It is said, that the army lives on it's characters. And of that, I certainly am one of those. I joined the army in 1973, my basic training, was carried out at the depot of the Royal Artillery, Woolwich. I had been told, by the friendly recruiting Sargent, that at 6'2". I was in fact, too tall, to join the tank regts, as I would not be able to fit inside one, due to my height. I had thought, that driving a tank, would be the easy option, and ideal for me. All you would have to do, if it rained, was close the hatch, and if it got a bit cold, turn on the heater. There would be absolutely no walking involved. So I would not get tired, or dirty. When we had come back from being on an exercise, I would merely get a big hose out, and wash the thing down, easy ,simple, go for a beer.

Having read all the Commando comics, I knew not to be a signaller, as radios were heavy, and in all the films, they usually got shot. So, after doing the aptitude tests, and being told I was capable of being a Regimental Surveyor, I gladly signed on, and took the Queen's shilling. Thinking that I would be able to build roads, and buildings, in civvie street, when I got out. It only took me three years, to get my first glimpse of a director stand, and only then, from through the dial sight of a 105 mm .pack howitzer.

Since then, I have traveled world wide, in the service of Queen and Country, experiencing the dining etiquette of MCTC, ( the Military Corrective Training Centre Colchester), as well as, that of the Officer's Mess. I served a short spell, with the French Foreign Legion, reaching the dizzy heights of Corporal. But, it was not for me, (the pay was bad), and I thought the British Army was disorganized, till I went to France. I must admit, I did like the songs, as many could testify to. Upon hearing my noisy drunken returns to barracks late at night, (often via the officer's mess). Where I would serenade them, till being politely asked, to "fuck off " and go to bed.

As a 2066 once stated: "He tends to lead a curates egg style of existence". Nothing's changed Bob. Today I dodge a different type of flack, I work for the MOD as a Civil servant.

Jim Love
June 2000