We just got back from K-State, leaving our Syd behind. Last night, I gave Syd 2 phenobarbitol and he started having problems breathing. He was either fighting the meds or truly having problems. He was so very, very weak he could not hold his head up. He could not eat out of his bowl and I had to literally scoop the food into my hand and hold it under his mouth for him to eat it. When my husband got home from work, we both got ready for bed and laid on either side of him. It was in the cool basement and in the middle of the night I reached over to touch Syd and I couldn't feel him. Startled, I looked and he had pulled himself up into a prone position and was sort of curled up with his face on my mattress. Runt was lying at the top of my head and started whining and crying. Thinking he needed to go potty, I got up (which he normally will follow me anywhere I go) and he never came. I laid back down and he started whining, looking toward Syd's direction. I got up to try and get him to come with me and he wouldn't. I went upstairs and got a drink and he soon followed me. We both slept upstairs for the remainder of the night. I got up and took a quick shower and prepared the van for Syd's final car ride. I sat in the van crying when my husband came out and sat beside me. He said that several times last night after I got up, he had to check Syd carefully to see if he was breathing. He felt cold so he covered him with a blanket. My husband went back downstairs to get Syd ready to move upstairs and he had peed all over his mattress from head to toe. He said he thought Syd had held it all night and waited until we had both left the room to pee, because he was drenched in it. He cleaned him up and said he needed a bath, because he didn't think Syd would be comfortable smelling like pee. So we carefully got him onto a creeper with wheels and towed him up the stairs. I guess that scared him a little because he then pooped, but they were nice and firm and easy to pick up. We then took him outside and got the warm water hose and gave him a good bath. We then let him down into the grass to dry off and look around. I pulled the van up by him to make it easier to load him. He was whining and crying and kept trying to get up and kept looking at the van. He then pooped a good one again. We then made sure he was dry and loaded him in to start his final journey.
I called K-State about 30 minutes out to let them know we were coming. My husband kept reassuring me that we had done everything to help him and not to second guess myself. Syd was sleeping quietly until we got into Manhattan, then he woke up (I had given him 2 phenobarbitol pills to help relax him). He began to try and get up and couldn't even with assistance. He kept whining and I was so upset because I didn't know what he wanted. We arrived at K-State and I went in to the bathroom before going into the comfort room. Knowing that another CBC list member was taking her dog in today to K-State, I had already touched base with her last night and we agreed to at least say hello. She waited an hour for me to arrive. I was exiting the bathroom when another woman was trying to enter. I said excuse me, then noticed the shirt matched what she said she would be wearing. I asked if she was Jan, she asked if I was Peppi and we both said yes and we embraced and cried tears of sadness. (Thank you for your compassion, Jan!!!) We hugged what seemed like an eternity and then I asked her if she would like to meet Syd. We walked out to the van and she got to meet Syd before they took him inside. She then left and I honestly can't even remember if I said goodbye and thank you to her, so Jan, if I didn't, I apologize!!! <blush,blush> The student vet Sarah that was assigned to Syd over the weekend came out and petted Syd and said hello to him again. She then helped load Syd onto the gurney. This time he didn't fight or whine at all. We wheeled him into the comfort room where they had a blanket on a mat all ready for us. As we shut the door, Syd started peeing all over the gurney and Sarah said it was okay, grabbed the blanket and wiped it up, then went to get another one. My husband came in and they put Syd onto the floor. The power had gone off for 2 hours the day before and the rooms were all very warm. Syd started to pant heavily and we tried to calm him down. The oncologist on duty came in and sat down beside Sarah. The oncologist petted Syd and said it was nice to see him again. She went over some of the paperwork, such as making sure they had permission to euthanize, that we wanted him cremated and wished for the ashes back, had permission for them to do a necropsy and then she asked something she hadn't mentioned before....if we would allow Syd's body to be used to teaching purposes in certain aspects.....it meant that we would still get ashes back, but part of his body would be used for teaching. We told her it was okay with us, that if his legacy was to help just one dog not have to endure what he and others have endured with OS or any other type of cancer, then it's just his transport vessel they would be learning from. She made sure we understood what would transpire over the next few minutes and we understood, having gone through this with Shayla in November 2002. They left to get the catheter to put in and came back. They tried to get the catheter in, but the vein kept rolling so they had to try several times. All this time Syd is starting to pant more and get warmer. They finally got it in and I asked if we could get a box fan to cool Syd down a little, which they did. They asked if we wanted a 15 minutes or so of alone time with Syd and we said yes. In the meantime, Syd's other oncologist (the one who was doing the study Syd was on) happened to be in the office doing just paperwork, so she came in and sat down and talked to us. She greeted Syd with a big rub on the head and said he was such a good boy. We talked again about his symptoms and her consultation with the specialist about his legs and they all agreed it was probably something in his spine or brain. She assured us that we had tried everything we could and that we were doing right by him. She said he was such a special boy and she was very sad to see him go. She then left when the attending oncologist and Sarah came back. They asked if we needed more time and we said no. My husband was at Syd's head with his knee under his head. I was lying right behind him right at his ear, rubbing his side and head and talking to him, telling him how much we loved him, how much his kids loved him and told him how much he was loved by everyone on the CBC list and to go play with the dogs that have gone before him like Nikki, Hannibal, Bob, Juno, Skylar, Basse, Ben, Rico and Jake and all the others. I told him to go harass Shayla like he used to do and say hello to Mindy, the cat he loved to torment. I told him that he would have to especially keep an eye on those rottie boys Basse, Ben, Rico and Jake as they would probably be some competition to him with the ladies up there and were probably as onery as he is. The oncologist then inserted the needle and said he would go into an unconscious state, then the heart would stop and breathing would cease. For some reason, Syd started to raise up a little when she gave the injection, but quickly relaxed and was gone in a few seconds. I told him goodbye and that he was now running again without discomfort or frustration and we would definintely see him again someday. I kissed him as she checked his heart to ensure he had crossed over.
After he crossed, we sat and chatted for awhile about what kind of dog he was. I told her that he was THE ugliest puppy I had every seen. He was long legged and just ugly. My husband had to tell me to go ahead and get him as he would probably be the best dog ever. He was right. He had a personality that was bar none, was a vocal dog, a playful dog, a mischievious dog, and active dog, and well, a dog that was full of life and had spirit. That's one reason I chose the path I took for him, because he had that spirit. Even in sickness, he was a trooper and actually got along with everyone during his visits. Since he hadn't been around a whole lot of dogs and was more hyper, the first thing we asked when we left him the very first time for x-rays at K-State last August was "did he bite anybody?" They assured us that he didn't and besides pooping and peeing all over, he was good. Even when he had his chemo, some dogs they had to muzzle or restrain, but they just said he was so good and quiet, they would just leave him unrestrained and said he was a good boy. We then talked about the necropsy and getting the results back. She said they would call us, then they would also send us a copy of the report. My husband jokingly said if they didn't find anything wrong with him in the brain or spine, to just lie to us and tell us they did find something, so we wouldn't feel bad about releasing him and not trying other avenues. She said with his symptoms, she was very sure it was either the spine or the brain. She said if, for some reason, they didn't find anything, they would do another test of an muscle abnormality that might cause sudden lameness. She also mentioned something that I had her repeat to make sure I heard it right.....she told me that OS causing brain mets is pretty abnormal. I told her that HRH Hannibal and Syd both had brain mets and I asked if she did say ABNORMAL and she said yes, it was very rare that OS causes mets in the brain. (Wouldn't you know it....two dogs that have royal type titles in their names have to be the odd men out and different!!!) She said we had fought a good fight of 10 1/2 months for him and that was good. I asked her about her own personal dog, who she mentioned a few months back that it had cancer, and she said they just found a nodule in it's lung yesterday. She said it had hemangiosarcoma, which is apparently an even more aggressive cancer than OS. She said she thought she only had 6 months with her dog and the dog has lived 15 months so far, so she feels blessed. I told her to start the metronomic protocol quick and I've got meds if she needed them! She then told us that we have been the most dedicated owners to our dog that she has ever seen. She said there are others who are dedicated, but we have gone way beyond our dedication to Syd and that was very admirable to her. I then kissed Sydney several more times for everyone on the list and we got up and hugged the oncologist and Sarah and thanked them for their compassion. They said they would go take Syd back in back and my husband asked if they needed helped lifting him up. They said no, they would find someone and my husband insisted. So they used the blanket to put him onto the gurney. They uncovered him and rolled him out into the hallway and I patted his head and said one more goodbye and told him to teach them well. My husabnd was in tears at this point (as he had been all along) and we walked away from Syd holding onto each other and saying it was the right thing to do and he's in a much better place playing right now.
We stopped to get something to eat and the whole time he was driving, My husband was crying and saying that before Syd passed and as he was passing, he was looking right at him eye-to-eye. I think he really felt that Syd was either asking for help to stop it or thanking him for letting him go. I told him Syd was probably telling him goodbye, since Syd really loved him as they always played and wrestled with each other. Because I felt sort of sad that Syd was so hot and panting and seemed to be stressed, that I started questioning if I should have gone ahead and done this at home where it was cool and he would be relaxed instead of doing it up there. My husband said Syd was relaxed, just a little uptight for a few seconds when they tried to put the catheter in or when they injected him. He said he was looking right into his eyes and he was relaxed. I still feel bad as it was not as peaceful as Shayla's was. :-(
We arrived back home and there was two voicemails on my machine. One from my co-worker asking if I was coming to the training that was scheduled today for a new piece of equipment they were installing. (Man, I'll probably get written up for that one as I completely forgot about it...oh well, Syd was much more important). The other was from Sarah at K-State. She wanted us to know that they had done the necropsy and for our own peace of mind, they found two fairly large tumors in the back of Syd's brain inbetween the cerebrum and the cerebellum (sp?) and another one in the cerebellum. They said with the size they were, they were fairly certain that this was causing his problems and couldn't be fixed. She again gave her sympathies to us and said she thought we might like to know so we can sleep better tonight. (How great are these folks at K-State???) I told my husband that I thought Sarah mentioned that she was from Wichita and I was going to write to her a thank you note and tell her if she ever starts a practice here in Wichita, we will be one of her first clients, for sure. My husband said he noticed after Syd passed, that Sarah (who was by his back legs by the oncologist) kept stroking him all the while we were talking to the oncologist. That's compassion, my friends!!!!
So while we are missing Syd right now horribly, we also know that he gave us 9 years of laughter, goofiness, playfulness, and unconditional love. And he fought as hard as he could for 10 1/2 months when his initial timeframe was less than 6 months. So Syd, we will miss you, my buddy boy, my Syd Bean, "de man" and now my Angel. Thank you all for your compassion, your prayers and thoughts and for your support. I could not have done it without your advice, your willingness to listen to my long e-mails, your patience to read my long e-mails and your obvious love that you have for your dogs transcends to everyone else and their own dogs. I would also like to publicly thank my friends and stepkids Chris & Ken for being so supportive throughout Syd's journey. And a special thanks to my beloved husband who never questioned my decisions and who loved Syd deeply to the end. Thank you. Until we meet again, one glorious day....Godspeed Sir Sydney von Schroeder... I love you with all of my heart and all of my soul....forever and ever. |
