| 12/30/00 Please stay near me, Please don�t lead me on so. I�m too trusting for my own good. I shouldn�t let myself recall, The sweet things you said. I�m about to give myself away. I don�t know if you mean the things you say. They used to call me gullible, They still think I�m crazy� But not in a good way. Maybe I am. Can you please analyze me, Do I disturb my world, Or am I disturbed by what I see? Nobody knows about what he took from me. I told my friends, but they did not believe, Me. Oh, help. Help me. I�m slipping away. He stole the best of me, What did she say? Oh yeah, she said: �That�s a real shitty way�� I know I should be strong about this, But it haunts me. I can get along, in spite of The memory of that day. Dizzy and drifting away. Pretending to dream, HE was never what he seemed. Do I have any disease, That cannot be cured? Can I be at ease When I�m easily lured? Change your mind, And listen to me please. I guess I�ll never find, What I think I need. I love my pen, and I need to run. I hate myself and I can�t blame that on him. How am I supposed to live, When I can�t even cry? What have I left to give? I wish I knew why No one, believes me. Oh please don�t go away, I need someone to listen to me and stay. I know, it�s not my fault, But I also know, I did nothing at all, To help myself. So I�m asking you, Won�t you please help me? Help me get through, What ever it is that I can�t survive. I know that I must survive, But it�s hard, it�s so hard, So please help me, help me. 1/24/01 I'm not lonely. Or even upset. I'm disappointed, only because I have let myself believe that I have friends. Now I realize, That I can't pretend anymore. I could drink myself to oblivion. To try to end all this pain. But there's a good chance I'll still be thirsty, And all these feelings will remain. |
| 1/3/01 Smiles can�t show the true feelings, That lurk behind a face. Somewhere behind her eyes, There is a dream of finding time. Financial restraints keep her down, Help her show the world around. Signatures of a lost belief, Test her strength. Lavishly decorated Pepsi Machine, Wasted photographs, Nothing left to eat But crumbs of leftovers memories (Lost somewhere between her and me). Empty, empty, empty gestures, Full of condescension. Silly vagrant useless words, Looking for redemption. Finding herself amid the empty booths, Full ashtrays, her once vibrant youth. Whispering promises to blind fate. If only for once, it would be too late. Tempting, frightening, life on the run. Who wants to find that they�re life�s work is done? Who�s more apathetic, the rich or the dead? Who sleeps more soundly, the pillow or the bed? Hungry for new dreams, old hopes still gleaming. Open to new fears, old ghosts disappearing, Reappearing acts, of long forgotten facts. Predetermined answers, to predecided queries. Do you think about yesterday�s life? Do you want to hear her bold goodbyes? One day so ecstatic, the next so sad, One moment good, the next moment bad. Gone, gone away, Triumphs of other days; Lost in the shuffle of a deck of airline cards. 1/14/01 Loser I�m so tired, Of being a loser. I�m so tired Of my plans that can�t come true. I always assume, That people won�t fuck with me. That�s the mistake I made, When I met you. All I know is that, I�m not too pretty, I�m not too friendly, And I�m really not cool. All you see is how I don�t fit in, That I�m far from hip, So FUCK YOU! I�m tired of dreaming, About what I could do, They say I�m a loser, And now I know it�s true. Sit here and try, To imagine how it is To hear the same excuses And end up like this. How can I explain myself, When nobody cares, I only can blame myself, But I�m just a loser, I�m just a loser. |