I have a cousin who says he's better at me in
everything. Even though i beat him! How do i tell him
that im Better?
From,
A kid in
Easton PA
Dear Jeff,
I have this friend...and he's very awesome in the video game department. Is it wrong for me to want to beat him? I mean really now, he dominates the system, so is it natural for me to want to just take him down? I've been practicing with a friend of mine, and I really am thinking about challenging him...maybe in Smash Brothers? Or Mario Party? I'm ready to take you!...err...I mean, him on. So, yeah...wish me luck?
-Someone You Just Might Know
You have no idea how many emails I get like this where some loser is complaining about how badly I can kick their butt at that or how badly they lost to me at this, yet they try to disguise it by saying they�re actually talking about somebody else. I mean seriously, I�ve gotten like...........two. Uh....those two......right there. But....uh.... that�s only because everyone else�s grief is so severe that they can�t even bring themselves to write an email that would cause them to relive their defeat. Whether it be, video games, lazer quest, wrestling, being cool, being wanted by hot chicks.....there are just some things that no one is better at than yours truly. And you guys are just going to have to start accepting this. But because this problem has become so severe, and because Dear Jeff is all about trying to help the community as much as possible, I have devised a number of things that someone about to go head to head with Dear Jeff can do ahead of time to alleviate the pain of loss that is sure to come afterwords. You know....kind of like Beano......�Take Beano before and there�ll Be-no gas�.....okay where did that come from? Anyways we�ll let it slide. So here is my �How To: make being a loser not be so painful.�
How To: Make Being A Loser Not Be So Painful
1. Don�t go against Dear Jeff in anything
2. Refer to number 1
3. If you find yourself in a position where it is impossible to adhere to rule number 1, then and ONLY then shall you move to rules 4 on
4. Before beginning, take a deep breath and try to come to grips with the fact that winning is not a possible outcome of this scenario
5. If possible take some sort of anti-depressant prior to facing Dear Jeff so that when the inevitable happens, it won�t be quite so painful
6. If the competition is serious enough where death could await the loser finalize your will and notify next of kin prior to beginning
7. You suck
So there you have it. Again, there is nothing you could do that will help you to do any better against me, however those were a few things that could help you better cope with your loss. Speak at y�all later. Peace.
Jeff