THE
URBAN LEGENDS BEHIND "URBAN LEGENDS"
When I first heard the
Eddies’ “Urban Legends” way back in 1989, I had no idea what an “urban
legend” was. In a nutshell, it is a modern legend, told about our
contemporary world. A UL is generally false, but it almost usually
includes a lesson. (For example, in the first one below, the young
lady’s lack of personal hygiene led to her death.) I have investigated
the UL’s referred to in the Eddies’ song, and I have written them out,
in my own words, for you below. So, if you don't remember
the dog in the microwave oven, read on...
remember the girl with the bee hive hairdo
stung by a spider in a rat's nest igloo
A young lady had a very
high beehive hairdo. Rather than washing and re-styling her hair
each day, she just continued to spray it with more hairspray. Eventually
she began complaining of severe headaches, which became more and more painful,
until she finally died. Upon her death, it was discovered that a
family of small poisonous spiders had taken up residence in her hair, and
they stung her to death.
hook man leavin' his hook on the door
A young couple was up
at Lookout Point, doing what young couples do at Lookout Point, and they,
of course, had some nice music on the radio. But soon the broadcast
was interrupted with the news that a dangerous convict had escaped and
was terrorizing the area! He was very easy to recognize because he
had lost his left hand and instead had a hook. He was murdering people
right and left, especially young people, and the young lady became very
nervous. She insisted on leaving immediately, much to the young man’s
disappointment. After a brief argument, she finally convinced him
to leave. In a huff, he gunned the engine and took off. By
the time he got to the young lady’s house, he had cooled down. He
went around to open his date’s door, and there on her door was a bloody
hook!
after givin' that girlfriend's guy "what for?"
This is probably an
allusion to the “Dead Boyfriend” legend. A couple was up at Lookout
Point, doing what couples do at Lookout Point, when the young lady heard
a disturbing noise outside the car. Since they had heard on the radio
that there was an escaped convict in the area (is this sounding familiar?),
her boyfriend told her that he would check it out, but she must stay in
the car, hidden in the front seat, no matter what. He had been gone
quite awhile when she heard a strange scratching sound on the roof of the
car. She peeked out the window and saw nothing, but she was afraid
to get out since her boyfriend had told her to stay put. She waited
all night, but he never came back. Finally, when the morning dawned,
she decided that it would be safe to get out of the car and look around.
She looked up and there, hanging from the tree, shoes scratching on the
roof of the car, was her dead boyfriend!
someone put a rat in the deep fry
This UL has been told
about nearly every fast food joint! A young couple went through the
drive-thru to get some dinner. As they were driving to (let’s stick
with the theme) Lookout Point, the young lady noticed that her (chicken,
fish, fries, whatever) tasted funny. She looked more closely and
discovered that she was eating a breaded and deep-fried rat!
madman on the phone in upstairs bedroom
A girl was babysitting,
and after she had put the kids to bed, she decided to watch some TV.
Soon the phone rang, and when she answered, she just heard heavy breathing.
The phone rang again, and this time the heavy breathing was accompanied
by a threat: “I can see you, and I’m going to kill you!” This happened
a few more times and each time the caller was more specific, describing
the girl’s clothing, what she watching on TV, and so forth. Needless
to say, the girl was becoming very frightened, so she called 911.
The operator, after a couple of minutes of investigating, told the young
lady in alarm, “Get out of the house right now! We traced the phone to
the upstairs of the house you’re in!”
alligators down in the sewer lines
Supposedly, when people
tired of their pet baby alligators, they would flush them down the toilet.
The alligators didn’t die, however, but thrived in the sewers, growing
to a menacing size, and eating anyone who ventured down into their watery
domain.
i had a tough time believing all that
'till i picked up
the vanishing hitchhiker
(i picked up) the vanishing hitchhiker
he was an angel (the vanishing hitchhiker)
i heard him say "stop telling lies."
then he went away
Perhaps the oldest of
any UL, dating back even before the time of cars. But in a nutshell,
a man driving along at night saw a hitchhiker along a lonely stretch of
road. Having compassion on the hitchhiker, the driver stopped and
picked him (or her) up. But as soon as they reach the hitchhiker’s
destination, (s)he disappears. There are lots of variations as to
what happens next, but the Eddies are going with the angel ending.
The hitchhiker, just prior to disappearing, offers some words of wisdom,
or a warning about God’s impending wrath, then disappears. It is
only then that the driver realizes that he has been in the presence of
an angel.
remember the dog in the microwave oven?
he was turned up high, now there's nothin' left of him
Pretty self-explanatory.
Children put the dog in the microwave after its bath to try to dry it more
quickly, and it ends up, well, you know…
"there's a hatchet killer hiding in your back seat, ma'am
A woman was driving
down the road at night, when a semi truck began tailgating her. She
tried several times to shake it, but it kept following her. Finally,
in panic, she pulled into a well-lit gas station and ran inside for help.
The driver of the truck followed her in. “I’m sorry to have frightened
you, ma’am, but from my truck cab I could see down into your back seat.
There was a man hiding there with an ax!”
and a rat tail floating in your coca cola can."
Again, pretty self-explanatory,
and told about almost every kind of soft drink and beer on the market.
at midnight there stood a stranger on the highway
somewhere there abouts, (i think) in corpus christi
he smiled and said that he was goin' my way
no i couldn't say that i belived in all that
Back to the Vanishing
Hitchhiker. By the way, “Corpus Christi” means “Body of Christ.”
i get my info from the backward masking
Pretty self-explanatory.
Probably an allusion to the big 80’s craze of backward masking, whether
it was real or imagined. Everything from satanic messages to the
prediction of John Lennon’s death has been claimed to be found in messages
recorded backward and hidden within popular music.
i get the Word of God through prayer and fasting
Not necessarily an UL,
but it could be referring to those who believe that they receive “special
messages” from God while in a trance state, often brought on by, well,
prayer and fasting.
j.f.k. is alive and well
As are Elvis, Hitler,
and the aliens from Roswell!
and kissinger is a beast from hell
Nearly every world leader
has been, at one time or another, called either The Beast or the Anti-Christ.
Henry Kissinger was "nominated" because of his activities in the Middle
East. For a complete list of anti-Christ candidates over the ages,
see Todd's Rapture Ready article "Have
You Seen This Man?".
the face of st. paul in this butt roast
assures me that i'm going up to heaven
People are always seeing
the face of Jesus in the oddest places! Most often the person takes
this sighting as a sign from God.
the anti-christ does laundry on the east coast
i doubted the most -- did not believe in all that
Again, a lot of world
leaders are accused of being The Beast or the Anti-Christ. If you
know anything else about this particular reference, please let
me know. Thanks!
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Legend Lyrics
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Swirling Eddies Page
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