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Lady Shang Keladry
Sorrel Rowan
Chapter Twenty-One: Phobia's Found
Laila walked round the corner of the corridor leading to Keladry�s room. She needed to talk to her, tell her the good news - well, sort of good. More medium, or just plain baffling. The news that Jodai wouldn�t tell her, knowing her friend was worried about other things at that moment, with Midwinter only weeks away.
Also, she wanted to ask about a young man she had seen the night before. Laila had been asked by Jodai if she would consider marrying a Tortallan to secure the peace treaty, and Laila had accepted. Especially when part of the bargain was that she could choose which Tortallan - and it was likely that he would come to Scanra, returning to her fief. Also, he could be of any rank. Unusual, yes, but it would seal the truce, and Laila had already seen almost every eligible man in Scanra, and none of them suited her.
As she approached the door to Kel�s suite, she heard the distinct sound of a female voice, then a lower laugh. It took her a moment to recognize the voices talking, but then she remembered the blue-eyed knight commander that Keladry had been close to every time Laila had seen her, and the protective look on his face that had not been that of a brother.
She grinned slowly, then turned. Her questions and her news would wait - Keladry was obviously otherwise occupied.
Then she wondered where she would go. Almost everyone was newlywed or in love with someone. Shaking her head and wondering what was in Tortallan water, Laila started to walk towards the apartment the Scanran delegation had been given. Then she remembered that Jodai slept until late now, her pregnancy draining her of almost all her energy.
That had caused Laila concern, as a healer and a friend. The pregnancy appeared to be advancing at a faster rate. Jodai was due in March, but it was December; yet every Healer who had consulted with Laila had said it was certain she would give birth within a month.
Sighing, the young brunette turned to the practice courts for something to do. Her archery could use some perfecting - she had been so busy with politics that she had neglected her arms practice.
Taking a standard longbow and quiver, Laila went to the most remote free target. While a peace treaty had been signed, it would be a long time before the Tortallans forgave their northern siblings, and longer still before they forgot. Arms aching slightly from lack of practice, her first arrow sailed over the top of the target entirely. Swearing - she had known that would happen - she set a second to the string and loosed, ignoring the single male laugh she heard behind her. This hit the top of the target, the third further in than that.
The arrows edged progressively to the centre of the target, and Laila�s speed increased as her old ability returned. By the time Laila reached her final three arrows, they were sailing through the air two at a time, one barely loosed when the next followed, her arms a blur, aiming within a fraction of a second. They clustered in the exact centre of the target.
Stopping with a satisfied smile, a hand pushed a carton of water in front of her as she sat her bow on the ground, unstringing it at the same time. Taking the carton gratefully, she looked up to find blue eyes smiling at her, with sandy blond hair that was cut to his ear lobes. He carried a smaller, what are they called? - recurved bow.
Leaning on the fence, she looked at the stranger she had been planning to quiz Keladry about. He and Laila had danced once or twice, but had never gotten a chance to speak to each other beyond an invitation to dance and a yes - he didn�t even know her name. He leaned on the fence too, just as nonchalantly as she, his eyes never leaving hers.
�You know, I�ve seen people learn the bow quickly, but never that quickly,� he said, by way of a question.
Laila smiled - she could play too. �Oh, so because I�m a noble woman, I can�t learn?� She pouted just a little.
He grinned, his cheeks dimpling slightly. Goddess, Laila thought, what are they putting in the water down here?
�I didn�t say that - I was simply asking if you would like to be taught,� he replied. �But, now that I see that, I realise that maybe you should be teaching me.�
�Me? Teach the co-commander of the Queens Riders how to use a bow? Why don�t I just point out a puddle to the God of Oceans while I�m here?� Laila retorted, eyes flashing wickedly. She had gotten that much out of Jodai at the reception the night before.
He put a hand on his heart in an extravagant gesture. �Alas, my identity is revealed! Whatever shall I do?�
What he did was bow as elegantly as any court butterfly, and kiss her hand while she laughed. �Evin Larse, at your service, my lady. And might I have the pleasure of your name and company for breakfast?�
Laila pretended to think. Her voice just as gallant as his, she said archly, �You may, but only if the invitation extends to dinner as well.�
Evin laughed and offered her his arm, as ornate a gesture as would be found at a brightly lit court ball filled with stylish ladies and gaudy dresses, and she took it - both in rough cream practice clothes, out in the cold, dusty practice yards on a bleak grey morning.
Dom woke up, fighting the urge to simply fall asleep again. He had already done that, and now he had to get up out of the warm, comfortable bed to go practice in the frosty yards like he had done without issue for all of his years as a page, squire and knight. Suddenly there was a good reason to stay where he was. His body protested when he moved the tiniest muscle by way of an experiment - it was perfectly content where it was.
Groaning, he gave in and snuggled further into the covers, looking at the sleeping body next to him, with his arms wrapped around her, his body touching hers. His head lay on the pillow of her hair, his lips almost touching her forehead.
�I know you�re awake,� Kel said without opening her eyes.
�I know you are too,� he teased.
�I�ve already done that,� Kel whispered, moving in a little closer to him.
�And what exactly would that be, my lady?�
�Woken up and decided it wasn�t really all that comfy to move?� Kel answered, opening her very pretty eyes. Have I ever noticed that before? Those little green flecks in her eyes? Dom wondered idly as he kissed her eyelids.
�We really should get up,� Dom said, sighing.
Kel looked at him from under her long eyelashes. �Yet we don�t seem to be moving.�
�No, we� - Dom kissed her once, this time on the lips - �really don�t.�
Kel laughed as that one kiss became a few more, and then just a really long one - and suddenly breakfast wasn�t on the menu anymore.
Two weeks later - the night before the first day of Midwinter
Kel looked at the Wildcat. �What?�
�I said - you can back out if you want to. I know you won�t, but the Masters made me swear to ask you if you wanted to,� the older woman repeated. �The way they see it, you�ve proved your point - nobles can survive Shang.� She looked at Kel, one eyebrow arched. �I take it I tell them to shove it somewhere unpleasant?�
Kel laughed, relieved, and nodded. Then she hesitated. �Promise you�ll be a little more polite than that?�
Eda nodded in return, laughing until she almost cried. Then she turned serious. �All right Kel. You already know what you�re up against. We�ll take this one stage at a time, and don�t think beyond that until you get there. The first thing you have to do is a trial of skills in front of a Master, that�ll be tomorrow night.�
At Kel�s petrified look at the word �Master,� she put a hand on Kel�s arm, and continued. �I said �in front of,� not �with� youngster.�
�There�s a difference?�
Eda nodded again. �You won�t actually engage the Master, just perform the moves in front of her. Its more a display than anything else, and it�s in private. Just you, a room full of weapons, two witnesses - one civilian and one Shang - and the Master. If you pass that, it�s the Ordeal. I told you all of this in rough a year and a half ago, but this is it for real.�
�Who�s my Shang witness? You?� Kel asked, a little hope in her voice.
Eda smiled. �Sorry, kid. I wish. It�s Hakuin. You choose your witness - but can I suggest not a handsome knight? Distractions are the last thing you�ll need.�
Kel looked at her, her eyes grave. She placed an almost protective hand over the ring on her left hand. �So, supposing I pass the Ordeal, two days after that I face another Shang?�
The Wildcat looked at her. There was something odd in her eyes. �You face a full Shang, an older, more experienced fighter who�s been in the world for years.�
�Who?�
Eda seemed full of genuine regret. �Do you remember Rayjan?�
Kel mutely nodded, inwardly thinking that she was so in trouble. �I have to fight the only person in Shang training who ever beat me in a fight? Who I haven�t seen in three years? Who hates my guts?�
Eda sat, motioning for her to sit. �That time he beat you wasn�t in fair combat - you were tired from training, he was fresh, and it wasn�t even a single combat in an arena. He ambushed you, if I remember correctly. This time�ll be different.�
�I hope so,� Kel murmured, thinking about the taller, stronger and brawnier youth who had almost killed her when she was twelve. �He was an instructor - the Shang Snake - and you weren�t supposed to know about that,� she said softly to the elder woman.
Who simply shrugged. �It made sense - he was always picking on you, and the only person at Shang training at the time who could have beaten you, other than me or the Master. Even when you were tired. Your �fell down� excuse didn�t really wash when there were no stairs,� she teased.
�Ha funny ha, Eda. Please tell me this one�s in private too?�
�No, this one is in public. You do know that half the court will probably turn out for this?� The Wildcat answered grimly.
Kel shrugged, thinking she would have to make the best of a rotten deal. �At least he won�t be able to foul with all those people there then.�
�That�s my girl. Come on. Lets go over your skills, I know you�re ready, but I think I�m more nervous than you,� the Shang ordered.
As she began her moves, Kel couldn�t help thinking that Eda had no idea how wrong she was. There was so much at stake� shaking her head to clear the thoughts, Kel forced herself to think of the next kick only.
The next night.
Dom sat outside the hall. Laila, Kel, the Shang Horse and an old woman who looked frankly dangerous were inside. Kel was inside, showing her skills with every weapon a Shang was expected to use, and then unarmed. Dom didn�t know why Kel had asked Laila to be witness, but he knew why she hadn�t asked him and accepted it. He suspected Kel didn�t know why she had asked the Scanran healer either.
There were times when she needed him; now was not one of them.
He had said he would wait until it was over for her, despite her constant reassurances she would be fine. He listened to her actions more carefully than her words - the way she had held him progressively tighter throughout the day, the slight desperation in her final kiss.
He hadn�t realised it, but almost five hours had passed after Kel had entered. He jumped when the door opened and Hakuin Seastone beckoned to him silently.
Dom�s heart stopped.
Laila was pouring her magic into Kel, who was unconscious. The Scanran woman looked up at him with a soft smile as she called her russet red Gift back to her and Kel stirred. �Its all right, just exhaustion - she�s been working since she stepped through the door.�
He somehow breathed again. I wish she would stop scaring me - but I suppose it means I care.
�Don�t worry,� an old voice said. �It�s not uncommon at the trial of skills, it is a very draining experience - more than simply a test of technique.� Dom turned to see an old woman in practice clothes moving with the ease of a teenager. She looked him from head to toe, almost seeming to look through him rather than at him. Then she looked at Kel, more precisely, at her hand.
�I had my doubts, but I see now. You�ll do well,� she continued cryptically before walking out with Hakuin.
All thoughts of pondering her words flew from Dom�s mind when he heard a soft moan from behind him. When Laila was finished healing Kel, he picked her up - despite her protests - and carried her to her room. He gently held her in his arms while she slept, her fatigue draining as she dreamt.
The Ordeal - what she had dreaded for years - was here, in front of her. From the whispers of the older Shangs, she knew it would take everything she feared and throw it in her face mercilessly until she wanted to scream, knowing she couldn�t.
With shaking hands, she scrubbed herself clean, stepping into the pristine white clothes she would wear into the Chamber. Eda, Kel and Violetta, the Master, spoke the Shang code in unison - the last words Kel would speak until she left the Chamber. It was in a language long forgotten by people, only preserved by the Shang for this ritual. Roughly translated, it was an oath.
In common: I am a teacher of ways and this I pledge. My past, my present and my future I give as a teacher of paths. To protect, to serve, to aid and to teach.
The night of meditation passed in a haze, and before Kel knew it, a priest was tapping her shoulder and pointing to the iron door, which was now open. Kel nodded, her throat dry, standing on creaky knees. She automatically stretched to touch her toes and then rolled her neck. She wanted to be in top condition in the chamber. Walking through the grey chapel, its silence almost holy she faced the chamber. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward.
Again, everything changed. She was in the field of black poppies. �Why else would you be here, mortal? If not to atone for your crime?�
Kel looked into the face of the Black God. She wanted to ask what crime, but remembered she could not speak.
�You must atone here. It is the price you pay.�
Again Kel looked at him in shock. What crime? Gainel, the King of Dreams, looked down at her sternly, his mist coloured eyes accusing. He waved a hand, and then someone appeared. Kel stuffed a fist in her mouth to keep from crying out.
Her mother.
Ilane of Mindelan was standing, her eyes sombre and dark. �Why did you not come? I called for you, over and over��
Then her father, telling her she had failed, that she had betrayed them by her choice. Over and over they spoke, shades of the people she loved, telling her they blamed her, that it was her fault.
Kel felt the tears streaking down her cheeks, prayed that it was over - this was just cruelty� how could anything be so cruel? She had tried, she hadn�t even known, she had fought and won their home back, how could it be her fault when they themselves had said they were proud of who she was? She sank to her knees, trying to call up every image of her mother that was positive, and suddenly the ringing of steel glaives and laughter rang in her ears. Sinking into the poppy fields, she fell -
And was standing at a funeral. As she heard the words, �Fallen in battle, sacrificing all for those that he loved,� she saw someone bring in a flag - Masbolle and the Kings Own. Kel was instantly rooted to the spot. No, not Dom, never Dom. Then she saw herself, an older herself standing by the pyre. Holding the hand of a boy who had her hair, bright blue eyes and a nose that was slightly wider at the tip. As her other hand rested on her stomach, she saw she was pregnant.
I would rather die than Dom! Kel thought frantically, looking down to find her hand in that little boy�s, no longer a distant observer. Anything, I�ll do anything!
Everything whirled and spun around her again, Kel whipped away from her son and dead husband.
Kel landed in water - very cold water and into the mind of her fourteen year old self. This darkness had shades, the night sky filled with thunderous clouds, the sea an ocean of waves, each one threatening to sweep them under. Kel clung to Shinko, forcing her to grip onto the door that floated in the water. She opened her mouth to tell Shinko that it would be all right, to hang on, then stopped - this was the ordeal, making her relive the worst night of her life.
Somehow they got through the night, but Shinko was wavering, and it felt like forever. Kel watched the horizons, remembering the rescue boats that had came out of that same horizon years before. They didn�t come. The day flashed through Kel�s mind, an endless flow of nothing. That night, the storm began again, and this time she didn�t know how long they could hold on.
Somehow the Chamber was making her relive it in a compressed time, showing her instants of it, picking out the times when Kel felt lowest. Then it made her watch as Shinko was pulled under the waves, screaming as the dark waters claimed her.
Kel felt the tears run down her cheeks with the rain that lashed them. She had to do something. But there was nothing she could do, alone and stranded in the middle of Goddess knows where.
She was helpless.
No! Kel suddenly thought as memory overwhelmed her, dredging up something Kel had thought buried - everyone who knew of it was dead, below that sea except her. The chamber was rifling through her memories, and if being helpless was her fear, it would lead her to-
Kel was bound and gagged. She could still see. She would not scream, would never give them that satisfaction. They had left Shinko tied in the other room, said they would work on the Easterner first.
Two of the thugs dragged Kel into the room where the captain was waiting. He ordered her tied to a chair, then got out his knives. He asked Kel about the palace, then about anything he could think of. They took off her gag.
I must not scream, I must not speak, I must not scream�
Kel chanted in her mind as she felt the knives cut slowly into her skin, then realised they were magicked. She knew what would happen and braced herself as best she could, but the pain fled through her veins turning her blood into fire. Everything Kel saw was laced with ribbons of that fire. The agony was blinding, worse than anything Kel had ever felt.
The worst still remained.
When the pirate realised she wasn�t going to answer, he ordered everyone else out of the room. Then he took off his shoes and ran a hand down Kel�s arm. That touch made her want to vomit and scream in equal measures. She realised what he was going to do and tried to struggle, but she was bound too tightly.
Her mind cried out against what was happening to her as he took advantage of her. The Chamber twisted things in your memory, making your fears and the worst way things could have happened reality.
But the worst part was that it was all the truth.
Except, in reality, Kel had screamed and cried out against the assault, and no one had helped. At the back of her mind she had prayed this wasn�t happening to Shinko, but the majority of her mind and soul was in terror and disgust.
Waves and waves of hatred consumed her as she was fourteen again, and in the vaults of her mind she cried out for something to help her�
Someone was holding her while she wept, caressing her hair. Again, bile rose in Kel�s throat until she realised that this man was gentle. The river gently lapped by them, the tree filtering the moonlight. She saw blue eyes and was stunned.
Did you do that? She thought, somehow directing it to the chamber itself.
-You did that all by yourself, and now, if you please, you have passed. You know your task, I suggest you get to it.-
Dom stood watching with Kel�s family, Jodai, Shinko, Yuki, Neal, the Prince, the monarchs, Buri, Raoul, Eda Bell, Hakuin Seastone and Violetta. All he saw was the iron door of the Chamber, remembering his own Ordeal and wishing he could spare Kel of it.
It was nearing midday. Kel had been in the Chamber for many hours longer than was normal, and the crowded chapel was very still with fear. Violetta had warned Dom that Shang Ordeals were long and very difficult, but he had not expected this.
Then the door slowly creaked open, and the silence deepened. Couples all around the room clasped hands, holding to each other. Maggur was literally supporting Jodai. Dom started a prayer in his mind.
Kel looked up at the open door. She could see the people beyond it, but her body wouldn�t move, it was broken and bashed. She was wet from the sea, burnt from the pyre, cut from the torture and the ropes. She wanted to lie down and give in.
But Dom was waiting - who had saved her again when she had been on the edge of madness, helping her to banish for the final time the terror of her teens.
Her husband to be, her family, her friends were waiting, she had to get up, or else they would be worried.
Kel pulled herself up, using the kind of mental discipline she hadn�t needed in years. Stumbling into the light she -
Somehow didn�t fall, but took another step, then another. Dom was paralysed with relief for a second, then stepped forward, catching Kel when she would have fallen.
She looked up once, then smiled. �I can rest now?� she said, her voice a whisper and cracking as she spoke.
Dom nodded, and she slumped against him again, letting him carry her from the chapel without protest.
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