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Home Cooked Meal
A young man
called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met
the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His
mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on
the card, invite her to your apartment for a home cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date
for a week later.
His mother called the day after the big
date to see how things had gone.
"The evening was a
disaster," he moaned.
"Why, didn't she come
over?" asked his mother.
"Oh, she came over,
but she refused to cook ..."
39 Children
Maria is a devout
Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the
last child is born her husband dies.
A few weeks later
she remarries and over the following years has another 22
children with her second husband.
After the last child is
born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria
is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes
very ill and dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly
at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and
says,
"At least, they're finally together."
A
man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father,
but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her
second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her
legs."
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Free Meat
It was many years
ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in
her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the
news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do
about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free
meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been
counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager
who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop
and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know,"
said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell
your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is
the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her
face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said,
"Son, go back to the
butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and
free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on
HIS face!" "
Serious
Patient
well-respected
surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving
home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone
rang. The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice
of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need
a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be
right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting
on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh
yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact,
three doctors are there already!"
more....
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