Here it is. The entire month of September for the year 1999. Don't you just feel like a part of my life? Doesn't it make you all warm & fuzzy inside to know that I'm sharing a part of myself with you? I know it does. Read on.
9/27/99: So, I was online tonite, talking to Bethany (who can be reached at [email protected]) about the fact that I missed school today due to a rather odd illness that I acquired on Friday night. Actually, it's not odd. It's just your average cold, but considering that I make everything in my life totally overdramatic, it goes from average cold to odd illness just like that. I went to our school's football game on Friday night. It was supposed to be "the big game". You know, the game that you find in the school rule book under "Activities You Must Attend or Risk Being Shot in the Head by Random Cheerleaders". I don't really mind football all that much, but high school football games do not appear in my personal day planner in red ink with big stars around the dates. So, the day before "the big game", a bunch of my happy, little cheerleader friends were talking in Anatomy class about how they were going to go our rival school to do some graffiti. The chicks who were explaining their plan to me said "I'm so excited" & giggled about 800 times during the explanation, so I knew it was going to turn out to be incredibly stupid, but well...let them have their fun. They're nice people. The day of "the big game", Joanie & I walked into school with a couple of my friends, & how the rest of the day was going to go was pretty evident right off the bat. A few seniors had come to the school the night before with chalk & had apparently written the dumbest stuff they could think of on the sidewalk leading from the student parking lot to the school. How would you feel if you were stepping on chalk phrases such as "Foot Friday Night", "Do it again!", & "Senior Night" while innocently attempting to make it inside? It's times like those that I'm just plain ashamed to be a part of my school. Don't get me wrong. I have school spirit when the occasion calls for it. I'm not one of those kids who just goes to school & does enough work to get by. I'm involved in every activity that I ever could be. So, let's just get that straight before I continue my rant. I just can't deal with the people who get too involved with their school spirit, however. There were girls walking around with their jeans painted with school spirit-y sayings, for God's sake. Scary. So, I was at the game. There were far too many people there screaming random school spirit-y things, but I dealt. It was senior night, which I'm sure is not just a lame thing my school does, but in case it is, let me explain. Not that there's much to explain. All the senior football players walk across the football field with their parents as our guidance counselor reads off random info about the players like their height, weight, # of years playing, favourite sex position (it's always doggie style, by the way), & teacher they'd most like to shag. It's a very informative waste of a good half hour, let me tell you. Well, I was on the opposite side of the field from where all the players were, so I couldn't see them clearly, but I wasn't the least bit interested in them anyway. I was mesmerized by a tall guy in khakis & what looked to be a navy blue sweater of some kind. I was wondering whose brother he was & hoping that I was friends with his brother so that I could hook myself up. The football players got done being paraded around, & the announcer started in on girls soccer players. I didn't realize that anyone other than the football players would be going, but well, girls soccer doesn't intrigue me all that much. I found the tall guy again & sat contentedly. Then, the boys soccer players were up next. I thought, "Oh, hey. Mike plays boys soccer." Then, I noticed that the woman standing with my blue-sweatered guy was Mike's mom. Then, I realized that the guy was Mike. Yikes. Ouch. My friend Josh leaned over & said, "Hey, that kid's in my art class. He's insane." I sighed & said, "I know. He's like my best friend." Then, my other friend Josh leaned over & said, "He's hot," & smiled. I swear, they're all out to get me. The game wasn't really that bad. It rained, but we won, so that made it a little better. I did, however, get this odd illness, so that sucks.
Bethany invited me to go the Ohio State football game with her the next day, so I went to spend the night with her after our high school game, since we would be waking up early the next morning. We went up to her dorm at OSU the next day. She's in the smart dorm, because, well, she's smart. It was still way early, so we just sat at her computer, watched Saturday morning cartoons, & tried to be quiet as to not wake up her roommate. When it was time to go, I went into the bathroom she shares with her 7 other suitemates to do my hair. In mid-scrunch, some random guy walked in. He had obviously just woken up, & he kind of ran blindly into me. He said sorry, introduced himself, & then proceeded to go to bathroom. It was odd. Not necessarily a bad odd, but odd all the same. During the game (where I was on the 45 yard line, I might add), I was amazed at the stupidity of the crowd. The referee made a rather bad call, & some random guy behind us yelled "Bullshit!" He yelled it again. Then, all of the sudden, our entire section was screaming, "Bullshit! Bullshit!" over & over. My eyes wide, my mouth hanging open, I looked around. Such a sad display. Anyone who has ever cussed at a sporting event should automatically be shot. Incredible. There was a also a guy who had on a shirt that said "Michigan sucks!" with a picture of a random Michigan cheerleader giving Brutus Buckeye a blow. It was cool. I mean, the guy put himself out of the running to be my husband just by wearing it, but still.
9/25/99: Here's a little story that I forgot to tell, & even though it's freaking old, I'm going to write it anyway, just because I can. So, ha. Two Saturdays ago, Joanie & I took a trip to Tim Horton's once again. It was Mike's last night working there, but I didn't know that at the time. (By the way, that last sentence has absolutely no importance to the rest of the story, but I sure made it sound like it did, didn't I? I think the "I didn't know that at the time" part is what did it.) I went to the Wendy's side of the place with hopes of ordering a broccoli & cheese baked potato, but as soon as Joanie & I were about to order, a girl came up to the front & told the cashier chick that they were out of potatoes. I swear, they must see me coming & throw away all the potatoes. There's no other explanation. Well, I saw Chris, a friend from school, flipping burgers in the back, so that made up for the lack of potatoes. Chris cracks me up. I've known him for about 7 years, & we've had a couple million superficial conversations, but I never really talked to him until this year. We were standing outside one day, & I said to him, "Does that car over there say 'Pimp-n Ain't EZ'?" He kind of smiled & said, "Yeah." I said, "That isn't your car, is it?", knowing very well that it was. Alas, he's trying to sell the car now, so he had to take the declaration of his stupidity off the back windshield. (Not that Chris is stupid. He just wants to make himself look that way, which seems to be the problem that all of the men I love have.) His best friend, Rob, still has the words "Rob's Toy" on his car, however, so at least I haven't lost that. He's one of those rather touchy-feely kind of guys, I've noticed. No, actually, he's not. Just with me & this one stupid chick that he's dating. She makes me so mad. I wish I thought Chris was with her because she's prettier than me or smarter than me or something, but she's not pretty, & she's certainly not smart, so I just really can't understand why he's with her & not me. Not that I really want him or anything. He drinks, & I can't even begin to get past that, but well...he has so many good qualities that it almost makes me forget about the drinking thing when I'm around him (which, by the way, is about 24 hours out of every day...not that I'm going to the bathroom with him or sleeping with him, which is exactly what that last sentence implied.) Anyway, I think the most redeeming thing about him is the fact that he touches me a lot. Wow, that sounds really sick. I don't mean it like that. I mean, he puts his arm around me & stuff like that a lot. I like that. I don't know very many guys who do that randomly, so Chris makes me happy. Plus, he gives the second-best backrubs in the entire world (Rob being the best...dang, that boy has strong hands.) Now that I've gotten completely off track - So, after Joanie got her food, I went over to Tim's to get some cream of broccoli soup. The chick who Mike was working with said that they were out of it & took down the little picture of a bowl of soup with the words "Cream of Broccoli" on it. No one wanted me to have broccoli, dang it. She replaced the sign with one that said "Minestrone", so I asked what that was. She started in on a Tim Horton's menu definition, but Mike stopped her, so I just ordered a bagel. There was this scary kid up by counter, & he intrigued me. While an old woman was ordering, he took a straw & attempted to steal the money out of the little "Help Kids Fight (insert random disease here)" box. The woman didn't think it was funny, but I laughed. I realized that the kid was the boyfriend of the chick who was working. He was so obviously either desperate for a woman or infatuated with her. Everywhere she went, he followed. It kind of made me feel sorry for him, but I also liked the fact that he was into her that much. When Mike came out to talk for a second, I told him that I thought the little juices in the juice display had Jell-o inside of them instead of juice. The kid must have overheard me, because he went up & shook them to see. I wanted to see for myself, so I got up & went to the display. I was saddened to learn that there were, in fact, filled with juice, but Mike pointed out that the sign on the display said, "Ask for a cold bottle today." He thought it was odd that they expected someone to ask for a cold bottle without the juice. I had to agree with him. After sitting there for about an hour, the kid came over & asked me a question. I had no idea what he asked. He asked it again. He wanted cigarettes from me. I hit him over the head with one of the juice bottles. I think that he felt like we had bonded after that, because he just started randomly talking to me. I mentioned the fact that I despise this girl named Angie (who I mentioned on 9/8/99). Mike asked why. I gave him no reasons but merely explained that I wanted her annihilated. I asked him if he would do it for me. He turned me down, citing the fact that he doesn't kill girls, but the scary kid's ears perked up. He said he would kill her. I offered him some money. He said he would do it for sure. I told him that I lived a half an hour away. He said he couldn't do it & actually looked like he was upset about it. Later, a girl from Wendy's was out cleaning tables, & the kid said he would pay me to kill her. I asked why, & he told me that she was, & I quote, "buggy". Yes, she was "buggy", all right, whatever that means. She came over to talk to him, & he hissed at her. You know, he looked like the hissing type, but you just never expect that from anyone, no matter how scary. After the girl left, Mike came out, looked at the kid's pants, & asked if I had ever seen such big pockets. They were big pockets, let me tell you. I asked him what he kept in there, & he explained that his weapons were in them. I mentioned that his machete would probably cut thru the bottom of the pocket, but he looked at me as if I was insane. I guess that's what I get for messing with the scary kid. After sitting there for a while more, Mike asked me if I wanted to come over later that night, & since Joanie didn't want to have to sit at Mike's house all night, we left. The scary kid was outside pretending to skateboard on an invisible board. We ran by him & headed toward home. When I came back to Mike's a couple of hours later, he was in the shower, so I sat & talked to his mom. I like his mom, but I get the feeling that she's a little wary of me. She talks with me about my dad's crops, which somehow always makes me want to laugh. That night, however, she wanted to discuss her Sunday School class, as well. She teaches kids, which surprises me, since she seems like the kid-hating type. I suppose that you have to make yourself like them after you have 3, though. Maybe I'm just reading her all wrong, though, because she seems nicer every time I talk to her. Mike came out, & we left for Kroger so he could buy some gummi worms, as weird as that is. His friend Charlie was working, so he came back to the candy section to talk. There are no scales in the Kroger candy department, so after Mike got what he wanted, Charlie offered to go the front to get the bag weighed. Mike explained that Charlie probably had no idea how to use the scales, but he would pretend that he did, just to help Mike out. I noticed as he was walking off that Charlie had no roses on his name tag. Roses are the little stickers given by customers to people who give them good service, so I left Mike & went to the service desk to give Charlie a rose. I had to fill out a little paper about why he deserved the rose, so I made up some crap about how he was "especially helpful in the candy section", & "if anyone knows their candy, it's Charlie." Mike & I went back to his house, where he promptly led me to the back porch. On the way, we passed by an open space that used to be the hallway behind his little sister's room. There used to be these two really creepy, old pictures of some random relatives on the wall of the hallway, & I always felt really claustrophobic back there, like the old people were closing in on me. Now, it's an open room, however, so I'm a happy girl. I danced around in the room a little while Mike went to look for chairs. He only found one, so he set that on the porch but told me not to sit on the porch since it was dirty. I decided to go out in the yard instead. Mike's back yard kind of scares me. I think it goes on for miles, & there's a large tree house-ish building back there. The only things that keeps me sane back there are his neighbor's little sidewalk lights. So, I ventured out into the yard to stare at the stars a little. It was a nice night. I pointed out Orion's Belt. Mike pointed out a different Orion's Belt. I pointed out a third. We realized that we knew nothing about stars. We went to the porch & sat down. We started talking about school. We both pretty much hate everyone at school, but the difference between us is that I try to pretend that I like people. I try to make myself like them so that they'll never know that I don't. Mike, on the other hand, just comes out & tells people that he thinks they're idiots. At least he doesn't lie to himself. Then, we talked about my mom. At that point, I still thought she was going to be OK for at least a few more years, so I pretty much felt like crying all of the time. I felt like crying a whole lot more that night. Mike asked me how I thought my dad would react when she died eventually, & I told him that he would probably pretend that everything was OK, just so Joanie & I could try to some sort of normal aspect in our lives. We're not a big expressing our feelings to one another sort of family, so I can completely see him reacting that way. Mike said possibly the sweetest thing I've ever heard from him in response, though. He said that if his wife ever dies, he hopes that he's so distraught that everyone knows. He said that he wants to love her so much that she's his everything. Now, tell me, how cool is that? Don't you just want to go out & marry him right now? I thought so. He's just so deep, & no one would ever know it. I've known him for maybe 10 years, & I had no idea that he thought about anything more than all the other guys I know until last year. Ha, I wonder what all the other guys I know would think if they knew the things Mike thinks about. Well, Heath is pretty deep, but I can't see him spending a lot of time worrying about whether everything around him is merely an illusion, if we don't really exist at all. I wish I could bring a tape recorder along with me to his house so I could remember the things he says, so you could know the things he says. I just hope no one else finds out how...I don't know...false his outward appearance is, because I don't want to have to compete with anyone else for back porch time in the near future (or ever, for that matter), you know. After a few hours, I had to leave, so we went inside. Mike showed me his plum pit collection before I left. Doesn't that make you wonder about him? The fact that he has a plum pit collection. I think he's going to grow a plum grove. I rearranged their spices after I looked at the pits. I think I'm definitely going to be one of those people who uses tons of spices when I get married & cook for someone. I like the thought of that. Cooking for someone. ( Take these plastic people. Read their lips. Now let it linger. Is there anything that makes them sound sincere? Tightly hold your hand. Take a deep breath. Give them the finger. Are you worried that your thoughts are not quite clear?)
9/18/99: So, I was thinking the other day about how odd it is that I test people. I'm a big people-tester. Testing people is my passion. Of course, you have no idea what I'm talking about, so let me explain a little. I like to know how much I can get away with before my friends get agitated by me, but more than that, I like to know how much people are willing to do to make me happy. I know that that's not necessarily a good thing, but it sure is fun for me. Take, for instance, Mike. I really don't know where I stand with him half of the time, so I have a bad habit of testing him. Here's a little example: Mike plays soccer. (As if you didn't know that by now.) The soccer players are supposed to wear their jerseys on the days they have games. Being the clever little thing that I am, I like to call those days "Soccer Jersey Days". In fact, Tracey & I have actually made a sick, twisted game out of Soccer Jersey Days. It goes a little like this:
* Katie & Tracey walk down a hall in their school, minding their own business & most likely singing some sort of Christmas song. Katie notices a little soccer boy complete with nice legs & jersey.*
It's sick. I realize that. Don't think I don't. Anyway, Mike never wears his jersey with the other boys. It makes me mad. So, the other day, I told him that I wanted him to start wearing his. Actually, I asked him if he was going to go with Katie & me to this dinner show called "Cabaret" that our school's choir does every year, & he flat out said "no". I wasn't surprised, since he's about the last person I would expect to go to that, but he has gone with me in the past, so...Well, I told him that all I ask for is a date to Cabaret & him wearing his soccer jersey on the specified days. He basically told me that that would never happen, but the next day, I passed him in the hall in the morning, & what was he wearing? Yeah, that's right. I know it's a little thing, but the little things matter most to me. I have tons of other examples, too. Like the fact that Mike switched his schedule around to be in my Physics class just so I would have someone to be my lab partner, because Katie's best friend is in that class, & I felt like a third wheel working with them. I test Tracey about 800 times a day, of course, but I know that she'll do anything for me being infatuated with me as she is. (Kidding, Tracey, kidding. Keep your pants on.) Of course, I don't want Tracey & Mike to know that I'm testing them, so this was probably all a mistake, & I will shut up now. (Being attractive is the most important thing there is. If you wanna catch the biggest fish in your pond, you have to be as attractive as possible. Make sure to keep your hair spotless and clean. Wash it at least every two weeks. Once every two weeks. And if you see Jonny football hero in the hall, tell him he played a great game. Tell him you like his article in the newspaper. I'm the party star. I'm popular. I've got my own car. I'm popular. I'll never get caught. I'm popular. I make football bets. I'm a teachers pet.)
9/8/99: So, school started up again. That always seems to happen too fast. On June 5th, I think, "Three whole months of sitting around & doing nothing." It's never nothing, though. This summer it was work. The money was nice, but I don't need money, so I should have just sat & home & not gotten any work experience. I checked my schedule about a week before school started, & it really sucked, so I switched everything around so I could have some classes with Tracey. I transferred myself into this odd Music Theory class where Tracey & I are the only students in the class. It's a cool class, but it'll also be the one where I'm least likely to sleep & get other homework done. Not that I've ever slept during a class. I'm such a good, little worker, aren't I? I've told everyone this in the past week or so, but I just really keep thinking about it non-stop, so I have to discuss it on here. Right before I go back to school, I always think that the new year is going to be different. I change every summer for one reason or another, & I always expect that everyone else has, too. This summer, my mom changed me. She's completely thrown my life into an upheaval, so I spent the entire three months coming to grips with the fact that a) she's not getting any better, b) she's most likely going to die much sooner than later if this f-ing chemo doesn't work out, c) I'm a senior & I'm actually going to start having to make some decisions, d) Mom's not going to be able to help me make those decisions, throwing the entire weight of that whole deal onto my dad's shoulders, & e) my life is only 99% perfect instead of the 100% it was about 5 months ago. That's a lot to deal with in the course of one summer, especially if you're a non-dealing person like me. I don't deal with problems. I ignore them. Ignoring isn't helping this one in the least. Surprise, surprise. Well, before school started, I told myself that I was going to like people this year. I really don't like people a whole lot. I like certain people a whole lot, but the others I just tolerate because I have to. It's much easier to pretend to like people than it is to try to avoid them because they know you hate them. Not that I really hate anyone. I despise exactly...umm...I think 3 people. Two of them are named Angie & Laura if that helps anyone out, & the third one, well, too many people who read this are friends with her, so I'd better not mention any names. Oh, wait. I despise 4 people. I forgot about Shannon, & I don't really care if anyone knows that I hate her, because well, if she knew, then I could just kill her & have it over with. Plus, I know several people who would most likely help me or pay me large sums of money to have me help them. I always feel like I have different goals than the people at my school. Like, I talk with them about clothes & shoes, because I really do want to talk with them about clothes & shoes, but then there are the times when I want to talk about future plans & whatnot, but I feel like most of the people I talk with will never actually achieve the things they have planned for themselves. Heck, I don't even know if I'll achieve what I have planned for myself. At least I know I won't be pregnant & married next year, forced to live in this town for the rest of my life, because I let myself be dragged down by one of the hundreds of sex-crazed, white trash males living in my community. I don't quite understand how the heck my area produces some of the most incredibly smart people (i.e. Bethany) one year, & some of the most incredibly ignorant people (i.e. Shannon, Laura, & Angie) the next. It's insane. Don't get me wrong. I would love to have my kids grow up in a small town where everyone's generally nice & whatnot, but I never want them to have to deal with the stupid people I do. Not that the world will ever be rid of stupid people...OK, let's move on to something more fun. Wait. On second thought, let's quit this for tonite & start anew tomorrow with happy things like Tim Horton's pants & soccer legs.
Katie: Guess what day it is.
Tracey: Friday?
Katie: Yeah, but what else?
Tracey: September 17th?
Katie: Yeah, but what else?
Tracey: Umm...the day that we're wearing our matching Hawaiian shirts?
Katie: Yeah, but what else?
Tracey: The day that you're finally going to ask Chris to marry you?
Katie: No. Guess again.
* This continues for 10 - 15 minutes. *
Tracey: Umm...the day we beat each other with sliced ham?
Katie: Yeah, but what else?
Tracey: Is it SOCCER JERSEY DAY!?
