Here it is. The entire month of August for the year 1999. Don't you just feel like a part of my life? Doesn't it make you all warm & fuzzy inside to know that I'm sharing a part of myself with you? I know it does. Read on.

8/26/99: Well, I found myself at Jonathan's house again on Monday night. I got home from golf practice looking like a hurricane had hit me, but I remedied that & called Mike. A bridge was out on his road, so he had to give me alternate directions to his house. That freaked me out. He assured me that I would get there just fine, but I had to call him a couple of times just to make sure that I knew where I was going. (Driving to new places freaks me out, in case you haven't noticed.) Mike wanted to spend the night at Jonathan's, so he asked me if I could find my way back home if we drove separately. It was basically a pointless question, because Mike knows all about my fabulous ability to get lost. He promised to bring me back to a point where I knew where I was, so we left in our respective vehicles. When we got to Jonathan's house, I attempted to park, but being possibly the worst park-er there is, I got out & let Mike finish the job for me. At least he's willing to take care of me, although he was probably muttering unflattering things about me under his breath the whole time he was doing it. He sent me into Jonathan's house while he got his stuff out of his car. Jon's dad was sitting at their table, writing some notes for his history class since school started yesterday for them. He said "hello" & sent me over to the couch to relax. Mike came in, asked for food, & led me upstairs to Jonathan. Jon was on the phone with someone, so we just kind of stood around until he was done. When he got off, he & Mike started talking about comic books & whatnot, so I just sat down & twiddled my thumbs. Mike went downstairs for something, so Jonathan & I sat & talked about random computer things for a while. He showed me what the new PC CDs look like, & he played a bit of a Chemical Brothers song, just to show that he has decent taste in music. He said that he didn't listen to the song much "because of this part", & when the vocalist started to cuss, he turned the sound down, as if to protect me. I thought it was cute & very Jonathan-ish. I think that he thinks that I know way more about computers than I do, because he's always asking me questions about things I don't think I could ever understand. He does it in such a nice way, though, that I don't feel stupid when I have to tell him that I have no idea what he's talking about. Mike & Jon's friend, David, came over after a while to play Risk with us, so I went downstairs to wait on them while Jon & David traded comics. I have no idea where Mike was during all of this, but Jonathan mentioned something about Playboys, I believe. I sat down on the couch once again & talked to Jon's mom about life & Law & Order. It amazes me what people talk about when they know nothing about each other. It made me feel bad that she & Jon's dad kept calling me "Katie", too, because I had no idea what their names were. In fact, I still don't know his mom's name. We sat down to play some Risk, & Mike gave me the pink players, citing the fact that he's a sexist pig. (Well, maybe he didn't use those exact words.) I didn't remember how to play the game at all, & I think that was pretty obvious to David. He said, "You're new at this, aren't you? Yes! I'm not going to lose!" Have I mentioned that I loved him? He looked exactly like this guy I used to have a thing with, so I kept having to watch him, just to make sure that he really wasn't the guy. I love to watch people. I should have sat on the other side of the table so I could watch Jonathan, but he's a very inviting person, so I ended up sitting by him, just like last time. Dang, those eyelashes get to me. In the middle of the game, I wanted to attack Jonathan's dad, but he was typing up his notes at the computer, so I said, "Ron, I'm attacking you." Jonathan said, "What did you call him?" I said, "Umm...Ron." His name isn't Ron, however. It's Roland. How was I to know? It's not my fault that everyone says his name so fast that it sounds like "Ron". Jon told me that there are exactly two people who call him "Ron", so congratulations to me, eh? When I looked over at Jonathan in disbelief about his dad's name, though, my face was approximately two inches away from his, & I was like, dang. Good eyelashes, that boy has. Jon, Mike, & David kept cracking me up with their reciting of MadTV sketches. The only one I can think of involved glistening, naked boys running through the forest or something. Of course, I may have just made that up in my mind, because it sounds so darn appealing to me. Of course, I could have been thinking of Mike, Jon, & David running naked through the forest, which is oddly much more appealing. Wow, I hope they never read this. Unless, of course, they're in the mood to fulfill a young girl's fantasies. (Which they always should be, by the way.) Whew, moving on. I love how the three guys are such clones of each other. Like, they're all down there reading comic books during our game, & they're all eating their chips & salsa, & they're all talking about their latest drawings. David brought out one that he said had drawn during soccer practice, so my ears immediately perked up, obviously. It turns out that Jonathan played soccer at one time, & Mike & David still do. I swear, I'm going to marry all three of them. At some point after that, we started talking about soccer, & Mike mentioned the fact that I hadn't been to any of his soccer-related stuff all year. "I just don't know what I'm allowed to come to, though," I told him. You know, he's only had like two scrimmages, & I really just think it says bad things about my life in general if I show up at scrimmages, no matter how badly I want to see the soccer teams in their little uniforms. So, I told him that I'm coming to every single home game he has. He didn't believe, however, since my life is complete chaos during the school year, but I made a promise. It looks like I'll be breaking it, however, since I have random practices on tons of game days. I suppose I'll have to just haul my butt to some away games to make it up, darn it. At least Joanie wants soccer men as badly as I do, so I'll have no problem finding someone to go to the games with. The first time that I let Jonathan know that everything he did would be recorded on this page was when he was talking about a comic with David. They were discussing a character named "Calibretto", & Jonathan called him "Bretto", just like the chick in the book does. David got all defensive & said that only Calibretto's friends could call him "Bretto". Jonathan said, "Bretto is my friend." I only caught the end of the conversation, but I had to laugh. This boy considers a comic book character his friend. Mike, if you happen to think that Black Bolt is your best friend, please don't tell me. I would rather not know. I love Jonathan's trying to fit in. I mean, I guess we're all like that, but I always notice it with Jon & music. Mike started singing XTC's Making Plans for Nigel, & I told him that I had just been listening to it earlier in the day. Jonathan got all like, "Dang it, I wish I knew who the heck that was." You could just tell. I felt bad. On a different note, a few days ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, & my face hurt like HELL. I didn't know why. I went back to sleep. I woke up the next morning, imagining that it had just been a dream until I went downstairs & looked in the mirror. I had scratched myself with my fingernails in the middle of the night. I had scratched myself with my own nails. That's sick. You know things are bad when you're into self-mutilation. Mike noticed my nasty scratch & asked about it. I explained, & then told them how my lovely friend Josh thinks it really happened. He said it's AIDS. He's been telling everyone that I have a cat with AIDS, in fact. Not just any AIDS, though. Homosexual AIDS. He says that he has a male cat with AIDS, & I have a she-male cat. Well, supposedly, my cat used its male part & got together with Josh's AIDS-infected cat, whereupon my cat contracted homosexual AIDS. Then, my cat ended up scratching me during the middle of the night, infecting me with AIDS. Not just any AIDS, though. Homosexual AIDS. The story made them laugh, but I'm not sure that Jonathan & David got that it was a joke. I don't even have a cat, actually, but it's really just a good story. Mike kept taking away impression privileges & joke privileges from everyone, as Jon & David were really doing the stupidest things. I didn't mind, though. I much prefer stupid, weird boys over self-assured, normal boys any day. Speaking of being stupid, I have no idea how the heck it happened, but Jonathan launched into the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song during our game. Mike joined in, citing the fact that no one doesn't know the song. David said that he didn't, because he had never seen the show. I called him a liar, so he admitted to watching it at least once. I ended up getting third place or something in the game, as Mike was knocked out early on, & Roland just lost interest after a while, since we were basically just sitting around talking instead of actually playing. Jonathan walked us out to our cars, & he asked me if I think Mike's more feminine than I am, since he drives a Tempo, & I have a Blazer. I hadn't really thought about that. Mike's car drives like a...car, however, & mine drives like a truck, so I think his might be more comfortable. It's nice driving a large vehicle, though, so I can crash into certain things such as, oh, let's say Bethany's car on Sunday night or Jeremy's mailbox on Tuesday afternoon without leaving a scratch on my car. (Did you know that mailbox-hitting is a felony? Geez. I did it in right in front of a cop, too.) Not that I did those things, because only stupid people have accidents, & I won't let myself be a stupid person. So, Mike decided just to go home instead of spending the night, because he was only going to be about 5 minutes away from his house. I could tell that he wanted to beat me for not knowing how to get back home, but hey, it's not my fault. As we drove home, CD101 played the most fabulous songs. They actually played my favourite Dave Matthews Band song, Crush, & the new Live song, The Dolphin's Cry right in a row. I want my husband to sing that song to me every day. What fabulous lyrics. What a fabulous station. Mike had offered me some porch time at his house earlier, but we got back really late, so I just went to his room to hang out for a few minutes. He talked about how he had gone shopping for school clothes, so he opened up his closet & pulled out his favourite new shirt. It was black & stretchy, & he put in it on in front of his mirror & stared at himself. It cracked me up. I told him that I could imagine him doing that every day. It was a good shirt. It fit like all shirts should. Just for future reference, TIGHT SHIRT + SOCCER PLAYER BODY = GOOD. Bet you would have never figured that out on your own. After he was done admiring himself, Mike got out the thing he made in the art class that he's taking. When he first took it out of the bag that it was in, I was like, "Oh, wow. A big glob of brown clay." It was no glob, however. It was an elephant pitcher. Oh, that doesn't make it sound like anything special, does it? "An elephant pitcher." I would call it exquisite, but that wouldn't do it justice. I loved the ears on it. They had little Mike fingerprints all over them. I asked him if he's ever had the urge to break them off, but obviously, he never has, judging my his reaction to my question. Dang it, he's going to sell it to Charlie for $5 to give to his girlfriend, too. I think Mike should keep it for himself & use it to pick up chicks. Then again, I could be the only chick who's turned on by pottery. Ha, that's so very dumb but so very true. Then, it was over. I went home to get some sleep & possibly do a little more accidental self-mutilation. Hooray for self-mutilation!

8/24/99: I had to drop my sister off at a friend's house near Mike's Tim Horton's on Saturday night, so I decided to drop by & smuggle myself some free iced cappuccino to the nearest booth. As I pulled in, CD101 was playing the Screaming Trees' "All I Know", I was forced to sit in my Blazer & sing along to that until it was done. When I got out, there was a figure standing in the drive-thru window, but its head was blocked by a piece of metal, so I could only see the person's body. I wasn't sure if it was Mike or not, & I wasn't about to make a fool out of myself by walking up there only to find some random stranger, so I kind of just waited for the person to say something. It was Mike, of course, as he would be the only one to ever greet someone at the drive-thru window. I walked inside, & as far as I know, he actually didn't give me one of his "What are you doing here, you obsessive freak?" looks. His little manager person was trying to pick up some white trash-looking chicks, so Mike let me have some cappuccino, & I was off to my own, little booth. It was kind of weird, because Joanie wasn't there to entertain me. I was forced to sit in silence & stare at the iced cappuccino promo signs. They kind of annoy me, just because they're so poorly made & really make no sense, but it was either stare at them or the large picture of Dave Thomas, so I naturally chose the signs. A guy named Dan was working with Mike, & I swear he looked like Renato, the Chilean exchange student that I planned on marrying a few months ago. Same hair & everything. He intrigued me. I couldn't watch him, however, because my booth was situated right next to some sort of wall that blocked my view. Mike came out to sit & talk for a minute, but some old woman & her daughter came in, so he had to leave & take their order. I was just sitting, thinking, when the women sat down in the booth diagonal from me. Every time I happened to look over in their direction, I noticed that the old woman was watching me. It freaked me out. I liked watching Mike & Dan at the drive-thru window. I wish Subway had a drive-thru. Wait. No, I don't. I despise drive-thrus. Workers just look cute when they appear to be talking to themselves, though. Finally, Mike had a chance to come out & sit, & when he did, the woman look relieved. I don't know what about me had her worried, but I think she was glad to know that I had a friend. Dan started talking to Mike when he sat down thru their little headset things. He actually asked something about me, so that's cool. Subway could never get those things, because we talk about the customers behind their backs as it is, & the headsets would just make it far too easy on us. I told Mike a story about the girls at our school who are in love with them. There's this chick named Jessica who's friends with Joanie, & she used to tell Joanie stories about "Cappuccino Boy". Finally, Joanie asked who he was, & it ended up being Mike. She called him that, because she thought "he looked like the kind of guy who would drink cappuccino". Isn't that fabulous? She didn't even know that he worked at Tim Horton's, so now Jessica's even more sure that the name is unbelievably fitting for him. Mike had to go back to work, so I was alone once again. An old guy sat down in the booth next to me, & I occupied myself with looking at the tile on the wall. I really hate that tile. It's in really ugly colours, & the pattern's all messed up. I'm sure that I'm the only one who would ever notice the messy pattern, but I was bored, so I sat analyzing it. I started with a cream tile & counted to the next one. I was actually saying, "One, two, three, boom. One, two, three, boom," in my head as I looked at them. Then, the pattern started getting out of whack, so I made myself stop looking at it. It was freezing in there. The old man started talking to himself. At first, I thought he must be talking to someone on a cell phone. I sneaked a peek at him. He had no phone. He was just plain talking to himself. He kept saying stuff like, "It's OK. Just keep smiling, & no one will notice. Keep your head up. It's all going to be OK." I went to get myself a baked potato from the Wendy's part of the restaurant to avoid having to listen to him. There was a relatively small line, but it was moving unbelievably slow. I put my hands in my pocket & sang Echo & the Bunnymen's People are Strange in my head. When it was finally my turn in line, I was scared to realize that the girl waiting on me was wearing a shirt that said "Bengal Tiger" & had a huge picture of a tiger on it instead of the usual Wendy's uniform. Here's a little run-down of our conversation:

Katie: I'd like a chive potato, no sour cream.
Bengal Tiger Chick: We're all out.
Katie: All out of potatoes?
Bengal Tiger Chick: Yep.
Katie: You can't just run out of potatoes. What is that?
Bengal Tiger Chick: Sorry.
Katie: OK, then. I'll take a Garden Ranch Chicken Pita with no chicken.
Bengal Tiger Chick: Huh?
Katie: I want it without the chicken.
* Bengal Tiger Chick gives Katie a blank stare *
Katie: No chicken, please.
Bengal Tiger Chick: Do you want the vegetable one or the Greek one?
Katie: No, thanks.
Bengal Tiger Chick: Umm...we can't do that.
Katie: OK, then, I'd like the Garden Veggie without any tomatoes.
Bengal Tiger Chick: It has tomatoes on it.
Katie: Yes, I realize that. I don't want any tomatoes, though.
Bengal Tiger Chick: Hey, Crystal, can you tell her the difference between the Greek & the Veggie?
* Crystal goes into extremely drawn-out explanation of pita differences *
Katie: Thanks. Can I have them without tomatoes?
Crystal: No. It's in the relish mix.
Katie: Umm...OK.
Crystal: I can leave the relish off for you.
Katie: Oh, no, that's OK. Thanks anyway. I'll just have a medium Sprite instead.
Bengal Tiger Chick: Oh, sorry. We're all out.
* Katie emits small scream & bids the Wendy's worker a good day as she returns to her lonely booth *

Hooray for Wendy's! No wonder I hate Dave Thomas. It was too cold for me, so I went to say good-bye to Mike. He told me that Jonathan was playing Risk or Monopoly the next night, so I told him to call me with the details. I was on the phone early Sunday night with Katie for years, & Bethany came over, wanting to take me to a movie, but I told her that I couldn't. I called Mike. He wasn't home. I talked to his answering machine. Bethany stayed, & we exchanged Subway stories. Bethany called Mike about 800 times for me. He wasn't home. I called hours later & talked to Mike's mom. She said that he had been home, but now he was gone, & she didn't know where. She thinks that I'm his stalker. She's right. (Cue evil laughter.) I was mad. No, I wasn't mad. I was disappointed. Disappointed in Mike for not being there, & disappointed in myself for allowing me to tell Bethany "no" when she was the one who came to my house & waited for me while I attempted to blow her off & go out with Mike. Bethany & I went to see Bowfinger. I took her to my favourite theatre. The place hides their screens with big, red curtains that open up as the movie starts. Bethany walked into the theatre first & about died laughing. She thought that I had led her to some empty room, since there was no screen. I had to lead her into the hallway until she calmed down. When we came back in, people looked at us. Bethany laughed some more. A guy down the row from us gave me a look when we sat down. He was with a chick. I laughed at him. The movie was pretty wretched. Funny in parts, but not funny enough to make me recommend that anyone ever see it. I wanted to shoot Heather Graham. Poor, misguided, little whore. Her butt-shaking actually made me laugh out loud, though, so maybe that's what she was going for. Her fake accent was really annoying, too. I was still disappointed the next day. Mike called & explained that he had tried to call 800 times, but my phone was busy. I was OK. He asked me to Jonathan's the next night. Bethany, being the fabulous chick that she is, took my work hours for me so I could go over there. (E-mail her at [email protected], & give her big, old, sloppy kisses from me.) The story will continue tomorrow. I'm dang tired right now, kids.

8/23/99: Well, it's time that I say something nice about Mike, I suppose. He came to see me at work on Saturday, the 7th, after all. Amazing, isn't it? We were having an incredibly slow day for some reason, so I was basically just sitting around talking to my co-workers, Nicole & Leia, about their almost-non-existent sex lives. (Nicole's been getting a lot lately, though, just so you know. I know you were wondering.) I was actually wearing my hat for once, & I had on the purple Subway shirt, my favourite, so I was feeling pretty good. Well, a customer came in, so I went out & started to wait on her. She was a nasty, old lady, & I could tell that there was something about me that she didn't like. I usually think that adults hate me when I'm wearing my scary Limp Bizkit shirts & whatnot, but you just can't hate a girl in a cute, little Subway shirt. So, I was in the process of trying to impress the woman with my bright, cheery smile & mad sub-making skills when Mike came in, apparently. I didn't hear the ding of the bell when he opened the door, but Nicole came over to wait on someone, so I knew that a customer had come in. I heard the person order a turkey sub, & I looked up. I didn't recognize his voice or anything, but when I lifted my head, I realized that it was Mike, so I kind of screamed his name & then tried to act as if I was still paying attention to the old woman as she told me what vegetables she wanted. I rang Mike up & then told him that I was coming out to see him. When I went in the back, Nicole gave me a really questioning look like, "Who is that blueberry stud muffin who came in to see you at work?", but I just smiled & walked out front. (By the way, I have never said "blueberry stud muffin" in my entire life, & I can't imagine Nicole or anyone else saying it, but it just came out. It's not my fault.) I love the way conversations start out. Like, I hadn't seen the boy in years, so we should have had lots to talk about, but we just kind of said "hey" & stared at the wall. Then, one of us mentioned the fact that we had been to the comic book that day, & after that, we had no problem talking. That always happens with me. If I can find one decent topic, everything falls into place. I really don't remember what we talked about for the most part. I need one of those little tape recorders that I can just stick in my pocket & record my entire life. You know I would, too, because I'm just that sick. Mike said that Joe's comic shop is the second best one out of the four that he's ever been to. I didn't believe that there are actually 4 comic book shops anywhere near him, so he started to name them off. When he talked about Joe's place, he called it "our shop". I loved that. It's sick the things that make me happy, but they do. I remember discussing Heath. I don't know why Heath always comes up in our conversations. Mike's name seems to constantly pop up when I talk to Heath, though, so I guess I'm just like that. I hope they sit around & talk about me, too. (That wasn't a joke, by the way. If you two don't sit around & talk about me, you should definitely start right now.) Anyway, Heath had been to see "The Blair Witch Project" & said it was a load of crap, but we both still wanted to see it. I was leaving for a week, though, so we couldn't see it anytime soon. I just knew Mike was going to see it while I was away despite my warnings that I would beat him if he did, but he actually hasn't seen it yet. Mike had been on vacation at the ocean the previous week, so he was tan. I'm talking tan. I love tan. I'm usually not tan for the sole reason that I refuse to pay for it, & I don't have enough time to be outside constantly. Tan is good, though. Not fake tan but real tan. When I was getting Mike a cookie or something, he leaned over the counter to talk to me, & I noticed the cutest thing. He had these little white lines in the midst of an extremely tan forehead where he had been squinting in the sun all day. I loved them so much. (Man, I really am sick.) Every time a customer came in & I would have to go back to wait on them, I could see Mike sitting at the table in front of the counter, watching me & making faces. I was trying to ignore him, but it was virtually impossible. I bet all the customers wondered why the heck I was laughing the whole time. Later, a couple of guys came in, & one of them ordered a steak & cheese. I started warming up the steak for his sub, & he asked his friends why they weren't getting anything. They told him that they were heading to Ponderosa, & he asked them what he was supposed to do with his sub while they were in there. Mike said, "Bring it into Ponderosa." The guy just looked at him. Mike said, "Raise your hand if you would ever bring a sub into Ponderosa." I raised my hand, of course. Mike looked at Nicole, & she said, "Sure. Why not?" So, he looked to Leia for a little support, & she went, "Huh?", so he said, "She would never bring a sub into Ponderosa." The conversation was obviously freaking the guy out, so he just asked to cancel his order & ran out the door. Mike was very impressed with his little show, but I had a microwave full of steak, & I wasn't happy. No, actually, I was very happy. It was a good day. I just wish I could remember more of it, darn it. Oh, well. Just remembering the happy, little tan lines was good enough for me.

Brandy hates me even more. I don't know what to do about it. I think she must have complained about working with me, because we're never scheduled together anymore. Well, I wanted to go to the Sugar Ray, Goo Goo Dolls, Frogpond show on Tuesday, but I was supposed to work, so I traded with Bethany. That meant I had to work with Brandy, but I was willing to endure that 6 hours of Brandy-induced HELL for John Rzeznik & Mark McGrath (quit making that face, Mike). When I got to work, Bethany asked me if I had known that I was going to be working with Brandy. I just smiled. First, Tracey & her brother came in, so I made Brandy step aside so I could wait on them. They stayed for a possible total of 10 minutes, but I could tell that she was mad. Then, Heath, came in after he saw the Blazer outside. He had blonde highlights. I hate the fact that every single guy at my school has some form of blonde hair. I liked Heath's hair, however. He invited me to a concert with two of my lovers, Brad & Chris. It's a good situation. However, Mike is going to be unable to attend, so I may have to force myself on Brad for the night. Dang, I like the thought of that. Dang, I hope Brad never comes to this page. Brad thinks I'm weird, you see. He's a little bit too much of a nice boy for me, I think. He listens to Christian music & won't have sex until he's 80. I love nice guys. I want a completely wholesome guy that I can corrupt. Brad won't let himself be corrupted, however, dang it. He has to want it, you know. To want it! Haha, I'm such a freak. Let's move on. So, Brandy was mad that I had a relatively (read: very) attractive friend came in to see me, while she was left actually wearing her hat & doing real work. Then, later on, a guy that I met at a party a while back came in with his brother, so we started talking. He's the only reason that I don't mind working at Subway. Brandy gave me dirty looks. I kicked her. Finally, Angela, one of the people who I hang out with the most & talk about the least on here, came in & got some food. I went out in the Lobby to talk to her, & since it was almost closing time, I started doing my random closing time jobs. Angela followed me around while I cleaned tables & whatnot, & even though she stayed past closing, I didn't think it was a big deal. Well, obviously, it was. Brandy kept slamming doors & cussing at me. She was cussing at me. Have I mentioned that she was cussing at me? No. Wait. She wasn't even cussing at me. She was cussing about me as she washing dishes. That's good. That's real good. OK, this just in: Bethany & Amber asked Brandy why she hates me. She said, & I quote, "Because she put in a CD." That is her entire reason for despising my very existence. Because I put in a CD. I wish I could slap her with some week-old cod. (Haha. Cod.) She even told my manager that. She told the manager that I put in a CD. If I've ever hated someone, it's Brandy. More reasons to hate her? She wasn't accepted to Ohio State. No one isn't accepted to Ohio State. Anyway, Bethany happens to be going there. In fact, Bethany has a full ride scholarship that will pay for her tuition, books, housing, & spending money. Dang. Brandy, however, is an idiot. She got a 12 on her ACT. Bethany just said, "Don't you get a 12 for writing your name?" Hmm...that's something to ponder. So, Brandy was asking Amber where she wanted to go to college, & Amber was trying to decide between OU Chillicothe or Columbus State. Bethany casually mentioned that Amber should consider Ohio State. Brandy said, & I quote, "I was going to go to Ohio State, but I'm going to Columbus State...because it's better." Odd, isn't it? Not going, because Columbus State's a better school? Hmm...

Can I say one thing? Hooray for Boobies! That's the name of the new Bloodhound Gang album. How great is that? First, they go & write a song about blazing roofs, then they name their album after a very interesting part of the female anatomy. Hooray for Boobies! ( I've waited hours for this. I've made myself so sick. I wish I'd stayed asleep today. I never thought this day would end. I never thought tonight could ever be this close to me.)

8/2/99: Dang, how long has it been? A while. Work has been interesting. I have stories about it. I was supposed to work with the chick who hates me, Brandy, the other night. I didn't want to, for obvious reasons like the fact that she hates me. I sure wish I knew why she hates me. It's not that I mind that she hates me, it's just that I need to know what I do that's so despicable so that I can do it more. She got in a car wreck the other day. I would never wish a car wreck on an enemy, but if someone were to deserve to have a wreck, it would be her. So, I got to work early the other night. I had brought one of my Beatles 2 CD sets along with me so that I could avoid having to listen to her country stations all night. I asked the girls whose shifts were about to end if they minded if I put the first disc in the CD player. They didn't. I put it in. Brandy & I worked through it, me singing along while she gave me dirty looks, obviously jealous of the fact that I can sing & she can't. After the first disc finished, I popped the second one in. We started listening to it. Some of our customers sang along to it as they waited for their subs to get made. I talked to them about my Beatles obsession while Brandy gave me dirty looks, obviously jealous that I actually listen to music that other people enjoy. I left the back room to get myself a drink. When I came back, I found Brandy taking advantage of the small empty space right before The Ballad of John & Yoko. She knew that she could pretend that she thought the CD was over. She looked right at me, squinted up her eyes, & pushed the little button over from "CD" to "Radio" right as I took a sip of my tea. My jaw dropped. Tea spilled down the front of my shirt (but not really..I'm just trying to sound dramatic here). A tiny, evil smile crept up on her disgusting face, & she walked away. I stood there, not knowing what to do. I just decided to get even, fully aware that I was in a situation where the old rule of "forgive & forget" would apply nicely. I wasn't willing to forget, & I was in no mood to forgive. I went back to do the dishes. A load of customers came in. She called for me to come & help her. I laughed & turned up the radio. She called for me again. I ignored her. She came back & asked me to come out & help her. I couldn't deal with it. I'm just too nice (despite what you may think after reading other stories). I had to go & help her. After an hour or so, I got sick of country, but I hadn't been wearing my hat all night, & I knew that if I pissed off Brandy, she would go & tell the owners. She's so like that, the whore. So, I just decided to take out my CD & forget about the whole affair. Brandy was waiting on a customer, so I saw my opportunity. I clicked the button from "Radio" to "CD" with absolutely no intention of ever pressing "Play". Brandy heard the click, heard the country music fade away. I saw her massive head raise up out of the corner of my eye. I turned to look at her. Her bulgy eyes left the sub she was making & met mine. They burned right into me, but I just raised my eyebrows & gave her a little "hahaha" smile. The man she was waiting on just looked at her impatiently, but she wasn't about to move. She stood there & glared at me as I deliberately pressed the "Open" button, slowly slid my finger into the hole in the middle of the CD (whoa, talk about sexual innuendo), & carefully placed it in the case. I then looked back at her & smiled once again as I clicked the button from "CD" to "Radio" once again. As soon as Garth's voice could be heard, she happily went back to her sub-making. Oh, the insanity.

Yesterday was unbelievably hectic. No one comes in on Sunday. Ever. Amber & I did 58 subs yesterday from noon until 1. 58 subs in one hour. That's insane. That's usually how many we do all day on Sunday. Well, Amber was supposed to make a couple of party platters by 3:00, & she didn't get started until 2:15, so I was left fending for myself with all the customers. I had a line clear out the front door & for every customer that I served, three more came in to replace him. A man came in & order 13 subs around 2:30, so that held up the line for about 15 minutes. I spent the entire day apologizing to people for making them wait so long. It really wasn't my fault, though. One woman brought her two screaming kids to get food, & she was just unbelievably rude. I almost felt sorry for her, having to deal with those brats & all, but when she said, "Quiet. You'll get your food if we EVER GET SOME SERVICE HERE," I had no sympathy for her. One of the owners came in amidst the chaos, so Amber & I had to run to the back to put on our hats. (I have no respect for Subway rules, as I'm sure you can tell.) There were vegetables everywhere, so the owner looked around disapprovingly. He stooped down to pick up a piece of chicken that was on the floor & asked, "How did this happen?" I said, "Oh, that was my fault." He said, "No, how did it happen?" I was like, "My Lord! It's a piece of chicken!" Amber stood up for me, telling him how I had done everything without her help, but he was totally unimpressed. I promised myself that if he even dared to make any sort of comment about how she shouldn't make excuses for me, I was going to quit right then. He didn't, though, so I just cleaned up my mess & took a minute to relax, cue glare from him. After everything was under control, the owner decided to leave but not before he informed us that the stupid woman's screaming kids had left a lovely mess for us. I went out with my broom & began sweeping. Amber waited on some people to make it up to me for putting me thru hell. A man came in & ordered two subs with everything but jalapeño peppers. He watched her make it, paid, & left. About 10 minutes later, as I was finishing my sweeping, the phone rang. Amber was busy, so she asked me to get it. I went to the back & picked up the phone. Here's the little conversation:

Katie: Subway. Can I help you?
Nice-Sounding Older Woman: Yes. My husband was in about 10 minutes ago.
Katie: O...K.
Nice-Sounding Older Woman: He ordered two BMTs on wheat bread with lettuce, tomatoes, pickle, green peppers, banana peppers, olives, & Italian dressing.
Katie: O...K.
Not-So-Nice-Sounding Older Woman: There were onions on it.
Katie: O...K.
Even-Meaner-Sounding Older Woman: We don't like onions.
Katie: O...K. I'm sorry?
Older Woman: (silence)
Katie: Umm...what do you want me to do? (Side note - I said that very nicely. I wanted to know if she wanted to come & get some more subs without onions or if she wanted me to take her name so she could get free subs the next time she came in.)
Extremely Irate Older Woman: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! (This statement was followed by more random cussing that I could barely decipher & the sound of a phone being slammed down.)

Ahh. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my job? Really. I do.

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