Here it is. The entire month of October for the year 1999. Don't you just feel like a part of my life? Doesn't it make you all warm & fuzzy inside to know that I'm sharing a part of myself with you? I know it does. Read on, starting from the bottom.
October 24th, 1999: So, as I neared Tracey's house, I noticed a large white truck in her driveway. I said, "Oh, my Lord." Then, I saw a bright yellow Camaro. I said, "Oh, my Lord," once again. Then, a whole line of cars came into view, & I got a little giddy. I said, "Oh, my Lord" a couple hundred times. I pulled into Tracey's, & as I got out of the Blazer, I heard a bunch of people "shush"ing each other in her garage. I ignored it & started toward the back porch, where I saw Gladys running for the back door. She slammed the door in my face, so I rolled my eyes & stood, waiting for her to come back. She opened up the door again & told me to go to the garage, so I rounded the corner of the house as the garage door was raising. I smiled a whole bunch, hugged Tracey, looked at all the people, & then hugged them, too. Then, it was kind of like, "OK, what do we do?" Tracey led me to the snack table, just because having it there was probably the highlight of her evening. (I didn't mean that to sound quite as bad as it did, Tracey.) I took notice of the Chili Cheese Fritos, my favourite chip-like snack in the entire world, laughed at the fact that Gladys had lied to me about baking cookies for her son when they were really for my party, & danced around with Tracey. I rejoiced in the fact that I am now old enough to go to bars to see my favourite bands, & Mike promised to accompany me to shows. After we were all settled in, we broke into different groups. It's weird how that happens. I mean, all of the people there were bonded together by the fact that they're all friends with me, but everyone kind of fit into their own little niche group. Like, off in one corner, my friends in Band sat talking. Then, in the front, the kids who were wishing there was a keg at the party hung out. (I hate to categorize them that way, but that's basically the only way they were different from anyone else.) Then, you had Joanie & my friend Angela talking in between all the groups, because they didn't know where to go. There were Josh & Elise sitting together, because they were the only couple at the party, & right in the middle, there was a massive group of seniors. After a couple hundred years of sitting around, making fun of our English teacher, singing along with CD101, me taking a hundred phone calls from people wishing me a happy birthday, & Mike quizzing Bethany on geography, I opened my presents. I loved all the weird stuff I got - a Crayola Fun Center from Bethany, a diary in wrapping paper covered with semi-nude men from my exceptionally insane friend Josh, a lovely comic book box from Mike, etc. I never realized that my weirdness is a direct reflection of the people I hang out with. Philip, the most deranged guy anyone could ever hope to meet, got me this game called Mindtrap that asks all of these questions that no one would ever care about. Mike & Bethany went ga-ga (a word I hoped I would never use) over the game & separated themselves from the group to quiz each other once again. Everyone else was standing around talking & stuff, & then there were Bethany & Mike, sitting together. Possibly the weirdest couple I could ever imagine. Pretty soon, everyone was madly playing the game - except for the few of us who were far more interested in the can crusher hanging on the wall of Tracey's garage. After a while, the game lost its appeal & everyone started realizing how dumb they are, so Josh suggested a game of Euchre. Bethany, Josh, Tracey, & someone who I can't seem to remember gathered around the table while the rest of us looked on. I like Euchre & all, but I much preferred playing with Mike's hair. Then, I decided to go around & touch clavicles. (Doesn't that freak you out? Especially if you don't know what a clavicle is? They're the bones that lead from your neck to your shoulders, in case you were wondering.) I love clavicles. They're my favourite part of the male body, actually, which will either make you want to club me to death or make you want to show me yours. (Opt for the latter, please.) Mike has the best clavicles I've ever felt, which will definitely freak both you & him out, by the way. They're really defined. Enough about that, though. I played with Josh's hair a little just to make him stop making fun of me for always being all over Mike, but I returned to Mike once again, & we went to the corner to sit & talk. People kept leaving, & I kept having my pictures taken with them as they left until Tracey, Mike, Angela, & I were the only ones left. Mike finally got to the point where he was going to fall over & go into a coma if he didn't go home & sleep, so we were down to three. Angela tried to stick around long enough to make Tracey ask her to spend the night, but after we pretended to yawn for about 20 minutes, Angela took the hint & drove off into the night. (What's up with that last line? "Drove off into the night"? Ick.) So, Tracey & I were the only ones left. We discussed the events of the day, made fun of Gladys for a while, & drifted off to sleep. Have I ever mentioned that I have the best friends in the world? I do.
October 11th, 1999: So, the 9th was my 18th birthday. It's so very odd to be considered an adult when I feel just as immature as I did at 16 & 17. I mean, listen to this. Tracey invited me over to her house on Thursday night just to hang out & talk. We were lying on her bad, discussing random things, listening to the radio, when she decided to give me a birthday present early. This was no ordinary birthday present. It wasn't a card. It wasn't a large sum of money. Heck, it wasn't even a pirate playset. In fact, I'm sure none of you have ever received the same present. This gift was, after all, a dance. Not just any dance, though. A dance to the Nine Inch Nails song, Closer. A dance to Closer with only a lava lamp casting any light in the room. Tracey put in her old glow-in-the-dark retainer & danced around. It was so weird. & so funny. & if you're thinking that we're the dumbest people you've ever heard of, I wouldn't blame you.
On Saturday, the day of my actual birthday, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. to take a shower & get ready to take the SAT in a nearby town. It was raining & pretty miserable overall. I was feeling pretty good, though. Tracey & I planned on riding down together to take the test in the morning & having a David Bowie movie marathon that night in celebration. There's really nothing more a girl can ask for on her birthday than David Bowie & one of her best friends. The SAT was freaking hilarious. I love standardized tests, because I'm just so far from standard (& don't think that I'm full of myself, either). When Tracey & I walked in the testing room we were assigned to, the scary test moderator guy instructed one of us to sit at the front of the room & one in the back. I called him an idiot & stole his toupee. I mean, come on. Like it's even possible to cheat on the SAT. Nevertheless, we took our respective seats, & I pulled some paper out of my purse to write Tracey a note about how much I already hated the man. He started reading his little set of instructions a few minutes later, so I put my note away. I love those papers the moderators have to read. I hope that they all realize what dolts they sound like. I mean, when I heard the guy say, "You may use a calculator on the math sections, but it may not be used on any other section of the test," I nearly fell over in my seat. Come on. Has anyone ever actually thought, "Oh-ho. Look at me. I'm using my calculator on the English section!"? No. No one ever has. The tests were passed out, & we began. This really hot guy was sitting in the seat beside me. I kinda nodded at him when he looked over, but I had seen him smoking earlier, so I tried to forget that I he was there & concentrated on the task at hand. Standardized tests bore me so. I hope everyone gets perfects. Like, here's an actual test question on one of the math sections: If x + 2/x = 5 + 2/5, what does x equal?
It's multiple choice, for God's sake! I can't believe the low standards test writers have for kids. Dang. I got kind of sick of the whole test, so I decided to test the moderator guy. As he walked by my desk & glanced down at my paper to check & see that I was on the correct English portion of the test, I very deliberately reached over & pushed the "ON" button of my calculator while he was paused beside me. Then, I just pushed a few numbers for show. I wanted him to say something so badly. I wanted nothing more than to get thrown out of the SAT testing room for using my calculator on a section of the test other than math. Alas, I didn't, but I think I scared the guy. So, we finished & went outside to wait for Gladys to pick us up, where we met a girl wearing red pants. I'm not sure why I just told you that since we only talked to the girl in the red pants for a few minutes, but she left me with a really good impression. Hooray for red pants, then, eh? Gladys came & took us to Long John Silver's for a bit of lunch. Eating out kind of depresses me now that I'm a vegetarian, because there's never anything for me to eat. It's not that I wanted to eat the fish or the chicken, but hush puppies just don't cut it as a meal. One of the guys working there was totally staring at Tracey the entire time we were ordering. She never even noticed. I wanted to laugh at his obviousness, but I guess he wasn't all that obvious, because she had no idea that he had been ogling her for 5 minutes. I think I have ogling radar. I can always feel it when I'm being watched. People think that I don't realize it when they pass me in the halls & whatnot if I don't acknowledge them, but the truth is that I see everyone who so much as glances at me. Kinda scary. Especially since I'm more likely to ignore the people who I want, which makes me so very hard to understand. & that's the way I like it. Once we got back to Tracey's house, we sat around & did our usual weird lying on her bed & singing stuff for a while. Sam called & asked what I was planning on doing for my birthday. I told her about our movie marathon, & she said that it sounded like I was pretty much going to have the same unexciting 18th birthday that she did. I didn't mind, of course. Gladys said that Tracey had to help her clean the basement for an hour or so later that day, & Tracey needed to get a shower in before our little movie marathon. I told her that I would go home while she did that stuff, so I could dance around in my room, saying, "Loo, loo, loo, loo," over & over at 2:29, my exact birth time. She wanted to be there with me during that time, so I sat in Tracey's room while she was bathing. I put it some Queen & sang along to Under Pressure about 8 times until Tracey came back. At 2:27, Tracey put in the Labyrinth soundtrack & turned on Magic Dance so we could be listening to something fun during my "special minute". As the last digit on the clock turned from 8 to 9, we jumped off her bed & danced around, saying, "Loo, loo, loo, loo," just as I had wanted. After about 30 seconds, we were looking at each other like, "Umm...OK. Whoo. Why are we doing this?", but we finished out the minute. It was a lovely way to spend a birth minute. Tracey, David Bowie, & some "loo"s. Tracey was just about dying to give me my birthday present, so I opened it early. I've been complaining about the fact that my Blazer doesn't have a visor mirror on the driver's side for an entire year now, so she bought me one to make me happy. She also ended up getting me an anniversary copy of my second-favourite childhood movie, Return to Oz. I swear, I couldn't believe that she found a copy of it. Such an amazing birthday present. We went out to hang my new visor mirror up, & then I left for home. Tracey said she would call as soon as the basement was clean. I came home & opened some presents with my family, read some comic books, & talked to Richard for a while. Dad had to leave to do some work, but Joanie was home, so I knew she could watch Mom if Tracey called while Dad was gone. Then, Bethany called. She asked if she could spend the night at my house that night. I told she was welcome to but that I probably wouldn't be home. She asked why not, & I told her about my plans with Tracey. She said, "Oh, well, tonite probably wouldn't be a good night to ask you to a movie, then, would it?" I regretfully said no, so she asked to talk to Joanie. Pretty soon, Jo was getting ready to go to the movies with Bethany, so I was feeling kind of left out. I sat in my kitchen, thinking about the fact that I was quite alone. I realized that Mike hadn't called me at all. That made me feel worse. Then, I realized that Heath hadn't called, either. Then, I realized that none of my friends had called. I was a bit distraught, to say the least. I started thinking how weird it was that no one had called, especially Mike. Then, it hit me. I thought that Tracey had probably invited him & Heath over to her house as a surprise for me. I was happy. I danced around my kitchen, saying, "Loo, loo, loo, loo," (but not really.) Tracey called & said that she was free to have me down then, but I realized that I couldn't go until Dad came home. I got very anxious. I unrolled & rerolled my too-long jeans a couple hundred times. I scrunched my hair 8 million times. Finally, Dad came home, & I left. I was to the point that I was going to be disappointed if Heath & Mike weren't at Tracey's. I tried to put that out of my mind as I drove the mile to Tracey's...
To Be Continued...Oh, the suspense...
