| 6/13/01 I know this girl, Who took a step back from her life. And said, "Where am I?" "I've been around for nineteen years, I've a pile of bad memories, a bucket full of sparkling tears." Where was she? Certainly not here. "I've a box of photos, A bunch of pencils, A lot of drawings, But I'm unfulfilled." I know this girl, Who used to burn off her skin. She couldn't stop herself, She let the pain fill in, The gaps in her memory. "Let the pain fill in, The emptiness that is me. Let the scarred spots on my skin, Begin to define me." I know this girl, Who needs a friend. Not another 'outside' friend, Who talks about weekend plans, And remembers parties, That were once shared. This girl needs someone, Who may not understand her, But won't pretend to either. Won't attempt to read her. There is no one there, No one here Who can do be such. She says: "I thought I knew myself well, I wish somebody would just tell Me that I'm not okay. That I don't have to fake it, I can live in this way. I'd give them my trust And they wouldn't break it." I know this girl who cries, And doesn't think it's wrong. She doesn't bother to hide, That she never can belong. 6/22/01 there are no strings left to pull. i feed on broken dreams and never will be full. today i burn a blue candle tomorrow i will just burn. dead or alive? i'd like to have someone to hold onto or hide out in. 6/25/01 execise your muscles ha ha ha exorcise those demons. those demons of americanism. waste time and energy... jealous of those tiny girls. if i wore a size two abercrombie and fitch size two, could you? could you be a part of everything? |
| 6/25/01 i could melt away seven thousand times and still return, as ashes of the memories you chose to boldly burn. death played me a tune a few days ago... i sang along...coldly...remembered... or perhaps forgot where i came from. where was i one year ago? somewhere far from here... planning my escape. i understand now that this was not escape. this was not about me. it never was about me... someone's mind chose my body, and then became bored... and left me here, vacant...untrusting...broken able to hear what isn't spoken... i could waste away eight thousand times and return. With nothing to show But a few ugly burns. 6/25/01 Glitter...white snow Morhine dreams... Where to go... Girl with no hair Girl with a blank stare. Girl beneath the stairs... Go towards something Towards nothing girl. Nothing girl... Chasing bubbles... Glitter white snow Morphine...bubbles Candy- milk chocolate... With those little crispy things... Uh huh...nestle crunch girl... Broken pill girl... Girl with nothng...girl...without... What? What? Huh...without...bubble... Without her snow... Nothing girl...oh girl, oh my nothing... Oh...oh nothing girl. Snowflake nothing knowing girl. Knowing the stairs And the stare... In a bubble...where? Oh nothing. Just said: oh nothing girl. 6/26/01 Paper doll girl.. Broken glass Paper hit girl Hit girl... Broken clock girl. Glass of ice water. Water beneath the ice. Not so nice. Nice girl... Not so mean girl. Dolls, dolls, girls' dolls. How about it girl? Sunny day... Warmth of summer. Warm girl. Where's your coldness now? Icy girl...ice and snow girl. Girl inside a snowglobe Statue of liberty snowglobe girl. Girl without shoes. Dead girl on the news. Dead...dead...why... Used to feel alive. Used to feel girl Nothing's real girl Nothing...nothing...nothing girl |
| 6/18/01 laying here the hum of the incinerator is like a lullabye. it's a little song i wrote for you. do you need my lullabye? the wind passes through the leaves on this tree i sit beneath. it sounds so beautiful it sounds like the bumblebees who hover by my incinerator when there's nothing left to burn. |