Pasta á la Page:

Pasta á la Page is a delicious pasta dish created to honour the equally delicious Polly Page. Despite the fact that it cunningly combines prawns, mushrooms and garlic with pasta and a tasty tomato basil sauce, Pasta á la Page is surprisingly easy to make - Just try it and see! More importantly, this dish is perfect for any mealtime... Pasta á la Page makes a delightful breakfast, a magnificent lunch and a superb dinner. Vegetarian-friendly yet satisfying enough for the most carnivorous of meat-lovers, Pasta á la Page is universally popular with people of all ages. Taste it once and I can guarantee that you'll be hooked for life!

Ingredients:

2 tablespoons of olive oil

1 garlic clove

375g button mushrooms, halved

500g tomatoes, peeled, seeded and chopped

salt and black pepper

500g pasta - tagliatelle works well but feel free to experiment

375g prawns, cooked and peeled

chopped parsley to garnish

Tomato Basil Sauce:

1 tablespoon of olive oil

1 small onion, chopped

400g chopped tomatoes, drained

1 tablespoon of chopped fresh basil

salt and black pepper

Cooking Instructions:

1. Make the tomato basil sauce: Heat the oil in a saucepan, add the onion then cook, stirring often, for a few minutes until it is nice and soft. Add the tomatoes and tomato juice, bring to a boil and simmer for 3 minutes. Stir in the basil and season to taste. Then set it aside for now.

2. Heat the olive oil in a large pan, add the garlic and cook gently, stirring every now and then, for 3-5 minutes until it is softened but not coloured. Add the mushrooms and cook over a high heat, stirring, for about 5 minutes.

3. Add the tomatoes, season to taste, and simmer gently, uncovered, for about 20 minutes or until the mixture has thickened. Yep, there are LOTS of tomatoes in this recipe!

4. Meanwhile, cook the pasta in a large saucepan of boiling salted water for 8-10 minutes until it is tender.

5. Add the prawns and the sauce to the tomato mixture and cook gently for about 2 minutes until the prawns are heated through. Season to taste.

6. Drain the pasta thoroughly and transfer to warm serving plates. Arrange the prawn mixture on top and serve at once, garnished with parsley. Delicious.
 
 

Parrot Burger:

Well, you take three plump, well-plucked parrots... Heh, just kidding! Ignore the rumours - Parrots are NOT an ingredient in this dish. I suppose you COULD use parrot meat in the burgers but that would be a bit gruesome! Plus, I think the RSPCA might have something to say about it... This delicacy was created a long time ago when Polly Page's fan group was known as Polly's Parrots. In the past, people sometimes laughed at our lovely heroine because "Polly" is a name usually reserved for parrots (Polly want a cracker?). However, just as fans of John Boulton turned the deadly insult LGHSA (See www.thebill.com for details) into a friendly nickname, Polly-lovers have embraced the parrot idea - After all, parrots are beautiful, sensitive and intelligent! This recipe celebrates Polly's ability to take a joke and her wonderful sense of humour. Enjoy!

Ingredients:

500g minced beef

5 shallots, finely chopped

salt and black pepper

125g cheese

ciabatta bread

green salad to serve

Cooking Instructions:

1. Put the minced beef and shallots into a bowl, season and mix well.

2. Divide the mixture into 8 balls then flatten each ball to form a thin patty. Place a slice of cheese on top of half the patties, then top with the remaining patties. Press the edges together to enclose the filling.

3. Cook the burgers over a medium heat for 3-4 minutes on each side until they are brown and firm to the touch.

4. Serve the burgers on a toasted sliced ciabatta, accompanied by a tossed green salad. Doesn't it sound tasty? After your first parrot burger, you'll never settle for a plain old Big Mac again!
 
 

Grilled Geoghan:

A scary name, but you needn't worry - Lisa Geoghan remains unharmed! The Geoghan (pronounced Gay-Gen) part of the name refers to the delicious Geoghan sauce that is a vital ingredient in this recipe. The creation of this mysterious sauce is one of the most closely guarded culinary secrets in history... I have been offered enormous sums of money by greedy multi-national food chains desperate to find out how to make it! But even though it was tempting, I still refused to tell them. However, for the very first time I have decided to reveal the secret of Geoghan sauce in the interests of good eating. Yes, although you may not agree, you are extremely LUCKY if you are reading this! Grilled Geoghan is a tasty pork dish that is perfect for breaking the ice at dinner parties - The name is interesting enough to get people talking and the sauce is so delicious that they'll practically beg you for the recipe. Believe me, it happens!

Ingredients:

4 pork loin chops, on the bone

sunflower oil for brushing

salt and black pepper

1 ripe mango

flat-leaf parsley to garnish

Geoghan Sauce:

500g cooking apples

grated zest of 1 lemon

3 tablespoons of water

30g castor sugar

15g butter

Cooking Instructions:

1. Cut the fat along the outside of the chops at regular intervals to prevent it curling up when under the grill. Brush the chops on each side with oil and sprinkle with black pepper. Put them under a hot grill about 10cm away from the heat and grill for 8-10 minutes on each side until it is cooked through.

2. Meanwhile, you should set about making the Geoghan sauce: Peel, core and slice the cooking apples and put into a saucepan with the lemon zest and the water. Cover tightly and cook gently for about 10 minutes until it becomes soft. Stir in the castor sugar. Beat the sauce until smooth, or push through a nylon sieve. Stir in the butter and hey presto - It's done!

3. Peel the mango and cut it into 2 pieces lengthwise, slightly off-centre to miss the stone. Cut the flesh from around the stone and slice the flesh into thin strips.

4. Arrange the mango strips on the chops, garnish with the flat-leaf parsley and pour the Geoghan sauce over it. A feast fit for a king!
 
 

DESSERTS

Bermondsey Biscuits:

What has Bermondsey got to do with Polly? Well, as all devoted fans of the blonde goddess know, it's where she grew up! With this in mind, I grabbed my baking tray and a couple of ingredients and got to work on a new Polly-related recipe... The result? Some absolutely scrumptious biscuits similar to brandy snaps but with their own unique taste. Bermondsey biscuits are soft, gentle and sweet yet beneath their warm, crusty exterior lies a heart of gold. What better tribute could there be to Polly Page?

Ingredients:

90g butter

90g sugar

90g golden syrup

90g plain flour

3/4 tablespoon of ground ginger

3/4 tablespoon of lemon juice

Equipment:

1 baking tray

baking parchment

Baking Instructions:

1. Line the baking tray with baking parchment. Yeah, I know it's obvious but you'll be in trouble if you forget!

2. Combine the butter, sugar and syrup in a saucepan and heat gently until the ingredients have melted and dissolved. Cool slightly, then sift in the flour and ginger. Add the lemon juice and stir well.

3. Place 3-4 teaspoonfuls of the mixture onto the baking tray, leaving plenty of room for the biscuits to spread out.

4. Bake in a pre-heated oven at 160ºC for about 8 minutes until the mixture spreads out to form large, thin, dark golden rounds. Try one! If it tastes scrumptious then give yourself a pat on the back. If it tastes slightly dodgy then don't worry - Just start again from Step One. Remember, if it's worth doing then it's worth doing well!

5. Remove the biscuits from the oven and leave for 1-2 minutes to firm slightly. Shape the Bermondsey biscuits in any way that takes your fancy. Forget about boring circles or little heart shapes - Be creative!

6. Continue baking, shaping and cooking the remaining mixture in batches until it's used up. Then eat to your heart's content.
 
 

What makes Polly's Christmas Pudding different from your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill sort of Christmas pudding? Erm... Well, not a lot actually. Basically, it's a rich, dark, heavily fruited version of the standard Christmas pudding that's easy to make and tastes especially delicious because it's served with brandy butter. More importantly, it contains that inexplicable quality that sets Polly-related dishes apart from ordinary food. What is this mystical quality? Weren't you listening? I just told you that it's inexplicable! You'll have to find out for yourself. I'll give you a hint, though - Look at the ingredient list! Ingredients like icing sugar and cherries are essential parts of this recipe and they also feature heavily in other Polly-related recipes... However, the ultimate test for any Polly-related recipe is always the taste test. All Polly-related recipes taste sinfully delicious and I'm happy to say that this fantastic pudding is no exception to the rule!

90g self-raising flour

125g shredded vegetable suet

30g almonds, shredded

125g carrot, grated

250g raisins

125g sultanas

125g fresh white breadcrumbs

125g cherries

1/4 teaspoon grated nutmeg

60g mixed candied peel, chopped

90g icing sugar

grated zest and juice of 1 lemon

2 eggs, beaten

butter for greasing

75ml dark rum

Brandy Butter:

250g unsalted butter

250g icing sugar

90ml brandy

a bowl

1.25 litre pudding basin

greaseproof paper

alfoil

string (Yes, you need string. Don't quibble!)

1. Make the brandy butter: Cream together the butter, icing sugar and brandy. Then put it aside for now. That's all there is to it! And you thought you couldn't cook...

2. Combine the flour, suet, almonds, carrot, raisins, currants, sultanas, breadcrumbs, cherries, nutmeg, candied peel, sugar and lemon zest in the bowl. Add the lemon juice and eggs and stir until it looks (and smells) delicious. I told you it was easy to make - You're only two steps into the recipe but you've already polished off most of the ingredients!

3. Lightly butter the pudding basin then spoon in the pudding mixture and level the surface.

4. Cover the bowl with buttered greaseproof paper and alfoil. Carefully pleat the covering in the middle then secure it in place with a piece of string. Make sure it's tied tightly around the rim of the basin or it'll fall apart and you'll look a right prat! Unfortunately, I speak from experience...

5. Put the basin into a steamer or a saucepan of simmering water. You'll need to make sure the water comes about halfway up the side of the basin. Cover and steam it for about 6 hours, topping it up with boiling water when required. This is the boring bit but persevere - It'll be worth it!

6. Remove the basin from the steamer or pan and leave to cool. When your curiosity gets the better of you, take off the paper and alfoil covering. Make a few holes in the pudding with a fine skewer and pour in the rum. Warning: Do not try this pudding if you're planning to drive home afterwards because its intoxicating effects are near legendary!

7. Cover the pudding with fresh greaseproof paper and alfoil. Then shove it in the fridge until you're ready to eat it. If you're lucky, it'll stay fresh for up to 3 months.

8. When you actually get round to serving Polly's Christmas Pudding all you have to do is steam it for another 2-3 hours then pour the brandy butter over it. Voila - It's ready! A single pudding should serve 8-10 people and greatly enhance your reputation as a cook into the bargain. What more could you want from a recipe, eh?

Polly Pancakes:

"Sweet beyond belief" is how one well-known food critic described this dessert and I tend to agree with her. Thought up by Jamie, an accomplished turnip peeler (don't ask), Polly pancakes are guaranteed to satisfy your sweet tooth yet leave you hungry for more! Be very careful when sampling this dish - It is one seriously addictive treat. Rumours speak of a man who tried this dessert for the first time on his 15th birthday and who liked it so much that he ate nothing but Polly pancakes morning, noon and night until his death eighty years later! You can't say I didn't warn you...

Ingredients:

60g butter

60g castor sugar

2 eggs, beaten

60g self-raising flour

300ml milk

apricot jam and icing sugar to serve

Equipment:

8-hole bun tin with 7cm cups

Baking Instructions:

1. Combine the butter and the sugar in a bowl and cream together until soft. Beat in the eggs, a little at a time, then fold in the flour.

2. In a small saucepan, heat the milk to just below boiling point. Stir into the creamed mixture.

3. Lightly butter the bun tin cups and divide the batter equally among them. Bake in a preheated oven at 190ºC for about 20 minutes until the pancakes have risen and turned a beautiful golden brown colour.

4. Slide the pancakes out of the cups and serve with apricot jam and icing sugar. To eat, place a little jam in the middle of each pancake, fold in half and sprinkle with icing sugar.
 
 

Polly's Pineapple Pavlova:

This magnificent dessert is perhaps the ultimate Polly-related recipe. The name conjures up images of a fluffy white pavlova with a juicy pineapple topping but the reality is nicer still. A clever mixture of ginger strips and pineapple rings on a wonderful meringue base make this dessert simply irresistible! Polly's pineapple pavlova was first thought up by Lisa, the heroic leader of Polly's Pages, in the cyber-pub known as The Canley Arms. Since then, its popularity across the world has skyrocketed to the point where every reputable cookbook contains the recipe for this dish. Even so, I have decided to include the recipe here just in case you've been living in a cave for the last twenty years!

Ingredients:

4 egg whites

250g castor sugar

3/2 tablespoons of cornflour

3/2 tablespoons of white wine vinegar

Topping:

375ml double cream

60g ginger strips

400g pineapple rings, drained

Baking Instructions:

1. Preheat the oven to 160ºC. Mark a 23cm circle on a sheet of non-stick baking parchment, turn the paper over and line a baking tray with it.

2. Whisk the egg whites until they are stiff then add the sugar, 1 teaspoon at a time, whisking the mixture constantly.

3. Blend the cornflour and vinegar together then whisk it into the egg white mixture. Keep whisking it until it becomes soft and creamy.

4. Spread the mixture inside the circle on the baking parchment, building up the sides so they are higher than the middle. Place in the oven then immediately reduce the heat to 150ºC.

5. Bake the pavlova for 1 hour or until it is firm to the touch. Turn off the oven and leave it inside for another hour.

6. Peel the lining paper from the pavlova and transfer it to a serving plate. Leave to cool.

7. Before serving, whip the double cream until stiff and stir in half of the stem ginger strips. Spoon the mixture into the middle of the pavlova. Top with the pineapple rings and the remaining stem ginger strips. Heavenly!
 
 

TMT Tarts:

TMT tarts are one of the most fascinating Polly-related recipes because of the strange effect that they have on people's behaviour. After eating a TMT tart, even extremely shy individuals gain enormous amounts of confidence and start to act in a tough, assertive way. A popular dessert with football hooligans, TMT tarts were first created after one of Polly's memorable lines in "Heat and Light" when John Boulton and Matthew Boyden were making crude jokes about PMT. Polly put them firmly in their place with the cutting remark: "Better than TMT - Too Much Testosterone!" TMT tarts turn ordinary people into macho tough-guys like John Boulton, hence their name. I wouldn't recommend trying more than one or two TMT tarts at a time, though - They can have some pretty surprising side effects! Grown men have been known to become violent and aggressive after too many TMT tarts and the effects on women are stranger still... You'll regret it if you don't try these delicious tarts but make sure you don't have too much of a good thing!

Ingredients:

150ml double cream

1 tablespoon of castor sugar

60g blueberries

60g strawberries

3 tablespoons of ground coconut

Pastry:

250g plain flour

125g chilled butter, cut into cubes

2 tablespoons of castor sugar

4 tablespoons of cold water

Equipment:

7cm pastry cutter

16 x 6cm round tartlet tins

Baking Instructions:

1. Make the pastry: Put the flour into a bowl, add the butter and rub in with the fingertips until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs. Stir in the sugar then add enough cold water to make it soft and pliable. Wrap and chill for at least 30 minutes.

2. On a lightly floured work surface, roll out the pastry thinly. Cut out 16 rounds using the pastry cutter.

3. Gently press the rounds into the tartlet tins. Prick all over with a fork and bake in a preheated oven at 190ºC for 12-15 minutes until they turn a lovely golden colour. Leave them in the tins for 10 minutes then remove and transfer the tarts to a wire rack. Leave to cool completely.

4. Whip the cream and the sugar together then divide it among the tarts. Top with the blueberries and strawberries.

5. Toast the coconut under a hot grill until golden. Sprinkle the tarts with the toasted coconut and serve at once!

This recipe makes 6 servings.

Preparation Time: 5 minutes

Cooking Time: 15 minutes

2 eggs

2 cups all-purpose flour

1 3/4 cup milk

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1 tablespoon white sugar

4 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract.

Preheat waffle iron. Beat eggs in large bowl with hand beater until fluffy. Beat in flour, milk, vegetable oil, sugar, baking powder, salt and vanilla, just until smooth. Spray preheated waffle iron with non-stick cooking spray. Pour mix onto hot waffle iron. Cook until golden brown. Serve hot.

DRINKS

Page Turner:

Relaxing yet refreshing, the Page Turner has a well-deserved reputation as a classy and sophisticated cocktail. Invented by Avon, the proprietress of the Canley Arms, Page Turners produce a curious floating sensation in people when drunk - Simply wonderful after a hard day at school, university or the office! This delicious drink is also ideal for those times when life is getting you down and you're feeling stressed out. After a single Page Turner, you'll be on your feet again with a mountain of energy to spare. Highly recommended!

Ingredients:

pineapple juice

vodka

malibu coconut rum

chocolate parrot

icing sugar

Mixing Instructions:

Shake 3 parts pineapple juice, 1 part vodka and 1 part malibu rum with ice. Pour into a cocktail glass over ice and garnish with a chocolate parrot. Sprinkle icing sugar on top and serve cold.

Serving Suggestions:

Perfect for unwinding after a long day when you're feeling tense and stressed.
 
 

Fruity 469:

A drink that absolutely everyone can enjoy, Fruity 469's are non-alcoholic, invigorating and vivacious! Just by looking at this sparkling drink, you'll be cheered up in an instant. One of Polly's greatest strengths is the way that she can handle tough situations without feeling depressed and this attitude is what the Fruity 469 is all about. A sip of this drink will brighten up your day, so lie back, drink up, dream of a tropical island and RELAX...

Ingredients:

pineapple juice

mango juice

peach juice

cherries

Mixing Instructions:

Pour equal parts of pineapple juice, mango juice and peach juice into a tall glass over ice. Stir well and garnish with cherries.

Serving Suggestion:

Try it in a chilled glass on a hot day. Pure bliss!
 
 

Cockney Kiss:

One of the most romantic cocktails ever created, the Cockney Kiss is a dangerously delicious beverage and a longstanding favourite with Polly-lovers the world over. This enticing mixture of malibu rum, cinnamon schnapps and hot chocolate singes the tastebuds and stimulates the imagination - You have been warned! The Cockney Kiss has been variously described as "spectacular", "absolutely fantabulous" and "red-hot"... On one famous occasion it was even described as "a volcanic river of pure gold flowing down your throat." It has been speculated that this effect is similar to that produced by a kiss with the lovely Polly Page - Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, I haven't been able to find out if this rumour is true. I live in hope, though!

Ingredients:

malibu coconut rum

cinnamon schnapps

hot chocolate

whipped cream

chocolate shavings

Mixing Instructions:

Pour 1 part malibu rum, 1 part cinnamon schnapps and 4 parts hot chocolate into a heated mug. Top with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

Serving Suggestion:

A wonderful drink for a romantic evening at home. Tip: It tastes especially good when served with a plate of Bermondsey Biscuits!

Fizzy Fruity 469

Just the drink for a hot summer day, although this can be drunk at any time of the year! This spectacular beverage was created by Lisa after several hours of editing fanfic!!

Grape juice

Paradise Punch juice

Apple Raspberry juice

Orange juice

Lemonade or Cola

canned pineapple or peaches

a tall, wide glass (eg. a Coca Cola glass)

a tablespoon

1. Pour either lemonade or Coca Cola into the glass (about half full).

2. Choose two of the four juices. (Only two, mind you or the glass will overfill).

3. Add the first juice to the fizzy drink - about 1/4 of the remaining glass. Then add the second juice, leaving about 1.5 cm from the top of the glass.

4. Mix together using the spoon

5. Scoop a few pieces of pineapple or peaches into the glass.

6. Enjoy!

The pineapple or peaches are best consumed by using the spoon :)