Friends

[After Monica gets a disastrous haircut.] Ross: How's Monica? Phoebe: She's calmed down a bit. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling. Ross: How's the hair? Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you Ross. It doesn't look good. Joey: Can we see her? Phoebe: No, your hair looks too good. I think it would only upset her. Rachel: Oh. Phoebe: Ross, you can go on in.

Ross: Oh, really? Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City. Chandler: Dude! Monica: What happened in Atlantic City? Ross: Well, Chandler and I are in a bar... Chandler: Did you not hear me say, "Dude"? Ross: ... and this girl is making eyes at Chandler, okay? So after a while he just goes over to her and, uh, after a minute or two, I see them kissing. Now, I know what you're thinking. Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls. And you're right. Chandler's not the type of guy just goes to bars and makes out with girls. Monica: You kissed a guy? Oh my God. Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy.

Monica: You know, Chandler, I've always found public men's rooms to be quite sexy. Haven't you? Chandler: No. And, if I did, I don't think we would be seeing each other.

Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people. Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want. Monica: [On the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? ...Yes, hold on. [to Rachel] Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account. Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks! Monica: That is the unusual activity.

Phoebe: I just went to my old apartment to get you the-the cookie recipe and the stupid fire burned it up! Monica: No! Why didn't you make a copy and-and keep it in a fireproof box and keep it at least a hundred yards from the original?! Phoebe: [pauses] Because I'm normal!

Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen. Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.

[Joey and Chandler apartment has been robbed] Joey: Aw, man! He took the five of spades! [looks through deck] Joey: No, here it is.

[when Joey asks why Chandler's friend is called Gandalf] Chandler: Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in High School? Joey: No. I had sex in High School.

Rachel: Guess what, GUESS WHAT?! Chandler: The fifth dentist finally caved and now they ALL recommend Trident?

[Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms.] Chandler: Condoms? Joey: We don't know how long we're gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world. Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?

Ross: Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there? Joey: Everyday use... Chandler: Fancy... Joey: Guest... Chandler: Fancy Guest... Ross: Two seconds! Joey: Uh, uh... Eleven! Ross: Amazing. Eleven is correct!

[In response to one of Joey's stupid comments] Chandler: How do you not fall down more often?

Monica: Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent? Joey: I'd probably kill myself. Monica: Excuse me? Joey: Hey, if "Little Joey� is dead, then I got no reason to live. Ross: Uh, Joey... Omnipotent. Joey: You are? Ross, I'm sorry.

[Flipping a coin to choose between "ducks" and "clowns."] Joey: "Heads" should be ducks, because ducks have heads. Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday parties?

Susie: How come all I can think about is putting that ice in my mouth and licking you all over? Chandler: Because I went to an all-boys high school and God is making up for it?

Ross: First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.

Ross: I'm sorry your husband cheated on you. Rachel: I'm sorry your wife is gay.

Joey: The vicar won't be home for hours. Rachel: [shocked] Joey, where'd you learn that word?

[Chandler walks in.] Joey: You know, with that goatee, you kinda look like Satan.

[Ross and Rachel are drunk in Vegas] Joey: Hey Rach! How you doin'? Rachel: I'm doing good baby. How you doin'? Joey: Ross! Don't let her drink anymore!

Rachel: How do I ask a guy out? Joey: Well when I ask a girl out I look her up and down and say, how you doing? Rachel: ewww Joey: [Turns to Phoebe] How you doing? Phoebe: [Giggles] Just fine.

Monica: Hey. Where's Joey? Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?

Chandler: [entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo] All right, I took the quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men.

Joey: [drinking a beer on the boat] Look at this clown! Just because he's got a bigger boat he thinks he can take up the whole river. [Yelling] Joey: Get out of the way jackass! [To Rachel] Joey: Who names his boat Coast Guard anyway? Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.

[talking to Ross] Joey: I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man. Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.

Joey: Sup? So i see you're playing a little Playstation. That's whack. Playstation is whack. Sup with the whack Playstaion, sup? Am I 19 or what? Chandler: Yes on a scale of 1 to 10 on how ridiculous a person can look, you are definitely 19.

Katie: A paleontologist who works out... you're like "Indiana Jones." Ross: I AM like "Indiana Jones!"

[Ross got Joey a job at the museum, as a tour guide] Rachel: But shouldn't you know what you're talking about? Joey: Yeah, but they tell me everything I need to know. It's like reading a script. Like, "this is a Tyranosaurus Rex a creature from the Jurassic period". [everyone approves] Ross: Actually, Joey, it's the Cretaceous period. Joey: Yeah, but, I can pronounce Jurassic.

[Rachel is upset about something] Phoebe: It's ok Pheebs. Rachel: Honey, that's your name! Phoebe: Oh! I thought that was just something we called each other.

[Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes] Ross: Curie. Rachel: Veto. Rain. Ross: Veto. Mark. Rachel: Veto. Vince. Ross: Veto. Lance. Rachel: Veto. James. Ross: Hmmm... Rachel: If it's a girl. Ross: Veto! Phoebe: Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?

[Ross is selling girl scout cookies] Chandler: So, how many boxes did you sell? Ross: 517. Chandler: Wow. Ross: Yeah, I know. A week ago, I was at the planetarium, and as they were leaving I sold like 50 boxes. That's when I realized what sells a lot of these- munchies. After that, I started hitting NYU dorms around midnight. They call me "Cookie Duuuude".

Chandler: Time's up. Pheebs, how many you got? Phoebe: Well, I started naming states, but then I got tired of it. So, I started naming different types of celery. So far I only got one- regular celery. Chandler: ... Okay, Phoebe's got the lead in vegetables. Rach? Rachel: 48. Chandler: Not bad! Joey? Joey: Behold the new champion of Chandler's stupid state game! Ross: How many you got? Joey: 56.

Chandler: Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance. Ben: Thanks, daddy. Ross: No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy.

[At an audition] Joey: Come on, give me another chance! I can do a southern accent! [with Jamaican accent] Joey: Ya, mon.

Phoebe: Where are the seats exactly? Ross: Middle balcony. Phoebe: Now would you say that that's more than fifty yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family? Ross: Yeah. Phoebe: Than it's not breaking the law. I can go.

Joey: All you have to do is pretend to be Mike. Mike: I am Mike. Joey: Attaboy.

Friends

Will and Grace

Pirates of the Caribbean