NO SCHOOL...2nd day *10/29
Yay. I think the excitements pretty much gone. Its 6 in the morning, I got up to talk to Tyler. I love him. Nothing new though.
SICK * 10/30
I really miss you right now. But I'm living.
I hope the movie's good.
Other than the usual, and out of school for the rest of the week cause of the fires (God bless everyone involved), nothing new is happening. New music, party tomorrow, shopping Friday, party Saturday. Don't know what I'm gonna do for sure though.
I'm O.K. * 10/27
I can talk about Tyler again ^ ^ I love him sooooo much!
Yeah anyways, besides the fire and all that stuff going on at school, not much has changed. So we're all living on evacuation watch, and I really don't wanna have to move out of my house. I really am starting to get attached to it. And I don't want to lose my body pillow cuz its my substitute snugglebuddy like that. hehe. I believe that was Dannie's idea, to keep it as a temporary teddybear. Thankies, cause it helps sometimes.
I really want to say thanks to all of my friends. Not everybody knows all the stuff thats been going on, not that there's anything major, but you are all the greatest. Especially you Tyler, and Casara, Adam, Travis, Meisha. Thanks.
Ahh the fire...
No school tomorrow cause of the fire. I feel bad for people who are genuinely worried because of their houses or whatever, but it is fun to not have school. Didn't have to run today cause I went to watch the Russian Symphony Orchestra during dance. Yay. I have a lot of homework but since I have tomorrow to do it too, I'm not worried. Call me if you want to do something tomorrow...I'm not sure if I'm gonna leave or stay home though.
5:30 in the morning * 10/27
la la la life is wonderful. But I can't talk about Tyler anymore cause he said so. 8( So I gotta get ready, then I gotta go to school, and I get to run today! Oh joy, but my mom might write me a note because I sprained my foot and its not all the way down yet. So I'll nuture that until dance is over. I miss you guys...since its been all weekend and I couldn't do anything the whole time. But I still love everyone.
MISSING YOU * 10/25
I adore you. I would go to the ends of the world for you. I would spend every last penny to have just one night with you. All I want is for us to be together forever. I know we're going to work out, and I know we'll follow through with all the plans we've made. The last thing I want to see before I fall asleep is your face, the last thing I want to feel is your body next to mine, the last thing I want to taste is your lips against mine in a kiss that will last forever. I don't care what anyone says, we're going to fly one day, even higher than we are now. One day its going to be us and the rest of the world, never just you or me again.
I still have trouble believing your there. I still have trouble believing that I said a prayer one night, and was with you the next. Sometimes its even hard to believe that you are actually mine, and all mine.
rocky making me feel better on aim...
PunkTheGoth: yea see travis loves me
oOrainbowsRfunOo: haha i know
PunkTheGoth: me and him are cool
oOrainbowsRfunOo: i saw that through the window too
september 10th
Sorry you all have to read about him so much...
"Im missing you more than ever..."
"...Thats how i know i love you with all of my heart."
september 7th
He loves me sooo much. And I love him sooo much. And life is good again. No matter what happens between us, we are still in love.
Cahill, I just want to say thanks. Its awesome to be able to talk to you about Tyler and get advice and everything.
even later
At least I have you.
later
Can't I just want one thing and get it? And you can't pick and choose when you're in love. It doesn't work that way. "...I love you all the damn time..."
september 6th
I hate lies. I hate greed. I hate selfishness. The human race has alot of explaining to do because of all three. My view on that is live how you want, you're the one that has to stand at the gate of heaven and tell God why you did what you did. No lieing there.
september 5th
I just learned something I didn't want to know, but I'm glad I do now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet, mostly cause I don't know if its true or not. I feel like crying and laughing at the same time. Its so ironic how life turns on you when you're at your best. I think I might break soon. I am so in love.
8-23-02~Almost
I swear I'm gonna write an entry, I just wanna finish my layout first.
8-15-03~Tyler, this is for you
Will you, walk me, to the edge again
Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again
Woke up tonight and no one's here with me
I'm giving in to you
Giving in
I just wanted you to know that I am giving in, slowly, but I know you see it. After an hour of being alone with you, you always ask what's wrong, and you say you can see it in my eyes. Its not that anything is neccesarily wrong. Its really that I see myself slipping out of the grasp on reality that I thought I had. I'm falling more in love with you everday. I feel drugged and unaware, and unprepared, like I don't really understand what's happening but I know what I'm doing.
I love you more than I ever thought I could. Thank you for giving me the time you had while you are down here. It was, and will be for a few more days, the best.
8-13-03~You asked me why...
I told you I didn't know, but you know the answer. Simply because you are you. I love everything from the way you talk to the way you smile. I love you inside and out, in every way possible. I didn't even know it was possible to feel like this, but I know what I'm feeling. I know I might never see you again, but I know that if this is real love I will. You know me enough to know that I'll make it happen. Don't tell me I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. Tell me you love me, and that we're in this together.
me: why'd you ask?
tyler: Whyd i ask what?
me: if i really fell in love with you
tyler: Because i wanted to know if you had fallen for me
tyler: Because i have fallen for you
8-9-03~What is this in my head...
Am I doing the right thing? For some reason I feel like maybe what I've been feeling is a mixture of lies and things I've convinced myself are happening. I don't really know what I mean, just that something is definitely not right. Maybe... Am I really ready? Or am I fooling myself into thinking that I'm doing it for the right reasons? I'm sorry for confusion, most people probably don't have any clue what I mean, but these are questions I needed to ask myself, things I needed to face.
8-8-03
I'm working on a new layout because I get bored easily. I can't do it right now though because I just finished two requests and my head hurts. Maybe its screen burnout. Also I'm doing a website for one of my mom's friends that is a midwife. I'm going to bed to get some sleep. I miss Kat and Anna and Shannon, but I've also made alot of new friends lately. Life has been good and hopefully will continue to be. Only a few minor problems but nothing a day of relaxing won't fix.
8-7-03
I've figured out how to put comments on my entries. Joy. So now you can respond to my entries, if you'd like. Besides that excitement, not much is new. I watched Bringing Down the House last night at Rocky's with him and Tyler. It's a hilarious movie. I'm hopefully going to see American Wedding soon as well. Life? No emotional stress, no heartbreaks, nothing but chilling and living and loving Ty.
8-4-03
Tyler's here and we're having an awesome time!! I am so in love with him. I don't ever want him to leave and I probably won't let him. ::evil laughter:: He is an excellent kisser although he doesn't think so and he is pretty much awesome all around. Other than that, summer school is over, the beach is awesome, the guys are hott (j/k Ty...), and I am just relaxing and enjoying the month I have till school. Call me or whatever. Love you all!!
7-28-03
Ok...Thursday is my last day of summer school. Friday is my mom-daughter day, Saturday I'll be at the beach for Kat and Anna's going away (most likely anyways...Adam I'll have to wait and see if its a for sure or not...), Saturday night Ty is mine! Sunday I'll probably be with him...other than that my summer for the next month is wonderfully free. Except that Ty will be here. So call me for plans and parties!
7-26-03
I LOVE TYLER!! We're doing really great just to let everyone know. And for everyone who was gonna come over and meet him, he'll be here soon. I'm soooo excited! I'd have a welcome Tyler party, but my parents won't go out of town 8( lol. Well it doesn't matter...don't call me, unless its important (like rainbow parties...) or you know you are. I'll be busy all next month!
7-24-03
OMG Casara said I was almost as bad as Kat...LOL. But see, her men are older and she especially likes Marines, and mine are usually within my age range. No cradle-robbing, but no old men either. And Adam. Adam's coming to school tomorrow to see me!...most likely. I sure hope so. I'm inviting Casara and Ana to meet him, but Kat can go talk to Nick or Isaac or that skater boy. Haha.
7-22-03
Haven't had much time to work on my requests sorry. I've been busy with school and a few other things but I'll get back on top of it this weekend. Personal life's going fine. Hopefully Ty's gonna get here in early August so I might be...busy...for a few weeks. We'll see how things go. I gotta go shopping so call me if you wanna go.
7-16-03
Ok quick update...I'm at school. Working on a few new layouts and the rest of the site is pulling together. I love Tyler, Rocky's a whore. Fallbrook is a shit hole but at least its not ghetto like Oceanside eh?
7-13-03
Nick is amazing. He wants to be in my journal thing...so I will write something special just for him. I thought all the girls should know that Nick is really hot...yummy hott. And sweet and hilarious. And this is free sex-marketing space for him. Talk to him on AIM...PureHtrd. And tell him Sarah sent you. And he owes me $5.
OOPS!
Ahhhh!!!!!! I had a whole bunch of shits that I just accidentally deleted. Damn Control button gotted stuck. Ah well.
7-5-03
Adrian-"I wish they all could be California girrrrrrrrrrls!"
7-3-03
"You know what's the most terrifying thing about admitting that you're in love? You're just naked. You put yourself in harm's way and you lay down all your defences. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide, completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and you can trust him not to hurt you."~CAHILL~ I read this in her journal. How beautiful is that?? Its almost scary, and thats really what it feels like.
6-29-03
I'm gonna use this as my blog I guess. When I saw it I knew I had to make it a layout. And I knew I had to keep it for myself. ^ ^ Just like I'm gonna keep Ty. Oh yeah, now that this is gonna be my place to write whatever I want so if you don't want to hear about anything in particular...don't read it.
6-28-03
the beginning.