| During my pregnancy with Mercedes, I had some complications including pre-term labor, RH disease & a danger of miscarriage. By now my marriage was unpredictable. Andrew and I spent a lot of time in court over domestic violence issues including an appearance on Judge Judy concerning child support. It was hard to tell day by day if our marraige would last or not. It was an unhealthy relationship all around. Between his issues, and my inability to cope, life was becoming a disaster. I felt guilty for staying and exposing my kids to the abuse and chaos that went on in our house often, but I was terrified of being alone, and I felt I needed him. My children needed a father, I reasoned. I needed a second income. But with most of our income being spent on marriage counseling, domestic violence classes for him, and repeated court and incarceration fees for him, it seemed as though we would live in poverty forever. Nevertheless, I chose to stand by him. I loved him with all my heart and I could see good in him a lot of times. He was trying to change, I thought. With all the stress of my situation, I delivered Mercedes 4 weeks pre-term on February 6, 2000. She was healthy and weighed 6 lbs 6 oz. Her apgar score was good. She did have trouble nursing, and was colicky, but other then those minor things, she seemed fine. I noticed as she got older, she did not move her left side as well or as often as her right, she did not accomplish milestones on schedule, but she was preterm so I dismissed is as that. She cried often sometimes for hours on end with no consoling her. She had trouble digesting and sleeping and she was unusually stiff. I could not cuddle her because she liked to lay flat. Even when I nursed her, I had to lay beside her instead of holding her. She 'preferred' it that way. She was hospitalized when she was 3 weeks old with RSV . She had pnemonia shortly after, which also required hospitalization. She was receiving nebulizer treatments and she frequently had trouble breathing. She was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy when she was 4 months old by a Neurologist at Children's Hospital. At this time I was working full time as an office manager for Farmers Insurance. The stress of bills, marriage, work, new baby who was sick often, cooking & cleaning, I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. I had to quit working in June 2000 to take care of Mercedes. Her frequest hospital stays, and illnesses had caused me too miss too much work, costing me my job. My marriage had officially ended 2 months earlier when I filed for a divorce. Andrew and me would occasionally reconcile and he would move back in, but it never lasted, and he moved out for the last time in the end of October 2000. Mercedes is now doing better with physical therapy. *Update* 2-21-01 Andrew and I have reconciled once again and this time for good. We have really been putting our faith in God and we have both changed our ways dramatically through counseling and church. I love Andrew dearly and I know this time he has changed for good. Of course changing is a process...but we now know what it takes to make a marriage work and I am glad I waited aroud for him. :-) Mercedes is doing wonderful!! Another gift from God, I know!! She can stand up on her own and has had absoultely NO problems in months. I have been homeschooling Shantal which is working out great. For a while, my life seemed unbearable, but I know God has a plan for everything and he says the darkest hour is just before sunrise!! *Click Here for 1-27-03 Update!* |
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