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| page two | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The Swellsboro Wiz | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Wydoncha County's Number One" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| ______________________________________________________________________________________ | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| back to pg.1 | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Letters to the Editor | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MEOWMIX ON STAGE | COMMON SENSE OR SLIP | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Dear "Editor": I sent you an article on several important social issues. It was printed in The New Gawker Magazine, The Pinch'd Loafe, and Gapers Weekly. Is there some reason you haven't printed my article? Thinkest thee better than they? I thinkest not. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Dear Editor: Some friends have arrived from Switzerland, and we all went out on Saturday night to see the latest Alexander-Debbie stage production of "Death Race 2000". | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Having attended 27,362 of AD productions, I thought I knew what to expect. Well, let me tell you, I was knocked down by this runaway farce, and so were my friends. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I'm sure your readers would love to have read my article about the enduring struggle to oppose the exploitation of indigenous small-town teenagers in spirited stage productions. They couldn't because you didn't want the world to know about this fiendish plan. That cartoon geek was right. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| One would not had thought it possible to do this play on so small a stage as can be offered at the Stone Temple Waiter Middle School, but the whole ensemble joined in to make it a start-to-finish thrill ride. Bravisimo, stella d'oros. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The lead roles were filled by Mel Amine, Sue Demall, Belinda Chapel, Kirby Parker, Sonda Muzak, Tip DeBuquet, Harry Aulovre, and last but not leashed, Wayne the Really Big Chicken as Tito. We should all choose AD Productions as the sole recipients of our assets in the untimely event of our passing. I did, and now I'll get a part in their next project: "Arsenic and Old Lace". | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Far be it from me to suggest that you have an aversion to fine wordcraft, and know not a butterfly when you see one. I have operated the Snooz-N-Shmooz Inn-and-Out Bed-and-Breakast since 2003, and I expect better of my peers, since I have spent a lot of money on my lawn. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| You'd better print this, because my lawyer is your lawyer's landlord. Truth to power. -Daisy Cutter, Spentmoor Ridge | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| We should also support the arts in our community by giving AD Productions a 500-year lease on the old catacombs beaneath Swellsboro at $1 a year. That's a fair market rate, and no one's using "the cats" right now. Hey- "CATS" in "the cats". Can you see it? Break a leg! Millicent Meowmix, Swellsboro | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| EDITOR"S NOTE- It was not the content of Ms. Cutter's article that made us choose not to print it. The article itself was slow and ponderous, quite mediocre, by any standard, and not up to The Wiz's usual level of quality. New Gawk, indeed. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| CAPITAL OFFENSE | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| TO THE EDITOR: I WOULD LIKE TO SEND THIS AS AN OPEN LETTER TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THESE TERRIBLE COMPUTERS FROM CHINA THESE DAYS> | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NAME GAME | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Editor: Please note that you misspelled my name as Mellvyn Mxyztplk in last week's story on my arrest. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I THINK IT"S TIME WE REELECT REP> PAD COOKER TO ANOTHER TERM< SO HE CAN GO TO WASHINGTON AND GET US BETTER COMPUTERS> | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Please correct this and don't let it happen again. You can run but I won't be in jail forever. My best to the missus. -Buddy Boy Bulmash, Blueroofe | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| IT"S PROBABLY BEEN PROGRAMMED INTO MY COMPUTER CHIPS TO DO THIS< BUT I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO TYPE ANYTHING BUT CAPITAL LETTERS ON THIS THING FOR DAYS> | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| EDITOR'S CORRECTION: The name of Buddy Boy Bulmash was inadvertantly spelled as Mellvyn Mxyztptlk in last week's Cop-Talk section. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| NO MATTER WHAT I TRY< I CAN"T GET IT TO FIX> EVEN BANG ON IT AND PUsh all the ke hey... cool...nevermind. -Dwebe Hacker, Ladyslawn | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The correct spelling is Melvyn Mxyztpltk. We regret any inconvenience this may have caused Mr. Bulmash. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| READIN, RITIN', AND RERUNS | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| DON LIKE THE 'TINY DOODLE 'TOONS | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Dear Editor: I attended the last meeting of the Swellsboro Zone School Districk, and I came away with these impressions: We all live in a Yellow Submarine. The Band begins to play, and many more of us live next door. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Dear Commie Pinko Yellow Journalists: I read your leftist manifesto disguised as a nice, small-town paper last week. Fidel Castro would love your "Tiny Doodle" cartoons on the Op/Ed page. Jane Fonda must be your editor, and Che Guevarra your publisher. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Still, they're cousins, and you'll find, that cousins are two of a kind. Patty likes to Rock and Roll, (a hot dog makes her lose control). Come and knock on our door. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| It's people like that cartoonist that make hating ungodly people so easy. He should be consigned to the depths of Hades to spend eternity reading from Mao's little red book as demons eat his guts for spewing his talk of Peace and Faith. I know my loving GOD wants him in eternal agony. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| So, you see, don't do the crime if you can't do the time. - Neil Downe, Swellsboro | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Those vile depictions of war and hatred are not the way we real Americans should regard our country. Why can't you get a nice cartoonist that does fuzzy bunnies and Bigfoot-n-Biff 'toons, instead of telling us again and again ad nauseum about dead civilians in Iraq and GWB's supposed lies about this and that... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| LETTERS TO EDITOR POLICY: all submissions must be accompanied by an 8x10 glossy photo of Dawn Daily, drive time gal for WWWI AM Radio 1940. All submissions become sole property of Wydoncha Printing, and you can't ever have them back. For more info call our offices at 1-800- LUV-DAWN, and ask for Wayne, the Really Big Chicken. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Cancel my subscription, and refund my money, you pansies. -Donald Rumsfeld, Wash.DC | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| GO TO PAGE THREE | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||