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�Figuring It Out� Chapter 12: Nightmare Jenna drove along the street we had come on. Joking and laughing, we were all ready to go home and go to sleep. Jenna turned onto the familiar side street that would take us almost directly home. Out of nowhere a car slammed into the driver�s side. Jenna had no way of seeing it, there was no time to react. It wasn�t fair. What made it even worse was that the rest of us walked away with minor injuries while Jenna was rushed to the nearest ER in critical condition. It�s ironic how not that long ago I had been the one in the car accident, the one that Jenna had prayed for. Now it took everything in me to pray for her. We stood on the side of the street watching the helicopter lift Jenna up and speed away. The chaos of the firefighters, rescue workers, police officers, and onlookers burned into the back of my mind. The flares directing oncoming traffic, the broken glass, the overturned vehicles all made my worst nightmare a reality. �God, it�s me. Dan Miller. You remember me, right? I prayed that one time in sixth grade when I was about to fail that huge social studies test, and in ninth grade when I wanted that junior girl to notice me. I needed you last year when I was fighting for my life. Well, none of that is important now because Jenna needs you. I can�t even imagine what my life would be like without her and I need you to come through for her for my sake. Please?� I paused feeling the tears stream down my face in the ambulance. It couldn�t go fast enough to get me to Jenna. �Please don�t take her. We need her. I need her.� They let us go to the ER to see Jenna. She lay on the hospital bed perfectly still. There was no sign of life in her body. I watched her fight for every breath. I watched her struggle through the hard parts of the surgery. And I watched her heart monitor flatline. They say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die. I�ll never know if that happened with Jenna, but it happened for me. I saw her life flash before my eyes distorted by my tears. I saw the day she joined the band, the day I asked her to be with me, the day I asked her to marry me, our wedding day, the day she chose to be with Ashley. I saw our fights and all the things that made me love her. �Jenna, I love you. I�ll always love you. Until forever ends and the moon becomes the sun,� I said to her before she died. �I�ll never stop loving you.� Silent, simple tears fell from my eyes despite what I had just lost. It wouldn�t be enough if I cried a river for her. It seemed only right that single tears remember the perfect, straightforward person she was. Ashley, Jacob, and Trevor stayed with me through the night, not once telling me it would be okay. They all understood that it needed time. Not time to heal, but time to be understood. Nothing could ever make it heal and make me whole the way she had. I sat alone on our bed and hugged her pillow to my chest. The sobs that had been held back came now in full force. I could still smell her sweet scent and hear her easy going laugh. I felt the way she held my hand and rocked gently back and forth. I saw the way she looked, how she smiled at the littlest things. Ashley knocked on the door lightly. �Dan?� �Ash,� I said making no attempt to wipe away my tears. �I�m here for you,� he said slowly. �Thanks Ash,� I replied running my fingers along the pillow. �We all miss her,� Ashley said, not trying to sound rude. �I know,� I said standing up. My eyes caught her picture on the nightstand. It was like time was frozen forever. Ashley said nothing more. I stood silently looking out the window. Jenna�s shadow danced around in my head. I honestly thought she was standing beside me as I felt warm and comfortable. And I knew she would never leave my side. */\*/\*/\* |