Q: Dear Jeff, I need your advice. You see I am a GUY, and I like this girl...cause I'm a GUY, and the this girl likes me a lot. For some reason I (the guy) just want to be friends with this girl. She wants to be more than friends with me...why do guys do this? I mean��.why do we do this? Ya know, get a girl to like us and then want to be "really cool friends" "best friends", and not want to be the boyfriend. Im just trying to figure out why it is that we (the guys) do what we do.
ummm, Me
What? Hold on, let me read this�.uh�wonderful�.well-thought out and in-no-way-grammatically-incorrect email one more time. ����.. What? You are one confused individual�.I mean GUUUUUUUUUUUUY. Never have I met someone more bewildered as to their own gender. I have come to the conclusion that you, Me, are either a guy, who dresses up as a girl, but sometimes forgets that he is still a guy; a girl, who says she wants to be a guy, but can�t quite convince herself; or a complete moron. Quite frankly, Me, my money�s on the final option. But it�s okay, Me. I don�t hold your minimal intelligence or Chinese sounding name against you. I�m here to help as always. So lets see what I can do. Let�s TRY to understand this email by taking it piece by piece. My helpful comments will be written in bold to�uh���..help you.
Let�s see�..Dear Jeff, I need your advice (I don't doubt it). You see, I'm a GUY (we�ve addressed this already��sigh), and I like this girl (congratu-freakin�-lations, Me�big whoop)��cause I�m a GUY (methinks the lady doth protest too much��Hamlet, anyone��sigh�..I�m alone in this cruel world), and this girl likes me a lot (sure she does, Me�..sure she does). For some reason I (the guy) just want to be friends with this girl (I don�t doubt it, Me. I bet you�d be friends with anyone who would take your cross-dressing self). She wants to be more than friends with me(��.sigh��poor little guy�er..girl�.er thing..ie)�..why do guys do this? (I..uh...who�uh�..huh?) I mean�.why do we do this? (We�.uh�.do�uh�.DO WHAT?) Ya know, get a girl to like us (oh yeah, Me... I know�.but how would YOU freakin� know?) and then want to be �really cool friends� (Me, I doubt you could really cool anything�.much less friends with anybody), �best friends� (oops. Sorry, Me, best friends entails having a minimum of one�you�re out of luck), and not want to be the boyfriend (oops. Sorry again, boyfriend entails having ONE gender that you stick to. Once again out of luck). I�m just trying to figure out why it is that we (the guys) (right Me�..WE the guys��) do what we do.
There you go, Me. I hope that was very helpful. Or at least entertaining. To those of us who��.well�������������.aren�t you. Thanks and until next time���.
Jeff