�The New Rules�
Disclaimer: I do not own any character of InuYasha. I do not own Nair. (actually I really and truly don�t. Kinda a scary product don�t you think? I mean, anything that dissolves *hair* ::shudder:;)
InuYasha: Your hand sucked up my razor you damn monk!
Miroku: No need to yell.
Kouga: he he he
InuYasha: You! Shut up! ::buries head in claws:: What am I gonna do? Without my razor I�m dead!
Miroku: You can use my Nair.
InuYasha: I don�t want your Nair!
Miroku:-_-*
::an instant later InuYasha is coated in Nair::
InuYasha: ::hopping wildly:: IT BURNS! IT BURNS!
Miroku: Do not insult the Nair!
Kouga: ::having too much fun:: Countdown until InuYasha becomes bald 10...9...8...7
InuYasha: Ack! ::runs into nearest sream to wash off Nair, several fish float belly up:: Whew!
Kouga: Drat.
InuYasha: ::advancing on Miroku:: You had better send up one last prayer to Buddha monk �cause I�m gonna-
Miroku: Ah ah ah, do not forget, it is *I* who hold the Nair.
InuYasha: ::looks sullenly to one side, and then the other considering this. Finally he plops down on the ground and looks pissed:: But I still need a razor.
Miroku: Maybe it�ll be ok. I mean, you shaved yesterday.
InuYasha: Even one day stubble won�t stand up to Sesshomaru�s perfect legs.
Miroku: Unless...we expanded the contest to include more than that!
InuYasha: Keep talking.
Miroku: ::warming up to his subject:: Yes, the white shinny legs will be only part of it! The contest could also include a �special talent� section, and a �personality� section where the judges ask questions.
InuYasha: ::hasn't seemed to take to this new suggestion:: Sounds like one of your stupider ideas, hoshi.
Kouga: ::smirks:: You�re just saying that �cause you know you have no talent and the personality of a monkey.
InuYasha: Oh yeah?!? Well...::cracks knuckles, but then pauses remembering he must protect his legs. He sullenly sits back down:: As I was saying, I like your idea, Miroku. I�ll let you inform the others.
Miroku: -_-;; Uh, thanks. ::snaps::
::Little Raccoon Leaf Critter (LRLC) appears::
LRLC: You summoned?
Miroku: I need you to deliver this message ::hands LRLC a handy dandy scroll:: to Sesshomaru and today�s judges.
LRLC: Right away! ::turns into unidentified pink blob thing and floats away::
Kouga: Hmpf! Even with the expanded contest you and your legs don�t stand a chance!
InuYasha: ::looks at his day old stubble and, in his heart, knows Kouga is right.:: Miroku...about that Nair
Miroku: You can�t have it!
InuYasha: Why not?
Miroku: You insulted it! Also I used it all up when I dumped it on you.
InuYasha: ::grabs Miroku�s pack:: I�ll see about that! ::starts rummaging around for another bottle of Nair but then realizes:: Hey! This is Kagome�s pack!
Miroku: Wow, she left in such a hurry I guess she forgot it.
InuYasha: Well lets see if she�s got any Nair. ::pulls out items:: powder stuff, red tube-y stuff, ::examines bottle closely:: What�s Ad-vil?
Miroku: Dunno
InuYasha: Ah ha! I found it! ::holds up a container::
Miroku: That doesn't look like Nair.
InuYasha: Well it says right here: Get rid of unwanted hair...
Miroku: ::finishing the label:: by waxing!
InuYasha: How the hell do you �wax�?
Miroku: Well the instructions say: Warm wax until liquid
::InuYasha places wax by camp fire. Kouga watches with interest::
InuYasha: ::Gently shaking container:: I think its liquid now. Now what?
Miroku: Rub liquid wax on small bit of leg.
InuYasha: The hot wax?!?
Kouga: Wuss
InuYasha: ::glares daggers and starts to smooth the wax on his leg, wincing slightly::
Miroku: Place cloth strip on top of wax and wait 30 seconds.
InuYasha: ::does as told:: one mississippi, two mississippi..
::28 mississippi�s later::
InuYasha: Now?
Miroku: In one swift motion remove strip.
InuYasha: Alright ::places hand on cloth and rips it off::
::the resulting yell chased lion�s from their dens and rabbits from their holes. It chased monks from their prayers and Youkai from their shards. It chased Rin from Sesshomaru and Kikyo from her souls. (gasp) And I think you get thepicture::
InuYasha: ::recovering somewhat:: ITAI!!!
Kouga: ::is rolling on the ground laughing::
Miroku: ::reads step 5:: Repeat.
InuYasha: NANI?!?! IF YOU THINK I�M GONNA-::catches a glance of Kouga banging his head against a tree, tears of laughter streaming down his face:: give me the wax.
::much pain later::
InuYasha: ::sits staring at that innocent looking muslin strip covering the last bit of hair on his legs:: I..can�t do it...can�t pull it off...too much pain...
Miroku: You can�t stop now! You�re almost done! Think of your legs!
InuYasha: They beg for mercy.
Miroku: Think of Kagome!
InuYasha: ::thinks for a moment:: Oh well, I�ve still got Kikyo.
Miroku: Think of Sesshomaru!
InuYasha: ::thinks longer and harder and finally looks determined:: I will pull it off! I will I...I can�t! My poor bleeding legs..::sniff sniff::
Miroku: ::patiently:: InuYasha, we�ve been through this. Your legs are not bleeding.
InuYasha: WELL IT FEELS LIKE IT!
Kouga: Excuse me while I do the happy �Kagome is mine� dance! ::starts up a merry jig::
InuYasha: ::in a fit of rage rips the cloth from his leg. He looks stern a minute before tears well up in his eyes and he falls to the ground, howling::
Miroku: ::takes advantage of this interlude and points out to Kouga:: Um, Kouga, you do realize that every smart comment you make is just driving you further from Kagome. I mean, you�ve done it 3 or four times now!
Kouga: Oh shut up!...AND STOP THAT MUSIC!
Miroku: I�m not making the music!
::at this moment 3 girls in Can-Can costumes jump out from the trees and start dancing and singing::
Girls: Kouga�s not the brightest crayon in the box!
He�s not the sharpest tool in the shed!
If you see a star shinning bright in the sky
You can be sure it ain�t Kouga!
::the girls disappear as quickly as they came::
Miroku: O.o
Kouga: O.o
InuYasha: Suddenly the pain has vanished!
Miroku: That was scary.
Kouga: ::assumes dramatic position:: Why?!?! Why me?!?! ARRGHHH!!!!!! I need o maim something -_- ::runs off after the can-can girls::
Miroku: ...
InuYasha: ...
Miroku: ::holds out bottle:: Lotion?
InuYasha: ::takes bottle:: Sure.
Miroku: Uh, InuYasha, do you have any talents?
InuYasha: Duh! I have the tetsusaiga.
Miroku: Thats not a talent, it�s a possession.
InuYasha: Huh? It�s not? Whats �talent� then?
::somewhere in the woods::
Sesshomaru:Funny, I just got this feeling of sudden glee.
::back to the InuYasha/Miroku Show::
InuYasha: Oh! Great if *that* counts as a �talent� I�ll win for sure!
Miroku: Yeah, there�s no way your brother can beat *that*! Now on to personality. If elected �White Shinny Legs-San� What would your first act be?
InuYasha: Getting Kagome, duh.
Miroku: -_-;; But if you say that you�ll loose votes from the other females and possibly your life at the hands of a certain priestess. Just stay on the safe side and mention something about world peace and teaching kids to read.
InuYasha: How will becoming �White Shinny Legs-San� enable me to do all that?!?
Miroku: I dunno but it�s what all these women said. ::points to a movie he pulled out from Kagome�s bag labeled �Mrs. Universe 1998�:: And the contest was kinda the same deal...except *they* had a swimsuit contest too ^-^.
Inu Yasha: ::utterly confused about how people can come out of a little black box (and please don�t ask me where Miroku got the VCR because the answer is and will always be: monkeys! Lots and lots of monkeys!):: Uh, sure.
::the next day::
Kaede: Looks like Kanna decided it wasn't worth judging if Naraku didn�t come.
Sango: Yup, but where is Kagome? It�s not like her to forget something like this. I wonder if something happened to her.
::Kaede and Sango both turn to look at...::
Kikyo: I�m innocent! I didn't do a thing to her...yet.
Sango: Well then where is-
::cut short by Kagome approaching wearing ::gasp:: long pants!::
Sango: Uh, Kagome, are you alright? You aren't wearing your usual skimpy outfit.
Kagome: I know, ::sniff sniff:: I woke up and realized I had left my pack here. No Nair..no wax..no lotion ::a lone tear makes a path down her cheek::
::Sango and Kaede gasp in shock, even Kikyo looks mildly sympathetic.::
Kagome: I hate being a brunette! ::breaks down into tears::
Kaede: Don�t cry, the boys might figure it out and that would be awful!
::Kagome sniffles a little trying to regain composure and just about then Kouga stumbles into the clearing looking wild and clutching a piece of brightly colored fabric that looks as though it might have come from a can can dress (hint hint)::
Kouga: Damn girls...must find...must kill..
Kagome: Oh Kouga, you�re just in time to watch the competition!
Kouga: Eh? Oh yeah! This I want to see.
Miroku: Hi girls! InuYasha is here behind yonder curtain.
Kikyo: That means we can start as soon as Sesshomaru gets here.
Shippo: Yeah but I don�t know about this whole �extended contest� thing. Sounds dangerous to the announcer. ::looks cautiously around::
Sango: ::clapping her hands together once:: I think it sounds fun! Definitely more interesting than before.
Miroku: Well its settled! Any idea that pleases Sango must stay regardless ^_^
::Sango attempts to glare at Miroku but her blush causes her to duck down and pretend to tie her shoe. Miroku smirks and the girls begin an interesting conversation::
Kagome: So, Kikyo, are you voting for the same person you voted for yesterday?
Kikyo: I don�t know. The person I voted for yesterday might do poorly on the new portions of the contest. You?
Kagome: Yeah, same. So who�d you vote for?
Kikyo: Who�d *you* vote for?
::InuYasha�s ears perk up with interest::
Kagome: I asked first!
Kikyo: I asked second.
Kaede: Girls, girls...why don�t you just say it at the same time?
Kagome: Okay.
Kikyo: Fine.
Kaede: On my count, 1..2..
::InuYasha listens closer and closer but...::
Kouga: ::who has snuck back stage:: HEY! DOG TURD, WHATS UP?
InuYasha: Arrgghh! You made me miss their answers!
Kouga: Yup ^-^.
InuYasha: Why you...::advances on Kouga::
Seshomaru:Yes dear brother, go ahead and mess up your legs fighting, you will loose any way.
InuYasha: Ack! When did you get here?!?!
Sesshomaru:Did you truly think I would miss a chance to once again prove my superiority to you? And besides ::makes a face and gestures in the direction of the girls:: Didn't you hear them?
Girls: Rin! Awwwww!
Rin: Hi everybodies!
Girls: Awwww!
Sesshomaru:Sometimes I don�t know why I keep her around.
Rin: Everybodies be sure to vote for Sesshomaru-sama! Pwease?
Sesshomaru:Ah, yes! Now I remember.
InuYasha: Cheater! Getting little girls to do your dirty work.
Sesshomaru:Don�t forget brother dear, I got two votes yesterday. I�m sure you heard the girls talking just now.
InuYasha: Yeah whatever. I�m still-WAIT! You heard what the girls said just now? Who voted for who?!? WHO?!?!
Sesshomaru:Ha ha! If it tortures you so much brother it is a secret I will take to the grave!
InuYasha: That can be arranged.
Shippo: ::trying to keep blood shed down to a minimum:: And without further ado... The rematch of �White Shinny Legs-San!::
Back to The Results Onwards to The First Talent