| When will the huritng stop! Not on this page Archive 2 |
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| 10. Herpes is almost as easy to get as a Britney Spears song. 9. Physical Education is required for graduation. 8. Yesterday's big ass is tomorrows fuller lips. 7. It is normal to relate to a Jerry Springer episode. 6. A poor black boy can become a rich white woman, (Micheal Jackson?) 5. You can purchase toilet paper, cottage cheese, Batman Returns on DVD, a lawn chair, a home pregnancy test and douch, all in one store. 4. Braille on anything drivethrough. 3. Mexican people at McDonald's and white people at Taco Bell. 2. Directions and 1-800 numbers on the back of shampoo bottles. 1. It's socially acceptable to begin smoking at 8 a.m. |
| Only in America |
| 10. I respect no group put together by a modeling agency. 9. Three words, "Mickey Mouse Club." 8. Nobody considers whacking a tamborine playing an instrument. 7. Hey Britney, at least mine are real bitch. 6. No song with the word baby in the chorus more than twice is worth listening to. 5. Unless you're a pediphile groups of 12 year old girls chasing you shouldn't be a turn on. 4.Be glad you're pretty , otherwise the world would discard you like a ball of used toilet paper, oh wait, just give them a year. 3. Pop groupies have the cumulative IQ of a dry sponge 2. It's like music in a can, prefabricated, advertised and usually best kept in bomb shelters. 1. People continue to throw money at other people with no talent. None! It's the classic pearls before swine syndrome. |
| Pop Stars |
| 10. Discovery Channel: That Christopher Lowell guy, He doesn't even try to conceal how gay he is anymore. 9. MTV: Last time I checked wasn't the "M" in MTV supposed to stand for "Music"? 8. LIfetime: Should be changed to "We Hate Men." 7. C-Span:Would be ok if half of congress would show up, and then try to at least act interested in running our frikken country. 6. Cartoon Network: There is such a thing as too much Scooby Doo. 5. Animal Planet: Face it Steve Irwin, you're drowning between home videos and remakes of Lassie episodes 4.Sci-Fi: Has become crappy horror movie and network TV shows that didn't make it channel. 3. Cinemax: You have to hand it to them, being the only network that will show soft core porn at 2 'o clock in the afternoon. 2. TNN: Goes from endless Dukes of harzard reruns to showing every Star Trek movie made. Where's the improvement? 1. HGTV: Martha Stewart ok? It's not a good thing! |
| Cable TV |
| 10. Watching movies on AMC with your grandmother at 1 o'clock in the morning. 9. Going to Cancun and having some drunk frat guy knock you up while you were passed out and then waking up in a pool of vomit that isn't yours. 8.Staying on a internet chatroom so long that everyone has abandoned you, even the guys from India who can only say "Wanna cyber"? 7. Massaging your great aunt's corn infested calloused feet while possibly wathcing AMC. 6.Babysitting any children at any time. 5. Being kicked out of the mall after spending 6 hours there, not buying anything and getting into a fight with the Pretzel maker girl about the amount of salt granules on your pretzel. 4.Getting sick the first day of vacation with Dengai fever and vomiting more than any mortal has vomited before, but being well as soon as school starts. 3. Waiting for the phone to ring. 2. The ever enjoyable family roadtrip in the compact car with no AC and windows that only roll down halfway with a baby that smells like urine while driving through death valley. 1. Slaving over a grease vat with nothing better to do than picking chicken heads out of nuggets and saying "fries with that?" |
| Spring Break |
| 10. Being sick brings you to a better understanding with your body, by bringing everything inside, outside. 9. 1 pill for pain, 1 pill for fever, 1pill for cough, 1 pill for diarrhea, 1 pill for nausea, 1 pill for eye fungalitis, 1 pill for dimensia, 1 pill to ease snot flow.... 8. You ever squeeze a fish and it comes out both ends, yeah, it's kinda like that. 7. They dont' make toilets for your bedroom. 6.Not everything is contagious, and if I'm going to be sick, I want everyone to suffer dammit. 5. You always get sick at the most inopportune times. School plays, business presentations, during oopen heart surgery...etc.. 4.Fancy names for illnesses. Just say "you're going to feel like shit for a week." 3. Medicine only lasts so long. 2. Most infections stay in your system FOREVER! Shades of the borg? 1. Why can't nurses be reformed crack heads? Maybe then they could find a fucking vein. |
| Being Sick |
| 10. Your occasional 300 pounder in pumps and strechy pants....why God why? 9. It's an international conspiracy that when you actually do need assitance the employees all strangely disapeer 8. Industrial size Q-Tips? 7. NOT being able to put M&M's on layaway. 6.There just isn't something right about being able to purchase tropical fish, toilet paper, Doritos and a futon all in ONE store. 5. You dont' need experience to manage the sporting goods, you just need to be named "Dwayne" 4.Do those CD sampler things ever actually work? 3. Getting kicked out of automotive because you were trying out your "Madonna" look with the funnels. 2. Wanting to kill the manufacturers of anything with "try me" in the toy department. It's ok once, but when those little bastards have them going at ten seconds intervals...... 1. Someone who actually took time to turn all the stereos to the same lame ass station, and then give you dirty looks for changing them. |
| Wal-Mart, Sam's |