’s about looking
desperately for something and the anxiety within that process.
only
hypothetical
and
not worth some kamikaze hunt
looking
for what
looking
for an exotic place to know about misery and near-death
i don't have anybody with me
my
cide is a kamikaze hunt
anti-hypothetical
and actual
although
i'm gonna die out here
i have to be somewhere when i die
anti-hypothetical
...
some form of worth
wasting
my time
kamikaze
misery-hell
lonliness-hell
hypothetical
but becoming real
so
real, so real
without-worth-hell
YALL AINT BRUTAL QUIT FRONTIN (for “Let’s Do This
Shit” mix)
…about flying out to
phony brutal bullshit
you're quiet
you're all hype
cunts - sitting in chairs
macho cunt - get nailed by a chair<
cunts - fucking scared,
timid, all talk
"get bucked and ask
why"
I HATE MUSEUMS (for “Let’s Do This Shit” mix)
…about when I was a
security guard at an art museum and growing to realize how worthless the place
actually was.
self-congradulatory
ancestoral masterbation
your roots curated by rich cocksuckers
with no perspective that
can represent anyone's life
i hate museums
they are opposed to life
burn and smash museums
from the inside out
don't collect shit you
can't live by please!
IN THIS SHIT WORLD (for “Hentai Gore Fall
2004” cd)
This one is about the
depression I experienced after touring solo across the states and feeling like
art had let me down as a substitute for love and life, which it had, among the
more obvious depression of doubting my ability to emotionally connect with
anybody truly. This intense hopelessness is why The New Flesh asked me to sing
it over one of their songs, later appearing on their 7” in early 2006.
I tried and I tried and
I tried until my voice was gone
and my guts were bled
dry
to secure my future with
somebody that was worth living for
a pure and endless love
unconditional and everplentiful love for someone
no this shit has failed
and I found out
it's what I'll want but
I won't have
so I'll settle for
somebody who will make me sick everyday
and somebody I cannot
relate to in any way
she will never
understand the words I say
and when I stare I look
straight through this girl at a wall
and that's the best now
and I'll be staring at a wall
"if I can't have
what I want I don't want anything"
so why are you are
why am I trying to touch
you
in this shit world we
touch eachother but cannot love eachother
I will shave away my
years with girls that secretly don't mean anything to me
music is the absence of
love
everything I do is an
expression of pain
every choice I make
results in pain
so perverve,
life is an expression of sadness
but even more perverse -
the life spent concealing sadness
and denying the absence
of love
I SHOULD HAVE DIED (for “Kamikaze HK” tape)
…about wondering if I
should’ve let myself bleed to death the summer of 2003 because it was such a
moment of clarity in some ways.
i've absolutely never felt
more since the day i threw my body away
never more convinced
never more for sure
never more on top ready
to die
one act says everything i've wanted to tell anybody
and since then i've only known less
never more convinced
never more convinced
the day i was ready to die
ART PALACE
FOSSIL-FUCKERS! (live shows summer 2005)
Another
one about the
purposeless outside of pushing a class system
feudalist perverts with more money than they know what to do with
don't talk down to me, you fossil, you old fucker
don't talk to me, you're a disease
in my eyes you can't buy worth
all you've bought yourself is bad taste
an embarassment to life itself
WAY TO ROCK YOU
COCKSUCKING LAMERS! (live shows summer 2005)
This
song is about a place we used to not be welcome to play called Sudsy Malone’s,
a local bar featuring “heavy metal karaoke”.
try to cash in on retro jokes
look! your club is a joke
it has nothing to do with anybody
what are you... whoa! entertainment!
well we are not amused
worse than cover bands
KILL EACHOTHER SOMEPLACE
ELSE! (live
shows summer 2005)
This
is about the time Swill’s face got smashed and poured out blood in
"macho insecurity, you can't stand yourself"
i never want to make music that will appeal to
redneck jocks in polo shirts
get that hatemonger shit out of here
go kill eachother someplace else
don't get me wrong it'll be great when you're all dead
but we can't let you fuck us up in the process
hey you big cowards
go die someplace else
with something to prove
like greedy animals ramming your heads and pissing on eachother
get the fkkkk out of here!
SLOW DEATH (live shows throughout
2005)
This
song was performed acapella many times for about a
year after a guy I knew named Harold Edwall killed
himself.
he wanted a fast death, to take control
but he died slow
jumped a couple days after we had saw him play
then three fucking days into slow - death -
took control - power over one thing, power over something
of his own! slow - death -
hey man did you really wanna die
or did you want to feel alive
I know they're just about the same
you were a friend of mine taking some authority
cos who the fuck could really know your name
yeah hey what was his name
slow - death -
who am I to say there was a better way
but fuck man there must've been a better way
than waiting it out, with an element of regret
so I heard
waiting with regret
cracked apart, goodbye my friend
we wish you hadn't had to meet that slow death.
COLLEGE TOWNS (live shows fall
2005-06)
…about
the dread of Cincinnati’s university expansion, hence destruction of some older
neighborhoods, turning my hometown into more of a “college town” which I’d
grown a strong distaste for living in Columbus Ohio on/off for a few years
combined with seeing many college-dominated cities across the states; the stale
and somehow strangely apathetic attitudes prevalent in them.
the demolition of
college town shit
choking on the grip of some aristocratic right wing bitch
this goes out to all our graffiti tagger
terrorists
for all your different motives our differences are insignificant
cos they're tearing our whole city down
so lemme hear you say "fuck college
towns"
build up something for today to make us real and feel alive
fucking punks and ravers hardcore 2005
not retro like the papers say and the stale old bastards in power
decide
they want you impotent and institutionalized
this goes out to every kid who's stealing food and clothes
they know - what's right and fucking wrong so take from walmart
instead of getting shot over dope
take what you fucking need
and take a gaping bite that'll last you into tomarrow
this is my home
turned the fkkkk upside down
evacuated
"fuck college towns"
CRITICAL (live shows early 2005)
Written
and performed immediately after Harold’s death as a way to let myself think
from a number of angles what it means to die or to experience a friend die.
my friend give me your pain
I, real death
my ability to change
anti-hypothetical death
critical change
critical
now you know what we all want to know
you jumped
you died
and I'll always be on your cide
exit this shit world
we're still always on your cide
realicide youth
your ability to change
END OF SUMMER CUM WITH
ME (MY HOSPITAL) (live shows summer 2005)
This
is an alternate version of “Perfect Prized Possession” from quite a bit
earlier. This was performed accompanied by Aaron Quinn’s harsh noise setup.
lying there beside the secret memory of the time you slept in my
bed
and though clothed the contact of your skin was undeniable
you did not know that when you woke and went to shower
I stood up and I came hard in the corner of the room instantly,
pretending that I could know the dripping grip of your pussy
and the sound of your voice when you cum for the first time...
I swear I know it woulda been the first
time.
and I'da killed any muggerfucker
who had tried before and failed
I have an endless hate for anyone who has ever tried to touch you
oh I wanted to be touching you that day...
if I can't touch you, I don't want to live
and spend my days wishing to die
maybe someday I can get the shit it takes
to leave the world, the life, the pain, the body behind
yeah you can call me candy destroyer, you can can
me slut
if ya wanna
make me live a dream
but wherever you're sleeping with your legs wide open
that is fucking what I want but that's where I'm never gonna be
I don't wanna breathe, I don't wanna see you in arm's reach
(if I can't have what I want) I don't want anything.
DRUNKEN SUICIDE (live shows fall 2004)
This is about a maddening
want that lingered in me within a certain emotional situation for a while.
stabbed with blood
drops of your blood
exit the earth
fall inside my heart
some things i keep safe
and some things i let rot
your hands i keep safe!
and my hands i let rot!
even after your face is
torn off on the street
i'll want want want want!
cut off your hands
cut off your face
sacrfice - open eyes
grinding out my only
wish
"blood is like wine
unconscious all the time
if i
had it all again i'd change it all"
open eyes - drunk for my
own exit
surpass
surpass value and
protected life
leave
leave behind scraps of
my body
that tiny shell, my body
DRUNKEN SUICIDE II (live shows fall 2004)
Another piece about
mental deterioration, and based on a particular happy hardcore track I’d been
listening to a lot (one of many).
stabbed with blood
your tiny shell wrung
out before me
so young but you force
me to cum
in my dreams
in my dreams
in my dreams you will be
wrung out before me
your cum drips inside me
but when i wake
your life it shakes and
trembles every drop of your blood
exits your body
torn off on the street
escape myself
escape myself
taking too long
i cannot give any more
i want
i want
and i'm
gonna escape myself