I have a problem with my boyfriend. Oh, no, don't get me wrong he's great! He's cute, sweet, fun, and just an all around great guy. But the problem is, HE SHOULD NOT BUY ME A GAME CUBE. You see, I'm graduating next month and I mistakingly mentioned that it might be fun to have a Game Cube. However, I didn't expect him to decide he was going to buy me one for graduation, and I told him that HE SHOULD NOT BUY ME A GAME CUBE. Yes it would be fun, and yes I'd probably be the coolest girl at college, but HE DOES NOT NEED TO BUY ME A GAME CUBE. Being that I'm not as big of a video game fan as he is, it would not be as good of an investment for me as it is for him. Some people say that I'm just acting this way because I'd rather have something else worth $150, or just have the money to spend on stuff I want, but I just think that HE DOES NOT NEED TO SPEND $150 ON ME. Period. I don't care what it is, he needs his money for a lot of other more important things. So, Dear Jeff, my question is: how do I convince him that HE SHOULD NOT BUY ME A GAME CUBE? I don't want to seem unappreciative, because it's very sweet that he wants to buy it for me, but I want him to understand my reasons for why I think HE SHOULD NOT BUY ME A GAME CUBE. Maybe I should restate them (just for clarification, so that you can properly assess my problem, of course): he doesn't need to spend that much money on me, and HE SHOULD NOT BUY ME A GAME CUBE. I thought about trying to send him subliminal messages, you know like in e-mails and stuff, but I just don't think I'm that slick. Any advice you could give me would be great. Thanks, Dear Jeff!
Sincerely,
DON'T BUY ME A GAME CUBE
I�d say you got a serious problem here. I mean, come on! Who wants a generous boyfriend who would rather blow his money on unnecessary, yet lavish gifts for the girlfriend he genuinely cares for than on something for himself? That�s so lame! But fear not, I can tell you what you should do. That�s what I�m here for. You don�t need a man, who tries to show his affection for you in all ways possible. A man, who goes further than showing his love physically, verbally, and emotionally; and even tries to show his love financially. That�s not what you need at all. What you need to do is drop him. Drop him before he buys you anymore heartfelt gifts. And then you�re going to give me a call. I think you�ll be pleasantly surprised with the results. I will also show you my affection physically, verbally, emotionally, and even financially; but in a way that I�m sure you�ll feel much more comfortable accepting. Your need for physical affection will be fulfilled when I physically allow you to lavish me with physical representations of your awe. Verbally, I�ll give you permission to tell me how awesome I am every minute of every day. Emotionally, you may feel free to feel all of the emotions that correspond with my awesomeness and your admiration thereof. And financially you will be given an allowance.....oh sorry, that was a typo.....I meant you will be given allowance to spend whatever you like on me and that which will spread my fame even further throughout the land. Now I know you can hardly believe that a deal this good can actually be true.....and I normally would not think of making a deal this sweet. However, I can see that you are stuck in a very bad position right now and Dear Jeff is all about some charity work. And you need to get away from that gift lavishing all-about-you boyfriend as soon as possible. So I�m making an exception. So drop the bum and give me a call and this fantasy you�ve been reading about will become a reality. Until then....
Jeff
Oh, and....uh....subliminally....you should have picked up that...uh.....Dear Jeff Rocks!!!