Please take the following Manliness Assessment...

1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
   a) lovemaking
   b) screwing
   c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after 
   you've both shared:
   a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
   b) your blood-test results
   c) five tequila slammers

3) You time your orgasm so that:
   a) your partner climaxes first
   b) you both climax simultaneously
   c) you don't miss SportsCenter

4) Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
   a) healthy, creative love-play
   b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
   c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find
      out about

5) Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex
   with is:
   a) the best part of the experience
   b) the second best part of the experience
   c) $100 extra

6) Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last
   month. You tell her that it is:
   a) No concern of yours
   b) not a problem, she can join your gym
   c) a conservative estimate

7) You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
   a) a myth
   b) an oxymoron
   c) a moron

8) Foreplay is to sex as:
   a) appetizer is to entr
   b) primer is to paint
   c) a line is to an amusement park ride

9) Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself
   saying at the end of a relationship?
   a) "I hope we can still be friends."
   b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
   c) "Welcome to Dumpsville;  population, YOU."

10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    a) probably needs a little more time before she can cope with
       that sort of intimacy
    b) is uptight and a waste of time
    c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first 
       place

Evaluating the results:

If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to
make sure you really are a man.

If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy,
you're a little confused.

If you answered "c"  more than 7 times, "You DA MAN!"