| "There was a girl named Rebecca at my highschool. We didn't bond. She didn't bathe, we didn't bond." - Rebecca R. "I love the smell of morning; it's the smell of trees waking up." - Monique "I just stepped on a duck. Quack!!" - Tim "I'm a nice kid. I have a good spirit. It's going to Hell, but it's still good." - Tim "Where did you get your turtle?" - Monique "In New York City from a big fat Chinese man." - Genna the R.A. "I'm all over that like a bag of potatoes." - Monique "Do you like his pants? How can his balls even breathe in those." - Tim "I hate orange creamsicles, they taste like medicine on a stick." - Susan "Who needs alcohol when you have Betty?" - Me "She's the only one that keeps us sober." - Susan "Did I tell you about the random matress in our room??" - LeighAnn "No" - Me "Well, they put it back." - LeighAnn "huh?" - Me" "They put a random matress in our room." - LeighAnn "Why?" - Me "Apparently it was SUPPOSED to go to the other dorm, but they're retarded and think that MONADNOCK is spelled E-D-G-E-W-O-O-D. Or the other way around. It was supposed to go to Edgewood. Instead it ended up in our room and they won't get rid of it." - LeighAnn "That is so stupid." - Me "Yup it's been here since last week." - LeighAnn "Someone out there needs a matress. Go to your room number in Edgewood and ask them if they're missing a matress because you seem to have their's." - Me "Fuck school. I'm dropping out and becoming a garbage man. Want to join me?It would be great; we could find things. We could build a house out of garbage and live there for free!! We'd put it on the quad, right smack in the middle." - Tim "The ducks are gone. It's a tragedy. They were like my children. They're in the pond so I stopped by but they weren't interested. Looked at me like they didn't even know who I was. " - Tim "You know what I get to do this weekend? Make $150 for sleeping in a bed. That sounded really bad didn't it." - Rebecca R. "I just fed the ducks. It's a great way to pick up chicks." - Tim "I'm going to shave your liver." - Monique "Somebody's liver's getting shaved. I didn't know livers were hairy." - Betty "Dude, this is bad. I can't even sit down my ass is bruised so bad." - some random guy on the sidewalk "I'm going to make up my own religion." - Darlene "Hotdogism?" - Rebecca R. "I'm am the box woman." - Rebecca R. "Excuse me.... there is such a thing as QUIET hours here in Heathman... and no.... you are not obeying the law. Can we have quiet girls? Geez." - Maz "I love shows where people get nekkid." - Monique (right after she said this the door was pulled shut loudly by the RA. "Why does it should like there's a hampster in the phone?" - Monique "My kids better be cute, or I'm sending them back." - Rebecca R. "My kids can't be rock stars. I don't want them writing songs about what a bitch I was." - Rebecca R. "I need to get you a hat that says, 'I have a boyfriend.' " - Jeremy "No, I don't need a hat. You know what I need." - Rebecca R. "Tiffany's?" - Jeremy "Yup." - Rebecca R. "I made you ramen, now act like a retard." - Me to the other Rebecca "I'm going to dinner." - Me "At five? What the fuck is that shit? Oh man, you can't though. We're on the same eating cycle and I'm not hungry." - Tim "No me sento muito bem." Erin "Que?" - Me "Sorry, that was Portuguese, my head's a little foggy. I don't feel very well." - Erin "And so now you speak Portuguese?" - Me "Any time you want a laugh, call on Bush." - Radina (waving the mask she used to scare all of Heathman. |