|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Swellsboro Wiz | "The surest way to victory is to win" | page 3 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| _______________________________________________________________________________________ | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| BACK TO: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Sports | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Cop-Talk | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| pg2 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| pg1 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The following incidents were reported to the Swellsboro Police Department in the last week: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MOOSE GIRLS DISH DIRT | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MOOSELAND- The Mooseland High School Girls' Synchronized Plowing Team has won their fifth annual championship in four years, leaving their competition in the dirt. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mae Eipuleze of Pineapple Towers reported that she had lost her dog Doggie in the vicinity of Katz Street. Mae states that she subsequently received a phone call, in which the caller demanded 15 cases of tuna for Doggie's safe return. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Led by team Captain Ida Dougadich, The Mooseland Muddaubers turned aside the Ladyslawn Lady Ditch Witches for a rousing title win at The Region 69 SynchPlow Smackdown, held on Oct. 2nd, at the Wydoncha County Fair Grounds. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Mae then contacted Swellsboro Police. A reward of 8 Laurence Welk albums and a Brown LayZboy have been offered for any info leading to the arrest and prosecution of what may be the work of the Cat napper gang, or Kitty Krew, according to police. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Spectators cheered as the Muddaubers made a perfectly plowed"W", in honor of our president-for-life, George W. Bush. "He's our president, and we felt it was time to drag his name in the dirt", said coach Jack Deare. "The girls all worked really hard to sling the mud onto the opposition. They really dug the whole contest". | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Swellsboro Police responded on Fri., Oct.1st, to a report of a man running unopposed at the court house, and near the middle of Main St. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| RED DEVILS NOW USE PROTECTION | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Officers on the scene observed a man later identified as Po. State Rep. Pad Cooker, indeed running unopposed throughout the premises and properties of Main St. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| SWELLSBORO- The Swellsboro Boy's football team now has another weapon to add to their arsenal: body armor. After a successful fund-raising campaign selling Noway Products door-to-door, The Savage Red Devils team has purchased full body armor for it's players. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Records show that Rep. Cooker has run unopposed throughout Wydoncha County several times in the past. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "None of the really rural areas of Wydoncha County seem to care that he runs around this way, but we can't have it in the County Seat, no-Ma'am", said Swellsboro Police Chief William Klubbe. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| According to Coach Red Ruffinsore, this is a move that was long overdue. "Since we all know that football is practice for military sevice, we figured this purchase would be a good move. This way the fellas can just take their armor with them into basic training", says Red. "Those girlie-boys who wouldn't join the team will be the first to bite it, and that's the American way". | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Rep. Cooker was re-elected and released without charges. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| PEDESTRIAN BREAKS FOR BUNNY | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Swellsboro Police Officer Speede Raycer was involved in a single-vehicle accident on Sept. 31st. The police report states that Officer Raycer was travelling West at a high rate of speed in the Eastbound lane of Rt.13 near Ladyslawn, when the 2005 Dodge Pedestrian SUV, owned by the Swellsboro PD, swerved to avoid a cute fuzzy bunny in the roadway, and careened off the Leggs Creek bridge, coming to rest in a small pile of beer bottles, apparently left by persons unknown. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| RECORD CROWD AT LULU FOOZ-FEST | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| LADYSLAWN- The Ladyslawn Union Lapidary University Men's foozball team can put another mark in its win column, bringing The Table-Top Terrors a record of 2-15 this season. Playing the Swillbrewe College Fooz Freaks on Sept. 33rd at LULU's Kydzynda Hall in front of a record crowd of 19 spectators, the Triple-T's showed why their coach has nothing but praise for his team. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "I've never had a team with so much change in the line-up. As a matter of fact, they pulled quarters for the Foozball table from all sorts of spots on their uniforms. They could have foozed all night, thanks to the encouragement of the LULU Foozball Cheerleaders. Those gals know how to make those fellas fooz like Europeans, and that's the foozing truth", says Coach Mel Amine. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Officer Raycer was unhurt, but the $75,000 Pedestrian was totalled, as was the cute fuzzy bunny. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Due to his diligence in the after-accident investigation, Officer Raycer was given a citation of merit, and a raise in pay. The investigation regarding ownership of the beer bottles has been closed due to lack of evidence. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| SNOOTS RECRUIT | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "WEE, WEE" HELD BY POLICE | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Swellsboro Police arrested a man reported to have been acting suspiciously at the Wydoncha Street KangaRudy's restaurant on Sept 32nd, after responding from a call by KangaRudy's manager. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| SWELLSBORO- Tryouts for the Swellsboro Snobbery Team will be held on Oct. 19th, 7pm, at the Po-Swells Hotel on Main Street. Applicants should be of the appropraite economic and social levels, or they will be ostracised during the first team practice held at the Wydoncha Golf Course and Watering Hole in November. Go to www.swellsborosnob.omg for more info, or call 1-800-BMW-ONLY. That number is accessible by cell phones with unlimited calling minutes only. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Apparently the man, as yet unidentified, used profanity to the employees whan asked to confirm his food order. He allegedly said "Wee, wee" repeatedly. This caused the staff to notify police. He is currently being held at the Doughboys and Swabbies Hospital, 3rd floor Rubber Room. A competancy hearing is set for April 30,2005. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Back to: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| EDITOR'S NOTE: THE WIZ IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MISTEAKS. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| pg 2 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| pg 1 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||