50 MORE Fun Things to do when a Telemarketer Calls
Please note that *h.u.* means hang up. Also I am not responsible for anything that may occur, such as the police arriving.
1.When they ask to speak to Mr. or Mrs. (whatever), go away for a second and talk to them in a different voice. If they call you Mr. or Mrs. (whatever), say "I'm not (whoever), but I can get (him/her) if you want..." Repeat this until they get the idea.
2. "Just so you know, I'm at the top of a very tall building *make your voice start to get jittery* A-A-and if you s-s-say one m-more w-w-wo-word.... ...I... I-I'm gunna j-jump" If they do say something, Yell "I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY ANYTHING!" And run away from the phone yelling "Banzaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" (it'll get quieter for them) then have someone else hang up the phone.
3. *In a sloppy voice* "Thu Pee-o-pul at da insta-toot say I'm nut sposed' ta talk tu strang-rs..."*h.u. *
4. Pretend to fall asleep while they're explaining their service
5.When they're done saying who they are and what they're doing, set the phone down right-side up and yell behind you "MOOOOOOOOOMMYYYYYY... there's some F***ing B**** on the phone, He selling some $#!ty service that I don't quite give a damn about!!!" (Then listen for their reaction)
6. *Sniffle* "You don't care about me... you just want my money, don't you? You CRUEL PERSON!"*h.u.*
7. Ask if they can help you with some homework
8. Ask repeatedly who the hell they are and why they're calling
9. Wonder out loud when the pizza delivery boy will come...
10."Thank you for calling the telemarketer mental help hotline. We're sorry, but the only advice we can give you is "to get a new job." ?Have a nice day!"*h.u.*
11."Tooooo busy to care! I'm working on the meaning of life... Chow!"*h.u.*
12. How the hell did you manage to call our hotel room?
13.*hit the receiver* Hey guys? Is this thing on? COOL! O.k, one, two, a-one-two-three-four hit it! (start singing your favorite song)
14. Would you like to enter the potato-slapping contest, the slap happiest contest around? I'll need your name, number, and size of potato..."
15. "Boooooorrrrrrrinnnnnnnnng..... Change the channel, Quick!"*h.u.*
16."I'm gunna call the FBI if you fools don't stop stalking me...."
17. ?'Waaaaaaaaasssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaappppp?"
18. (little kid voice) "Santa Clause?"
19.Make strange, made up words and noises.
20."Listen, buster, do you want your pizza or not?"
21. Do your best to pretend to choke on a pretzel, and drop the phone when you "collapse"
22. Ask them how they got your phone number. If they tell you about their automated dialer, say "But that's cheating! Do it the old-fashioned way for Cripe's Sake!
23. If it's a phone company offering some crap, ask them what THEIR phone service is, and how much THEY pay. Also ask if they have to pay (whatever company name) for the telemarketer calls.
24. Ask them to "call back in five minutes". The thing is most of them can't. Most of their operating systems work by them picking up the phone, then it automatically dials a "ready" number. The older systems could not go "back" and had to keep going in a large cycle.
25. Ask them if there are any good calling plans nowadays. If they say that the service they're selling is good, say "Naaahhh.... I had that piece of $#!t service.... no good at all... SOME HELP YOU ARE!" *h.u.*
26. "The Dyslexic Dalmatian Foundation would like to thank you for your interest in our cause. To place a donation, dial 1. To place a donation, dial 2. To place a donation, dial 3. To place a donation, dial 4. If you would like me to stop pestering you for donations, go fall down an up escalator. Have a nice day!"
27. Make random grunting noises at random times.
28."are you Dave Letterman? (yes) " Liar... he's here at my house having dinner/lunch/brunch (whatever is closest) (no) "Screw you..." *h.u.*
29. "HOLY CRAP! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT SPIDER! Hang on a second..." *whack a table with the phone, (it's pretty loud to the telemarketer)* If they're still there, say "Damnit! I missed! Another second, I think I got him this time... *whack again* Keep repeating his until you "hit the spider" or the other guy hags up.
30. "Sa-MILE! You're on Candid Camera!" *h.u.*
31. Offer them ?your phone service"
32. "This is the Ghostbusters, over a million busted, how can I help you?"
33. (frantically, loudly and urgently) HANG UP! HANG UP! YOU CALLED AN AIRPLANE PHONE! WE'RE GOING DOWN! WE'RE GUNNA DIE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" *h.u.*
34. *gangster voice* "Ya' got the loot, Mugsy? And this bet-a be good..." (no)"Well then we'll just have ta' be in touch... soon... won't we?"*h.u.* (yes) "HA-ha... you believed me! Idiot...."*h.u.*
35. Speak in a language other than English.
36." No. Tell me. What made you think that I was going to order your service???"
37. "What if I don't want your service? What are you gunna do about it, huh?"
38. "You seem pretty smart. So tell me, what DID come first, the chicken or the egg?"
39. Starts laughing really hard and occasionally stop and say "ketchup!" then start laughing again.
40. Only say "hi", but accent it so if you are asking a question make "hi" sound like a question...
41. *gasping* Hello? *Pissed off* YOU MEAN I RAN OUT OF THE BATHTUB FOR
THIS?"*h.u.*
42. "Give me five bucks. THEN I'll talk to you."
43. "So what are standard telemarketing wages nowadays?"
44. Act terrified of your microwave, saying it is "threatening to kill you".
45. Only say sentences that have the word CHEESE in them. Ex. Hi, cheese. I like cheese? Do you like cheese? Cheese is yummy... etc. etc. etc.
46. "What if I said I know where you live... What if I said you annoyed me, and what If I said I want to do something about it... get the picture?"
47." I'll call you back later if I ever decide to care..."*h.u.*
48. Answer all their questions with "I dunno..."
49. (Scream as loud as you can into the receiver) *h.u.*
50. Act like there is a maniac in your house, and occasionally drop the phone to "run from him"