Month Four: Your ClothesYour mom will take you to maternity stores and you will feel sick. The clothes look like cartoon character outfits with stretchy panels and drawstring tops. The clothes will try hard to be cool: the sequins, the tie-dye, the slogans, they will fail. You will tell your mother you will not wear these clothes. Unnecessary, will be the unfortunate word that you use. Unfortunate because in a few weeks you will no longer fit into your regular clothes, and you will have already raided your husband's closet for items that you thought were cool when you were thin and they were loose. Then you will sneak back to the maternity store and gratefully drop a hundred bucks for a pair of stretch panel jeans.
Month Five: Your Model | Your Cobra |