14 n.ov - bludgeoning
Two nights ago as I was falling asleep I got this sharp pang of loneliness. Brandon was talking about how he wouldn't be home at all the next day, and so I thought to myself 'Mm, I should drive over and hang out with...' *stab*
Yesterday was a bad day and I'm not entirely sure why. I've had this horrible pain at the top of my neck and lower back isn't being happy either, which is nerfing my patience, and I end up being irritable with people, which frustrates me. I'm also bugging about a few things, and Brandon has this knack for picking the 5 minutes where I'm either dying or being attacked out of the 2 hours where I'm just goofing off in AC. I've scowled more in the last couple days then I feel my quota provides for. I drove Susan and Robin home last night then decided to go driving. It was ok. The corners I eventually found were nice, but there were these loooong straight stretches, then a corner or two, loooong straight stretch... would be awesome for racing, heh, but I'd rather just have it all corners. I listened to Siamese Dream and it had just looped when I was home (maybe for the second time). I laid on the couch for awhile and then went to bed. Once laying there the feeling that had been ruminating came to a point and it was like being beaten by it. Loneliness. As if.. one of those heavy excerise balls, wider than I was, was being lifted just a few inches from my chest, and dropped. Left for a little to linger and repeat.
My head feels like an overwound watch, but not the usual way, too tightly, instead as though it could be unwound too far - the spring pushing out against the inner walls as it tries to uncoil further. Sometimes it feels too tight, the usual way of saying you're wound up. Scared for myself.
iron bells toll echoing
wavering their way across
(taking their time)
blindly, the drum steps on my head as it jihads through space
steady, with conviction and great purpose
bum bum bum.
bum bum bum.
~red~

13 nov - electric soft parade
The other night I felt like listening to crappy music so I downloaded a bunch of Limp Bizkit. I didn't actually get around to listening to it, but today I went to move/delete it, and I noticed someone labeled My Way as 'My Way or the Highway.' ... yeah, because Fred Durst was talking about how his way is the rural route. I can't make much fun though - I downloaded it :|
So to make up for my deviance into angst shit, I'm DLing lots of music from bands I haven't heard of. The title is one I liked - I'm doing it by getting samples from one user. He has mostly goth and or moody music - Siouxsie Sioux, Sisters of Mercy, Morrissey, Radiohead, NIN, Manson, The Cure, a bunch of angst and hardcore, some punk... then ooh baby, Morris Day and the Time, lol. Also a good bit of Johnny Cash and Tom Waits. *shrug* To each their own. But I wonder what dalenixon's friends would say if they knew about his Christina Aguilera and Avril Lavigne. Bwahaha.

I also found this great german stuff, 'Einsturzende Neubauten.' They have a song called 'Musentango' that's just weird... speaking German, but with the whole feel of a tango. Hehe. 'Total Eclipse of the Sun' is another by them I like. I suppose I should have named this 'music reccomendation hour.' I think I'm going to buy an Einstruzende album though.. they rock. Oingo Boingo (punk), Le Tigre (alt-pop?), Jump, Little Children (Nice rock - great reccomendation, may need to buy an album of this too), My Chemical Romance (Punk - nice guitar in the song I got anyway)... and damn, he picked up on me and blocked downloading, hehe.. curses.
Susan and Robin want to, ok are, coming over tonight to try and make some mango chicken... mmm, chicken. I haven't really had meat since shortly after I got here. I suppose sharing food stores with a vegetarian does that :P
"All I really really really really really really really really really wanna see is a total eclipse of the sun...."
~red~

12 nov - vast
Mmm it's been some time since I've listened to Vast (Save for the drive out here). It's just pretty... don't know much I think it's actually great as music, but it feels good. Kind of like eating, emotionally.. maybe. Blah, heh. It reminds me of fall and driving really fast in my Volvo... of early high school, of all that melancholy, candle smoke, blood, anger. Can make a bloke nostalgic. I was near dead tired on my way out here and I was going through my CD box looking for something good to keep me up and found the CD, sang along and into the night - that was before the Braveheart soundtracks, I think.

So today was patch day in AC and drug test day for me. I woke at 8 something and set Brandoi's alarm clock to 9:30 so I could get to the drug test and back before afternoon, and woke up at 11:30. Crummy alarm. I explored the new patch including Aphus Lassel, a rockin island covered in Tuskers, these sorta mega apes that have been around for awhile. Anyway, it's exciting because they are great xp and such, and the whole island is also hilarious. If you're on broadband, check out the teaser video. It's good stuff... anyway, the whole island is run by the tusker King Bobo, lol, and the Mayor is a tusker named Mayor Ko Ko, haha.. and all the people on the island are controlled by apes, and so say things like 'Hoo hooo haaaaa' when you talk to them. And there are new Reedsharks called Ravagers, lol... reminded me of Audrey.
So then I went down to do my drug test. The facility didn't open till 3, which was funny since I had called them earlier, but oh well an hour to burn... I wandered into downtown and parked to wander around, I saw FAO Schwartz. Oooh... I've never been in one of these except inside of some mall. I went there with Aaron, I remember vaguely... bought my Hello Kitty wallet. Anyway, it was so cool! I was grinning like an idiot (shush) the whole time. There was music, and moving toys, and lots of bright colors, and 2 racks of Hello Kitty! Oooh, Sanrio goodness. I resent the blue Hello Kitty gear, I think it's for homophobes that are scared to get the good ol pink stuff. :D I went upstairs then and I hear this 'RAAAARRRRRRR!! That's hello in Brontosaurus!...' There was this huge Brontosaurus head/neck talking to me and moving and whatnot! It was cool, I stood there laughing until it finished it's loop, lol. Then I walked on the piano bridge! You know, step on the keys they make a noise... that was thrilling too. And all of their Pokemon merchandise was 75% off since it's out of style, so I got meiner schwester this rockin Psyduck toy. Psyduck r00lz. We used to watch Pokemon together.

Last night I tried to do this quest in AC, and 2 hours into it got sporked by lag and couldn't continute because part of the quest didn't flag me properly. So I did it later on, taking me to about 1 am. Then I watched some Initial D. I went to bed, and I felt happy. I had AC, and driving fast, and my friends in my head.. I've got a job lined up that's going to pay well and should rock, and I love Seattle. So I felt unnaturally good. Was kind of weird. I miss a few people, I'm confused about a few people, and the situation with my sister brings about enough anger in me to outdo a Limp Bizkit concert, but.. eh, I wasn't thinking about them then. Yeah, I got the valet job, provided the background check which was going through today doesn't show a few crimes I'm not aware of. w0ot :) We'll be leaving to come home the 21st, and we'll see how long it takes us. :p Well I'm going to go call my mom, so.. one-sidedly chat with you all later.
<3
~red~

1o nov - time won't give me time
I feel like it's been a billion years since I've updated, despite a mere 2 days having passed, likely unnoticed by you - my faithful readers. Hehe. I like to delude myself. It's been the weekend, I'm sure you were all partying and carousing and engaging in cahoots.

So what did I do? Well I did end up drunk - (my first time) - and would I do it again? I went from no on waking up, and most of the day, to indecisive where I am now - I don't really know what I'll do next time. I know one thing I wouldn't do again, although Monkey things it's something to brag about. *shake head* Monkey also said the people I post with on the AC forums must've been pretty 'board' to have made a post I showed him. Get it? Yeah, I wish I hadn't either. (jk, <3 monkey) I remember the whole night, and I did vomit but I wasn't sick. I knew it was going to happen before it did, and I didn't feel sick before or after it. Enough I was appreciative of being able to lay or sit instead of run a marathon, but.. I was ok. I don't like the idea that I was annoying and didn't realise it. On one hand Brandoi says I was annoying, on the other he said on the annoying drunk scale I'm very very low. In that order - I originally was aghast and worried I was the whathaveyou, but in thinking about it, I remembered how often and how easily Brandon finds me annoying. So I'm trying not to worry too much about it, because I don't think I was nearly as bad as I'm worried I was. It was fun though - Veronica got me to dance (she played Madonna, I can't turn that down) and while I was doing it I realised I didn't much care whether or not every movement was on the beat, or fluid, or if I was carrying something through the dance, a subtle consistency in style... much. I still don't want to dance in public if I'm going to look like an ass, heh, but I could feel the alchohol acting as a bit of a seperator between me and worrying about the worthless thing of other people's opinions, and it was interesting.
I think I wouldn't get drunk again but I'd drink again. Eh, don't look so dissapointed Dub, maybe I'll make an exception. :P
Arrr and this cool fairly cute guy asked my brother whether or not I was gay and Brandoi said he did not know or I was straight.. bummer. Hehe, in response to my dismay an offer of hooking me up was extended but... eh.. *shakes head*
cUriousi+y.
I'm thrown for a bit of a loop too, by our recent imports. There are enough unresolved issues with Wispy to fill a swimming pool (when all else fails, go for the swimming pool metaphor). Entirely my own fault, but being around her means that I can't ignore them in the same way. Well, that I can't really. Ahh there's lots in this can I shouldn't've opened it online

AND! ooOOOohhh and... ... arrrrr. Erika will be at the Family Foundation School for yet another indeterminate amount of time, as she is 'not ready to leave'. ... ARR! ... rassamafrackin arr jermascurvy...YARRR! .. . See the big problem is that Erika expressed independent thought. This is one of the things that qualifies you as not ready to exist in the outside world. It's fucking going to hell... my mom bleeding told Erika she was coming home this summer and didn't tell her she had changed her mind, or even was thinking about it!! until she went up to the school 2 days after she was supposed to get her. ... arrrrrr... and at the Family school, you aren't allowed to get angry. So Erika is supposed to be jolly fine about all of this being fucked over, and if she's angry about it (gasp) it's just a further sign that she isn't ready to leave. RARRRRR I can't even type about this. AND to boot, she is in the chorus or some (insert lame crap here), so she won't even be home on Christmas.. she can come home for the 27th-30th, maybe, or something like that, possibly, we-won't-say-for-sure-because-we-like-to-fuck-things-up-last-minute. I don't know whether or not I am going to be coming home for Christmas... I really really want to see the people from there, but Erika was a huge part (and is) of why I was coming home too. (p.s.- I'm more likely than not coming home for Christmas... staying in PA as opposed to Seattle is up in the air, where I'll be when home for Christmas is up in the air.. oh btw lemme know if you wanna see me when I'm back...the email.) And I will not give Mother some pretend I'm happy with things Christmas if Erika is not there. Not happening. Also, if Erika isn't even going to be living at home until summer at the earliest (Well we don't want her idling during the summer, well it's her senior year it would be hard to transfer, WELL WE'VE ALREADY FUCKED HER ENTIRE LIFE UP WHY QUIT NOW SHIT IT'S EASIER TO KEEP HER HERE THAN TRANSFER HER TO A NURSING HOME, HEY LOOK WE'VE EVEN GOT A FUCKING FUNERAL PARLOR AND CEMETARY AT THE SCHOOL!...

Brarr.
~red~

08 Nov - 'chingchingching'
There is some ridiculous new 'hip hop' song whose chorus goes 'Whadabout my chingchingching, whadabout my blingblingbling'.. *Shake head* Fun to say though, I'm going to harass my brother with it. I was out internet all day yesterday, and today is lookin like it too. AT&T suckus muchus. Ah well, I have things to do anyway, although I'm having trouble getting with the going today.. Tonight is a party at Nathan's house (Mmm, alchohol . When did you turn into Mr Lush? . I'm not, I don't want to get drunk.. I just like the taste a lot. Until the other night it'd been since Utah I had drank at all . Yeah, I feel kind of bad about that, being your enabler yada yada) and tomorrow more imports from Pennsylvania arrive. Yippee kai ay. Anyway... updating'll resume when my broadband does. I've gotta catch a bus for a drug test for the valet job.
~red~

05 nOv - 'If this isn't nice, what is?'
So I lost my earlier update by mistakenly closing the window that contained it while my computer was being a basfucktard. It's morning pertinent, so I'll write it tomorrow. I watched 24 tonight with Brandoi and other apartment related company.. the main character is so hardcore. Normally I'm not about doing things to please others, but Jack defies that rule. Anyone who will shoot and behead someone to gain the approval of others is FHC in my book. That's fucking hardcore, and it's a good thing. (so long as you maintain fictional character status).
Reading. I love reading. I like white pages with black words on them, I like the smell of books, I like the idea that it is transferring information into my brain. As chronologically assanine as it is, I sometimes imagine reading as uploading into my head, and the directness of it I find fascinating. And I like language, words. Sometimes when I read I've got to backtrack - but everybody does. Because your mind drifted to think about something else, you realise you were browsing/speed reading whatever... but now and then I backtrack because I've been reading too slowly. Taking it word by word because I like them.
I forgot that I like reading though, far too often. My biggest problem right now is that I don't get bored. This is a good thing, and yet at the same time it's a curse. Because I keep this not boredness on the computer, which means I don't do things like (insert out door activity), read, etcetera, nearly as often as I did before I could be on the internet as long as I wanted. I always hated sharing one computer with my family, but hey, maybe it was good for me. "...a flatulent pain in the ass..." Just made me laugh out loud, had to slip it in.. yay Moz Eh well, anyway Brandon was talking today of how many good books he had around that I should read. Earlier (I don't remember why) my having started Timequake and whether I had finished it came up with someone else, and so when he, having asked and recieved a negative response to whether I read anymore, suggested I do it again, I said 'Ok, right now.' and promptly restarted Timequake. I don't know how I stopped... well I do, I got busy or depressed or who knows what and one day didn't read it, the next the next the next... but living with a good friend means that you don't do things like reading much - why, when you could be social with them? I still wonder why Dub and I didn't get sick of each other. *shrug* And no, we aren't gay. *glare*
Again, anyway: I love it, even more than the first time because having read it (the first half atleast) already, I get the delicious anticipation of knowing what's coming. Vonnegut always makes me want to quote him and put them in my profile or mail them to people, share them somehow - but so often that I can't actually do it.

The quality of the conversations I had on AIM today were an unusual and good thing. I miss you all - not in a sad way right now, just in a ... you're good people and I want you literally closer. I was talkin to Aud today, and I had this weird feeling in my throat. I experience things in my body, that I'm not really feeling, like being poked or tickled, but that part sort of tells me 'Arr captain, somethin be amiss in me sector' (Yes, pirates say sector. As of now. No arguing.) It was wanting to be talking. As with most of my friends, when I'm talking to Audrey much hilarity ensues. And often I'm laughing, but it felt weird all the sudden, to be laughing without actually talking. Sort of like wine without cheese... (bleh I don't really understand that, so.. Peanut butter and bread without the jelly :D ). I don't laugh as much, or as easily, when it's an online conversation, as I do with people. It's sort of involuntary, because I try not to make noise when I'm on the computer I guess. Blah.
Hmm, I was about to say I'll be making a decent archive page tomorrow because I'm going to show Brandoi the Pods episode of Space Ghost, but, he's going to fall asleep.. so maybe it'll be up tonight, thus by the time you read this. You can go to the archives and see.. peek at what else I may have put up or changed too, if you feel like it. No guarantees of course.

Yep, it was good talking to you today.

~red~

don't tell me ac friends aren't real friends


that's Big Wiz, he is the man. I asked him to help me with french homework almost a year ago and we've been friends since, he's just a great guy, period - exception to that whole rule for things French.

I guess I'm a dumbass but it's fucking Dub's fault. Ass bastard told me to DL and watch Chasing Amy, and that it parralelled his life because (the character) lost the person he loved and his best friend, and that (Dubb) didn't wanna lose both. Damnit, I'm going to short out my keyboard if I keep spilling like this. I say I cry but a lot of the time it's just getting tears in my eyes and feeling like I'm crying. This stupid-ass (stupid-ass in the same way that I called Dubb an ass bastard)movie got me going good and I wanted to listen to some music before I went to bed, and I figured, hey, hell, why not, it's been a long time since I could listen to Tom, why not give it a shot. Well hell's bells there's a great idea. 'I'm spending money too quickly... maybe I should just blow it all at once so that I can't waste it' It's been awhile since I got more than 15 seconds into one of his songs without shutting it off so I wouldn't cry, I haven't even bothered trying in awhile. It's not like it's our music in any way shape or form, just a reminder
love is frail and fickle;
born to break, and bred to change
I wrote that a couple years ago and I don't know where it came from. It doesn't really make sense to me. If I read it differently from how I wrote it - change it to meaning it was born to break those who let it in.. maybe it could make sense. I don't think it's broken me though.
Anyway.
It hasn't died, or faded...
*sniffle* hmm.
~red~

10.19.02 Tori Amos - Bliss
RedRaevynn: The Marine Corps Monday canceled its annual worldwide "scout-sniper" competition in that was to have taken place through October 26 at the Marine Corps base at Quantico, Virginia, south of Washington
RedRaevynn: Pansies
Faondradh: Dude... why don't they hold it... it would be like Robin Hood!
Faondradh: The real sniper would go their to compete, and try to win the heart of some butch Marine chick.
Faondradh: And then another enemy sniper would split his bullet in two on the straw target! and then he'd thrice it!
Faondradh: And then he'd get the girl, and they could arrest him after he got some
Faondradh: Because after all, he deserves it.
sid67usa: getting some or being arrested?
Faondradh: To get some :P

Man, if you don't read web comics, DO IT. Particularly good commentary on the sniper attacks in this Penny Arcade comic. Links to the good comics on my portal page.

I'm going to go do some Chemistry and reading and such in the park, maybe wander the city then. ~
~red~

10.20.02 the longest line
not another fucking leaky day.
~red~

10.19.02 pine and brick
I'm in the University of Washington's library right now. Well, one of them - apparently they are fairly numerous. I'm impressed by the system though... hundreds of nice (black machines here on Win2k and I'm an admin, I can install anything I want, essentially no firewall as well. There is also a big section of Macs available - Brandoi asked if I preferred Mac or PC and I just stared at him. I was on his office and they have a machine for each OS, essentially, (at the University he does customer support and such) and I've gotta say the mojo on the Mac OSX is way way above all the beige case PCs. They were all shut off though, of course.
Looking over the top of the monitor there is a vertical slit in the brick about a foot wide - through it I can see the steps to some building, the huge limbs of some gigantor pine tree, and some leaves sticking out from an Oak that's out of sight. A pair of girls were in front of the building, one taking a picture of the other while she sat on the steps. It made me think about people taking pictures there - what the hell is up with that? They think, 'Hey a gorgeous building, I should get a picture in front of it' or maybe they just need a pic of themselves, and so they sit or stand on the steps, and you get a background of some horizontal concrete bars. If that isn't aesthetically pleasing... just think of how many pictures you see of people on steps - blegh. I need to get my brother to fetch his digital camera back from Nathan so I can get back into photography, I miss it. One of the times I thought about having a camera was when we drove past the Bank of America tower photo.
*looks around* So many asians... you would be so happy here Justo.

*rereads his post* Computers, asians, some building... ok so it's a bit on the shallow side but I'm kind of full, lots to take in. You'll survive. Go read some of the sites on my links page
~red~

10.18.02 it's a good chair
harro. I am alive and in Seattle and tired. I drove about 1400 miles today, over the course of 23.25 hours in my bleeding car. (my car isn't broken, my vocabulary is british when I'm tired... says me). A lot of fun driving a lot of killmenow driving, whatever, will update post slumber. 8:22 your time, 5:22 the time I get to adjust to
~red~

10.16.02 the edge of civilization
When you picture the edge of civilization, I bet you envision this gigantic cliff, or maybe an ocean. In my head it's a gigantic flora covered cliff at the edge of an ocean. Except, now I know what the edge of civilization really is - I'm there, in Chicago. West is the great american cultural wasteland we know as the heartland. How sad is that? The part of our country most devoid of anything worth seeing is know as our heart. Well fuck it - I'm going up and over that corn and wheat shit. Up through Indiana was enough, thank you.
Side note: what is it with guys besides my friends and walking around in their underwear? And/or touching themselves? Dude... your wang isn't going anywhere.. leave it alone.. it'll be there... eesh.
I'm hoping to atleast get into South Dakoto today if not a good bit into it. I wonder if I'll have cell reception out in the bumble states.... probably not.. weird thought, thus far I've had 3 or 4 bars of reception the whole time, heh.
The person a room over is playing guitar and singing hymns, all by his lonesome. ... and I know all the words, still, and it's been 2 years since I went to church. Whoever writes hymns should have gone into advertising.
Yesterday I drove past about 50,000 billboards for "Tom Raper RV's", each on a new level of hilarity. It almost killed me. I stopped in and got a brochure from them just so I could prove that it really exists. I have all the good billboards written down, and anything else interesting that happened on my trip, but I didn't feel like going out to my car last night, and now I can't since Maud is gone and I risk getting locked out of the dorm. By one, yes one door, but a risk nonetheless.
Dub is updating his site, btw. [and he stole my format!1 omg h8!111!] I again remind you that my links page is full of yummy goodness. No, I still haven't made a link to it again... will do in Seattle, cross my heart and hope to survive.
Yeah, I suppose it doesn't sound as meaningful when you say it like that. Sorry, not really hoping to die atm, you lose! I will add a nice link though.
Well, hoping isn't the word. I have this weird feeling I am going to die, or some part of me is dying, or something... but, it can stfu and dirl, cause it's a n00b.
Speaking of n00bs, all the kids around here refer to any anime as 'Pokemon'. On one hand Maud hasn't had time to show them decent anime yet, but on the other, he watches Tennis no Oujisama. Yeah, even when it's part of a japanese phrase Tennis is pronounced 'gh3y'. That translates to 'Prince of Tennis' btw. Yeah, we all know how manly the last Prince was...
Not that I'm one to talk on manliness, or use it as a standard for the goodness of things. But I mean c'mon.. tennis? I watched part of it, and it's funny as hell because it's anime, and anime is always good for that, when it lacks elsewhere.
Hehe, his roommate just used his hair dryer. This kid has about a quarter inch of hair, hehe. He leaves it plugged in all the time too, and stores it hanging on top of the outlet. A 6 plug outlet, with several power strops hanging from it, all full. Fire hazard? No.. fire certainity. If you build it, they will come kinda thing.
Hmm, to switch to Central time or stick to my own until I hit Seattle... I think I'll average them. It is neither 11:20 nor 10:20... it's 10:50! Woo... yeah, where are you to cover my mouth when I'm being a retard on the internet, eh?
Maud and I watched 'The War Room' last night, it's a documentary on the 92 political campaign. Pretty interesting, especially since it was all virtually new to me, having been 8 years old during said events. Bill Murray just popped into my head and said 'Well, I want to die.' Odd. We were going to watch that last night, I'll have to download it when I get to Seattle too. Speaking of which, I suppose I should be off. A bit of DWI and some more internet before I go (I missed patch day for goodness sake!), but then - 'into the great wide open' (now Echo is in my head... wish I had burnt myself a CD then after all)
~red~

10.13.02 exit, stage west
next update should be from seattle, or on the way.
visual
Egon Schiele's Four Trees.
City Approach by Craig Mullins.
the 2nd Dirty Pair Flash wallpaper, it's purple - the background of it reminds me of Plummet - Damaged.
I have a self portrait by egon with another image blended into it, it's the atmostphere, and 2 stick persons, but none of you can get to that so nevermind...

audial
trance.
atmosphere.
some modest mouse, some tom petty, some smashing pumpkins, some morrissey, some soundgarden, some ATB.
maybe Tool, if you feel like it.

emotional
Can't give you suggestions on how to feel. Really can't. I'm not sure how I'd like to feel, I'm not sure how I do. I don't know what's best to feel, don't think I could even say I know what's best to not feel. I can tell you parts of how I feel though, maybe you'll like to sample some of them yourself. But I encourage you to feel however your compelled to. I think freedom in emotion is important, otherwise it's less emotion, and more... self control or something.
One that isn't supposed to come out.
One missing people that are already gone. Living with Dub for awhile means I notice it when he's not in the other room to go tell about whatever inane thing popped into my head. I'm going to miss going to the arcade, I'll miss being made fun of and making the fun(ny), miss hearing rants about the latest technique for (insert fighting game here), having my ass handed to me in Marvel, the Burke's house, Mr Stafford and his cookies. My friends, movies like Shakma.
One this feeling of hope - sometimes irrepressible bastard that it can be. Such and such will be better, wait for it. Such and such is fine, blah isn't necessary, yada yada is getting better, etcetera is coming back.
Anxious, I'm diving into the unknown, throwing myself. I hope I calculated how much money I'll need for gas correctly. I hope I can handle being alone. I wonder how it will turn out.
One is trying to let go. Part of me is trying to say 'Ok, time to move on, time to say this is part of your past, it isn't continuing anymore, everything is beginning anew'. But it isn't all over, I may come back, and it can exist in fragments, and I don't want to leave everything here behind. I suppose that's what it's all about - maybe not leaving it behind but letting go long enough to go somewhere. White Bear Road, French Creek, Streubel Lake, LARPing, smelling fall deep and in, the people... no it isn't all dying.
One Another is looking forward. Seattle! The Emerald City! I've never heard someone speak ill of it. And all that country in between, it must be amazing. Driving, music, exploring - it's exciting as hell. Hell is frightening. An entire coast I've never seen! A city entirely new! I know virtually nothing about it - Philadelphia, Baltimore, D.C., I knew them before I was in them and somehow they weren't as enigmatic as it seems only things farther away can be. And broadband!
Amongst others.
~red~

10.12.02 fragile fantasy
Post title brought to you by my playlist. Leaving Monday, achi wawa. Ok, I've gotta write about the other day's post again, sorry.
On one hand I could owe some people apologies. I say this because of things they've brought up with me, ways they were offended by it, reasons it doesn't make sense or is wrong, etcetera. But, for the most part, what they brought up, and the ways that it hurt them, weren't what it was saying. For example, one person brought up,
" But there is a difference between acknowleding that yes, sometimes life is shit ... and becoming obsessed with, embracing, and working towards the most horrible aspects of life, ..."
And then argued (paraphrasing) 'What if you are working towards happiness, and it just isn't working?'.
*blink*
That's an excellent point. The only thing is, it is completely different from the fictitious persons targeted by the post. That's what a lot of this whole thing has been - the post being misapplied. I don't know where the fault lies, in the reader or the writer, but it seems like it's the writers job to keep the writer from being able to misinterpret. So there, I've faulted, and I am sorry for all the feelings I've hurt. Ahh, I've gotta split. More later.
~red~

10.10.02 character car
My car is going to miss the shop apparently. I took it in today to change the oil and rotate the tires, replace the headlight connectors, and to do the alignment. Partially cause it needed it and partially because I f'ed with it the other day when I replaced the drive axle. I finished all of that, and finally left. La la, pull out onto the road.... and I've got this hard clicking like noise. Brand new. Coming from under the car, I thought center-ish.. Hmm, making a lot of sense - I rotated the tires, but other than that the only thing I touched was the FL. So I bring it in, lift it up, and I can't see crap that would do it, so Dave and I go out in it again. He heard it as the ebrake, put his hand on it and you could feel it vibrating. Hrrm :| Well now we atleast know where it is, take it back in, lift it up again, and check the handbrake system. Lo and behold, the retaining clip for the cable simply opened wide it's gates, and the cable was knocking on the counterweight on my rim. Oi vey. So, let's look at this. I do not do anything to the rear wheels, and this piece of half inch wide flat metal just... bends itself, entirely spontaneously. Wtf. Fixed that up and I'm finally on my way. The wheel is cocked a little right when you're going straight, but it's aligned right, and that's what matters. If I felt like fucking around with the tie rods some more I could get it straight, but it isn't worth it - it's just more character for my car.

So I got a lot of responses.. no, reactions, to yesterday's post. An interesting part of it was the person brought up their position, and said 'you know, to play devil's advocate'. So, presuming I was in a debate, I stuck to what I had posted. Agreed with a few flaws and such, but as far as the discussion went stuck with it. Then I was informed I need to not stick to my views so much if I don't want to be a bastard. o0ps.
So having had several good points brought to my attention, and having thought about it, do I still stick by yesterday's post? Well, I wrote it. And some of it is stronger than I actually think, because it was a post, a rant - I don't think the people I know are that bad, etcetera - hence the disclaimer. It's not often I actually put one on my posts, and I added 'a smidgeon hypothetical' for good reason - it wasn't about people I know because I don't know anyone like that, but it's people that have parts of all of that, and if you combine all of theirs into one person, maybe that's who I was ranting at. Ok, got long winded there. Summary of how I feel about yesterday's post?

I wrote it. While wearing my "happiness : the biggesst joke of them all" shirt.
~red~