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A Brief History Of Phroth
Level 27 Archmagus Forced To Clean Room
"This is So Bogus" States Glartok The Mad
by Rick Skarbez
To hear him tell it, the story of Bill Mueller's most recent quest is not one of gain and glory; rather, it was an unjust punishment dealt him by the cruel hand of fate.
Bill, a 6th-year sophomore at Penn State-Worthington Scranton campus, assistant manager at a local Taco Bell, and level 27 archmagus Glartok the Mad of Ostia, was recently forced to clean his room by his mother, whom he calls the "Witch Queen." The story unfolds on a Wednesday night, when Mueller, 27, had come home from a grueling 4-hour shift behind the register at Taco Bell. Says Mueller, "I was just comin' home from a long day at work, and was lookin' forward to playing the next chapter in the heroic saga of Glartok and his companions. Not to mention, I had just got paid, and my friends and I were gonna get a case of Bud to go along with the story. I thought it was going to be just another night of fun and adventure. How wrong I was."
His mother, Mrs. Alice Mueller, had this to say: "That lazy boy of mine has had empty bags of Doritos and unwashed cans of Milwaukee's Best piling up in his room for weeks. We're goddamn kind enough to let him live here, without payin' rent no less. We've started getting all sorts of vermin in here. The least he can do for us is clean up after himself."
However, that is by no means the end of this tragic tale. The cruel manipulations that forced Glartok from his chosen path also caused him to desert his friends in a time of need.
| "One day, I will become manager at Taco Bell. That should provide me with sufficient gold pieces to obtain my own place of lodging." |
Glartok, who graduated 425th in his class of 447, did clean his room, much to the vengeful delight of the Witch Queen. "See, I knew he would do it, my Billy's such a good boy."
Glartok countered back with, "I shan't long endure the evil machinations of the evil wench. One day, I will become manager at Taco Bell. That should provide me sufficient gold pieces to obtain my own place of lodging. Then, my adventures will be so daring so as to spread my fame throughout the land. Ah, I can see the glorious morn now."
He added, "Yeah, and I'll be able to slam some brews every night. And have chicks over to slay the dragon, if you know what I'm talkin' about. I'm such a bad-ass."
