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| Back home... | ||||||||||||||
| Less... | ||||||||||||||
| Yay For More Ranting! | ||||||||||||||
| *Sigh* Why must people piss me off so freaken much? I mean, it's not their fault, it's just me being my stupid self... Okay, well, it's also partially people treating me like I'm some kind of idiot until they actually want me to tell them something that nobody else can and then they're all "I wish I was as smart as you." People piss me RIGHT off! I wish I could just sit here and practice forever, but then I have homework and all that other crap that being a Grade 12 student involves... I hate this; my marks are lower than ever, but they aren't really "that" low compared to other people's, and then they think I'm all weird because I think that a B isn't good enough for myself and that I know I can do better.. Hasn't anyone EVER heard of scholarships and entry into university?! Obviously not! Like I should care what they think anyway... But it's hard not to... It's really hard not to have any support from your friends. It seems like everything I want to do is wrong such and teaching band at the middle school for work experience. All I get from people is "But you want to be an architect, not a teacher." Haven't they ever heard of expanding your horizons? I teach band because I enjoy music; maybe I'll try and go for a degree in music, who are they to dictate what I do with my life? Ergh... I want something... I need something, but I don't know what. I think I just need prayer; God should be able to sort things out.... | ||||||||||||||
| Ergh! Ugh... I HATE exams! What is the point of them? You learn things, you forget them, then you have to relearn them all again just so that you can prove that you're better than everybody else in this world by writing a freaken exam? Why do people care how smart you are? Why do people care if you pass or fail? To get into University? But then why do we all HAVE to go to University? Sure, it's a good experience, and it will "help you get a job," but didn't a grade 12 education used to get you that? What ever happened to the importance of a grade 12 education? Is it just me, or have things really gotten messed up? I hate having to prove that I'm better than everyone else because I'm not; that's why I hate stupid scholarship applications and pre-admission applications and... ERGH! I hate it all! I mean, yeah, I want to go to University, and yeah, I do want to get a degree, but is it really me that wants it, or everybody else who expects me to get it? I hate trying to live up to everyone else's expectations; I feel like the image of myself has been overtaken by some stupid image of "Jess: The Smart One," and I hate it! I really hate the stress of trying to keep up that image, and I hate it how every time I make a common mistake, I get some long lecture about how I'm smarter than that. News flash: I'M NOT! I wish that I didn't have to do so well on my exams to get into University; it physically hurts my head! Jason was right; all exams are good for is stress. *Sigh* I guess I'm just going to have to face reality and try my best... | ||||||||||||||
| Blah... I Hate being my stupid self sometimes; it's really starting to get annoying! I can't stop thinking about things that I should be able to stop thinking about... Well, not things, mainly just people... and not really people, mainly just one person, but still; it's really starting to bug me! I have WAY more important things to worry about than relationships and... ugh! Why won't it stop? Why can't I just focus on the important things in life, or rather, why is this one thing becoming so important to me? *Sigh* Sometimes I just wish that there was a way to escape from myself... | ||||||||||||||
| Mmm, graduation soon! Only two more months, and in the mean time, I have to make my prom dress, find a date for prom, study for exams, write scholarship letters, etc... Yah, it's not fun, especially when people are CONSTANTLY bothering you about it! "Jess, who are you going to prom with?" "Are you ready for graduation Jess?" "How are your grades?" ERGH! Would people stop talking about it?? I mean, it's okay to ask every once in a while how things are going with graduation, but when EVERYBODY asks you all the freaken time, it gets SO freaken annoying! It almost makes me want to drop out of school just so I can tell people that I'm not graduating so that they'll screw off! I already have enough to worry about, and when people keep asking me stupid questions, it takes away from the time that I could be using to study or do my homework so that I will be able to graduate and get scholarships! You know, I've found out what the best part about graduating is; it's not getting out of high school, it's knowing that people won't bug you about graduation ever again! I just can't wait until it's all over! | ||||||||||||||