My memory just isn�t what it used to be. Various things happened to and around me over the past few weeks...the time frame, however is sketchy. I'll try and add a few pictures to the reports below soon.
This Isn�t Kansas, It�s St. Charles
I had this craving for pancakes and asked Linda Cress if she would like to join me in filling it. So Lenore and I met her at the IHOP in St. Charles. I was happily tucking into my stack of flapjacks while sampling all the various syrup options when the sky turned ominous. It got very dark and very windy, and then it started to rain, and then the tornado sirens went off. Lenore�s �safety girl� instincts kicked in and she herded us into the bathroom. Though reluctant at first, I thought to myself, �damn, I don�t want to die in an IHOP!� There was a mother with three VERY obnoxious kids in there as well, so after about four minutes of that, we decided we would rather face a tornado than listen to one more second of screeching and whining. Fortunately, it missed us, but Linda tried calling 911 to find out how imminent the danger really was and was told, �there�s tornadoes everywhere!� before being disconnected. We ended up sitting there at least an hour waiting for the rain to let up enough to make a dash to our cars.
Another mental/emotional adventure that comes to mind is my brief but enlightening stint on a coroner�s jury.
This is Not CSI
I had the option to do this one-day gig over sitting all day at the court house waiting to see if I would be picked for a regular jury trial that could last who knows how long. So I decided to give it a go. What I didn�t realize was that we, this clueless jury of eight, would review not one, but 12 cases in a single day. Our job was to decide, based on evidence presented, if death was by natural causes, suicide, homicide, accident or undetermined. Mostly police officers and the deputy coroner testified, family members had the option of testifying. Though some reports were read, much of the detail was reported from memory, which I thought was impressive (or sloppy, depending on your point of view I guess).
So, us chosen ones convened with free bad coffee and gooey doughnuts at our disposal (maybe that�s job security for the coroner). Besides me, there were two suits, a Hawaiian shirt, a soccer mom, a semi-professional-pushing-40 like me (also named Paula, coincidentally), a female empty nester and a woman who dressed in gold satin for the occasion. She would turn out to be a MAJOR pain in the ass who I would have to get a little assertive with because she would NOT shut UP. I just have NO patience for people who not only make up their minds based on their own small-minded ignorance, but then insist on pushing their opinions on everyone else.
Some of the cases were easy � a guy who had talked about killing himself was observed shooting himself in a parking lot. Pretty obvious. Others were tougher, especially the ones that could have been suicide, but maybe were not. The fact that a couple of the jurors were CSI fans (including the big mouthed dingbat) did not speed up the deliberation process. Our first case was the toughest. It involved a 49-year-old farmer who was losing his shirt. He had been depressed, had a drinking problem, and, the morning of his demise, called a friend and told him, "well, I did it...I drank a root beer can of arsenic." The farmer was later found lying under his running combine (we never did find out why he was lying there of all places). He had a little arsenic in his system (probably from farm chemicals), but not enough to be conclusive or kill him. What he had apparently ingested a large amount of was alcohol (legal intoxication is .08, his blood alcohol level was .209). There was no root beer can found, no suicide note, no other evidence of suicide or foul play. What was interesting is that every other juror was convinced this was a suicide. I was the lone holdout. I said if I was going to rule suicide, the evidence had to be conclusive. In my mind, it was like ruling homicide, there can be no room for "maybe." Plus I couldn�t help but think of his wife sitting out there perhaps at risk of losing any chance to collect life insurance money. So we called the coroner back in to tell him we were not unanimous and ask a few questions. He basically said, in so many words, what I had just said and also implied that there was no evidence of suicide in this case. So we ended up ruling his death was accidental...which I hope helped the family a bit for insurance and peace of mind.
I won�t go into detail of all the cases, but here are a few interesting notes:
- In an accident involving an SUV rollover, the victim was found with the vehicle sitting on top of him...he was still clutching his cell phone.
- Of the 12 cases, *seven* of them were either suicide or presumably accidental overdose of drugs or alcohol. One man wanted to kill himself so badly, he hung himself with an electrical cord from a tree branch. He could have stood up, but he was so desperate to die that he went to his knees, overriding the overwhelming instinct to breath. The coroner said this position is not uncommon in hangings.
- There were two cases involving children, and they were by far the most tragic and difficult to discuss. One drowned in the backyard pool, the other, a two-month-old, was most likely suffocated when his father rolled over on top of him while sleeping.
- Of all the non trauma deaths the coroner sees, he said 80 percent of them are caused by lifestyle.
- The average age of deaths he sees is mid 30s.
- The coroner�s pet peeve is people who die without any form of ID on them.
- More and more people are exceeding his equipment�s 300-pound weight limit, making it "very unmanageable" to conduct removals and treat the deceased with dignity and respect, he said.
- There are a lot of people out there who should NOT be allowed to stay in the gene pool.
Memorial Day Weekend
We had big plans to celebrate Lenore�s birthday, put in the garden, maybe take a bike ride or two...but the wet, wet, wet weather prevented any planting or outdoor activities. We managed to sneak in a couple of walks between downpours and had two birthday dinners (hamburgers, burned the way Lenore likes them, with homemade potato salad) at my parents� followed by homemade carrot cake. Memorial day itself was quite memorable as we discovered my basement had FLOODED. In a big way. With stormwater AND sewage. Also my sump pump did not go on. It was a huge, frustrating mess. No sooner had we pumped water out than it filled back up again. Finally, after about eight hours, we just plugged all the floor drains we could and gave up. I did buy a new sump pump (which we installed ourselves, how butch is that?!) that seems to work much better. Subsequent days involved ripping up and carting out all the crappy tile that had loosened (no great loss, it was pretty ugly), trying to dry things out and disinfecting...we still smell like bleach. And to add insult to injury, I had to get a tetanus shot...which cost me $99 at an urgent care place because my doctor�s office couldn�t do it within 48 hours! My insurance lady assures me it will be covered. I sure hope so!
And Speaking of Rushing Water...
Here�s a tip: If you ever go whitewater rafting, secure your car keys to your person. Yeah, I lost my car key in the damn river. Talk about a sinking feeling (both literally and figuratively). The only consolation was I wasn�t the only person this happened to. Someone else had already called a locksmith who was on the scene. This type of key issue appeared to be a common occurrence. I told the locksmith he should just set up a little booth. I�m not sure he knew I was joking. After spending a good hour trying to locate my key code (turns out Honda Motor Company has no record of my car ever being sold!), he determined that my type of key had a computer chip in it that prevented him from duplicating my key anyway...so after all that, we had to ride back home with Roland and Amy and then drive back again w/my spare key. (sigh) We did stop at Brian and Diane�s for Anne�s graduation party (since we were in the neighborhood anyway!) for a brief visit and a bite to eat. We also delivered Lenore�s fudge, which Roland and Amy had picked up for us on their way down to LaSalle, because we had forgotten it in my freezer. Poor Amy was still suffering from jet lag so was a great sport but fading fast. Roland was Mr. Social and visiting happily with Brian and some other folks I didn�t even know. He�s so cute. We got to my car about midnight and then crashed at Merri�s for the night. After we got home Sunday, we devoted the rest of the day to installing all of Lenore�s flowers and vegetables and her new rose bush.
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| Roland, Merri (in back), Amy, and me, Lenore is behind the camera. |
Oh, one final note to this chapter: I called the dealership where I bought my car on Monday and explained to the general manager what had happened. He was baffled and also must have taken pity on me, because he�s going to make me two new keys for free. I think normally they�re pretty expensive. The locksmith said the blanks cost $115!
The Saga of My Sump Pump...
The plot thickens...it appears, according to Tim (fearless handyman), that my sump "pit" is not so much an official area of sumpage, but rather a crude hole in my basement floor with a medieval iron collar around it that is doing little good. To make matters worse, it's not the lowest point in the basement *and* it's located right on top of the main sewer line into which the IDIOT former own punched a HOLE and then, for whatever reason, stuffed a shirt into, probably to block the sewer gas. Grrrr!! That explains a lot, because when, in the throes of pumping and sopping, I saw this shirt in the pit getting in the way and pulled it out, the water (and other icky things) *really* started coming in. Tim said my best bet might be to just patch the hole and fill in the pit, because it�s not doing any good anyway. Meanwhile, I�m so glad I spent $114 on a new sump pump!! It never even kicked on (because, of course, by the time we put it in, the water had gone down enough). Maybe I can return it. (sigh)
Heading North Lenore and I are heading north this weekend to kayak on the Kickapoo river, which is a beautiful, winding waterway billed as one of the crookedest in...I�m not sure what, probably THE WORLD. If you�re even in the Ontario area, check out Titanic Canoe Rental (which also has kayaks). We like to stay at the Mid Trail Motel in Wilton, because it's cheap and it's the half-way point on the Elroy-Sparta bike trail. Wilton also has a great little cafe with delicious homemade square pies (it�s called Gina�s Pies Are Square). Pie...it's not just for breakfast! I have a feeling we are going to have to coat ourselves in bug spray, but such is life in the wilds of Wisconsin. We are taking a "Q" section from the Tribune in hopes that they will publish our picture reading Q on the river. Also, we�re going to take our new best friends, Hoops and YoYo.
Soggy But(t) Fun So, my new favorite way to ride the Elroy-Sparta trail is to start in Wilton and ride up to the tunnel and back. Then ride the other way up to another tunnel and back. Round trip it�s about 16 miles or so, which is a very short, doable ride with the added benefit of two tunnels, a butt that is not sore the next day and pie when you�re done as a reward.
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| Lenore, after the tipping incident, paddles along wearing my sweatshirt and her life vest for warmth. | Me, paddling along enjoying the sun and scenery. |
And, my new favorite way to kayak on the Kickapoo is right side up. Lenore can attest to the upside-down variety of kayaking as not being nearly as fun, especially when it�s a cool day and you�re wearing cotton sweats. Yes, Lenore learned the hard way that having one�s boat go parallel to a fallen tree inevitably results in a dump, not to mention a lost lunch. We did find her fig newton bar bobbing happily along a little ways up though. I can�t help but be reminded of that scene in Winnie the Pooh where Roo falls in...
�Did you see me swimming?� squeaked Roo excitedly, while Kanga scolded him and rubbed him down. �Pooh, did you see me swimming? That�s called swimming, what I was doing. Rabbit, did you see what I was doing? Swimming. Hallo Piglet! I say, Piglet! What do you think I was doing! Swimming!�Only, maybe with a little less enthusiasm and more swear words.
Just Plain Scary My dad�s ordeal...in which he did a pretty good imitation of Dracula, only with his own blood, which he coughed up his own self. The fact that I got a phone message while in Wilton while they were on their way to the hospital and then COULDN�T REACH THEM didn�t help! But now everything is relatively back to being normal, aside from the fact that the doctors have no idea what caused it and then charged my parents over $4,000 to tell them so.
P.S. I did return my sump pump. Yay.