Panda - Jeremy Russell 

Susan was on top and looking at the ceiling, riding up and forward, down and back on my condom-clad penis in such a way as to be absolutely sure to hit all of her erogenous zones � she�d said there were seven � while I was down there trying to get her attention.  At first I just sort of tapped her rapidly on the chest with the pointer finger of my left hand.  I had to use my left hand because the only thing keeping us from flying off the bed at that point was the grip my right hand had on the headboard.

She moaned louder and ignored me, so I dropped my hand and tried to enjoy her enjoying herself, but it was hard with the tendons in my right shoulder feeling like they were tearing out.  I was losing my grip and my dick tip was throbbing from being bounced off her cervix (it felt more like her pelvic bone, but I�m pretty sure it was her cervix), so, tentatively, I said, �Hey, uh, Susan?�

She moved her hand from my chest to my face, covering my mouth, and leaned into it, arching, really pounding, with her long chromium-colored nails perilously close to my eyeballs.  In a moment, she started to come and, improbably, she arched even more.  She must have been looking at the back of the room by then.  Seriously.  She does yoga.

It was getting to the point where Susan was reminding me of Kendra.  Kendra was the crazy one who was going to commit suicide over the phone, I�ll-kill-myself-if-you-hang-up Kendra. 

She always had sex with me like I wasn�t there, too.

My problem, see, is I read these women�s magazines and actually expect women to be like the magazines say they are � unselfish, sharing, emotional, communicative � wanting foreplay.  But somehow I don�t meet these women.

The next morning over breakfast in a little caf� in the Mission, I actually tried to explain this to Susan.  She said, and I will always remember this, �You�re sweet.  Like a panda.� 

Later that morning, after we broke up, I was flipping through a copy of � was it Allure? or Glamour? � and I found this test entitled, �Are You The Kind of Woman Who�s Never Satisfied With What She Has?�   Reading it, I realized that never being satisfied was a good thing; a woman who�s never satisfied is a go-getter.  She does what she has to, to get what she wants.  And, rubbing the bruise on the back of head from where I landed when Susan, in the throws of her self-induced ecstasy, finally shoved me so hard sideways I couldn�t hold on anymore, I thought, Ah ha.

As well as being anthologized in the Mammoth Book of Legal Thrillers (Carroll & Graf), Jeremy Russell's fiction has been published by Suspect Thoughts Press, Anotherealm,  Cthulhu Sex Magazine and The Murder Hole.  He has stories forthcoming from Nostalgia Magazine, Falco Press and Cyber-Pulp.  He is also a regular contributor of feature articles, reviews and essays to the San Francisco Bay Guardian, National Provisioner, New York Press and American Book Review, among others                                                                                                                                            

Website: http://www.jeremyrussell.com