Dear Mr. jenkins,
It is common knowledge that you are married to the Merch. Mistress, Mrs. Sergio Jenkins. This is far from the truth. Why would you lie about something like this?

-Angry Boyfriend-Springfield, Ohio

It is TRUE! We are in love. She doesn't know it yet, but we are!

-Angry Husband, Sergio

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Senator Beahm,
Did you get the jumble?

Bill Oren, CA

I told you, I just don't have what it takes to solve Jumbles! but EQ-P thinks it's 'snailet'.

-Lazor

Dear Quantum,
What is a snailet?

Bill Oren - Turlock, California

A snailet is a baby snail. Pffft and you're an english teacher.

-El Quantum Physics

Dear Sergio Jenkins,
Sam, when are you going to come home? Your mother (not J. Lo) and I are worried sick about you.

-Richard Jenkins (not Dracula) Des Moines, Iowa

Dear Richard,
You are crazy stalker. You probably want to see me naked. Leave me alone.

-Sergio Jenkins
PS: leave my dinner in the microwave

L.T. Ivory,
what's it like getting hit with a malpractice suit?

Your Lawyer,
Sha-Ney-Ney Jones, Mexico

Dear Lawyer,
It would have hurt less if you had shown up to the court date JERK-FACE!

-Ivory

Dear Commander,
why are you such a douche?

-Sergio Jenkins

Sergio,
Leave me alone and go annoy your other friend.

-The Commander