| Your wondering if me and Andrew are still together? The answer is yes, we are, but I want to be very realistic about this for those of you who think it is possible for your abusive/cheating/lying partners to change. Trying to make our marriage work is a very difficult daily task. It is also very rewarding and I am very proud of us for making it this far. Because of our history and our issues, trust, love, sex and every other natrual loving thing doesn't come as easy to us like it does when a couple has had a healthly relationship all along. I won't say that we are happy ALL the time or that we don't still have deal with and work on the very same issues that brought us here. Andrew can still be abusive at times, (but for the most part he tries real hard and is wonderful!) and I have a very hard time opening up my heart to him and trusting that he will not leave me, cheat on me, or treat me bad. And he has some trust issues of his own. I think he has a difficult time trusting that if he lets his walls completely down and becomes vulnerable that I won't hurt him. Every man's worst fear is being vulnerable! I believe, for Andrew, it is because of his childhood and things in his life that have brought him to where he was 2 years ago. So, we are still going to counseling regularly, putting faith in God and taking it one day at a time. I am commited to loving Andrew forever and to breaking the vicious cycle that has plagued our families for generations. Andrew is now pursuing visitation with his 5 year old daughter, Arrdianna whom he has never had a relationship with. Shantal is doing great in school and is going to be starting singing lessons this summer! She is excited about that. She has such a cute voice! Mercedes is still tiny for her age, but is progressing normally! She is is such a character! She is more entertaining than any comedy on TV! I love this age! I am working on my ultimate goal-becoming self-employed through my own insurance agency! This will give me the flexibility AND the income our family needs! I can't wait! So can abusers and their victims make their relationships work? The book of Matthew says 'All Things Are Possible With God", but it takes the complete dedication from BOTH parties, a lot of counseling, outside help and God. It certainly will not change overnight and the longer you have been unhealthy, the longer it will take. Both parties will need to address their individual issues before the relationship can be worked on as a whole. You can't make good tasting cookies with spoiled milk, even if the flour is good. I believe that both parties take part in the violence cycle because you have to wonder, "How does a victim BECOME a victim?" An emotionally healthy person would leave at the first sign of abuse, no matter what the circumstances. |