REALICIDE
- RESISTING THE VIRAL SELF
LP / CD constructed November 2007 - March 2009
produced by Robert Inhuman for
REALICIDE YOUTH RECORDS
release date 29 March 2009 (CIDE#55)
Robert Inhuman (Los Angeles / nomadic) lyrics,
voice, sampling, all vocal recording and mixing via Cubase
SX3, all edits via Cool Edit Pro 2.0, Fruity Loops 3,
drawings, art and text layouts, [email protected]
Jim Swill (
Vankmen (Oakland) Boss SP-505, Korg EA-1, Korg ES-1, Korg KP-2, Reason 3.0, scratches,
Vankmachine (circuit bent Boss DR-550), [email protected]
Ryan Faris
(Jacksonville) Alesis SR-16, Boss SP-202, Boss DD-6,
Roland MC-909, Akai MPD-24, Mackie 1202-VLZ, Ableton Live 7, [email protected]
Evolve (
Steven Cano (
Simon Severe (
Mavis Concave (
Members not appearing on these recordings…
Vim Crony (
Jonathan Prunty (
Realicide – Punk’s Not Comfort. The
confrontational nature of Realicide is the confrontational nature of this
reality itself. The experience of Realicide is not intended to be comfortable,
but rather meaningful. This in and of itself is very important. Take any music
radiated on the public airwaves lately; its intention is to seduce and comfort
but it is never very meaningful. This could be elaborated by innumerable facets
of our mind-washed American culture: lil debbies comfort death television video games circumstance
burger king blockbuster oblivion. When we remove ourselves from these past
realities we can begin to form new realities and the image of the false self
can not be held constant. I remember seeing Realicide at a little shitty punk
club early on and the people who ran the club and hung out there were, to say
the least, not into it. It radiated deep inside me the essence of rebirth and
change. Back then it seemed just as confrontational to be a member of the
audience as it was to be performing. At this time people were so resistant of Realicide's energy, its refusal to pay homage to dead
rituals, its total lack of boundaries, with no obedience to the cultural norm.
They hate it. There is no separation between band and audience in the ordinary
fabricated sense. Realicide has always been far outside these clinical
distinctions. It can not be contained within a boxed reality of what certain
people think punk is or what certain people think punk should be and partly
what punk has become thanks to people who create these cliché worlds they can
drink, grow old, and die in. A faded reality blue as Earth itself. Realicide
has always been outside this dying image, this faded flame, this false reality,
this wishful arrogance. Realicide was birthed from this death and thus is
change incarnate. This is its beauty; its life. With the blood of sacrifice we
wash our hands clean... - Evolve 2008
LP cide A:
01. BE A VESSEL FOR CHANGE
02. THE SHIT PUNX HATE
2
03. EVERYTHING IS A CAMERA
04. XENOPHOBIA
05. AUTONOMY
06. IF I AM HUNGRY
07. THE INSANE ANGEL
08. HxC FIGUREHEAD
LP cide B:
09. DEATH MACHINE
10. NEUTRALIZING OPIATE
11. ABSENT RAPIST Intro.
12. THE ABSENT RAPIST
13. CONSUMER LISTENING
14. NOT EVERYBODY IS "RICH"
15. I'M NOT A FUCKING DJ!
16. DEAD END PROTEST
17. CAN'T RELATE?
18. NOT ENOUGH
CD bonus tracks:
19. NUMB TO "REVOLUTION"
20. NO XENOPHOBIC HxC
21. KILL EACHOTHER
SOMEPLACE ELSE
22. AFRAID IN YOUR GAMES
23. TALKING ABOUT TV SHOWS AND SCORING DRUGS
24. I HATE BARS
25. I HATE RAVE SOUND SYSTEMS
26. WORTHLESS ROCKER SMALLTALK
27. SUBLIMINAL SWILL
28. PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE
29. PURPOSE
30. HxC FIGUREHEAD (RMX)
31. GOT YA BACK
32. NO PHONE
33. TRUTHFULLY UNABLE TO KNOW
34. TASTE OF BLOOD
35. DESPERATELY RETRO
36. PROVE ME WRONG
37. LOS ANGELES
38. WANT RUNS THIN
39. YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE
40. KILL THE SOUNDMAN
41. HYPOTHETICAL POPULARITY
42. I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!
43. BRICKWALL HARDCORE
(spoken)
44. I WANTED TO FEEL ALIVE (Swill mix)
45. BREAD & CIRCUS
46. DECONSTRUCTION PULSE
47. LIE
48. RESISTING THE VIRAL SELF CUT-UP
Robert Inhuman, MINIMALIZING
THE MARGIN FOR MISINTERPRETATION...
This is the zine
compiled specifically to accompany our album, with all its credits and lyrics,
but also swarmed with essays describing the motivations and intentions of these
songs and the people who've created them. Misinterpretation has been a
difficult aspect of Realicide since it first began. I know we can never prevent
misinterpretations altogether, but this zine is at
least a solid effort to minimalize the margin for
misinterpretation. It was inspired very rigorously by every comment we've
received about "Hell yeah man, 666, stay evil forever!" or "Fuckin' brutal dude, totally sick!" - and especially
by the baffling number of comments we've received regarding Swill's song
"Absent Rapist" as an anthem endorsing domination and abuse... When a
song with lyrics as clear as "Absent Rapist" gets misunderstood, I
think any of our songs can. Nevertheless, if you really want to know what this
whole record is "about", here are all its inner-workings spelled out
as best we can, in this zine...
Note: As this zine is
fairly long-winded at times, I wanted to point out that it is not meant to be
read through in one sitting necessarily. It is simply a reference guide when
questions come to mind. Likewise for the CD itself, I would actually recommend
listening to it throughout 2, 3, or 4 times, so that you do not have to take in
an overwhelming length of somewhat wrenching sound. Listening to the album in
sections could help it seem less like an overload of mania, and let the ideas
and nuances come through one by one. That’s just a suggestion I thought I
should offer.
1. BE A VESSEL FOR CHANGE
Robert Inhuman: software electronics, edits.
"A vessel for new information that could
change the social system that we live in." (Mark Sarich,
REAL CIDE! REAL DEATH!
REAL CHANGE!
YOUR ABILITY TO CHANGE!
"...see, it's a great way of promoting the
status quo - promoting oppression, promoting prejudice, sexism, racism... any
fucking 'ISM you can come up with - promoting it, not tolerating it, PROMOTING
IT, using a language that acts as if it's trying to censor it... What a good
joke..."
Jim Swill, RESISTING THE VIRAL SELF
This is no time for cheap imitations of human
life!
Rock stars, movie stars, viral stars are null
and void!
Isn’t
it so apparent that realities like that only deaden a person into a numbed
shell engulfed in material hell, forever documented in shameful states, forever
remembered as more human than a human can be, their true identity reduced to
mere photographs and elaborate misinterpretations. A terrifying state of
existence furthers us from discovering our innermost personal identity,
stripping us from agenda and turning our awareness into mind-numbing cynicism!
We’re here together, post 9-11, still stuck in a war with words in the middle
east, force fed unnecessary medications that turn us into legal drug addicts,
consuming nutrient-less food waste and cancerous chemicals, worrying about what
happened to rock and roll, worrying about what people said about us on the
internet, still living with ever increasingly totalitarian authority and an
ever degrading economy to match. All of these realities blending and blurring
together into a numbing information stream, pummeling our minds with trivial
and tragic realities that hold little relevance to what is important to
achieving happiness. We’re here in this weird world together, but are we
really together? If you have to email and text everyone you know is that really
together? Have we really become so afraid of confrontation that we can't even
face the voices of our companions? Do you have to hide behind an avatar, do you
have to be more than a friend, do you have to provide entertainment, are you
really too busy? Are we just more focused on our egos than ever before?
When we become too involved with a digital fix, we become numb to reality, and
in case we forget - reality is always gonna be there.
A world of hyper isolation, a world of total permanent humiliation, where
sarcasm and cynicism reign supreme, and an attempt at a cause is deemed a
failure prior to its existence. One thing I’ve learned through the shortcomings
of punk culture is that although my efforts may never dissolve a government or
majority ignorance, they can still change an immediate life, an instant
reality, my reality, your reality, together instantly we can grab hold of a
fleeting idea once known as personal identity. An identity can’t be found
in what is merely an extension of the ego, an identity can’t be found in
thousands of myspace friends who didn’t even know
they were in your list, an identity can't be found in self-glorification. NO,
an identity is found by you and you alone. When you wake up in this world and
see that it was never fair from the get go, when you see it’s just as
prehistoric and Romanesque as ever, a prison planet, where challenging
authorities is punishable by death or, even worse, deletion. A world where our
history is getting converted over to text files, all imminently lost in an
instant, erasing physical matter, ensuing an absolute information dictatorship.
A world in which we are drilled into society with icons and anti-realities
projected upon us to imitate and emulate! This is a harsh existence here and
now. Human contact and compassion are so much more vital to the progress of our
modern society.
Every
year it is more subversive but still present; instruments of alienation and
self-satisfaction infecting the network of subcultures, drawing them up to the
imminent demise of the mainstream, same as the rain is to the worms in the
soil, marketing agents hang over our drowning writhing existence like starving
birds itching to swallow us alive. How can we avoid such a sick and
masturbatory reality? It starts with resisting self-gratification. It starts
with reclamation of true community. Online networks are wielded as a dangerous
weapon by corporations in order to provide a far more secretive and, in turn,
effective method of conforming the youth into a self-serving, isolated,
consumerist mass, incapable of appreciating social interaction outside of the
available pre-programmed reality. Though these networking sites can be used as
valuable additions to keeping in contact with the rest of our “global village”,
we must keep in mind that everything must be kept within moderation. There is
hardly anything that is more potent or intoxicating to human kind than the
worship of the ego. Community is what will hold us together in the long run, so
never forget what that means. Online community is more a symbol or a
representation of community. It's text and images but it is not real or
tangible. It won’t be there when you need an arm around you, it won’t be there
when you need a voice, it won’t be there to cook you some food when you are
sick, it won't be there to share an experience, it will only further advance
alienation if we put our faith in it as our sole contact with the world.
Remember what it is to be friend. Remember what it is to be a person. Remember
we are not these bodies, we are not these images. Remember we are here
together, all of us, human, alive right NOW.
2. THE SHIT PUNX HATE
2
Vankmen: hardware electronics.
Jim Swill: words, voice.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
waiting in line for your turn to talk
by the time you've got that microphone you're
wasted drunk
and it's not about an idea it's about ROCK
how retro the sound sounds - I don't give a fuck
the same old worn out formula anger
all as good as Halloween with no sense of danger
I thought I could be a part cos
I thought I was strange
but in the end to them I'm nothing but a
stranger!!!
...when they're different the wrong way...
I'm from
what the fuck you are saying or why you are
there
they just criticize your technique, get all
academic on everything or
bitch against your right to exist if they don't
understand you immediately
the town I grew up in is bullshit today
and the only kids I can stand are the ones that
punk rockers hate
in a fucked up way, too rigid to change, or
accept some ideas
like they fucked up on some old age...
NOW! and PUNK AIN'T
COMFORT!!!
NOW! and PUNK AIN'T
COMFORT!!!
through the only few who ignore those games
that's the only acceptance that I've ever found!
PUNK AIN'T COMFORT!!!
it's a byproduct or catalyst at best - a
distraction to save my life again - yeah!
punk rock is pop today - fuck you, the same way,
every time, right, of course, easy...
we make our own hell - apocalypse or not it's
just what we sell
a fist that doesn't move - just propped in the
air to patronize the youth
wow, how alternative! it's edgy! it's cute! how
retro and authentic - FUCK THAT
like a blank in the barrel - so what? fucking
shoot! NO PUNK AIN'T COMFORT!!!
the same old worn out formula anger as real
as Halloween with no sense of danger
I thought I could be a part cause I thought I
was strange
but in the end to them I'm nothing but a
stranger
PUNK AIN'T COMFORT!!!
what else?!
I run into this shit everywhere - I think I'll
fit in, but I’m just too square
I don’t feel anything but rejected - well yeah
I'm fucking strange
I thought that’s what punks accepted?
NO! PUNK AIN'T
COMFORT!!! NOW!!! PUNK AIN'T COMFORT!!!
through the only few who ignore those games
that's the only acceptance that I've ever found!
yeah! PUNK AIN'T COMFORT!!!
I don’t wear my ideals on my sleeve - rejected
if my person ain’t easily perceived
you want my identity instantly - lightweight
disgusted if you had to talk to me
it’s more than a romantic image of poverty, it's
hardcore mentality, it's mental anxiety
"punk rock is just a / VICIOUS BLIND
EYE"
Robert Inhuman, about "The Shit Punx Hate"
This is an alternate version of the song we made
with Mavis in 2006, initially inspired by our origin in
The title of the song is supposed to have a double-meaning,
because Realicide has always (especially where we grew up) been the shit
conventional punk rockers (fucking retro rockers) hate. But in our definition
of true punk ethics, where experimentation and the unexpected is favored as the
only means of maintaining relevance and genuine excitement in our lives, then
it's flipped around to mean that the retro rocker traditionalists are the shit
that true progressive punks hate, because it let's a movement fossilize, become
pigeon-holed, and become a rebellion in name only. So like Swill says in this
version of the song, if they want to be up against us, in the fucking 21st
century and all, bring it on cos they're just
shooting blanks anyway. We've got another song that is basically about this
situation called "Deathbomb".
3. EVERYTHING IS A CAMERA
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, software
electronics.
"I can see it inside your face...
do I deserve to live?"
I'm looking for your eyes, everybody - I want to
know if I'm wasting my breath
but all I see are flickering lenses -
everything's a camera and you act like you're deaf
an audience of cameras - so intent to document
so much so that we bypass feeling - anything at
all - yeah fuck it
clicking buttons instead of really - listening
to what is right
in front of our faces, so after it all what do
we got??
a million sterile token memories of shit that
isn't what it seems on a screen...
turn to find console in your friend but all
you're met with is another machine!
(let me explain)
supposed to preserve experience but it just
replaces experience!
that photogenic twenty-first century game -
cutting corners with your sincerity...
your friends don't give a fuck - not really
they'd rather see you as a URL and a password
and another fucking number
does that make you feel good? how the fuck do
you deal with that?
or do you react? DO YOU EVEN REACT?
even right now you aren't hearing this
you're fucking with a cell phone and might as
well not be here...
an audience of cameras - so intent to document
so much so that we bypass feeling - anything at
all - yeah fuck it
clicking buttons instead of really - listening
to what is right
in front of our faces, so after it all what do
we got??
AFTER IT ALL WHAT DO WE GOT?!
(what does it mean when we learn to be alright
with)
everything's a camera...
Robert Inhuman, about "Everything Is a
Camera"
Though this song is really awkward musically (I
made in on headphones in Altadena, early 2008 when I was living in my car, made
mainly from ES-1 samples from Mavis' previous song "Depression" among
other stuff.) it is a song that really needed to be on this record. This song
is not about thinking photography sucks, or that having pictures of shows you
go to sucks, cos these things are great and can help
hold on to awesome experiences, or be used to get new kids interested in
something really great. This song is like most Realicide songs about drugs,
alcohol, etc. in that it's against an abuse, and an asking for healthy
moderation. The idea is that we are so used to viewing things on lit-up screens
that we choose to see a live show through a camera rather than just look up and
really be THERE with real people. It's like, if the experiences at the show are
so great that you need to capture them for all time to look back on like
"wow that was great" - why spend the whole time, during the actual
experience you wanted to preserve after all, behind buttons and screens and
lenses? It just seems ironic and concerning, if you see what I'm saying? Get a
couple photos, hold onto your experiences with them, but meanwhile just BE
THERE with us, feel the power of that moment, without the hang-up of if you'll
have shit to upload once you're back home by yourself. Just like anything,
AVOID ABUSE in any form it can take! Does this seem like a dumb thing to be
thinking so much about?
4. XENOPHOBIA
Robert Inhuman: edits.
"That spider, why are you afraid of it?
Because it has eight legs?
Because its mouth moves from side to side
instead of up and down?
If it came toward you what would you do?"
"This..." (man crushes spider under
boot)
"Exactly, as you'd destroy anything you
didn't understand..."
Robert Inhuman, about the "Xenophobia"
sample...
I think this originally came from The Day The
Earth Stood Still, when I had a tape deck hooked up to my VCR in high school,
but I could be wrong cos I haven't seen that movie
since then. We've used it a lot of times over the years, lately even as the
precursor into The Shit Punx Hate during shows. In
the movie the guy is comparing a person's impulse to step on a spider to his
similar reaction to alien life coming to Earth. It shouldn't be hard to see how
this compares to most other times when groups of different kinds of people
cross eachother, from foreign relations among whole
countries down to small groups of young people with similar goals being uneasy
working with eachother because of aesthetic
differences like clothing, music, slang, anything. There are enough bigger
things to have conflicts about in the world, things that deal with peoples'
basic rights to exist and act on free will, why make conflicts out of things
that are purely cosmetic or non-harmful rituals?
5. AUTONOMY
Evolve: hardware and software electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
your crusade isn't mine - your jihad isn't mine
xenophobic on each side - your hate is defined
by pride
NO WAR CAN BE WON
unless you accept a nation's children as fodder
for a gun
that backfires and bloodstains our decisions
it's foreign - it's domestic - the same either
way - victims
but am I among these "victims"
when I got a brain in my skull and warm blood in
my body
can I really claim I ain't
a cell in the system
when I had reach to the resources that could
stop that gun from firing?
when I had reach to the resources that could
keep my conscience from dying??
when I have access to a solution I call
compassion combined with REALLY TRYING???
your crusade isn't mine - your jihad isn't mine
I'm not pacified just cos
I'm not the one who's next to die
(what difference should that make?)
"in full force"
...when winning is based on ethnocentric death
in our fucking civilization, based on who is
left
after a game called genocide and another
familiar one called wealth
burning to death in oil, so a few sociopaths can
keep their good health
what could I have access to and would I grab it
even if I did?
your crusade isn't mine - your jihad isn't mine
xenophobic on each side - your hate is defined
by pride
your crusade isn't mine - your jihad isn't mine
using god as your alibi - you don't speak for me
when you lie
your crusade isn't mine - your jihad isn't mine
I'm not pacified just cos
I'm not the one who's next to die
(what should that matter?)
Robert Inhuman, about "Autonomy"
This song spells out a lot of how I feel about
peoples' roles in our society; how fear and personal interests affect our
choices to take action or not. The lyrics are prompted by a poster I designed
during our summer tour in 2008, which was motivated by the suspense of the
Can we afford not to care; to drop out this
year?
Like inmates at the notorious
Can we afford not to care; to drop out THIS
year? YOUR PRIVILEGE; quit fronting like it's otherwise. How will you use it?
A lack of action will never ensure your
innocence. Will you contribute to the
Look at the Earth and every legitimate problem
for life on it. What cannot be traced to human decision? Why would our
decisions to solve these problems be without the very same flaws? "OUTSIDE
MY SELF"
I'd always exempted myself from the farce of
mainstream administrative processes, but even THIS year?
The PRIVILEGE of one will always risk the
TORTURE of many. Be it paraded on media headlines or far from blind eyes;
celebrity does NOT make a pain's significance.
REAL CIDE = REAL DEATH
= REAL CHANGE / your ability to change. "The only thing that needs to
change is what's inside of me." I'd like to be more alert this time
around...
REPORTS FROM THE COLISEUM (excerpt) by EVOLVE
The
coliseum is a romantic person's nightmare. I pledge allegiance to the perpetual
cycle of indifferent fools. Scavengers of Earth that scorch her beauty. Tired
highway speaking with the lonely night. Calm down: take a look inside one's
self and breathe repeatedly. A focus can be reached beyond the television.
Beyond the walls the coliseum built around us. Round and round and round,
forever turning. The merry-go-round of life, we must step off. Step forward. It
is a new age for man and woman that is NOW beginning. Begin new life with us.
Join the resistance outside the coliseum. Outside of all indifferent futures
that foolish men have preached. The governor is out of touch and can't be
reached. He sits high atop a hill of buffalo skulls with a smeared ill giggling
shit grin. Bubbling laughter that wraps around us like a strangling cape. He is
sizing the crowds up in preparation for his entry in the coliseum. He rides in
on a white tiger of leprosy. He is dressed like a lavish swindler, gold and
diamonds shining. He says, "High up kites remove the guilt from me,"
the first of many uttered curse before the games begin. "We got it now we
got it now so let's keep rolling. The wars that I create are always righteous.
You are holy mind fuck to my righteous hard-on. My excrement is raspberry
diamond ice cream; buy it for your children, or else GO HOME." The
governor has never been one for speeches. He dematerializes instantly and
returns to his perch high above the crowds.
(All lonely men are wicked sinners. Companionship
and brotherhood are duties here on earth. Beyond the coliseum. Beyond the
imaginary world of distant kings.)
The
light of hope is shining. The tunnel isn't darkness, it's a path that's filled
with light. We are but a single entity in sight. We must go on. We must push
forward. On and on we roam. We make a call and all is all, cosmic telephone.
They make sarcastic comments with a whimpered kind of speech and they drink
their beers in bars on blocks from places I can't reach. But I reach deep down,
I reach within, you do not know my name. But it does not matter now our
heartbeat's one the same. Everyone they gather round a distant kind of flame,
we warm our hands, and our hearts, our minds, the status quo remain. If we
focus one reality we all become the same. If we remove the "I" the
"you" we don't know who to blame. The suffering of Earth increased by
holocaustic rain. When we're all a one, a unity, we all suffer the same. We
don't start wars with doubletalk pretending that there's blame. Recourse
actions when all is blind the mammals do not see. The wickedness they harbor
with their own hypocrisy. We move beyond the walls they build to keep us locked
within. Statuesque and broadcast out with diplomatic grin. We don't pay much
attention to such clinically defined, aristocrat barbarians without a heart or
mind. We move beyond their barriers. We're pushing forward still. We're not
taking corporate medicines that make us twice as ill. We're not falling for
their microwave agendas or their thrills. Rollercoaster pills, side holster
automatic beer can poster static and roasted swill. Television on the mind wave
engraved make the pavement stain the same blood flag red of American pain.
Citizens drifting in and out of a complacent flame. We all burn one and the
same. Same as a building or gasoline ring. Circus humanity built up like stacks
of wax. Generational deficit of organic tax. When we're talking about solid
matter we're talking about something that's malleable and not fact. We need
sustainable living here on Earth and that's a fact. That's that and there ain't no arguing back. Focused with a calm composure, the
green movement is much bigger that your precious knapsack of this and that,
this and that. Material vendetta goes flat... There ain't
no heartbeat in that. Follow psychic alphabets to form new words and new worlds
beyond one dimensional proverbs. Politicians trick the populist with
double-meaning words that flip. They are acrobatic stage performers, their
slimy entrails drip. Everyone around them sees that their costumes a disguise.
But they fool them anyway with clever alibis. On and on around us the centuries
of man unfold. Yes we've changed a little bit but now the change it must be
bold. The centuries of man depleted worthless in our graves. Time bomb of the
century a human pin grenade. Earth is sacred mother as we merge into her one.
Time is not so infinite when time is finally done.
(An exert form the upcoming Evolve novel Reports
From The Coliseum)
6. IF I AM HUNGRY
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, software
electronics, edits.
"I try to quit while I'm ahead..."
"We must shape a new mentality... People
must be trained to desire; to want new things even before the old have been
entirely consumed; from a needs to a desires culture..."
"RIGHT NOW."
"...but I notice that I'm already
killing."
fuck my whimpering body - that shell that would
cripple those of any it could
I know that it would - this - my human body
manipulator and each time terminal mutilator
manifest viral extinguisher of itself and
anything else
leave the choice to me and it's the zipper
closing on this world's body bag
point of no return - point to prove to whom?
...til there's nobody
left to use or gloat to
fuck my whimpering body - let it be a
sacrificial tool
celebrate our death in order to honor all life
on Earth
celebrate our death as a cure for a plague of
all unjust hurt
wash away a failed species
"...a supreme conception that suffering is
a mistake, or a sign of weakness, or a sign even of illness, when in fact the
greatest truths we know have come out of people suffering." (Arthur
Miller)
Robert Inhuman, about "If I Am Hungry"
I’m not gonna eat meat
or gelatin anymore.
Anybody who knows me will know this has been a longterm goal for many years, and something that is
extremely hard for me compared to many things I've wanted to change in myself
throughout my life. I'd been pushing it back year by year, waiting for a time
in which I am not being beaten down by depression, social anxieties, financial
concerns, addiction to the comfort and luxury of humor. This needs to be the
year though, because I'd be lying if I said I wasn't doing well in more ways
than not. It's weird. This is the first year I've technically been homeless;
and over 2 years now without federally monitored income; but I'm feeling strong
and very positive about a lot of current and recent decisions.
My dietary decisions are NOT rooted in any
attempt to preserve my own body. My decisions are based on the perspective and
philosophy I've had since my late teens; I view humanity as plagued with the
gift (yet the ultimate curse) of [ir]responsibility.
We are separated from all other animal life on Earth based on our heightened
ability to manipulate our environments. I don't think I need to give examples
of how this is a terminal situation; look at the natural world we cage and tie
down around every corner; look at the cement you walk on like a body bag to
this world; any world apart from humanity's self-appointed manifest destiny is
viewed as a savage threat and manipulated to the point of terminal mutilation;
fucked to death - and our attempts to backtrack and correct these mistakes are
little more than digging deeper into that same toxic hole.
My decisions are only a symbol for what I hope
can be a nurtured compassion for animal life other than that of humanity. Fuck
my crippling shell; my body! What about the bodies of those who are not capable
of this calculated malice and gluttony we call humanity? When I'm dead let me
be a sacrifice to their nature and not my own; not a species so VIRAL to all
others it encounters.
I am fucking tired of being so firmly connected
to food dependent on animal suffering and death. My choice to stop eating meats
and gelatin is not solving a lot of anything, but it is at least a step in what
I know is the right direction for myself. My diet is one of my most difficult
vices. I don't have interest in alcohol or drugs or most entertainment, but
food is a hard thing for me to be flexible about to say the least.
I would like to just drop out all the way, into veganism or at least only eat animal products I've
collected and dealt with myself, but I know I'm not strong enough yet in this
corner of my life. If I can take just this first step this year it will be a
big deal to me; and I hope any of my peers that know very well how hard it will
be for me can look at it as an example; just one instance of someone forcibly
re-configuring how a certain aspect of their daily habits will be. I know the
things that push me towards very necessary changes and challenges are often my
witnessing these kind of examples in the people around me.
Thanks to everyone in my life who has encouraged
me in a patient and genuine way to get myself together and live more closely in
sync with what I feel is right. Without your friendship and conversation I
would be able to hide too much more from my own weaknesses and undeveloped
ambitions.
7. THE INSANE ANGEL
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
I don't care what you say - you don't give a
fuck about me
no matter what you said before - one in a
million, hell nah just one among millions
(no matter what I said, pretend it don't mean
nothing to me)
use me for my money, use me for my car,
use me for my cock, use me for my credibility
cos it's been a fucking
lifetime since I felt anything at all
one momentary touch of your body even though you
won't look at me
use me for my money, use me for my car,
use me for my cock, use me cos
I'm easy
you wanna get fucked
and you'll ask me to fuck you
under one condition that I'm not allowed to love
you
pretend it don't mean anything, that it's just
some time to kill
so I'll accept it for a taste and pretend I
don't love you
…what about when I can't even feel pain
while I'm fucking you just once and I don't fall
in love
growing old as fuck and courting affection with
hate
this isn't at all how I wanted or what I dreamed
of
left alone in a parking lot
ain't got not insane angel to
touch my skin
left alone with my fucking thoughts
and they don't impress me, not the way they once
did
Robert Inhuman, about "Insane Angel"
I wasn't sure if this one needed to go on the
record, because it's kind of depressive in a more introverted way I think, but
ultimately this song is about feeling used and being taught not to trust
someone romantically, something many people can probably relate to. Even /
especially in something like this I think the problem is rooted in abuse.
Unfortunately it seems like abuse is extremely easy to learn or adopt and pass
on to those we become involved with in relationships. I'm not exactly sure what
to say as a warning against it, besides just try to see it for what it is when
it's happening. And consider the idea that some kind of malfunction in a
romantic relationship is not always ultimately the fault of the people
involved, but quite possibly the circumstances and social SYSTEMS that fostered
the relationship to begin with... Hopefully this can make things like
compassion and forgiveness a lot more possible.
8. HxC FIGUREHEAD
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, software
electronics.
"It's part of the whole ideology of this
age, which is POWERMAD."
you're just a middle finger in the face of
fucking nobody
you're not shocking to anybody and your mom's
not fucking here
pretend it's anarchism - but it's a personal
agenda not even well hidden
your ideas don't mean shit much more than some
unarticulated fear
"so fuck you"
back your slogans up if you want to represent a
politic
or just shut up - shut - up - and admit your
hardcore band don't mean shit
"so fuck you"
if you're trying to speak for all of us you're
going to need something much better to say
but you spend your energy on a personal agenda
in that sabotaging fucked up way
I CAN SEE THROUGH YOU EVERY STEP YOU TRY TO TAKE
so fuck you kid, and fuck the authority you
struggle to invent
(cashing in on anarchism)
Robert Inhuman, about "HxC
Figurehead"
A hidden agenda or desire for special
recognition when affiliated with any kind of serious Anarchist-related
collective seems to be a really dangerous element in these places, like a sign
that the effort is infected and there needs to be some kind of amputation...
It's also supposed to be a reality check for people in bands, to remember that
there's nothing that shocking today about yelling hostile words into a mic, unless you've literally invited peoples' grandparents
to come hear it, but even then they might be like "eh, we've heard it all
before". Being in a band is what it is, just a way to rally people, spark
interaction and dialogue... Bands are not supposed to be some kind of cool
chosen few who lead a crusade for a subculture. So of course along with being
commentary on situations I've seen around me, it's (ironically?) also a serious
reminder to myself about what I'm doing as someone who mainly makes records and
tours in a band, to keep it in a healthy perspective. I believe music and
everything surrounding it does have a valid social function, but it's not like
the air we need to breathe. Anyone can have social worth, not just limited to
people who specialize in art and music. This song is a warning to people
affiliated with hardcore against becoming quixotic, and against compromising a
collective effort for individual gain.
9. DEATH MACHINE
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
I jump into my death machine
and I immediately forget what this world was
meant to be
and despite any moments of beauty and fragility
my life has no value in my death machine
indebted to convenience, and stubbornness, and
even subtle greeds
when I try to look away, this machine can make
hostages of anything
we each must work each day, no matter if we
enjoy this working
just to scrape to pay for the maintenance of a
weapon and a deathwish
but of course more than just a wish, this death
machine is our religion
or rather one callous bible accessory to the
religion that is our humanity
an origin not of death itself, but of its
association to perversity
an origin not of death itself, but of the
arbitrary on/off switches of our machines
an origin of machines, and their uncompromising
lack of life
inventions that bypass compassion, inventions
that degrade everything
an origin of ownership, of "point to
prove", of disharmony
I jump into my death machine
I try to quit while I'm ahead, but I notice that
I'm already killing.
Robert Inhuman, about "Death Machine"
I feel like the only positive aspect of cars is
being able to go long distances with heavy equipment, but even that is up for
debate. There is nothing else positive about them as far as I know. Being in a
car somehow changes a person's mentality and ability to realize their own
physical vulnerability. People often do things in cars that they might not do
on foot or on a bike. I think it is partly the idea that any acts of violence
or ruthlessness will be instantly left far behind due to the speed of the car,
but ultimately the problem is much deeper than that, at the very core that
crafts technology of any kind. So the piece shifts from being simply about the
mentality of a car's driver, towards a broader misanthropy that I stand by very
firmly. No matter if this is MY species or how my own life is actually panning
out over these years, the opinions described in this piece are the basis of how
I feel about humanity and the civilized world. If you can't understand what I'm
getting at I'd be worried you might never know me very well at all, but I'm
trying to explain myself as best I can in records like this.
Think of your life, how it is made up of
countless experiences, relationships, dreams... Never forget that any other
life you can encounter, regardless of your respect for it or lack of respect
for it, has the same nature of having that many collected moments to hold onto,
to cherish or revel in, have an identity comprised of them. Think of what it
would mean to you for all your experiences to be disintegrated immediately
based only on the convenience or luxury of one callous stranger. Always know
that it is the same for lives other than your own. Always know that this Earth
is bigger than any human empire; bigger than our wants no matter what. The
strength of this Earth and the possibility of reasoning beyond my own human
capacity is my only element of hope, and the basis of my chosen name and aims.
10. NEUTRALIZING OPIATE
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
you say music has no power to inspire social
action,
but isn't it true it's got the power to pacify
and prevent social action?
I'd rather try to make a mark on this society
(whose society?)
than ensure it remains on its current course
(You're right. I hate dance parties.)
entertainment is a tool as dangerous as a
machine gun
who you gonna point it
at and will you kill them when you do?
entertainment is a tool as dangerous as a
machine gun
who you gonna point it
at and will you kill them when you do?
and I believe music is a historically potent
catalyst for social change
though it's not the change itself
and hardcore isn't necessarily about music as
much as a vital spark
do you ever wish you were in a place where
people might listen?
cos they won't here - I
promise you they are drunk one way or another;
I promise you they don't give a fuck;
I promise that the only reason this matters is
because it doesn't matter...
NO! RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW!
my entire life is not a vacation - NO!
and I'm NOT ALIVE TO BE PACIFIED - I'm not alive
to wish I had died!
will you be on my end of this gun - RIGHT NOW
with a trigger that can break the silence -
RIGHT NOW
my entire life is not a vacation - NO!
and I'm NOT ALIVE TO BE PACIFIED - I'm not alive
to wish I had died!
will you be on my cide
of this gun - RIGHT NOW
with a trigger that can break the silence -
RIGHT NOW
(Right now I'm in
I wish I was in
"Be a vessel for new information that could
change the social system that we live in."
Robert Inhuman, about "Neutralizing
Opiate"
The words to "Neutralizing Opiate" are
fairly self-explanatory and not especially poetic. It's the argument that music
doesn't have to be another recreational drug; that it can have other functions
and is not completely un-utilitarian. The "silence" mentioned in the
song can often be in a place that is actually very loud, if you know what I
mean. This song is about the frustration we feel in environments designed
solely to let people forget the world they're living in, to forget themselves
as responsible beings, while in an asylum of substance-fueled flashy sexy
games. It always amazes me when people think it will work out to book Realicide
at a dance party: Given the direction of our content, more and more each year, somehow
it's as if I was heard to say "yeah dude, totally, we would really like to
play in a place most able to completely DE-FANG what we are trying to say to
people." This is a guaranteed way to let me know you haven't considered
the best interests or intentions of this music for even a moment. "Thanks
for wasting what could've been a night to really remember", to learn from eachother in some substantial way, or at least spark
something that could blossom in the days to come, a celebration of a show's
potential for this, somewhere else, a refuge not from reality but from
pacification and imposing vacations... Basically, entertainment IS a weapon,
that we've chosen in many instances for our purposes, but it's the same weapon
I've been burnt by many times to say the least...
11. Absent Rapist Intro.
Jim Swill: script, voice.
Jean: voice.
Robert Inhuman: software electronics, mouse
& keyboard sounds.
Vankmen: hardware electronics
(w/ Wu Tang samples)
(sounds of clicking keyboard, heavy breathing,
footsteps far away)
Woman: Honey? (from upstairs)
(typing becomes rapid, sounds of very distant
lo-fi moaning and groaning, one heavy breath is
taken, sound of footsteps coming down stairs)
Man: (very under breath) shit…
(groaning abruptly stops and a hard click is
heard)
Woman: Hey hon’? (very
close)
(sound of seat being turned around)
Man: Yeah?
Woman: Are you coming to bed soon?
Man: Yeah, I'm just really busy right now.
Woman: Well you always say that, you spend all
night down here in the basement on that damn computer like some sort of
vampire...
Man: Look, I’m just in the middle of something.
Woman: Fine, that’s fine, you'll be up later?
Man: Yeah, I'll be up later.
Woman: You're not still playing those internet
gambling games are you? Now I don’t want some bill collec…
(cut off)
Man: NO... no I haven’t played that shit in
months.
Woman: Okay babe, I'm just saying, things like
that can be really addictive...
Man: I know, but if you don't mind I'm kinda busy.
Woman: Oh yeah, I'll see you later tonight?
Man: Yeah, of course, I'll be up soon.
Woman: 'K hon’,
goodnight. (sound of kiss)
(walking up steps, door closing, heavy breathing
starts, clicking keypad and mouse, groaning is turned back on except sounds
more violent, heavier breathing and swallowing)
Man: jesus...
12. THE ABSENT RAPIST
Vankmen: hardware electronics.
Jim Swill: words, voice.
"YOU! - Fuck You!"
you watch them cringe in fear and clenching your
cock harder
you thirst for something more than most porn has
to offer
sexually eroded - morally corroded
lustfully devoted to a world that is pure
fiction
psychotically worshipping your own dirty
addiction
you used to just take minutes but now it's
taking hours
to get it off you gotta
get your own small dose of power
through more and more rape sustenance your heart
and soul devour
pixilated cunts and
dicks - their pouty faces cower
what’s always been inside you is expressed in
pixel fiction
the lust for death and power-madness clicked
with all conviction
a wife that’s left with nothing but a sleepless
empty bed
so distanced so far from your family you might
as well be dead
you watch them fuck like dogs and rape like
rape's a fucking business
you gotta get that
terror in their eyes in every instance
you like to think they want the pain, you gotta fuck them faceless
you wanna be their
lord and master - you’re the absent rapist
a wife that’s left with nothing but a sleepless
empty bed
so distanced so far from your family you might
as well be dead
you’re a dominator - a real Xterminator
a sucker for those lonely helpless weakened
plastered faces
you're a faceless phantom far away their absent
rapist
alone and feeling nothing but the joy of empty
ends
all those girls to give you what you want -
every night - it never ends
you gave up hope to ever find a bonded decent
lover
now you’d only want a girl if you could stand
above her
who knows where all these girls come from to be
bought and raped and traded
always looking vacant as they stand before you naked
this virus is so common in our sex drenched
generation
where all the love you feel is pure is pure
imagination
you’re a dominator - a real Xterminator
a sucker for those lonely helpless weakened
plastered faces
you're a faceless phantom far away their absent
rapist
your wife, your mother, neighbor, and even your
own daughter
all make you sick to look at because you only
see in vulgar
now its faceless, tasteless, bleeding through
into your body
until your drug is not enough to keep your heart
from rotting
it's only a matter of time before it becomes
your normality
your absent rapist mindstate
transfers into your reality
you’re a dominator - a real Xterminator
a sucker for those lonely helpless weakened
plastered faces
you're a faceless phantom far away their absent
rapist
Jim Swill, about "The Absent Rapist"
The Absent Rapist was created in reaction to my
own personal pornographic dependency and the addiction as a widespread
phenomenon that goes fairly unspoken to this day. Many relationships, families,
and marriages encounter this particular problem: boyfriends and husbands
becoming addicted to pornography, losing emotional interest in the very family
they brought into existence, as well as losing sexual interest in their girlfriends
and wives, due to the symbolic representation of promiscuity and sexual power.
Though not directly about rape “Absent Rapist” is more about a psychic vampire
mentality, about the images and the person living vicariously through one
another, about a set of domination and submission mind states that usurp a
person's ability to function in a regular situation due to the over-saturation
in a nonexistent sexual reality.
“You used to just take minutes, but now it's
taking hours.”
Overtime as most people who’ve ever encountered
a problem with porn would know, XXX media is very similar to drug abuse. You
start with just small increments that rapidly turn into vast extensions, the
amount of pornography seen with the amount of time invested. What was once 10
minutes quickly escalates into hours of searching without even masturbating,
simply collecting the data, harvesting in a sense. The once tender area
becoming a callous, and therefore not only the amount of material but the
content gets upgraded as well. Especially for a lonely person there is not only
sexual tension but resentment and anger as well. The porn industry knows this
and it simply provides a harder drug to fulfill the high, the material becoming
increasingly more violent, cruel, and degrading.
“You’re a faceless phantom far away their absent
rapist.”
Pornography can take hold of carnal desire and
bring some of the vilest human attributes to the surface. What makes it
especially dark is the ability to become simply a spectator of violence and
cruelty, satiating a perverse desire instead of overcoming it. This is by far
the worst attribute of the pornographic addiction, hence it being addressed in
the chorus. By providing relief instead overcoming our shortcomings, we are living
lives like a bottle of cold medicine, simply relieving but lacking the ability
to cure, making the sickness stronger and more resilient.
“Alone and feeling nothing but the joy of empty
ends, all those girls to give you what you want, every night it never ends. You
gave up hope to ever find a bonded, decent lover. Now you’d only want a girl if
you could stand above her.”
Engaging in pornography especially whilst in a
relationship is without a doubt a form of legal adultery. Our culture encourages
it; hyper sexual stimulation to the point where no real healthy relationship
could fill the hole dug out by XXX media. It’s become a common problem across
“Your wife, your mother, neighbor, and even your
own daughter all make you sick to look at because you only see in vulgar…”
These lines are more focused on the delusional
reality induced by pornography. A man who can’t even look at his own children
without a sexual flash. One of the most sinister aims of mainstream pornography
is the strive to be pedophilic on a subversive level. So many sources make
attempts to lie about the models' ages and whereabouts as if to say the girls
are from high school, or live with their parents, fulfilling even more crude
and disturbing desires built out of the inability to maintain the same mental
high with more modest material.
“It’s only a matter of time before it becomes
your normality your absent rapist mind state transfers into your reality.”
So in turn the character in the song is now
plagued with sexual saturation, knowing instinctually that the thoughts are
perverse and unnatural. I am also making a statement considered strong by some
sexual liberation advocates to say that the pornography’s drug like hypnotism
would only satisfy for so long, and eventually a person may venture out into
the physical world in order to satisfy their addiction; leading to things such
as adultery, divorce, solicitation of prostitutes, pedophilia, sexual
harassment, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and possibly molestation and/or rape.
That is why the title is “Absent Rapist”, for when engaged in the fictional
reality they have the opportunity to be an observer, far away, detached from
the act yet fulfilling the desire to do such a thing. An absentee participant.
13. CONSUMER LISTENING
Robert Inhuman: edits.
"What happens to music within a consumerist
system? What happens to LISTENING within a consumerist system? How it's
reduced; how you are incapable of appreciating anymore. You just look for
what's familiar; kind of almost an animal pleasure. The system requires of you
to shut off that judgment about what is actual quality. They want to decide for
you what it is so that you'll buy it. So those decisions are not based on
intrinsic information in the music they're based on what kind of clothes the
person is wearing, what do they look like, and do they have celebrity. You no
longer listen to the music to decide if it's any good; it MUST be good because
it sold so many copies..." (Mark Sarich from an
interview in 2006)
"You have to know that modern man often
tries to work off his frustrations by spending on self-gratification"
Robert Inhuman, ABOUT STAGES...
Whenever it is possible we prefer to play our
shows not on any kind of elevated stage. We've always felt like elevated stages
send the implication of the band being higher than its observers in more ways
than one. Anything to promote the scenario in which an audience and band are
equal elements in what the "show" is, be it literally or
symbolically, we'd like to aim towards. We want to be in a position in which we
can physically reach out and touch a person in the audience, or vice versa. It
is just a better implication in the context of punk and hardcore.
I guess when you become very popular and the
audience becomes hundreds or thousands of people, the stage is used so that
more people can see the performance than only a couple dozen in front. But at
that level of popularity I think the entire nature of the show would have to
change, if integrity is gonna be preserved. It would
no longer be possible to adhere to the traditional punk rock format in that
case; new aims and ways of interaction would be necessary. It is confusing how
people build up massive cultural platforms of influence like that, but then
don't utilize the opportunity in more effective and plausible ways. Maybe I
just don't understand because I don't play to thousands of people every night. That's
alright, I am fine with warehouses and basements for now.
Most things can be construed as a
"stage" in one way or another. "Life is a stage" - shit
like that. We are just interest in a figurative stage, not a physical one that
keeps some people in and others out.
14. NOT EVERYBODY IS "RICH"
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
(privilege... that abundant overflowing
privilege... what you gonna do with it?)
have you ever been hungry and ain't shit you can do about it?
what if that was every day - not everybody is
fucking rich
(your privilege and your attitude makes me sick)
fuck your world addicted to jokes and numbing
games
like this world is so safe that we can indulge
like it is
that insistence on luxury and that vicious BLIND
EYE
makes me sick and I'm fucking up against it!
(same ultimate bastard in the city of angels)
Robert Inhuman, about "Not Everybody Is
Rich"
Ok this song is a really pissed off note about
my reaction to life in
15. I'M NOT A FUCKING DJ!
Vankmen: software electronics,
scratches.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
NO, I'm not a fucking DJ!
paid in cash and sex and cheap laughs - fuck you
- I'd rather be an electronic Crass
use my body like a knife and fucking slash cos that's the only way I know how to dance
you look like a fucking zwinky
- I'd rather look like I >ain't got shit
cept some conviction in
these chipped teeth and I'm gonna fucking spit
my voice - my name - I am more than a buzzword
try to commodify me -
you'll be sorry and I won't get paid
cos I'm not a fucking DJ!
I'm not a fucking DJ! I'm not a fucking DJ!
I'm not a fucking DJ! I'm not a fucking DJ!
I'm not a fucking DJ!
“…I’m with Vankmen!”
Robert Inhuman, I'M NOT A FUCKING DJ.
The night after I finished most of the final
edits for this LP, I went and saw Rotterdam Terror Corps at a rave in L.A. - Now
before I talk about this experience and any thoughts associated with it, I want
to say that GABBER, despite the painful jockish lack
of critical social implications in most cases, has been one of my very favorite
sorts of music for years. It is the type of electronic music I am most
instinctively drawn to, at a bizarre primal level. I love the sound and power
inherent in gabber, and I know of course that Rotterdam Terror Corps is one of
the pioneering names in classic Dutch hardcore. But I just saw the shit, and
remembering the Gwar concerts I went to back in high
school, I think Gwar is a lot better at the same
game... (key word "game")
RTC consisted of one DJ in
back, the show centered around an aryan jock MC
dressed like a Roman soldier, flanked by two women dressed exclusively in RTC apparel, which they gradually stripped out of down to
the nude, throwing shirts into an expectedly braindead
audience who would love to own "hardcore" merchandise that had only
moments earlier clung wets to fake tits. (Not like Gwar
though, I mean the tits were surgically fake in this case.) The MC basically
just re-iterated the word "hardcore", the name of the group, and
slogans involving killing, like what you're hear in the trailer for a shitty
horror or action movie. This was supplemented by groping the strippers' fake
tits and posing with "evil" faces for people to take digital photos
of. I noticed pretty quickly that I'd stopped dancing (and I don't really
dance, but in this country I can't go to a straight up gabber rave too often,
so if not there then where, huh?) - I realized I wasn't dancing cos I was caught up thinking - analyzing what was being
offered to me, the audience... If I was gonna keep
dancing through this RTC climax at the party, it
would require consciously shutting off my natural impulse to analyze and
evaluate what was entering my senses and feelings... I guess I've never been
ready to operate that way.
Strangely in place like the Autonomous Mutant
Festival, I had a short but memorable conversation with someone established in
the breakcore scene, which got the gears turning in
my head for several months, leading eventually to this piece. The main quote I
remember the person saying to me was: "The hardest part about touring is
always waiting around at the airport." - I don't know if the implications
translate to you all from that simple statement, but it's what made me realize
how important it is to write a piece specifically detailing why Realicide is a
round peg within the square hole that is the lucrative electronic music world -
why that is and why we want it that way.
DEFINITIONS OF TOURING
"The hardest part about touring is always
waiting around at the airport." In the world of electronic music, often
even in the case of completely D.I.Y.-affiliated
acts, artists are flown to major cities primarily just for weekend dates, at
the expense of the local promoters. The money involved in this procedure is
usually separate from the money that is guaranteed to be paid to the artist for
performing at the event. It is also not uncommon for hotel arrangements to be
made, among other things to keep the artist comfortable before and after their
obligations to the event.
Realicide tours in a car, almost always packed
to absolute physical capacity with equipment, distro
materials, sleeping bags, and last but not least however many actual people we
can fit into the vehicle. We are directly tied to our means of transportation.
(Although not as much as a growing number friends who tour in converted
vegetable oil fueled vans!) We avoid situations involving guaranteed amounts of
payment unless absolutely necessary in sustaining our ability to survive and /
or maintain our vehicle. Our payment is not divided between travel costs and
fees for performing. Usually it is a situation in which donations are collected
and this is meant to cover primarily just the basic costs of traveling, with
anything extra being in hospitality for if our next gig is not as successful
somehow. Speaking of the next gig: it's usually the day after the last one. In
the tradition of Black Flag (one of the most popular examples anyhow), we try
as best we can to play a gig every day we are on tour; not just fucking
weekends. And we don't just show up with a laptop.. or a fucking sampling pitchable CD player... To the best of our financial and
logistical abilities, we travel with our own amps and speaker cabs. This way if
we show up to a house that has little or no PA gear, we can still do the show.
The need for PA gear is probably the #1 technical dilemma in touring with
electronic music, at least when you play some of the places we play. Even in
cases at huge venues with seemingly really nice sound, we've made a policy to
use our own gear as well, cos things always end up
going wrong. (See the piece accompanying our track "Kill The
Soundman".) When you try to play more nights of the week, you don't have
to demand being paid as much each show, unless of course you feel like you need
more money by default at all times, but I'm not going to go there with this
piece... Lastly, we almost always eat and sleep at the home of, or at least
with, the local promoters (who are usually one of the bands we are playing
with). Wasting money on a hotel room where we'd miss out on getting to know the
people who were down with helping us visit them is absolutely asinine and not
an option in almost any case. Everything I am listing here is supposed to point
to one thing: being more connected to the people you're visiting on tour, and the
means by which you get to their towns. Oh yeah, and we really like playing in
small towns we've never heard of before, not just LA and NYC.
$$$ DEEJAY $$$
This essay is not about hating on the art of
spinning records or mixing tracks. I hope it is readily clear that the
arguments being made, the beef we've got, are with DJ and electronic music
CULTURE, not the technical or artistic choices so much. With that said...
DJ's are usually paid a lot more than bands,
even though their gig is showing up with a laptop or a box of records to tables
/ mixer provided by the promoter - whereas a band arrives with the burden of
often very physically strenuous gear load-in, more costly transportation,
multiple members, and often a seriously frustrating soundcheck.
Bands aren't as traditionally tied to drug culture; I think this is a big
factor in how this situation came to be what it is. I'm fucking straight edge
so that doesn't mean shit to me. All I know is that live music on tour is about
scraping by and aching the next day every day, and a motherfucker playing other
peoples' records is laughing all the way to the fucking bank. (Again, this is
NOT against the act of DJ'ing, it's about the
imbalance in the general treatment of performers.)
A lot of people, really cool people even, have
tried to steer us towards this world. You don't know how many people told me,
months and months up until this record was sent to be pressed, that our
"album" should be 10 minutes each side with 2 songs on each side,
that no one would want to listen to it and it was not gonna
be worthwhile because it wasn't designed for DJ's to spin... Okay look at this
record; look at this fucking book that it came with! Would a Realicide
"album" ever be 4 songs inside a blank black jacket? But in electronic
music that is the norm in many cases. It's gotta be
so fucking weird to them that we even have lyrics!
It came down to this though - obviously we take
a lot of influence from bands like Atari Teenage Riot and the old 90's DHR scene. As I was editing down the tracks for this LP at
the house in
Note: We're not actually against trying to press
shorter vinyl with higher sound quality, and are actually planning to allow
other labels to use certain tracks in this way, but this record here is our
ALBUM, and the punk albums I like hearing are not usually just 4 songs.
IS PHYSICAL STRAIN A NOVELTY?
I've also noticed, more and more, differences
between a majority in the electronic music world and what we do when it comes
to defining live performance. Of course this is a topic of much controversy in
an age where it's becoming increasingly acceptable to perform pre-sequenced,
and even pre-arranged and mixed, electronic beats. The extreme of this is a
steadily growing decision by artists to set up a computer and simply
"perform" by playing WAV files while attempting to trick the audience
(who cannot usually see the computer screen) that some kind of advanced live
manipulation is going on. Although this issue of very clear faux-performance is
an important topic for debate, this piece is not really about the politics of
pre-sequenced live music as much as the more physical aspects of a performance.
The idea of a live band performing physically
strenuously is commonly seen as somewhat of a novelty in electronic music. This
is because of the fact that to generate the sounds in the correct order
equating a set of electronic songs does not inherently require almost any kind
of physical force or inertia; the energy used is largely cerebral. So I have
seen on many occasions scenes of a man behind a laptop headbanging
while delicately clicking start and stop buttons, or a man playing electronic
drum pads almost mockingly as if they require the same physical force of loud
acoustic drums (the pads trigger samples and can be adjusted to be very
sensitive) - I have seen people play guitars that are very low in the mix while
sliced samples of bands that usually sound like Slayer (archetypal
"evil" metal references that musicians seem to be desperate for like
a fix) are playing in the foreground of the mix, sometimes the real guitar does
not even seem to be plugged in, and so forth...
The argument I am trying to articulate here is
not against these peoples' symbolic tributes to live bands and all the physical
aspects involved in them. It is rather against their seemingly ignorant and disregardive attitudes towards what it really means to put
forth a physical strain, to the point of exhaustion, transcending certain
levels of calm reasoning, into an experience not unlike the attempt to escape
the cages that are our bodies. In this act of release there is nothing casual
or novel, and although music can be generated by false means (just in the sense
of acoustic sound which synthetic and sample-based music is a representation
of) there is nothing false about its spiritual implications. This is not a
sarcasm and not a pose.
Realicide is meant to be a very honest attempt
to seek out, or execute rather, the experience described above. The idea at our
shows, for ourselves and what we would like to radiate into a receptive
audience, is definitely that of transcendence - for a few moments to be somewhere
else besides trapped in the total hell of our wants and continuous strife. It
may seem strange that a band so abrasive and overtly combative would have this
kind of goal, and I can't really say it's not an abstract idea, but this is the
most accurate way I can explain what we are attempting as a live band. If this
won't sound too disruptive, it is not unlike a communal prayer - publicly
praying for a way OUT of the world we as a species (and all the private
individual lives that make up this species) have let come into being. So in
this way, the aims of Realicide in a live setting are a very focused example,
although abstract, of my lifelong thirst for a "Spiritual
Misanthropy". This is not meant to function as an escape though, or even
as catharsis ultimately, but more as a way to access aspects of ourselves not
available in a calmer, more reserved state of mind. This could be at least a
small part of why we perform very jarring and abrasive music. (Did you think we
wanted to sound "evil" like Slayer? Sorry guys.) From this momentary
access it is the goal to bring back previously hidden, repressed, or dormant
aspects of things like conscience, ambitions, and affirmation against social or
cultural odds - bring things like these back into our waking life / primary
consciousness.
Some of the decisions we've made regarding our
set up and procedures for live shows have had the above goals specifically in
mind I think. The ideas I've described are somewhat dependent on (within the
context of hardcore at least) exerting a lot of anxiety and manic physical
distress. When Mavis toured with Realicide 2005-08 he used exclusively hardware
(ask him about it, he'll talk all day and night about gear) because it created
the constant mental tension of having to string the drum patterns and samples
together to form songs live, while me and Swill were following along on top of
it - the anxiety of not knowing for sure what was coming next, if it would go
the same as the last time in certain ways, put us on edge and with an initial
basis of desperation, even if just musically. A sidenote,
as I mentioned the computers concealing an artist's process to the audience
100% - I've always favored media (in art, music, politics, anything) where the
process is as evident as possible to an audience - less smoke and mirrors -
more honesty. This is also why we never use any kind of vocal effects at live
shows. I don't have an especially "gifted" voice for
"singing", but I'll give you all I've got, take it or fucking leave
it.
Another ritual I've used for periods of time, to
point myself towards the path away from this body and the hell it resides in,
would be the harsh choking and gagging vocal techniques, sometimes accompanied
by brief instances of strangulation. The idea is sort of like a much smaller
version of what the suspensionists do, maybe, in that
I am trying to access aspects of myself only available in moments of physical
trauma. Choking is only one of a few ways I've attempted this during Realicide
performances, but it is the method I've used most frequently because until
after a couple years practicing it I was never in any kind of substantial
physical risk. But eventually I became able to use the mic
cable to choke myself until I would start to pass out, which is not how the
show ought to end and not a healthy thing to nurture in myself habitually. The
times I feel like this technique was most effective were when it would bring me
to a point of disorientation, on top of the incredible social anxieties I
already feel when I'm in front of a group of people. Unwrapping the mic cable from my neck and pulling myself back into the mix
of the music, I found myself able to summon and string words together that
would not have occurred to me previously. Many phrases of this sort have struck
me as profound and very to-the-point later, and are where many of the slogans I
use in Realicide have originated.
But again, these small acts of violence and
anxiety used to unlock a spiritual side to a performance, might be the way they
are because we are attempting this all in the context of hardcore music. I'm
not giving a disclaimer, just the assurance that I think it is very possible to
have the same goals and succeed through other kinds of music, or through things
besides music altogether! Many kinds of trance induction that I've heard of or
learned about seem to have a system for it that is basically all cerebral. I
don't think losing blood, bile, or even sanity, is absolutely necessary in
doing what we are trying to do ultimately. Hardcore is just where we've found
our voice for the time being. "
Bringing this back around to our experiences
dealing with the electronic music scene; that issue of casualness. At events in
which we've been the wild card, being the only live band and not a DJ, I've had
a lot of experiences that imply a complete naivety or disregard for the
essential aims and procedure described above. Audiences come and go freely, mingling
amongst one another, and the band is very much a background element to their
party. This traditional rave environment is something I did not understand for
quite a while, but I have learned what I value about it. Like the roots of
Industrial music, Rave was intended as an alternative to the conventional rock
concert in which an audience is ONLY an audience, almost in mock worship of
whatever fucking band is on the big tall stage. Rave is about the audience
being the spectacle! The DJ's are not needed as an elaborate visual presence,
just to set the tone and prompt the energy of all the people there. In that
sense it is extremely awesome, and truly an empowering approach to events for
the audience that had no power in the context of a rock concert, unless they
got the show stopped by starting a fight or something stupid like that. But the
problem for Realicide is that we ARE a band, and are asking for peoples'
momentary attention. But unlike a normal rock band, we are trying to gather the
audience for a MUTUAL attention, a dialogue on any levels possible. In this
sense we are most akin to the tradition of punk and its descendent scenes, in
that an interaction and blurring of the audience / performer boundaries is very
much the goal. I don't have hard feelings towards rave audiences at this point
though, because I know in many cases they just don't understand what we're
trying to doing socially, even if they enjoy the cacophony while they are
mingling or dancing off on their own somewhere. It is just a different language
for shows that I did not grow up with, so it's just somewhat foreign to me. I
appreciate the basis of why rave parties are the way they are, even though we
do not fit too well in those settings, and no I am not saying any of this
because of Rave's common tie to drug culture.
During our 2008 tour in
One other thing that comes to mind is a moment
in which a DJ at a rave style party was trying to ask me questions about the
mix and sound system while I was performing (as the vocalist of this Realicide
thing I keep mentioning) - Moments like these are the ones that spell out
painfully clear how the perspective on, and definition of, live performances
are very different as far as what we do versus the norm in electronic music. It
used to mean I should write songs about how mad those situations make me, but
now that those are written it just means I'd like to avoid being in those
situations anymore. You can still find me at hardcore and breakcore
raves once in a while, but while I'm down with some of the music and activities
I'll probably always feel kind of weird and creeped
out in those environments. (It's alright; I feel creeped
out just being alive to begin with.)
R.I.P. HEINOUS RAVE 2003-2007
We came into knowledge of and practice of Gabber
while entirely outside any rave or electronic scene around
We didn't know for a while about gabber's roots
in the
By the start of 2003 we'd been joking around
with the word "RAVE", and what with our (at that time) very violent
and vindictive attitudes would our OUR idea of the
best kind of rave party. You've gotta keep in mind,
as I've mentioned earlier, we were by no means anything close to "ravers" - our ideas were a very bastardized idea of
"rave", actually not unlike how I've described the electronic scene's
basic misconceptions of live bands, we were taking aspects of "rave"
and injecting our own style and methods into it. This became known as
"Heinous Rave" - an event series that took place during what was the
peak of social vitality during my years as a promoter in
Describing the bizarre experiences of Heinous
Rave is even stranger as time goes on, because of my gradually decreasing
ignorance to the orthodox traditions of electronic music and its parties.
Heinous Rave occurred somewhat in a bubble, before we'd broken into contact
with artists from other regions who were doing similar things. We did not know
anyone else who was familiar with, let alone stoked about, gabber and speedcore.
Bringing this pseudo-RAVE to a crowd of kids who
were used to punk and noise shows was at first a clumsy task. We would usually
promote the event weeks beforehand, psyching up kids on the vague yet alluring
ideas of a rave party that they could mosh to, with
harsh noise blaring over the beats, and an excuse to show up sarcastically
decked out in raver gear. We would open the show with
punk and noise bands like SX, Destined To Fester, Vivi C. Diem, Those Damn Pirates, etc. Realicide would not
usually perform as a band, in order to save ourselves for the grueling night
ahead of us. After the last band we'd start the "rave", meaning we
turned on our "gabber" tracks, just playing from a computer or even a
CD stationed back by the PA amp. There was rarely any kind of live performance
of the gabber material at all; it was a very true example of the party being
about the people and not any one performer. We were not DJ's and we didn't
pretend to be DJ's (minus our names on the flyers, such as DJ Thumper or DJ
Inhuman, which were meant to add to the sense of parody) - in fact the only
times Heinous Rave shows ended up SUCKING were specifically the instances in
which we tried to add an actual DJ element. I won't even bother detailing the
disaster that was "Heinous Rave 5", during which we attempted to work
with representatives from the actual Greater Cincinnati rave community. It was
a hideous mistake to say the least, but we corrected things a couple months
later by offering Heinous Rave 5.5
Kids were at first fairly confused, and
rightfully so, but we had at least a few who knew the game and would get
everyone pumped about it during the first couple tracks. By that point there
would be a total frenzy of kids with their fists in the air, moshing and yelling wildly, running laps around the room
and plowing through dazed faux-ravers who crossed
their path... With my most sentimental side exposed I want to tell you that it
was beautiful. We would always have several microphones around the room, just
loosely on the floor, for kids to pick up and scream like maniacs into. For
some kids it was the first time they'd ever screamed into a mic,
and for most I know it was the first time they'd had access to that kind of
cacophonous voice of THEIR OWN during any show they'd been to! These events
were often very violent - punching and slamdancing,
at the first HR two girls went to the hospital to get stitches, and believe it
or not people would do shit like bring glow sticks (for the parody again) break
them in half and pour the chemicals on their genitals. I never did this but I
hear it burns really bad...
That inane violence was the reality of what we
were doing, but I am very confident in saying that it was not malicious, not
out of animosity for eachother! In fact I think it
was HR 3 or 4 in which a couple jock type guys came into the mix and thought it
was about simply beating people up. When they started punching kids in THAT
way, all the kids around them just stopped dancing and looked at them. The guys
realized how stupid they looked and left the party! Like I said - these are
beautiful memories. Crowd-surfing to D.I.Y. gabber in
a warehouse in
In many ways I believe that if Realicide had
stayed the course of more humorous pseudo-gabber remixing and wild fun sampling
over overdriven beats that mocked our own interest in Happy Hardcore, we'd not
only be able to tour with a lot more like-minded artists, but we'd be an
extremely more popular band in general. These events were by far the most
popular and well-attended events we orchestrated in
"HEINOUS RAVE!... STOMP YOUR OWN
GRAVE!!!" - Jim Swill, 2004
16. DEAD END PROTEST
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
+ tapes by Evolve.
(passive observers just nod in shame)
protest all you want - it's ineffective and
boring
passive observers just nod in shame - they have
no voice in your sob story
get them to agree (just words) so fucking what
still ain't got no
resource to make this mean a fuck
did you want to have voice or do you just want
to complain
did you ever actually intend to cause anything
to change?
first of all - convince me I should care
but more important - show me how I can matter...
Robert Inhuman, about "Dead End Protest"
This song is not against the idea of protesting.
It's about the reality that a lot of protest efforts don't seem to be very well
thought out or organized, rendering them little more than an incoherent blur in
the eyes of the general public, all the easier for the media to distort or
brush off. I feel like these situations are ones in which passers-by often
agree with what's being said, but they are not given any guidance or foothold
as to how to contribute to the proposed change; therefore the intended effects
of the people protesting are rendered futile.
Simon Severe, about "Dead End Protest"
I feel I entered protesting after some golden
era in
I wondered about the people standing on the
sidelines watching; I wondered what exactly we were suggesting them to do. Many
people were watching us and they very well may have thought, "Oh yeah,
such and such (insert issue here), that is unfair." AND THEN...
The most profound experience I had during that
week was when I left the largest march and started walking backwards. I kept
going and, while I retraced the steps where the mass of a few thousand people
had just been, I noticed that the streets were littered with refuse from the
event: empty water bottles, torn bits of signs and food wrappers. Minus the
beads it looked exactly like the streets of the French Quarter in NOLA on Ash
Wednesday; the day after Mardi Gras. The city services had recruited a legion
of probably underpaid Chicano workers about 50 feet behind the parade sweeping
up the trash. This trash was made by union organizers, immigrant rights
activists, and many others who came out that day to raise their voice, among
other things, in defense of the rights of these people, essentially, to get
paid a fair wage to pick up their trash, when really they should be picking up
their own trash (or not making trash). It dawned on me that it seemed to make
more sense to help share in the work of the "working people" instead
of just sending a message to whoever about their plight. I was tired of
messages already, I wanted actions, and not just symbolic actions that send out
a message stronger than words, actions that fix things, or try to. This was the
realization that led me to have an obsession with the utilizations of our
beliefs in our everyday lives, in every action we take, not just when we meet
up to yell at the sky.
17. CAN'T RELATE?
Vankmen: hardware electronics.
Jim Swill: words, voice.
Robert Inhuman: voice.
the romance of identity, the romance of death
all parts of my youth that I'm beginning to
regret
cos I see so many others
just to caught up in themselves
by marketing their suffering, set in stone their
way of hell
I see so many artists that just do it for their
culture
no passion in the material - just an audience of
vultures
incestuous and elitist - ignorant and bored
always tally up the score - next in line to play
the whore
where we all get our rocks off by channeling an
angst
that isn’t even there - punk rock is just a
prank
at first I felt abandoned when I just couldn’t
relate
to the causes that have no basis - just
unfiltered senseless hate
when there’s to much time exerted for the sake
of all your clan
and you don’t even know yourself by the time
it's too late and you’re a man
not a man any true respect, a child inside at
best
not enough time to look at your mind - too much
puffing out your chest
proud amongst your crowd and insecure when
you’re in public
cos your character is comic
and you hate it but you love it
it's not real, can't you see? we are simply
circumstantial
we can’t base our lives on others' art and music
as substantial
how many people will I cross so willing to die?
each day is cruel monotony, creeping slowly
by
and all I ever wanted to do was make a break for
it
but now that I'm running I can already see that
the only thing that needs to change is what’s
inside of me
fantasies of culture and cause, of iconography
and leadership
someday I’ll be nothing but dust and the metals
we use for murder all just old corroded rust
and what I thought was love was just chemically
created lust
it's time for the better way I've always felt
dormant in me
give up the ghost of permanence - accept myself
as momentary
I will not live forever and I will not die a
waste
my words and spirit passed on to you as the soil
covers my face
I won’t be congratulated for being born with the
right skin
we can’t desire someone else’s eyes or skeleton
and even if there’s no one there to watch us
laugh or crying
at least we won’t be lying - at least were
fucking trying
Robert Inhuman, ABOUT THE TITLE OF THIS
RECORD...
I decided upon the title "Resisting The
Viral Self" because it conveys a consistent theme in the material in some
ways, especially the tracks on the LP which are meant to be the primary focus.
The theme is that of a human nature to destroy - be it in our actions and also
what we fail to take action towards. (Like the old idea that not raising your
voice or taking action in the face of war is an act of violence in and of
itself.) This situation is found continuously in the social world, but also
very importantly acknowledged within ourselves and our own private ethical
struggles that sort of act as atoms making up a "society". I guess
the idea here boils down to living with at least a valid attempt to resist the
aspects of humanity that tempt us to be destructively judgmental, self-serving,
delusions of inane (and of course insane) grandeur, and so forth. The
"SELF" in this regard being possibly the root of suffering and abuse,
or at least clearly a gateway to injustice in the "civilized" world.
Even in the more poetic side of hardcore it is
tempting to articulate the stuff we are against and let the more constructive
phrases slip through the cracks or never be fully developed. But I chose not to
have the title and cover of our record be something like "GUNS. BOMBS.
HOLOCAUST. WE'RE FUCKED!" - instead attempting a more constructive path,
and surprisingly through my own intense misanthropy a somewhat optimistic tone,
allowing images and words meant to be affirming and positive, while still
acknowledging the problems that are on our minds and hearts.
Through advice from Swill, I chose the word
"Resisting" rather than "Resist" because, as he pointed
out, if our music appeals to young people of a rebellious nature, they will
rebel against anything - even other rebels. So a command in the title could be
counter-productive, and we found our title to be more of an invitation to join
our chosen path. This is also fortunately in league with our very crucial
stance on what it is to actually "change" a person or the world. We
believe that it is somewhat impossible to force another person to change
directly. The way it is possible is by changing yourself into the sort of
person you'd like the people around you to be - ethically, habitually,
anything. People have does things nothing sort of miraculous by setting a
positive example - I'm have an intense admiration for people like Gandhi of
course...
This record is not really meant to be a
how-to-fix-everything kind of thing, as no record really ought to be ultimately
(maybe?) but it can at least stand for the affirmation of attitudes and methods
we would want to endorse or influence others with. That is a good realistic and
worthwhile goal in a band I hope.
18. NOT ENOUGH
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
"In order to love eachother
and be equal with eachother, we have to destroy the
kind of government that keeps us from asserting our positive values of
life."
It's not enough to just not kill yourself.
Robert Inhuman, WHY WE ADOPTED THE CIRCLE 'A'...
I've used the Circle A image in a lot of satiric
or kind of cynical ways over the years. This is because of the common social
stigmas Anarchism obviously has, many of which I need not bother listing,
primarily the turn-off for us has usually been its association with Anarchist
groups that operate under the same clique-ish and
elitist mentality we've been so disappointed by in Punk, Hardcore, Crust, even
Noise scenes... Even though Anarchism is not inherently based on any single
aesthetic, it often falls for the same traps as music scenes, in which people
are rejected if they aren't speaking the same language or dialect through their
clothing or mannerisms, despite what they might be saying with their voice. The
cliché of wastoid Peter Panarchist
/ Bart Simpson wanna-bes does not help things any in
the consideration of aligning ourselves with the Circle A; not when it's
accompanied by "666" or "420"...
But there is a real alternative to this
"Bart Simpson Anarchy", based genuinely on constructive, cooperative,
socially-challenging yet respectful and encouraging COMMUNITIES. This is where
that A inside the heart comes in. At first it can seem "cute" or less
"badass" than the A spray-painted by Bart on the front door of his
principal's house, but generally it doesn't seem like being more
"badass" is going to teach more people to stay alive and consider the
lives of everyone else encounter. Looking cool should not override distract
from our respect for life and desire to find ways to constructively express
that, and fight against our own impulses to be disrespectful towards what we
know in our hearts is good.
The "A" we've used for this record is
meant to align our ideas with Anarchism as an effort to recognize and utilize
our autonomy and solidarity; our allegiance to the D.I.Y.
ethic as a means of self-worth and survival, both culturally as
"punks" and quite possibly in a physical sense if the world keeps
going in the direction it's been going... The heart around this "A"
is meant to distance ourselves from the negative stereotype briefly described
above, and for those of you who have been burnt just the same by the elitist
infections of your local Anarcho collectives - we
want to be a counterexample to those unfortunate circumstances. The heart is
supposed to be a reminder that being interested in Anarchism does not at all
have to mean you subscribe to a vengeful attitude, pre-emptive violent
resistance, or the "every man for himself" way of life. If Anarchism
is not compatible with the pursuit of LOVE, in its truest sense, (and that is
in fact what is without a doubt the most important goal) then I would not consider
it for my own life, not to mention wouldn't reference it on my band's record.
Is that overly optimistic? Maybe I'm dead wrong, but also I do tend to favor
ideals that are basically unattainable. Setting the bar too high is the only
way we can reach our absolute full potential, you know??
Note: In this piece I've just been capitalizing
the "ism"s to make it easier to read them
as the subject; not to imply they are something like God, or like Swill, or
even like our cat Asphalt at the house in LA who ran away and I miss dearly.
19. NUMB TO "REVOLUTION"
Robert Inhuman: edits.
Steven Cano: hardware electronics.
"It's about 'change'..."
"It's at that party level, because people
are confused by social change versus politics, which are not the same thing, in
fact I think they're probably the opposite..."
"Is it wrong... to give people what they
want... by taking away their defenses?"
"These words mean nothing to anyone anymore...
They have no other choice but to just claw that all down and control every
single facet of the media that they can possibly get ahold
of. They're trying to reincorporate all these elements of part revolutions;
basically commercialize them; dull them down and deaden them. Kind of just
drive them into the ground until these words like 'revolution' and 'revolt'
become meaningless over a while. They're thrown on things like car commercials;
they're thrown on a McDonald's slogan like 'a hamburger revolution' - These
words mean nothing to anyone anymore..." (Jim Swill from an interview in
2006)
"They never questioned the reality... they
never questioned that it might itself be a source of evil, or something to
which you could not adapt..."
"Choose what you want them to choose."
"What it takes to change..."
20. NO XENOPHOBIC HxC
Robert Inhuman: software electronics.
Robert Inhuman, ADVICE ON PROMOTING SHOWS WHEN
IT'S AN UPHILL
I'm from a city that's not even that small, but
the mentality definitely was. It was almost literally like pulling teeth to get
a group of people together and interested regularly about the bands I was
excited about. Though I've moved on since (Didn't want to be like the person in
that old Big Black song "Kerosene", ya know?)
I feel really proud and accomplished to have served a few years promoting
alternative sorts of shows in that environment. There were some incredible high
points in which the energy lasted from show to show, people actually took
initiative to help, nurtured their own interests independently, it wasn't like
starting from square one every time we put a date together. Things really fluxuate in most cities - some places this cycle is subtle;
in others it is like night and day. But for kids who are beating their heads
against the wall in small towns where if you don't play a more widely accepted
sort of music you just can't get a gig for yourself or for a band that is
touring through... here is my general advice from an email I sent to a guy a
couple years ago...
- When a touring band contacts you that you
actually appreciate and want to help, do it cos it
means a
- Try to get promotion started 1 month before
the show. Not longer cos it is idiotic to promote 1
show for months in advance, people with stop even paying attention cos it gets annoying.
- Even though we mainly use the internet to find
out about stuff now, make flyers, ones that don't suck if possible, and get
them at a place that you can scam free copies so you can make at least a
hundred each time. Flyers sometimes attract people but also for the outta town bands it shows them you are really TRYING. This
means a lot even if the show doesn't go perfectly; they are a sign of respect
and support even to this day.
- Send out a press release to every newspaper
and local magazine you can find contacts for. It should basically be everything
on your flyer typed out with brief descriptions of the acts and then possibly
extra info or links online about them, especially about people touring through
if possible. The press release should go out about 1 month before the show. In
the possible event that a paper would wanna do a good
write up or ask questions about it, they'd have time to get at you about that.
- Put same info above on all the local or
regional online forums that could remotely apply to your event. There are a
lot, just search them out and keep a check list of all this stuff for each time
you're promoting a show. This is not an instruction to start spending a lot of
time on local internet forums, because unfortunately that can be a really
morbid way of life that I would never ever recommend unless I wished
unspeakable misery on a person.
- Try to get bands there on time or earlier; it
is almost impossible but at least try. It usually sucks to have it start an
hour or two later than planned. Along with this keep in mind that more bands is
definitely not automatically better, even if you really like the bands. For
average bands playing around a half hour each, 3 to 5 can be a good amount to
work with, depending on who can draw out an audience and whatnot. More than 5
acts, unless they are super short and can setup really efficiently, means
people will get worn out and more stressed to be there than taking it all in
well. If you've got the luxury of having a good number of local bands to work
with, just keep switching em up for different shows,
everybody should appreciate that usually. If there are acts that you really
like that can't bring people in for one reason or another, maybe compromise
with a local band that is somewhat popular in addition to the one you like but
is not as popular.
- Be welcoming to everybody who bothers to give
there time to come support your event; don't be cold to them if you can help
it. If you are into having music between bands, make it happen - it can be a
chance to show people new stuff you are into and get more experiences out of
the show when it's all said and done.
- Make sure you've got somebody solid handling
the door / admissions. Local bands do not need to be paid if there is a touring
act, unless the circumstances are special somehow. The traveling people just
want gas and food to keep going. If your show ends up going great, giving them
more means if their next night is bad they will still be okay. Not everyone
does this, but my policy whenever possible is saying "it's $5" (or
whatever) when people enter, but if a kid comes and can't pay I still let em in cos not everybody has money
all the time and I'm more interested in getting people together than getting
paid. But that's if a kid just can't pay, not if they just don't give a fuck,
there's a difference, you can probably figure that out.
- For anybody from outta
town, unless they were straight dick and trashed the place or had a really bad
attitude (it is uncommon), seriously try and make sure they have a place to
sleep - comfortably if at all possible. This means a
...that's basically it off the top of my head. I
just followed a list of guidelines and hoped for the best. It is common sense
and learning from experience, like most things in life. Some people will possibly
(and mercilessly) hate you for trying to do any of this stuff, so decide
beforehand how you want to react and deal with a negative reaction. If you know
anybody who is looking for advice on starting to arrange stuff, feel free to
forward any of this if it can help at all. It's just my way of going about it,
but for me it seems ethical. Getting an audience excited about things is a
whole other topic that is a lot more challenging in some cities. I never really
figured out the science of it, so I ended up thinking I was either doing my P.R. calculations wrong, or I was living in a city where
the kids were already dead and gone on the inside, and like zombies they
couldn't rest as long as there were living people, unassimilated, around
them... Good luck.
21. KILL EACHOTHER
SOMEPLACE ELSE
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
macho insecurity, macho insecurity, macho
insecurity, you can't stand yourself!
I never want to make music that will appeal to
redneck jocks in polo shirts
get that hatemonger shit out of here - go kill eachother someplace else
don't get me wrong it'll be great when you're
all dead
but we can't let you fuck us up in the process
hey you big cowards - go die someplace else -
with something to prove
like greedy animals ramming your heads and
pissing on eachother
get the fuck out of here!
Robert Inhuman, about “Kill Eachother
Someplace Else”
“Stop it! Stop it! …Why? WHY?!” - The girl at a
metal show right before the band stopped playing, at which point yet another
macho fistfight won priority over people moshing and
getting down to music. I recorded this, as I did ever show I was at for a few
years, in a basement in the midwest, back in 2005. I
remember the increased rate in which I was developing a shear desperation to
continue making aggressive music, but find a way to distance myself from the
sickening testosterone-fueled magnet to violence and rageful
insecure prejudices…
I have a lifelong history of being fairly
resentful of males, especially in larger social settings that tempt them to
pillage whatever their guts or cocks hunger for. It has only been through a
relationship, with a girl who does not identify with gender, that I’ve been
able to reconsider my bias and hate for one gender over others. Even though I
do detest the behavior of many males in situations of competition, territorial
defenses/offenses, and especially the brutal farces that are their mating
rituals… Singling out one group of people as inferior to another is not right,
no matter how total the circumstances may imply (from my subjective
perspective) – I must consider those disgusting men as merely poor examples of
what could, under other circumstances, be an admirable and meritable
gender. It has been a struggle that I am continuing with these days.
Another recording I had lined up in
consideration for this piece, was from another midwestern
basement show back in 2003. In that recording I am heard to taunt a large man
who is strangely demanding Realicide stop playing our, at that time, gabbergrind songs – Instead he was specifically instant
that we play the song “Paradise City”, and after a brief exchange of words
thought I had called him a “Led Zeppelin Faggot” – I was then choked by a man
the size of a refrigerator, pinned against a brickwall,
and was surely about to meet my mortal demise until a total melee broke out
among everyone in the basement. I will spare you the details, but it ended
badly, though a ridiculous story in hindsight. That’s the other
testosterone-injected bloodbath I ended up leaving out of this track...
22. AFRAID IN YOUR GAMES
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
I'm just another P.C. faggot
watching your joking intolerance turn to
endorsement
fuck your suburban hell of accidental bigotry
I'm just another straightedge asshole
and if I don't live like you I must be a threat
to anybody like you - right? RIGHT?
your assumptions are pathetic - insecure and
anorexic
you'll always hate my guts cos
I've got the strength to give a fuck
violence, for no reason, other than to impress
violence, you wanna
dominate, without an argument, just blind threats
macho insecurity = you can't stand yourself!
your assumptions are pathetic - insecure and
anorexic
you'll always hate my guts cos
I've got the strength to give a fuck
violence, for no reason, other than to impress
violence, you wanna
dominate, without an argument, just blind threats
Robert Inhuman, about "Afraid In Your
Games"
"PC Faggot" = I'm not interested in even
joking around about bigotry. Call me "PC" if I'm not so carelessly
nihilistic, but I know that historically the way fascism gets its foothold is
first by breaking down society's objection to it through the Trojan Horse of
humor. Starts with jokes and through your indulgence it can shape your reality.
I am not gonna let myself become a bigot; especially
not in such a roundabout pathetic way. But isn't it so shocking and avant-garde
to make a band that shouts hateful racist, sexist, and homophobic slogans from
the safe suburban cuddly context of a music venue's stage? Fuck you; we don't
want anything to do with you.
"Straightedge Asshole" = I get tired
of the painfully obvious insecurities people throw in my face when I don't live
how they live. If I don't smoke or drink alcohol it doesn't fucking mean I am
threatening your way of life. (or does it?) It just means I don't want it for
myself. Is smoking and drinking like some kind of religion, in which it's your
absolute duty to convert anyone who doesn't already partake in that shit?
What's it say about someone if they are nervous doing something around someone
who doesn't want to do it themselves? Don't get hostile with me; fucking take a
look at yourself instead. I don't want to fight you; I'd rather just have
nothing to do with you.
23. TALKING ABOUT TV SHOWS AND SCORING DRUGS
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
hey! drugs! who wants to talk about drugs
hey! beer! who wants to talk about drinking
oh fuck! TV! let's review these TV shows
what you doing after work? gonna
get fucked up and pass out in front of the TV.
gonna buy cable and I'm gonna buy some weed
I'm gonna buy a eightball and some sitcom DVD's
gonna spend my free time
talking about drugs I wanna buy
why lie? it's what I'll do until I die (the
sooner the better)
Simon Severe, WHERE'S THE HARM?
I've had many arguments with people about my
utter hatred for video games. I guess I'll spare us the details of the
arguments and skip to their ending points...
“What video games do is give you the feeling
that you are doing something, most likely something that you will never be able
to do, when all you are really doing is sitting on a couch pressing buttons.”
“It isn't hurting anything.”
That may be true. I guess the biggest problem I
have with video games is that I resent the fact that we have time to waste.
That we live in a world where we can buy everything. We don't have to spend
time making things. Someone else does that. People all over the world are paid
a slave wage with the motivation of making enough to survive so that we can
afford to spend our time entertaining ourselves. I have a pretty big problem
with that. I'd rather see people spending their time making things for
themselves and others than wasting time with luxuries.
Sometimes I feel the same way about the arts.
But at least sometimes the arts serve as a catalyst to bring people
together and create a community in which we can share ideas and form networks of
mutual aid and all that. It gets us out of the house, and if it doesn't then
fuck it. Creating and sharing art also serves to make a localized
non-commercial alternative means of entertainment. Someone who spends
time on creative measures though I think needs to spend a lot of mental energy
evaluating the social worth of their creation and avoid spending time
furthering projects that only serve to entertain themselves and distract them
from doing anything useful with their time.
I have at times felt the same way about
intellectualized learning. Who are we that we have time to sit around reading
and understanding the meaning of life or whatever. I don't really think that
way anymore. It's the sort of thing that exists on a sliding scale and honestly
only a few people get wrapped up in intellectualism to the point of becoming
utterly useless to the world except to make more ideas to entertain themselves
and their intelligentsia colleagues. I used to be one of those people. On a
broad scale most people could benefit from a little more ideas in their
lives...
24. I HATE BARS
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
I'm not supposed to be here. You're right... I'm
not supposed to be here.
Robert Inhuman, ABOUT THE “FUCK ON COMMAND”
TRACKS
The dozen short electronic grind-noise tracks on
this CD are Ryan’s old “Fuck On Command” material, a band he worked on as a
side project to Ultra//Vires and Capital Hemorrhage. FOC was meant to be a vicious noisecore
project inspired by bands like Nikudorei. He didn’t
have a specific set of lyrics for the songs, so he donated them to me while I
was recording for our album. I don’t think I recorded for and mixed the FOC tracks nearly as noisy and insane as their original
intent, as the material for the album had gone in a more mid-tempo punk /
digital hardcore-inspired vein. At least there will always be Hentai Lacerator’s “Covered In
Fun” session to look back on though… I just wanted to mention where these crazy
blasts came from, in case they seem to stick out as odd.
25. I HATE RAVE SOUD
SYSTEMS
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
I hate rave sound systems - all bass - no
substance
drunk in another way and we're on at 5am so I gotta wait.
Robert Inhuman, WHAT IS BREAKCORE
SAYING?
Does your breakcore
turn mainstream culture on itself like a weapon, or does it just comically
parody the mainstream and de-fang the association we might have to breakcore as any kind of weapon at all? Is breakcore actually more like D.I.Y.
suicide? The same clumsy nihilism I've seen define NOISE as something without
much hope or relevance as a cultural movement? OF COURSE we like the way it
sounds, but where the fuck is this going? A hard beat driving me forward - but
to what?! Such a composed sentence, but the end is so clearly left BLANK. An
elaborately decorated box with absolutely nothing inside?
26. WORTHLESS ROCKER SMALLTALK
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
don't talk to me about music - don't talk to me
about the way you spend your time
you fucking slime - but not like sexy, what I
mean is I hate your life
working long hours to pay for cable TV - suck
your friend’s dick
he plays guitar you know - he can fucking solo -
while you flip through channels
"wait, go back, that was MTV2, no I don't like MTV either but wait I like this video
the singer finally lost weight and I just bought pants like his..."
Robert Inhuman, about "Worthless Rocker
Smalltalk"
A lot of these ridiculous Fuck On Command tracks
I recorded over Ryan's hardware beats (are they even beats?!) are scraps of
lyrics from a couple years ago and based on real interactions with people
before I quit my last government-regulated job in 2006. This song is a blurry
comment about contemporary rock n' rollers. I do not see them as culturally
relevant, and even less as rebellious. I do not see rockers as living out any
substantial alternatives to much of anything. They are often just clownish
retro-cowardly consumers, afraid of the risks and discomforts of any actual
counter-cultural efforts. Buy more magazines and DVD's that can help you
maintain the aesthetic of your parents or grandparents? Like the ever-reunited
"MISFITS" ...where the fuck don't they fit in?!
27. SUBLIMINAL SWILL
Jim Swill: edits.
"He was watching his favorite TV
show..."
28. PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE
Ryan Faris: software
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: edits.
"Political systematic waste of resources, of
technology and the productive process..."
"They had turned the population into
unwitting participants in a system of planned obsolescence..."
"Planned obsolescence." -
"Systematic waste of resources."
(TECHNOLOGY IS A DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD.)
"There are some things in our society, some
things in our world, to which I am proud to be maladjusted." (Martin
Luther King)
"...so the notion that you could buy an
identity replaced the original movement notion that you were perfectly free to
create an identity, and you were perfectly free to change the world and make
the world anything you want it to be..."
29. PURPOSE
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
I’m right - you’re wrong
I was born to elevate some things - others I was
born to torture and destroy
we hate eachother -
you despise my way of life - I hate yours 100%
everybody now just look at the Earth
I'm right and it's my identity, it's my job, my
career to destroy you
Robert Inhuman, about "Purpose"
I definitely wrote this a few years ago when I
worked at a job that I did not like at all. At the time it was a reaction to
the people around me who I thought, and probably were, a psychic threat to the
positive values I wanted to pursue in my life. But looking back on it, the
specific type of rage that went into those words, I think it is a piece that
could come from my voice, my co-workers', or anybody else who feels cornered by
people who live differently than themselves. Environments like that plant seeds
of destruction in anyone who is subjected to them and not extremely cautious. I
am very glad not to be in an environment that inspires that kind of rageful animosity anymore. I want to avoid situations that
let me be that way; let those ideas find a home in my voice. I don't think I
hate the people I had been around at that time, but I hate the circumstances
that developed those feelings in me.
I do not want to hate anyone no matter what
they've done to me or my world. I hate the circumstances, the situations, that
allow for the development of things like violence, vengefulness,
deceptiveness...
30. HxC FIGUREHEAD (RMX)
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, software
electronics.
Robert Inhuman, DxIxY
DOESN'T = INFERIOR...
D.I.Y. punk is not a stepping
stone to legitimate publishing and media. It doesn't need to equal a fucking
muddy CDR with spray paint on the bottom that has mp3's
that sound like water and the band's name illegibly scribbled on the disc with
a sharpie... or a half dried up sharpie. D.I.Y. punk isn't
supposed to be a novelty and doesn't have to equal BRAINDEAD.
31. GOT YA BACK
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
love changes, a thug changes, and best friends
become strangers
turned your back - stabbed in the back - got
your back
but you're best to watch your front - who's gonna kick you in the guts
trust versus luck - when I had your back why'd
you let me get fucked?
Robert Inhuman, IN RESPONSE TO VARIOUS ANONYMOUS
THREATS...
The next time you want to write to me or call me
on the phone with any kind of anonymous threats, I'm challenging you to ask
yourself: "Why do I have so much free time to make attempts to intimidate
someone I will probably never take the initiative to meet in real life?"
Ask yourself: "Do I really hate this person or their ideas so much, or am
I simply scapegoating them out of an unrelated hate
for my own circumstances, and choices possibly, that have allotted me so much
free time with so little constructive drive that I resort to searching for
scraps of information to base anonymous threats around?"
Do I scare you that much that you need to
dedicate so many moments convincing yourself and your peers that Realicide has
no value or potency? I've said it before and I'm saying it again - I want very
much to have friends, but I'm not afraid to be your enemy if that's how you're
insisting things be.
32. NO PHONE
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
no phone - no friend - no nothing - nothing to
do
no phone - nobody - no nothing
I got nothing to think of - nothing to do
drown here in the basement - at least I can say
I got a room
ain't got no windows - and ain't got nothing fucking at all to do
Robert Inhuman, NO TIME LEFT
No time left for myself – but what did I ever
spend it on anyway? Like anybody who’s ever made me feel kinetic or enabled, I
wonder if you’re alive tonight, no matter how much I dread the pressure of just
knowing you ever were, I still wonder if you’re alive tonight. Though I feel
strong, and with a grip on some kind of purpose, I haven’t forgotten the
wrenching deserts I’ve been alone in before, knowing I could return and that at
any greater depth than the last I could die all the way, but this doesn’t phase
me or intimidate me, it just means try to hang on, try to make my minutes count
for more, brief hours of sunlight and clear-mindedness, take this and use it
now before I test my luck again, I can’t afford to if I’ll find a worth of much
at all. Death anxiety – even in moments of revelation and conviction. Death
coexistence – Death acceptance, accompanying my difficult acceptance of life.
My deadline to drop out of an automatic guilt and role in mechanical torture, I
have to take these steps. To any of you who have helped me to take these steps,
in anxious celebration I just wonder if you’re alive tonight. There’s no time
left for myself, and it feels like I’m doing something right. There’s no time
left to wonder, I’ve gotta be happy with whatever
I’ve had.
33. TRUTHFULLY UNABLE TO KNOW
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
words bucking at me in such a way that stamps
out every tear welled up in my body
(to relate to) wrenched out a bath of tears
until dry (to know the words another may use)
all I say is an advertisement for a secret or
alien pain - to relate to a vague deja vu
but still alien and ultimately desolate (but
alien, unknown, and truthfully alone after all that)
Jim Swill, ON ANARCHO
SEXUALITY...
It may be a personal stigma, but sexuality is
one of the most crucial elements to preserving a healthy mind state, ESPECIALLY
in the world of today. More often than not I find myself faced with a very
common dilemma over the sacredness and / or importance of sex with members of
counter-cultural alliances. Over the years of stumbling through numerous anarcho-based zines and
chapbooks, there is a common approach to sex that I cannot relate to on any
level.
In “punk” culture, monogamy is discarded fairly
often, as well as any other idea considered an archaic family value. Within
such chapbooks, sexuality is discussed as almost completely animal pleasure.
Though it makes sure to use buzz words such as “care” and “affection”, and then
scare you off of your own mind track with words like “rape”, the common
approach is sex doesn’t matter who it’s with, as long as you’re comfortable. As
if we live in some sort of hamster cage, and asking someone to have sex with
you is as easy as saying "pass the salt". This is a prime example of
the phrase “throwing the baby out with the bath water”. By which I am inferring
in counter-culture communities we often discard some elements of society for
the sake of discarding social structure; for the sake of rebellion when it’s
not necessary and personally detrimental. We are social creatures, we are
designed to desire mates, not just orgies and rapid fire genital-smashing. It’s
thrown off as if sex is simply an animalistic function necessary for release,
but it is not based completely on the act of thrust / grind / orgasm, it’s a
need for personal connection with another human being on an intimate level. In
fact it appears to me when we distance ourselves from intimacy to the level of
promiscuous sex partners for the sake of sex, we are falling more in line with
the constrains of mass media and the “porno anti-reality”.
We live in a time where people are isolated to
neurotic frenzy. If you even so much as ride the bus you’ll find yourself faced
with rows of passengers staring into glowing screens. This is not a time to
dismiss intimacy and title it an extension of a free love movement. Sexuality
is one of our only opportunities in this society to have a sense of open
connection that is deeper than a layer of touching flesh. It is in no way more
“anarchist” and more “punk” to rattle through a gauntlet of bodies and mediocre
orgasms than to pour yourself into another human being and experience an act
that can be similar to a trance. Sex is crucial to our stability as mentally
healthy people, but sex is also not an element of life to be taken for granted
just because partners and “monogamy” are not cool to punk media. Maybe I’m just
a different kind of person, but zine after zine telling me I should just fuck whoever is cool with it
makes me pretty depressed. I know that I am an extremely sexual person, I
desire sex to a degree that makes me quiver with anticipation, but I also know
how much better sex is with someone who is REALLY worth it. We’ve all had our
one night encounters of bland feel ups and fast motion intercourse. This is not
some attribute I’d like to permanently attach to my approach to sexuality; in
fact sex along those lines makes me feel like dry heaving. There’s nothing
worse to me sexually than dismissing the most important part which is the
fucking passion! By degrading our sexuality, we’re erasing a crucial part of
human connection! Maybe I’m pickier than some, but when it becomes a chore to
get a person to really be intimate and honestly open up parts of themselves
they keep reserved in society, or just simply pay attention to you, not your
genitals, you know there’s something wrong with the counter-cultural system of
things. So keep sex as a major priority in your life, but don’t detach yourself
from it.
34. TASTE OF BLOOD
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
"A very sadistic..."
your tiny body crushed - taste of blood - taste
of blood
and I'm sorry - the perfect - can't touch hands
like this
"...and bad species."
Robert Inhuman, ANTI-NATURAL SPECIES (from an
email conversation in 2008)
Hate is a one way ticket to misery and
desolation. These kinds of songs are not about hate so much as disappointment
and humility. The reason humanity is critisized
harshly is because our species is the root of every problem that opposes the
natural world, or more specifically a world where sentient life does not have
the temptation to manipulate its environment for a show of power, this is what
sets humans apart from all other animal life. Our "progress" is only
a mounting viral stranglehold on a world that would've been extremely balanced
and self-sustaining in our absence. One of our root terminal flaws is
narcissism, in which we are unable to be self-critical in the ways that can
prevent these problems from getting so massive. Even our solutions are tainted
with the same irresponsible and destructive tendencies. We are inherently
imperial. That's my perspective at least, and I'm not alone in it.
I don't think I have a very extensive
vocabulary, but this is a topic I've thought about quite a bit since my
mid-teens, so I know pretty much what I want to say about it. The human species
biologically is natural, but our instincts are to manipulate, almost always to
the point of abuse, the world around us. How else could I describe a
"civilized" world that literally wraps its Earth in cement and metal,
choking it under a discipline for the sake of making life more convenient for
only 1 species?
The problem with human happiness is that OUR
happiness is at the expense of EVERYTHING else, regardless of longterm effects, regardless of an increase of suffering of
certain species while our level of happiness increases. The challenge in most
forms of constructive anarchism and green life philosophy seems to be REDEFINING
what it means to be happy. I can make happiness mean being more in balance with
the world that hosts me, instead of basing happiness on what I can OWN or what
I can abuse at my every whim.
Capitalists and government representatives and
religious fundamentalists are not the problem, everybody contributes to this
problem, everybody we hate and love, you and me. And the tricky part is since
the problem is at its base our inherent perspective on ourselves and our world,
the solutions concocted by this same perspective are going to be flawed. That's
why even in humanity's solutions it invents for itself, there is vanity and
irresponsibility, it's not going to ultimately re-balance the world, it will at
best just make us feel good about ourselves for a while.
My solution, what I choose for myself, and
informed sober choice is one of the primary things my band is supposed to be
about, is to try and look beyond my own wants and impulses, in favor of
compassion and self-sacrifice even if it inconveniences me or does not make me
feel the best always. That is the idea of being "inhuman", not in the
sense of being brutal or heartless, but in the sense of trying to be something
besides human, in my motives at least. It is a goal I have, a really difficult
goal. Then, springing from this in myself, I hope to influence the people I
encounter by example. That's what people like Gandhi were going for, and it
seems like a pretty decent way to work with the circumstances we've been
offered.
35. DESPERATELY RETRO
Jim Swill: words, voice.
Steven Cano: hardware electronics.
Robert Inhuman: edits.
In the dance club I saw wolves bear teeth.
Drunken and rapist.
All 1970's retro overload, fashion overtones
that alienate me. Womens' hands touch you all over.
Every step you take a hand runs down your body
somewhere. Anonymous Aryan orgy.
Trying so hard; everyone forcing forcing forcing; painfully
squeezing the conformity heart;
clenching out all its blood over their child
minds; sexual and blunt.
A girl says "spread the news, I’ll spread
the legs." Camera phones and I-pods galore.
Washing over flesh with bleach and hard
cleansers.
Taking sandpaper to scrotums and high-pressure
hoses to vaginas;
all waxed and ready for semi-child pornographic
fantasies; hipster slick grime.
But course it's unspoken; nobody dressed so
clean could be so polluted right?
Cigarettes held, big smiles whine, phones out
and on, texting while gabbing lies.
A few lies hear and there and throw down.
Guts swoll with
liquor. Dicks soft and flaccid. Pussies dry and resistant.
But thru the drunk haze it remains the aim held
out over the edge
waiting to choke on oily ejaculates and colognes
30 years down the line.
Shotgun suicide in midlife crisis. Youth wasted
on desperation.
Empty and brightly lit. Aryan orgy hipster
fucks.
"There are very many reasons why most
people prefer to live in the age just behind them. To live right on the
shooting line, right on the frontier of change and so on is terrifying."
(Professor Marshall McLuhan)
Robert Inhuman, ANOTHER GAME I WON'T PLAY...
I have never mailed out a Realicide record to
anyone for them to write a review in a magazine or webzine. I almost never read
reviews unless something happens to cross my path while I am really bored. (And
fuck me for ever being bored anyway!) I don't ask for reviews, or read them,
because I do not value them for the most part. Even though I am trying to
survive off a small publications label, I don't have time or energy to keep up
with the continuous "who's who" tide of competitive media, especially
online where this tsunami of parasitic swill would threaten to engulf my mere
24 hours a day entirely.
And I'm very sure that the word IS
"parasitic". The reviewers in the press sculpt their own identities
only from the mangled scraps of those of the artists they desiccate in their
written pseudo-propagandas. Without us as fodder they cannot exist. And even in
the case of positive reviews, we are their crutch, and it doesn't make the
situation seem more pleasant when they are used as our's
in return! I don't want to be known fondly because of what someone wrote in a
newspaper or on a blog. Let my actual life and public
works speak for themselves. Let me work with distributors who can get the
direct information into peoples' hands, instead of just hearsay and speculation
that encourages or discourages people to spend their money on the material.
Something that I think confuses me the most,
when I read something written about a Realicide record, is that since I am largely
unfamiliar with these magazines I do not have any associations to the names
tagged on, "...by Bobby Such-and-such" etc. Why am I supposed to
follow the advice of someone whose credentials and agenda are a complete
mystery to me? These reviews are only of use to people who are record
COLLECTORS, who can follow along with a language and value system entirely
dependent on name-dropping and obscure pseudo-cultural references, and what use
is that in the big scheme of it all?
My refusal to cooperate (AKA suck-up) to the
press means the road somewhat less traveled in my means of selling the records
my label puts forth. Most of these sales happen on tour, through face-to-face
encounters with as many kids who show interest in Realicide as possible. This
directness is something I wouldn't trade for the world (well, unless the world
starts to be a lot cooler) and is one of the things that still motivates me
when I am feeling worn down by a nomadic and sometimes unstable life. To a fair
degree, I am able to know exactly who the records are reaching, and more than
that I am able to directly THANK the people who are supporting the project,
keeping me alive and active! These people, whether they are at all similar to
myself or not, deserve my gratitude. Just because I've chosen to spend all my
time, energy, and money making and doing these things does not equate anyone
owing me anything. Any attitude that contradicts that important point is one I
do not want to be affiliated with. So let the press front like they can
"make" or "break" and project like this.
They might have the leverage to eclipse an
artist's credibility in the minds of collectors and those living vicariously,
but to OUR demographic they have no potency and are no threat.
36. PROVE ME WRONG
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
(talking about that automatic ACCIDENTAL
NIHILISM...)
no shit-talking! no condescending! don't talk
down to me!
I was never like you! you weren't like me!
we're nothing like you - we don't want the shit
you want or do - no misrepresentation
envious and boring fuckers - envious and boring
I was never like you - you weren’t like me
glory - aimless glory for what - fuck you -
count me out
what do you believe in - you don't have shit to
show
what do you believe in - nothing - a default - a
defense - lazy old fuckers
born brats, born fucking old - can't keep up so
you gotta talk shit
fuck you - I quit - I can move on - can you?
what else do you have - nothing - a default - a
defense - absolutely nothing
you can't keep up - you're dead to me - rotting
in the dullest shit in
hobbies can fucking suck it and sound for
sound's sake fucking sucks too
don't you waste my time - tell me tell me tell
me what - all you say or do is shit!
why are you here in my fucking face - careful to
keep every word you say vague
you're scared I'll find out you're still
figuring shit out
who the fuck isn't if they ain't
it's a lie yeah - all you say or do is shit!
and expect me to automatically put up with it
tell me tell me tell me what you're doing to
lift a single life up
vague - scared - desperate - I won't stand by
this!
Robert Inhuman, about "Prove Me Wrong"
This is definitely too much of a juvenile
"fuck you" with little explanation to accompany it, but nevertheless
it is my informal resignation letter to the noise scene a couple years ago. I
had tried to be involved in an organization of artists somewhat older than
myself, representing a minority interest in experimental music in the city I
grew up in. I became frustrated with the noise scene's seemingly intentional
alienation of the public, combined with their complaints that this same public
wouldn't give their artistic interests a chance. It seemed self-defeating and a
really pathetic dead end. It was something that fronted as an alternative
communication, but seemed to intentionally fail at communicating on almost
every level, even through things as basic as offering a welcoming atmosphere
and tone of voice towards new faces at shows. The thing that compounded my
inability to stay aligned with this organization was that the older members
assumed that my aims were the same as their own, and that they were similar to
me when they were younger. But I disagreed, because I was not interested in
being involved in Anti-art just as an
excuse to say that I'm misunderstood, or an excuse to be angry at a world that
has different values than me. I don't want to conform to a majority aesthetic
or value system, but I want to represent a minority with a good attitude, not
some hidden "I used to get bullied at school" agenda, and not destroy
the few communicative devices that seem to actually work within an underground
scene. So, if you see what I'm saying, this is not about discrediting noise
music or the communities that keep it going, it's honestly about refusing to
accept the identity of a vengeful passive-aggressive nerd.
37. LOS ANGELES
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
“…right… but nothing seems to change… sit around
waiting for a holiday…
I’ve got a mess I can’t reject inside of me…” (Babyland 15 July 2006, at The Smell)
say it easy but you're so far away - I have no
idea when I’ll be back
my only chance, my only idea, out of reach, of
all things by physical distance
the power to dissolve my interest (in the past)
I hope the distance can force me to find a way,
I gotta get out, I gotta
get back...
I'm not looking for handouts - I know I'm too
old to beg
though I ain't got
much to eat - but still not sucking down drugs
did I fuck up my chance with you cos I'm not drunk every night
I did everything I said I'd do but the shit you
said to me didn't last
I don't give a fuck what I must taste like
when you got who knows what up your nose
and really fucking fast change your plan for
tomorrow
as long as you're warm it don't mean shit if I'm
cold
punch me in my chipped teeth - I feel good as
fuck tonight
got a destination and a dare to set shit right
you know I thought I'd be dead - I remember when
I thought I was
but I got a reason and a energy straight ahead
gonna be homeless but I got
no pain just cos
I'm coming to LA and I'm gonna
see you there alright
my body is a bullet no matter what the fuck I
look like
got a destination and the heart to hate where
I've been
I'm coming to LA and I don't care what happens
I don't care what happens...
Robert Inhuman, about "
The first segment of this song was written in
the summer of 2006, after my first substantial tour to
38. WANT RUNS THIN
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
(imagine the cuts every night)
"I wanted to live a different life..."
want runs so thin - finite in every way
I feel drained - I feel close to dead - whatever
that means
"A different life that wasn't available to me
in the image I was born."
Robert Inhuman, ABOUT THE REALICIDE
"HARDCORE FIST"...
The Realicide Youth Records "logo",
the fist pointed at the viewer, has a very specific origin. It is taken from a
photo after our show in
When I punched through that first piece a few
years ago, it changed the course of my art and music and overall attitude about
daily life and my own existence. It was something I obsessed over for quite a
while afterwards; years in fact. I think for me personally at least, that one action
was so profound and the embodiment of everything my life had led me to up to
that point, it was simultaneously beautiful and frightening, all my loves and
agonies and everything in between summoned in an overwhelming array of memories
compiled to equal "my life".
So I decided to design the cover art for this
record as the fist in its center, surrounded by smashed panels of glass. Like a
ritual tribute to the violent baptism of Realicide (just without the trip to
the Emergency Room this time around) into contemporary hardcore, the sharp
splinters and panels are filled photos representing memories from through the
time "Resisting The Viral Self" was created, starting around November
2007. The small images of blood each have graff
arrows going upward, another tribute as the summer of 2003 was the advent of my
interest in bombing and tagging, which saved my ability to draw after it was
stolen away by going to an art college. The arrows also are in remembrance of
the high I felt when I confronted my body as a fragile shell, or cage even, of
the real "me".
The Realicide hardcore fist is meant to be a
symbol of power and of challenge. Sometimes people seem to think that since our
music is abrasive and we use words like "fight" or use cartoon images
of violence, that we must want to start fights with people. But the only
fighting we have any interest in is of a spiritual and cultural nature.
Physical violence and abuse is of no appeal and is not meant to be endorsed by
this band. A fist is a metaphor and a threat to something besides a person's
body, which we think of as essentially just a fleeting shell of what is the
real person inside it.
39. YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
SIX ONE FOUR!
stop fucking calling me - in the middle of the
night
I told you I wish you were dead - stay the fuck
out of my life
and your memory of me will be the knife turning
in your guts forever
I don't want to know you're alive - you'll never
be a friend of mine
you crossed a fucking line - deranged daydream
of murdering you
but I know I'll still fucking dream about you
tonight
(my enemy, my devil inside my bitter crippled
head)
40. KILL THE SOUNDMAN
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
I am about to kill the sound man
'don't touch that dial we'll be right back after
this'
what the fuck are we paying you for?!
so again you wanna rob
me - try robbing your own fucking body from the hospital
Robert Inhuman, about "Kill The
Soundman"
The idea here is kind of a running joke with
Realicide. We almost always have terrible problems working with soundguys at venues, leading to the preference of bringing
our own PA gear (as much as we can afford during any given time and will fit in
a car) instead. The soundcheck always goes fine, but
during the show they always turn us down. There have been a few occasions in
which nothing is coming out of the venue's system whatsoever, just our own beat
up overblown cabs. If the sound being ruined isn't bad enough, these guys are
often being paid a flat rate while we are paid whatever is left over from the
admissions money. So I'm talking about situations in which we're paying a guy
the money that would go towards our travel costs, against our will, to fuck up the
sound or not even allow us to run through the equipment he's being paid to
operate. Fucking idiotic every time; I don't care if they have training or not!
And what is up with places that have these huge raver
sound systems but can't even get a fucking vocal mic
to turn on? When we were traveling with our friend BIRTH, whose setup is one
loop pedal and a vocal mic, and the MIX wasn't coming
out right, you've gotta wonder how it can go wrong!
It's gotta be either lazy, inept, or malicious, don't
you think?
41. HYPOTHETICAL POPULARITY
Ryan Faris: hardware
electronics.
Robert Inhuman: words, voice.
Somebody told me if you have enough
"friends", on Myspace I mean, you can get
signed with a fucking record label. Automatically.
Robert Inhuman, THE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR
I can't deal with people who limit their
research or knowledge of anything to the first few seconds of something they've
found on Myspace or Youtube.
You can argue whatever the fuck you want about this, but I am really firm and
ultimately disappointed in this statement and the world it pertains to. When
someone approaches me on tour and says shit about "I follow everything
you've done, everything you've said and been part of" - I usually never
want to talk to or even see that person again. Because in these years, what
they mean is that they've investigated everything that came up in their google search, or often even much less than that. They
actually mean they've seen the first few seconds of a couple Youtube videos and a couple seconds of a watery lo-fi mp3 on an opiate-like
networking site completely controlled by mainstream "news" companies
and NOT the band. They've researched the easiest, most convenient, LOWEST
COMMON DENOMINATOR of information available in the current popular world.
Resorting to a DEFAULT method, and then these people think they're ready to
talk to, or often combatively criticize Realicide and its history. Even the
laughable "punks" and "radicals" surprise me with this
lazy, pigeon-holing shit. It makes me feel a little more alone in the world,
and my stance on humanity and its deadly short-comings grows morbidly in
conviction.
These years, everybody is suddenly an
(anonymous, self-proclaimed) expert - cos it's true,
with online media everybody basically does have access to all information in
some way or another. We have access, but don't really make use of it. We grab
at paraphrases, summaries, re-caps, EDITS, vulnerable fiendishly to total
misinformation, under a delusion that because we have ACCESS to real information
we are automatically informed and knowledgeable - fucking high school diploma
when you can't even read, you fucking slug... So if that is how you
"learn" about shit, and you never dig deeper or go to more direct
sources, if you rely solely on hearsay, on rumor, on statistics, on popular
vote... Don't talk to me about Realicide. Don't talk to me at all, cos it's not about choosing the easy path.
I come from a place that showed me no compassion
or opportunity, but I rise out of that knowing that its opposite is what I need
to be. Pay attention - fucking slugs I meet via Myspace
and Youtube - these sites are supposed to be tools,
but it's like you'd just set a hammer on the floor next to a box of nails, step
back saying "There - work's all done - time for bed." Enemy species.
But none of you will even read this unless I type it out and put it on a blog with a cynically abbreviated title...
42. I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!
Robert Inhuman: software electronics, edits.
"The corporations had realized that it was
in their interest to encourage people to feel that they were unique individuals
and then offer them ways to express that 'individuality'. A world in which
people felt they were rebelling against conformity was NOT A THREAT TO
BUSINESS."
"I will punch you in the face!"
Robert Inhuman, ABOUT HUMOR...
About humor - humor is a great tool. It can
really save lives and it does every day, I watch it happen, even in me after
all! I love humor, but like anything, it is able to be abused and that is what
turns it from a constructive tool into an OPIATE, which can make people very
sedate and passive. Humor should be empowering and a way to make people
comfortable enough to face things that are otherwise too intimidating, as many
important things are. It is the abuse of humor that I can't stand, and it is so
popular, on par with the abuse of drugs and such. Just like my perspective on
straight edge, I do not care about friends using substances, it's just the
abuse of those substances that is the concern. So my take on humor is about
balance and treating it carefully like you would anything more stern or more
emotional, you know?
43. BRICKWALL HARDCORE
(spoken)
Robert Inhuman: word, voice, edits.
Steven Cano: hardware electronics.
"I wanted to live a different life that
wasn't available to me in the image I was born..."
microphone bruises - I feel like I'm drowning so
I count each minute
deadline - time's up - black exit - let's go
I can't take this world no more - I never liked
games and I feel it swallowing me
tear at digest me every minute - electronic cage
each word and touch pierces my clothing and skin
companionship is the gun at the back of my head
companionship is a bleeding cut on my body while
I give her head
companionship is the taperecorded
glass breaking and marrying my skin
I can't stand being alone with my thoughts but
when I'm with you I know I'm just wasting them
every time stuck in a pit - thinking I wish this
was REAL CIDE
then immediately thinking I wish Realicide was
something more - something better
didn't you hear me gasping? did you wonder what
the fuck I'm trying to breathe in!!!
scraping and clutching like I'm gonna radiate an exit - like I'd be a doorway
lord look at me drowning in my thoughts - my brickwall hardcore
look at me as that junkie for more or that shell
starved dry or
that demented fiend - forgot what I was hoping
for
every day is all night - even when I'm sleeping,
caked in the friction of my mind
I dreamed of a kid stabbing another kid like an
assassin
am I an assassin or did I just get stabbed?
plague in my head - terminal - echoing
continuously
crippled decisions drunk on isolation
plague dragging my legs every step I try and
make
invading my guts with every breath I try and
take
repossessed - replaced - renamed - erased
I found out anything can be erased
and so I'm scanning for betrayal on my best
friend's face
you'd bite my face when I lean to kiss you...
Robert Inhuman, about "Brickwall
Hardcore"
This is a spoken take of the song from the
unfinished "The Shit Punx Hate" album of
2007. I wrote it right after 2006 ended, in that winter, and it represents the
aspects of Realicide driven by wrenching social anxieties and fears concerning
loyalty, identity, and worth. The somewhat vaporous idea is thinking of
hardcore as a fistfight and yelling match with a solid brick wall. Life can
feel that brutal and futile, right? This piece is about a feeling of being
rightfully paranoid and defeated, but still with a vehement inertia that
suggests hope for a more stable existence if focus can be disciplined better
somehow. It's definitely a "poem" that reflects how I feel before
I've assigned myself any specific ambitions or purpose as an artist and human
being.
44. I WANTED TO FEEL ALIVE (Jim Swill improvised
session 2007)
Jim Swill: words, voice.
Mavis Concave: Korg
ES-1 loop.
Robert Inhuman: background voice, edits.
...and they'd say, if they could ask you,
"Did you really wanna
die?" Fuck no, I wanted to feel alive!
They’d say "Did you really wanna die?"
Fuck no - I wanted to feel alive... Just a slow
agonizing DEATH.
Comatose. Unaware. Trapped inside your body!
Trapped in side the hospital! Trapped inside
those people who will never know you!
To die in a place so alien to me! I just can’t
understand - so many dead on a sterile bed.
And when you die they’ll just clean it off and
let another person die in the same bed.
Tied up to machines... I just wanted to feel
alive...
So many people... so many people will say that
it’s crazy...
It’s just something we can all relate to.
Did you really wanna
die? Fuck no, I just wanted to FEEL ALIVE!
I just wanted to HAVE CONTROL! I just wanted to
take hold of SOMETHING!
Everything forced upon us. Everything forced
into you.
The medicine... All that medicine that never
does shit!
And though they’d try to call you crazy. I’m
sure they’d call it crazy.
I’m sure they’d always call it crazy. It's jus something
I can feel as well
But there must’ve been a better way out of
this...
Just waiting, just waiting, waiting, waiting
wondering if you’ll die!
Wondering if you want to! Wondering if you have
to! Wondering if its better!
Will it be better somewhere
else? Wherever that might be...
Just another grave that no one comes to visit.
Just another name that everyone forgets.
Just another moment that everyone regrets they
had to share! Well no one cares.
And I stood there in that line.
I wondered if their tears were real, or if they
just felt fear for their own selfish selves?
You wonder if anyone would care...
Just another name, another name that I didn’t
choose!
On my grave that I didn’t want! Buried in the
ground...
Taking up more space than I did when I was
alive...
Dying as a lie; a testimony to all this
bullshit!
Just another pile. Another fiend for worth.
Just another glorification of just my body...
I’m not that body!!! You’re not that body!!!
And I stood there in that line. I watched them
all cry.
And then I watched them laugh an hour later as
before.
Didn’t really feel like anything to them... Does
it really feel like anything to anyone?
And I think of all the kids that I’ve heard
doing the same thing in the same neighborhood
and no one gives a shit and no one does a shit
about it - no one gives a shit about them!
Just another kid. Just another case.
Just another number. Another bad memory they
have to erase
A product of suburbia. A product of dementia.
A product of the same old shit. A product of
repetition...
You crashed into that window! And you gave them
a taste of what they fear!
And I know they call it crazy! And I know they’d
call us crazy!
But anyone can relate! Deep down inside!
Everything they try to hide! Exposed...
Everyone’s so fragile. And everyone’s afraid.
Everyone thinks out there that everyone’s got it
made.
But all those kids, just suffering inside.
Sleeping on their comfortable beds. Just living
out a lie!
That their parents gave to them. That their
country gave to them
Aren’t they happy aren’t they happy aren’t they
happy? No they’re fucking not!
Because they lack anything real! Anything that’s
real! And they know it!!!
Sterile - sterile just like that hospital!
Another card house dealt. Another thing they’ve
built.
Another card house built. For those
people. For those graves.
For those walking graves! Those living graves!
Robert Inhuman, about Swill's "Feel
Alive" session...
This is an alternate improvised version of the
"I Wanted To Feel Alive" track I recorded for the unfinished
Realicide album in 2007. You can subtly hear my voice behind Swill's throughout
the piece.
"I Wanted To Feel Alive" is a song we
developed gradually after the death of a kid in the suburbs of
In the background I've inserted a few clips from
drug advertisements; mainly just promises of being able to conquer depression
and all the side effects that are very much the gamble of the medication,
including the risk of suicide. Toward the end, a medley of reports about fatal
school shootings and the medications the shooters were taking fades in from Fox
News, ending of course with a summary of the Columbine shootings. Lyrically,
this track is completely improvised, separate in lyrics from the other more composed
version of the song for "The Shit Punx
Hate" album. I think it's pretty clear in his tone what's going on. It's a
very "That could've been
45. BREAD & CIRCUS
Jim Swill: words, voice.
Steven Cano: hardware electronics.
Robert Inhuman: edits.
Movies are only made of rockstars;
of people with troubles to a certain degree.
We watch the screen and think 'why not me? why
not me?'
Because my body is decaying faster and I'm
running out of time;
each precious second documented line by tiny
line.
I can see now I'm just as much as a poet as the
marine or the taco bell,
as a painter or a police officer, I just write
it down.
Art communities fade worthlessly; arrogant with
ignorance; acceptance of abstractions;
exaggerations of the simplest ideas; confused to
mislead you believing there's actions.
In this entropy we call a scene. In this coffin
we call a carnival.
Bread and circus, bread and circus, in the end its empty hungry, worthless.
Birthless cultures simply built
from nineteen-anything retro chum.
Waiting our turn in line after line for a place
in the flashbulb sun...
A brief note on commercialized individuality and
the symbolic representation of human experience through this practice. – by Jim
Swill
Anti-social desires are satiated by symbolic
representation. When there is hostility against our government we are given
violent programs: video games, cinema, and music. In Roman times tactics such
as “bread and circus”, as well as gladiator fights, soothed social unrest and
political involvement, turning a potentially uproarious and participatory
society into docile observers of the spectacle.
New Age marketing is moving towards minimalism.
From cell phones, to cars, to Ipods and computers,
even furnishings are now embraced into the vein of minimalist artwork. It comes
as no surprise in a time of such rapid information trade and over-exposure. It
appears to me that for well over a solid decade the idea of consumerism has
gradually developed lingering negative attributes. Americans’ awareness of
consumption is also more glaring in a time of such economic decline. Spending
down, worldly possessions losing value to the necessities, and community
beginning to bud, nearly revitalized. What better way to postpone corporate
abandon than to attribute a sense of individuality as well as literal physical
space to products? Insecure times would naturally induce community bonding, but
it has now become diluted.
Security is now measured in privacy,
individuality, idolatry, conformity in very subversive manners. Global village
has manifested in internet social networks: information free to roam, people’s
voices heard for the first time openly and searchable. The symbol of community
replaces community, TV outdated, voluntary subjugation to advertisements within
the confines of your digital personal area. At this point in time even preteen
generations are accustomed to the idea of individuality. This idea of
individuality is a weapon. Community is how people hold power. A symbol / idol
of community replacing human interaction are in some sense of the phrase “mind
control”. Whether it is deliberate or not, this system is just one of many
human kamikaze missions our commercial age has embarked upon. More so with
global village symbolism is the possessions. Less material is simply now a
representation of transient freedom to my generation. But true knowledge is
never obtained through such procedures. True knowledge can never be truly
understood in the sense of the word when the actual experience variable of the
life is removed. The catalogue of experience, the symbol of experience, in
endless data and information. Information is not knowledge.
I believe that this wave of information is in
turn being turned into over saturation which inevitably leads to somewhat of an
overload, resulting in a state of being unsure and undecided about every last
facet of existence. This leads to a hypothetical mind state, and instead of
actually consciously advancing, we deny all things of conviction. We become
addicted to sarcasm out of fear, which breeds cynicism, which breeds hatred,
anger, resentment, jealousy, and then finally the ever fleeting idea of
community is destroyed out of sheer fear of the human experience, the human
interaction. The symbol of experience, the symbol of life, will never
compensate for the basic skills lost in our dependency to information trade
that is channeled through commercial agencies. Commercial agencies are
autonomous entities, they are not human, they are the quintessential example of
human error. A modern day
46. DECONSTRUCTION PULSE
Evolve: words, voice, tapes, hardware
electronics.
Steven Cano: hardware electronics.
Robert Inhuman: edits.
"...we livin' in
comfort yeah but what is the cost? And we livin' in
vanity yeah we live in a box. And we recycle our loss; we gain but it's loss...
Loss... really it's loss..." - Evolve
"All media are extensions of some human
faculty, mental or physical. The wheel is an extension of the foot; the book is
an extension of the eye; clothing is an extension of the skin; electric
circuitry is an extension of the central nervous system. The extension of any
one sense displaces the other senses and alters the way we think, the way we
see the world, and ourselves. When these changes are made, men change. Literate
culture is visual and detached. It created the civilized man; the de-tribalized man; the man who is not involved. And the effect
of the electric revolution is to create once more an involvement that is
total." (Professor Marshall McLuhan)
"...and fear is their weapon. Fear is the
control factor's greatest weapon. And love destroys them. Love we force it in destroys
them. And love is more powerful than guns and bombs. And love is more powerful
than guns and bombs. And love is more powerful than guns and bombs. And love is
more powerful than guns and bombs..." - Evolve
"In other words taking ownership of who you
are... and how you act... and how you feel... your whole being in the world...
in other words giving you AUTONOMY."
"It was society that made these drives
dangerous by repressing and distorting them."
"It created the civilized man; the de-tribalized man; the man who is not involved."
THE FUNCTION OF MEDIA, by
Internet vs. hard copy, analog vs. digital, 'physical' or 'virtual’, my media
or your media - it's an argument with one basic message: "My way of
communicating is best." No matter how much energy is funneled into this
tired debate it still leaves a curious, empty feeling. Subtle but absolutely
essential, message falls by the wayside as rivals fight bitterly over what type
of images and sound our future can be built out of. This classic, and even
anachronistic, struggle leads to bounded lists of 'acceptable' and
'unacceptable' formats, instruments, and practices, while real discourse fails
to materialize. The theory of media is a story of media about media, a
discussion that today has become the worst kind of abstraction: an empty one.
Perhaps it is time to take a step back, could something be missing? Media is
humankind's platform for abstraction but it's lessons are outside of, not
within, its dreams and nightmares. The role of media is found not in it's
production but in its application; the message is not the medium, but how the
medium is used.
Mediate is what media does; by definition it is a metaphor of reality, not
reality itself. Still, mediation does not exist to abstract away our messages,
but rather to give us an ever increasing level of insight into what that
message is. There is no intrinsic action, no immovable statement inherent in
any medium. Any media provides us with a scope: a range of things that might be
said and a range of ways to say them. Television can expand our vision or
manipulate our minds; the web can augment our education or encourage our
addictions. Sometimes a new medium can give us ways to say things that couldn't
be said before; the same is true of an old medium used in a new way.
Nevertheless, what we choose to say is most important.
When we critique media, we should discuss its messages. We should recognize the
different ways a format can be leveraged, and identify this use as part of its
message. It is common to blame 'television' for various societal ills and
situations, but the responsibility actually lies with the creators of
television programming. When we discuss the pros and cons of our global
information web, we must also remember that the difference between a vast porn
popularity contest and a visionary, unrestricted digital library lies with the
people who use this technology. The question is one of responsibility and
thoughtful practice, not one of technological innovation vs. reactionary
atavism; the realities of what our media is, or has become, rest with one party
alone: humans. Unfortunately, an endless argument between old and new media
completely clouds this necessary engagement. Often we imagine that something
twenty or thirty years older is innately more human than something we are
experiencing for the first time. Seriously now, which formats, instruments, and
practices are best? The answer can be any of them - if they are leveraged in a
useful, interesting, and insightful way. The responsibility for what is
communicated, for what is said through any channel, lies not with the channel
but with the person who said it. The corollary to this is that defense of a
particular modality should never masquerade as an actual message. All tools
available to us can be celebrated or debased, but whether we allow their
individual abstracting powers to destroy or expand our lives is our choice. We
cannot expect these tools to make the decision for us.
Each generation must use its media in ways appropriate to its time. This isn't
a cue to celebrate some miraculous solution to all problems nor is it a
challenge to the nature of humanity to be resisted at all costs. Rather, the
expanding awareness brought through media follows exactly the human experience
that has been unfolding for millennia. Some indulge themselves pining for the
spirit of the past while others imagine a sci-fi fairy tale future, but life is
about grappling with what exists in the moment. Yesterday we grappled with
television and telephone, before that we examined both the dominating and
freeing vectors of fonts and paper. Today, our moment is postmodern. We grapple
with fragmentation, the arrival of advanced tools of media creation, and huge
access to information. These features of our current stage in history don't
erase our humanity, they simply define it as it exists now.
All media, from cave wall scratchings and oral
stories to synthesizers or computers, are tools of abstraction built out of
physical substance. By configuring this substance, be it air and ears, paper
and ink, or electrons and bits, we externalize our memories and use perception
to catalog and break down experience. Does playing an analog synth or hand drum constitute a defense of reality? Does
chopping up a digital audio file in a computer constitute a radical statement
on the position of mankind? No, they do not. The exploration of media is a
valuable phase in development, but it is a stepping stone, not a goal. Context
arises from what our discoveries are used to say, from what they accomplish. If
the intent is self-superiority, then media participates in the process of
domination. If its statement amounts to little more than a gag, it threatens to
enhance the practice of careless living. But instead, if media is cooperatively
oriented toward freedom and expansive thought, it will support reflective
living, human awareness, and simply, and perhaps most importantly, making good
decisions. This is the function of media.
47. LIE
Robert Inhuman: words, voice, edits.
decide… decide whether or not to lie
Robert Inhuman, IS THIS BAND JUST A DEAD END?
Is this band a dead end? Does art have any
function above amusement and distraction from the bleakness of daily life? Is sociopolitically-driven music completely futile and a
useless headache that everyone would be better off without? Does gabber have no
reasonable niche in the
"AT LEAST I'M FUCKING TRYING!!! WHAT THE
FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!"
How effective has this band been? I struggle
with that question at all times. But the reason I continue and try harder /
smarter however I can is cos over the years I've
gotten a lot of responses and comments from people, especially teens, things
like "I started my first band after I found out about you guys" or
"I decided to quit drinking cos of what it said
in your CD" and once in a while surprisingly "I had been planning to
kill myself the past few days but have decided not to after seeing you
guys." Stuff like that is what makes me think this can actually have a
decent and positive affect on people, even in the smaller ways. So I want to do
it better, build a better platform and use it to project a better statement. It
can be really hard to keep the band together cos
people flip out and quit on / off every year, but it just changes forms and
things continue.
48. RESISTING THE VIRAL SELF CUT-UP, by Evolve
with Jim Swill
The tape cut-up process is a very versatile
medium of magickal expression that can be used to
focus one's intent and expand reality beyond the pre-programmed limitations of
our societal focus. Resisting The Viral Self cut-up COUNTERACTS CONTROL in two
major ways. In the instance of a mangled Pepsi commercial, the cut-up seeks to
disfigure brand recognition by deconstructing, destroying, and abstracting
their messages. Other elements are interjected as a necessary balance, a
conscious message of hope, intended to counteract the spiraling effect of such
media desperation. Mass media produces epidemics of schizophrenia, attention deficit
disorder, insomnia, and stress manifest cancer. Mass media also produces a
general nihilism in the youth. Due to programming, many young people feel
nothing anymore is sacred and they curse their mother Earth with littered
minds. We go beyond re-run logic canceled program mind, we quit the rat race.
Grow a little broccoli next to gun smoke. It's just that easy folks,
everything’s a cut-up, and reality is exactly what you make it: so design away.
Designers welcome. A necessary growth forever reaching.
Cut-ups are a cure for poison programming and
mind traps designed to resonate with captured meaning. Beyond these walls the
lights are always luminous, not bleak, and the tired speech they force upon us
has no meaning. Cut-ups are a form of mental healing. Anyone can exercise this
technique so do it NOW. Try to live in a reality outside the box and see what
fruit will grow. New seeds need planted. New ideas, new words are needed to
speak with.
One universal truth that cut-ups reveal to us is
that everything is one and the same and because of this all things exist in
relation to one another. The multidimensional nature of our existence is fully
illuminated when we fully engage in the cut up process and produce results thru
directed focus. Directed focus can break down the barriers of routine and even
give sight to the blind when necessary. Just because you don't get results the
first time doesn't mean you don't keep on trying. Action alone produces
results, so stay in motion, keep on doing, and remain receptive. Things are
changing even if the change is gradual and slow. The magickal
process can resurrect the civilized mind from the decadent burial of modern
routines: hospital beds / post office windows / grocery stores, all the same
representational focus. Engagement with the light of truth is necessary to
dissolve such meanings. Cut-ups could be viewed as a dissolving medium; cosmic
compost heaps renewing structures of the mind in solid form.
Resisting The Viral Self cut-up was edited from
much larger sections of raw tape cut-up. Once edited it was further layered and
condensed in various ways digitally. The tape cuts were divided into one
hundred unique sections and then numbered accordingly. We then numbered one
hundred squares of paper. We placed the numerical scraps in a drinking glass
full of Kombucha residue and allowed them to be
charged in the sun. The sun's energy symbolizes the masculine role of creation.
The Kombucha residue and the sun charged the
numerical scraps with the powers of creation. This was a very necessary balance
with our sorcery, because at times the cut-up process can be very destructive
with all the force and passion of creative ends.
Tape cut ups are a general link to the
subconscious mind; they deal with the manipulation of time and space, and the
manifestation of our intentions whatever they may be. This manifestation occurs
in the timeless time of all time. We must always cut with absolute generational
abandon. A time rift could be created, an earth quake, a garden; limitless
possibilities exist on the same level playing field. All possible circumstances
have invested chance and rarely outside of time loops do the same events occur
over and over again. I propose that the corporate time loop represents the
strangled mind. It exists as the ultimate barrier now to human progress. The
intention of the cut-ups produced and associated with the Evolve project is to
obstruct mind control devices and compositionally break down corporate time
loops of every size, variety, and shape. They also demonstrate the
schizophrenic, chaotic, maddening nature of mass media, advertising, and
television. If the television becomes nauseating after listening to large
portions of cut up, then they have worked their magick,
continue focus. Through discipline and focus the mind can become liberated from
control forces in total form.
Our primary method of working with these tape
cut-ups is to randomly generate videos on Youtube and
then cut them up using the pause button on an old tape deck. All cuts are
random. The cutter does not watch or listen to the video as they cut. We also
use radio. We use Jim Swill's poetry cut-up. We view society’s mind as a battle
ground, they wage war against our cultural expression, there's an eject button
on the tape deck so we push it. Youtube is
essentially utilized as an icon generator. It is a way for us to engage with
our collective experience of cultural mass media. We use it to access old
commercials and cartoon shows, things that are locked inside our subconscious
minds and still to this day instigated as systems of control and manipulation;
conforming the mind to corporate modeled expressions and catch phrases. We are
attempting to short-circuit and defile media manipulation by investigating our
subconscious relationship with their control. Cut-ups are one way we gain
liberation from the shackles of corporate normality. Escape from a twisted
ozone bleaching white. We can project into a new reality as just another cut
that’s made the ultimate expression of a dissected universe, no repeat.
Cut-ups can be similar to hypnosis techniques
where one enters into a past experience and uses this to change the memory of
what actually happened. This can permanently alter the circuitry of the brain.
It can be a very useful technique for those who have been molested or exposed
to other such monstrosities. I propose that our minds have been molested by
corporate identity forms and patterns of deception that need not repeat. Mass
media is a monstrosity and exists simply as a reservoir of pain; a gathered
suffering that extends to us with hands. Through internet channels like Youtube we are granted access to the history of mass media.
We can access both past and current experiences of mass media. Take something
like a Burger King commercial, cut it up, and then listen in a new way. Listen
over and over again to the cut-ups if necessary. Listen for new sounds that you
are creating. When we access new sounds and new ideas, we abstract the
recognition of corporate identity and this of course is no small matter. The
reason big business spends so much money advertising is that they need to keep
their unreality constant. It's a form of primitive hypnotism and never forgets
this. Brand recognition is essential to corporate success. If we all instantly
forget then they can no longer maintain a system of control. Control so
McDonalds sponsors the Olympics, cruelty is just another tax write off,
cooperation and unity are laughed at in the boardroom. There are fast food
restaurants in hospitals where people are sick with heart disease. The church
doors are locked at night. No one trusts each other anymore. All we can hear is
canned laughter from the 1950's. Dead men laughing on tape playback. It is for
these and many other reasons that we must take back control of our own lives
and our sense of community that seems technologically obstructed by CONTROL.
The best way to maneuver thru time and space is
to interject one's self directly into the medium of now. The past can be used to
bind us to illusionary realities of regret which could be likened to the
Christian concept hell. We are also manipulated by the promise of a big feast
in the future. The idea that we can achieve great rewards by obeying
authoritative systems of control can be likened to the christian
concept heaven. Heaven and hell are instigated as systems of control within the
populist mind. It is best to be outside such conceptual limitations in the
timeless time of all time to create THE NEW, THE NOW, THE ONE. DO CUT-UPS.
Resurrect the mind from routines of boredom. When we surrender to the now, we
make connections with the universe's guidance, and obliterate distractions that
would prevent us from accessing our true human potential.
Cut-ups are a definite tool used to contact the
subconscious mind. They allow us to form new realities and new possibilities
through the combination of chance and magick. Cut-ups
allow us to access the universal guidance we are all so desperately seeking.
Cut-ups can be used for divination. They can be used in the same way as other
subconscious processes like the casting of runes, the reading of tarot cards,
the I-ching, or even the simple flip of a coin.
Anything that surrenders one’s potentiality to the universe is a prime
decision. Cut-ups are simply an updated form of magick,
a semi-technological magick if you will. To
participate in a process of divination simply pose a question involving a
future reality and form a cut. (television, radio, and Youtube
are all excellent sources for magickal exploitation)
Finally listen to your cut. What does the cut-up reveal? What words pop out or
what new words form from the deconstructed syllables of former words? Cut-ups
comprised of many past realities will inevitably project the future. The future
is formed from the compost of past realities. By focusing our attention NOW we
can truly form a future beyond these walls. There is a conscious future, a
brighter future that we all can willingly create together. The barriers of the
mass-media-mind need deconstructing and thus the cut-up process, etc. and so
on. Cut-ups for a new reality. Cut-ups for the mind and for the future. We can,
all of us, permanently obstruct control. We can live beyond the corporate
modeled nonsense logic… beyond the mass
media infection of the mind. - Evolve 2009
POST-SUICIDE INERTIA! by Robert Inhuman
NO JOB BUT I WANT TO WORK HARD
Most of the lyrics I made for this record were
written before, during, or after shows on tour. I guess it's because I am
touring a lot and the shows are my most readily available social situations to
observe and react to. I would like to be more careful not to limit my social
experiences to just things related to being in a band, but for the time being
it's just very directly how I survive; it's my job; it's A job. In April of
2006 I embarked upon the experiment of wanting to make records and travel
instead of be pinned down for the remainder of my youth in more conventional
government-regulated forms of employment. It has been shaky at times, but determination
combined with the miserable memories of uselessly demeaning jobs and the idea
that there are very few things this world has to offer that I am interested in
paying money for, has turned this experiment into an increasingly longterm (and awesome) venture.
It seems like every year I tell myself I will
not need to be on the road so much, especially after 2007 when I accidentally
ended up playing over 100 shows in a year. But like most career paths, some type
of annual expansion ends up being needed, either to survive the current
economic circumstances, or just to keep things challenging and not dull for the
audiences who allow me to continue on this chosen path. Sometimes I do not like
being on tour. Even through the grueling year of 2008, especially as I was
first setting out on a 4 month all-summer North American tour, I did not
especially "feel" like being in public every day, with all its
persistent anxieties and social frustrations. Why should I do something like
this if I don't really feel up to it? Aside from the fact I was homeless at the
time and needed a way to avoid acknowledging it, there are more significant
reasons that have been revealing themselves to me over the past couple years...
DEPRESSION CONQUERED THROUGH SELF-SACRIFICE
I have a lifelong history with depression. For
most of my youth it has romantically, numbingly, and unfortunately dictated
many of my decisions and basic abilities to function or feel compassion for
myself. Though in my stronger moments I feel an impulse to create or endorse
things that are positive and life-affirming in any variety of ways, suddenly
for reasons clear or not I emotionally feel like I'm trying to walk through a
tar pit, as anyone fluent with depression can probably understand. I was always
really beat down by the fact that depression stops me from being good to
myself, from living my own life in quality, but it wasn't until the past couple
years, as Realicide has placed a higher priority on the propaganda of youth
outreach, I finally started to realize something that has led unexpectedly to a
way out of the crippling effects of depression. I finally realized that
depression doesn't just fuck up my own life, it also prevents me from reaching
my potential as a servant to the people I care about and the world that is
gracious enough to let me inhabit it.
Just because I am not always quite so stoked on
the whole "being alive" thing (GOTH AS FUCK) does not mean I can't
still be a resource to people who have constructive potential in this world. By
shifting the motivations of Realicide from simply self-expression towards more
socially-edged aims, I inadvertently found a new instance of the 3rd function
of art in my life. (Art's function = 1. byproduct of a life, 2. catalyst for
dialogue, 3. distraction to save a life) By focusing on promoting positive
ideas and ideals, even those I very admittedly struggle with in my own life, I
felt the weight of depression easing off my mind and body a bit. Even in music
that talks about intense personal struggling, it doesn't have to stay an
endorsement of total sorrow. Of course people gravitate towards songs about
things that are sad or enraging, but I don't want to just say "all this
life shit sucks and it's just gonna be that way til you're dead so you might as well fucking die as soon as
you can". I feel like Realicide is meant to be saying "Life fucking
sucks. Why's it like that and what can be done about it?!" or ultimately
just "LIFE SUCKS BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO." With courage and conviction
I am finding that to be very true in many ways.
Note: Working beyond a paralyzing depression
hasn't cured my rather vehement streak of misanthropy. Being a very convinced
and unshakable misanthrope, I have found the best way to handle myself / my
role in this world is basically the whole "when life gives you lemons,
make lemonade" thing. Not to sound dumb, I am just in a situation in which
I have a lot of deep-rooted distrust for humanity, while I still feel an
instinct to interact with people and do so in as positive of ways as I can.
Maybe one of those will change over time, I am really not sure.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
It concerns me when people I meet on tour are
overtly envious of someone who is in a different city every day, always moving,
networking and hustling. Being in a touring band has been my ticket out of
conventional employment, and the way I've met most of my closest and most
respected friends, but this lifestyle is not without some drawbacks worth
mentioning. When I am never in a city for more than a couple weeks, and often
not more than a couple days, I lose track of something very valuable: what it
means to be part of a community.
Realicide is intended to be generally against
indulging in escapism. Ironically, being in a different city every day can
quickly escalate from sampling the social climate of various regions to being
just another way of running from reality and what it means to commit to a
collective effort; to just know what it means to work through differences
within a group of people day by day. This escape, like most escapist outlets,
can be very addictive. It is hard to not be on tour after you've been out for
months, sustaining yourself financially and riding the high of new people and
experiences constantly. But there is something crucial about really KNOWING a
place; not just catching a blurry glimpse. Also of course the issue of only
being able to meet people directly related to the show we're in town for in
some way. I have a feeling that there are a lot of really awesome, high caliber
people in these cities that probably wouldn't come out to a Realicide show, you
know? That's important to remember when your opinion of a place depends on how
your band is received. The world is fortunately a lot bigger than any subcultural niche...
WE DON'T WANT FANS. WE WANT FRIENDS.
But not like on Myspace;
that shit seriously does not count. We aren't trying to sell you records so
that you'll follow another band mindlessly. These records are supposed to be one
application of the 2nd function of art: something to start a conversation; talk
about what you agree and disagree with or any questions resulting from either.
Here is what we're doing; what are you doing? We leave the comfort of homes in
order to enable relationships with people far away from where we were
geographically born into; get a slightly wider perspective on the world and who
is active in it. Fans are very seldom more than passive observers. A friend is
interactive - always preferred. (Even enemies are better than fans or mere
passive observers, but although we aren't going to deny that for one reason or
another there are people who have chosen to be our enemies, we would really
prefer friendships whenever the choice is up to us.)
THE FIRST PART OF "D.I.Y."
IS "DO"
Anyone who does not have children or other
dependents can probably do any of this D.I.Y. band
stuff I've ended up doing. Some people with kids do it a lot better than I can
even. In most ways I really have no business fucking with music. I obviously
have very little understanding of it academically, not to mention a complete
lack of natural musical talent. The more I hear young people, with nothing in
particular holding them back from being in a serious band or doing anything
else constructive with their lives for that matter, bitch about what they wanna do and why they "can't" get it underway,
that old CRASS song really takes full meaning and becomes worth renewing as
somewhat of a daily mantra... Take responsibility. Claim autonomy. Remember
their old words of wisdom?
"...The problems that you suffer from are
the problems that you make.
The shit we have to climb through is the shit we
choose to take.
If you don't like the life you live, change it
now, it's yours!
Nothing has effect if you don't recognize the
cause..." (CRASS, from "Big A little A")
"The only thing that needs to change is
what's inside of me!" Are you gonna wait for
that mythical day in which all circumstances line up perfectly for you to
actualize your goals with total ease and no sacrifice or risk? Wait like that til you're too wasted away in body and mind to do
otherwise, or change what's yours to change while you still can and see if it
might influence the world you're living in. "At least we're fucking
trying!!!" AWARENESS DOES NOT HAVE TO EQUAL DESPAIR. RESIST THE VIRAL
SELF.
REALICIDE = www.realicide.com
CONTACT = [email protected]
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