Did anyone else have a particularly intense week leading up to the last full moon? Goddess knows I did. I have made a difficult decision about my life and it was actually the day of the full moon in scorpio that I made my decision known to Jeff. Makes sense I suppose since my natal moon sign is scorpio. I decided that I need to separate from J. There are many reasons that I don't feel like going into, but the biggest reason is that I need time for myself, as much as possilble. I want to really delve into my spirituality and start having daily rituals. So I can set a good example for Quinn and better pass teachings of the sacredness of nature on to him. Right now as things are I don't have time between work, baby and relationship. It was a devastating realization to have to come to however I can't ignore my intuition any longer on this matter. My dreams have been making it very clear that I need to be without romantic relationship for a while. Jeff is taking it pretty well, he has a large support structure.
I still want to actively co-parent to the fullest extent possible. One of the best things I can say about Jeff is that he has wonderful parenting instincts. He is patient, loving, playful and knows how to set limits without being too harsh. I wish I didn't feel so restless but I think that has alot to do with how young I am. I think I still have alot of growing up to do and some of that needs to be done alone.
This week, despite the major upheaval due to my decision to move out, was pleasantly filled with a good number of distractions. Spending time at the park with good friends, babies and dogs, eating pizza, thai dinner with Jeff, a barbeque with music by Diggabone, complete with salmon/halibut/bell pepper/onion shish kebobs....yummmmy. Salmon is comfort food for me. Makes me feel in touch with my native heritage.
Right now I am in the middle of reading Starhawk's "The Fifth Sacred Thing" and I love it. A great piece of 'visionary utopian' literature, as Marion Zimmer Bradley put it and I agree.
I suppose I've neglected this log long enough. Last week was filled with kitty drama. On Thursday I got a message at work from Jeff to call him about the cat. Turns out Jupiter sliced his leg open by knocking a glass off the counter and nearly bled to death. Jeff got him to the vet clinic just in time. I was more traumatized by the whole situation than I think Jupiter was. He was getting all sorts of love from the nurses at the clinic (he's such a lover) and I was freaking out because they wouldn't suture his leg until I paid them the 230 dollars it would cost.
I didn't get paid until the next day but they said he was stable enough to wait. Well, he's fine now, except for being pissed off about the complementary nutering he got. He is to be an indoor cat now and I hope that works out. He is the master at rushing the door as soon as it opens and escaping. So we'll see. Fortunetly and coincidentally enough, this extra cost coincided with the opportunity to work 40 hours for the next few weeks. Hopefully it will be more than just a temporary opportunity. Lets cross our fingers.
Shame on me for ingnoring my little online journal for so long. I doubt there are many people reading this, judging by my guestbook, but to those that are; I'm sorry.
Life has been hectic lately and I've been spending my time at work distracting myself with independant news sites, astrology message boards, and reading Starhawk novels. Anyways,
most of my stuff is packed up and it's looking like I'm going to be subletting my friends' apartment upstairs from mine for a few months while they are out of town and busy myself with finding a house to move into with a couple friends by the end of summer.
I won't say remaining in the apartment with Jeff this past month and a half or so has been easy but we haven't killed eachother yet, so that's good. Just kidding, it's not all that bad but I think both of us will be happy to have our own space soon. I move upstairs in 8 days.
Really, the most exciting development since my last entry is: Quinn WALKS!
He's officially a toddler now I guess. He still looks like Frankenstein when he toddles but he quite effectively goes wherever he wants now. Scary. But soo damn cute.
I've updated the look of my front page. It just started to look really obnoxious to me and I'm hoping it will load more quickly for people now that the background isn't so busy.
So, as for the life outside of cyberland, the new living situation is going well. My roommate, C, and I are getting along great.. She has a baby that is just about exactly 6 mo. younger than Quinn and the two of them are having fun together. They seem to be facinated with each other. It's nice that they will have a sibling type relationship with one another since neither of them actually has any bro. or sis. that they live with. Hopefully the living arraingement will be more than just a couple of months long even though that's all C. agreed to for now. She is back and forth alot between our apt. and the house where her boyfriend lives. We both have alot in common, sometimes to an unnerving degree.
Lately I have been thinking about what I'd like to go back to school for. At first I was leaning towards something in naturopathic health care but now I'm toying with the idea of political science. I feel like I should be doing something to change the system for the better instead of just bitching about it all the time. I'm just not sure it wouldn't be too dry of a subject for me. I would certainly have to apply myself in a way I never have before. But I think it's time for me to buckle down and really map out where I want to go with my life. I don't want to be a cog in the rolling wheel of the capitalist tank though, I can't sit idly by while the earth is raped and pillaged and our government moves more and more towards an Orwellian future. I want to work to actively change things for the betterment of the planet as a whole. To ensure that Quinn inherits more than just a pale shadow of what the world was. So, to change the system, I need to understand the system. I'm reading Starhawk's 'Truth or Dare' right now and it's one of those books that I want to recommend to EVERYONE. It should be required reading in school. It's truly enlightening material.
