lymphoma

no cute titles for this page, really. i've avoided writing this page for a long time because i simply couldn't think of anything i could add that thousands of other people haven't said about being hit with the shock of being diagnosed with lymphoma. today (16 dec 00) i think i finally came to the conclusion that i am a unique person, and as such my experiences and thoughts may be a little different than others. i don't know how much i'll put here, but i'll write a little.

i've had to make quite a few adjustments to my life as a result of being diagnosed. i get tired a lot easier, and i tire quickly at work. it's often hard for me to handle a full 40 hour work week, and as such i'm on temporary disability to help make up for the days i miss due to treatments, getting sick, etc. i get sick easier, which leads to more time home, often alone and left to think about the disease...not always a healthy thing, let me tell you. and i bruise more easily due to shots, chemo, and loads of blood boosters and thinners...an oxymoron, it sounds like, but not really.

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...and these are average bruises, too...keep that in mind. some get even bigger...

i have loads of scars from surgeries, implants of ports for chemo, and the like. i find myself getting angry about the disease, and sometimes that anger manifests in lashing out at my family or friends...people who are innocent. i hate when that happens, and i'm sorry about it too. i am trying...

as my treatments go on, i find myself getting very very tired of it all. i've had 6 sessions of CHOP chemo (cytoxin, vincristine and adriamycin) and 2 sessions of ESHAP (vp-16, cysplatin and ara-c) chemo, and hopefully now i'll be moving into radiation, which i was scheduled for months ago before several complications reared their ugly heads. there is a chance i may need a stem cell transplant, but i'm hoping that isn't the case.

i'll be adding more to this page in the future when/if i find more to say about the lymphoma. i try not to define myself by it, but i'd be a fool to ignore it and treat it if it weren't there. i can't ignore it, but i can keep it from controlling me. so far, i think i'm doing well...

bill's medication list (current as of 16 december 2000)

zoloft - anti-depressant (150 mg a day)

ativan - tranquilizer (1.5 mg a day, broken into 3 doses)

trazodone - sedative (50 mg a day at night)

warfarin - blood thinner (5 mg a day)

fragmin injections - blood thinner (3 more days worth of shots)

compazine - anti-nausea (as needed)

torecan - anti-nausea (as needed)

ultram - painkiller (as needed)

neupagen - white cell booster (10 shots after each chemo cycle)

procrit - red cell booster (weekly shots)

this used to be my ponytail :-(