| 1/24/01 His evenings health, The pace of games as Big as night we know. With melting stars that Spin around the world So full of decent shows. His mourning & this morning The eighteen years I have survived. I don't know how I look I can't see me through his eyes. I can't feel strength in his muscles, I can't hear the words he knew, When they told me he was gone I did not think it was true. How could I have imagined What would happen in the end. It still does not seem real And I cannot pretend. That he was never breathing Or that I never felt him leave At least it was respected That I needed time to grieve. 2/6/01 I can't wait to arrive. At the place wherebirds go. If I make it there alive, I will finally know, How it feels to be able, To just get up and fly, To look at your world, From the top of the sky. To float from your fears, With the greatest of ease. To never shed tears, Your actions: reason-free. You just dowhat you wish, And sing at your will. If I was a bird, I would never keep still. 3/14/01 I don't want to be comforted Or convinced it's okay. I hate where I'm going I never thought I'd miss my yesterdays. But I do. I can't believe it's true. That I'm here for four years. I can't believe it, that all I have is fear Of the future; Of the consequence That will follow this bad decision. I never felt true freedom, And now I have become imprisoned. Stupid as I am I understand that I am. I'm willing to admit it. 3/5/01 Here I am. I traded freedom For location. I can't imagine why, I thought I could escape, From all these crazy lies. I'm sitting here... Alone...no friends to call my own. No one left to be my home I'm surrounded by others, Sitting here alone. |
| 3/30/01 You were always, A little bit more than me. Taking your time, Not worried about... those things. Those things like, Who you had become; or Who needed time. Who do you think you are? No friend of mine. Sometimes, I stand alone. Sometimes I, Stand against a wall. You shouldn't try, To change my mind. You lie in wait for me to fall. And how many times Will these broken items Mend themselves? How many times should I Smile and lend myself... To you. To you I am nothing. Two times I've felt, Your indifference Eat me up. Two too many times, You hurt me like it was nothing I have lived through Your lies... I'm still ALIVE. You were always A little bit grander, Than me. You were always A little bit more; Yet a little too much For me. 4/21/01 We've had our share of rough days. We seem to be growing in seperate ways. I love this place, the place I've never been to. The reason I extend my hand Towards the big cold sea, Is it because I am on land? Land for good or bad, Feelings that I've never had. When you listen to me You see who I am. When I say please smile, You see who I'd like to be. I'd like to be someone, Who doesn't get cagey, Doesn't freak out, Who has never been lazy. I'd like to feel welcome, Where ever I go. I'd like to feel close, To the people I know. Inconsistancies make me who I am. Distrust is my entire game plan. Love life, and it will lov you back, Live life,and you'll forget about that. Take it all day by day... Maybe then you'll want to stay. I've heard this a lot, And I don't know what to say, When I do. |