The Brave Knight Giliad
"Chapter One"
And so the Brave Knight Giliad set out from his tiny village home in Jebunitas for a little adventure (he has one or two every now and again). On the way he was met by a man named Keaglaesb who was traveling the same way he was. "Well hullo!" said our hero Brave Knight Giliad in his typical forced British accent.
"You sound slightly out of wack," said Keaglaesb, who was not from around those parts such as Jebunitas is part of. "I'm sorry. That is the way that characters of my caliber are supposed to act...in a forced British way."
Keaglaesb paused in his walk; Brave Knight Giliad did as well. "I suppose you are right, and you have a point," said Keaglaesb, beginning to walk once more. Following after him, Brave Knight Giliad inquired of the strange man's journey. "I journey in search of the ancient Pinacle of Antioch which is just behind the Waterfall of Unfair Summers," replied Keaglaesb.
Though Brave Knight Giliad felt like laughing at the seemingly stupidity of his counterpart, he shrugged it off, but not without difficulty. "And why do you journey after such a thing?" he inquired after some time. "Why not?" said Keaglaesb simply. "You know..." he said, but he sort of trailed off.
"No, I probably don't," replied Brave Knight Giliad. There was an awkward silence as the author tries to contemplate whether you found the "hidden" link. But after a time, the story continues normally.
"What is it that you wish to find from the Pinacle?" inquired Brave Knight Giliad. "There is information of great value to me on how to destroy a metal dragon that is terrorizing the men in my home town." Brave Knight Giliad stopped. "Oh, I see it now. Is there anything I can do to help?"
Thinking for a moment, Keaglaesb finally replied, "Actually?... No."
"Okay then!" replied Brave Knight Giliad. "I assume that I may see you again sometime soon since you are the only other character that has ever been in this story thus far!" Keaglaesb took a moment to think that one through since it still doesn't make sense to anyone anyway. "Sounds good then," he said finally.
And so both went their separate ways.
Brave Knight Giliad eventually came to a large mountain. "Thus must be the dangerous yet often talked-about Mountain Bob. Perhaps the wise King Coda can answer my inquiries about life in general and all that other stuff that wise kings do on the tops of mountains with strange names."
Journeying ever so slowly, Brave Knight Giliad eventually reached the bottom of the mountain. "Wow. I am at the bottom. But my objective was, of course, to reach the top. How utterly stupid of me." So he began to ascend the mountain peak until he reached the top. Thereupon, he began his short and successful endeavor to find the wise King Coda.
"Welcome to my mountain," said the wise King Coda. "Thank you for the welcome," said the Brave Knight Giliad. "You're welcome," said the wise King Coda. There was an awkward pause as both considered the pure retardedness of the previous dialogue. And then they moved on.
"I have come to seek your knowledge on the ways of evil," said Brave Knight Giliad. "What about evil do you wish to know?" inquired wise King Coda, still not interested in the least about anything. "I wish to know its whereabouts, what its next plan is, and why women are so freakin' drowning in it."
"Interesting set of questions, though I fail to be interested still. The answer is yes, no, and yes. That will be all. You may have leave to go." The Brave Knight Giliad stood there dumbfounded for a moment. "That has NOTHING to do with the questions that I asked!" he retorted, quite annoyed.
"Oh. I am sorry. I must have mistaken you for another stupid-looking person. Evil is everywhere, especially in the hearts of men. It's next plan is to lure you into its grasp...a popular lure is a woman, as usual, but that will not be included in these stories because these are family-friendly. Women are so engulfed in evil because it is their very life-force; they are both nothing and everything without it and, as you well know, most paradoxes are not existent in such an extend so they MUST be evil or they MUST NOT BE at all."
"Wow. That little bit of knowledge has no further applicance to my life...but I thank you for it anyway, O wise King Coda. May I have leave to go now?" said Brave Knight Giliad, still a little awe-struck by the profound statement he had just heard.
"You may. And don't ever come back. If I see your dumb bum up here again, I will be forced to get angry and rain down my vengence upon your mother's sister's tulip's previous owner's dog!"
In utter despair and fear of the whole new insanity seen to be present in the wise King Coda, Brave Knight Giliad hurried down the mountain to safety, seemingly far away from the King and his strangely-named mountain.
And so he continued on his way, but not after pausing to say a little farewell statement to end this first chapter.
"Hello readers. Do not be alarmed by the harsh retardedness of this story. The rest of it will be just the same, I assure you. But never fear: the wise King Coda is a fictatious character and the basis for the name was only for a name; the way that the character acts in NO WAY reflects upon the actual actions of the individual for whom it was named (I don't wanna get killed). So yah. Keaglaesb was based on another kid in the direct founding of this wonderful thing. So yah. That is all the stupid stuff I can say before this story ends, so it might as well end now."
-El fin.
5.14.2003
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