With these nine words, our speaker ended her speech long before its well-thought out, precisely executed, but barely noticed conclusion.

And with these same nine words, I'll open this article. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I say this only to convince my reader at the outset that I can identify with and have nothing against this speaker, nor anyone else courageous enough to share a personal tragedy. After all, Toastmasters, in addition to being members in an outstanding organization, also happen to be members of humanity, so most of us have survived something. Many a strong message has emerged from a heart-wrenching tale of woe. Yet, it's important for any speaker, before sharing some intimate, possibly disturbing detail about herself, to consider what impact her revelation might have on the audience.

Obviously, there can be value in sharing stories about overcoming serious obstacles in life. But in doing so, a few rules might apply:

Any important message deserves its own speech. Our speaker made the common mistake of trying to give more than one speech at a time. When we have a message we'd like to convey, it's a natural tendency to try to fit in every little bit of information we feel might strengthen our position or sway our audience. But delivering an effective speech is like using one of those adjustable flashlights - if you use the wide bean in a dark room, you can see a lot, but it's all a bit fuzzy. However, if you focus your beam, you can view what you're looking at in detail.

An effective speech must be organized and have a logical flow of ideas. Our speaker was well on her way to an effective speech. She'd been using anecdotes to illustrate her points, but all were general and about someone else. When she abruptly threw in this statement about herself, I felt like I'd been slapped. From the reaction of the audience, I don't think I was alone. Supporting information is absolutely necessary to prepare the audience for an emotionally charged message, and points made to illustrate that message should have similar emotional "weight." Statements like "I'm a survivor of spousal abuse," "I'm an alcoholic," or "I'm an ex-convict" should never be thrown into a speech as, "oh, by- the- way" elements, especially when the overall tone of the speech has seemed lightweight up to that point.

The needs of the audience should always supersede the needs of the speaker. Too often, a speaker has made no effort to learn about the audience. While researching an audience's needs in the public sector might present a challenge, most Toastmasters clubs are intimate and the contact information of members is readily available. Take the time to make a few calls to say, "I'm thinking of giving a speech about such-and-such topic. How would my talking about that make you feel? Do you have any suggestions on how I could make the audience feel more comfortable with my topic or how I could make my speech more effective?" It's a shame when a Toastmaster who intends to move her audience with a story of personal triumph instead ends up leading her own imposed group therapy session; it's a real turn-off for guests who might be attending the meeting.

To be effective communicators, we need to know how to reveal issues about ourselves appropriately. Inappropriate personal comments not only ruin our messages, they also deprive us of the opportunity to serve as an instrument of much needed inspiration and healing. Our membership provides us with the tools to craft tragedies into triumphs but we must recognize and use the techniques we are shown. We must always choose our words with thought and care, lest we do more harm than help.

Taken from "the Toastmaster", written by Linda S. Cook, CTM, a member of Kentuckiana Club in Louisville Kentucky.