SUNFLARE 
I

I swore that
I would never
experience this again
but somehow
even in daylight
sorrow finds me

With an impotent
rage flaring
inside of me
 
The sun is out
a bright September
morning but inside
the clouds have gathered

I mean what was
the chances of
another person
I know being affected
by this modern plague
called AIDS
  
II  
  
I wonder  
where it began  
this bitterness  
this anger 
at being unable  
to do something 
  
Damn it  
we are talking  
about a life  
being stolen  
too soon 
  
By a disease  
most people 
consider to be  
unclean
forbidden  
taboo  
  
We don't talk  
about things like that  
especially here! 
  
But why not  
the light still shines  
as bright as any sun
flaring brightly
even when the clouds
try to block it

Clouds made up
of ignorance
and fear

The one thing
that would help
the most we deny
and conveniently
look the other way

There's nothing fair
and we ask

"Why him hasn't
he suffered enough"

And bitterness
seeps into our hearts
the ones willing 
to give a damn

And we think
that no one understands
as we fight
a battle inside  
to find some sense  
some justice  
in something  
that amounts to  
a cruel twist   
of fate
  
III  
  
This time  
it's personal  
  
AIDS IS INVADING
  
MY CLAN!  
  
True  
I never met  
the people involved  
  
But as I said  
once before  
that doesn't matter 
  
I can hear the love  
in Kelly's voice
for her brother

I can hear the love
as she struggles
to find understanding
in something where
only a chaotic mass
of questions thrive

And the anger
the confusion
bleeds over
to other matters
and other people

A cry for help
in the wilderness
to someone anyone
to provide a map
but there's none 
to offer

Most people prefer
to stay as far from
death as possible
especially a death
that's taboo

But I never cared  
about what people  
thought about things  
or about me  
  
This is personal  
this is family 
  
IV  
  
So once again  
I sit on a hill  
watching the river  
this time it's day  
  
To me the river  
represents the passage  
of time itself
with a beginning  
and an ending  
that we call life 
  
Only right now  
the river is  
full of rapids  
as a life ends

The pain and grief
remains behind
nobody ever really
recovers from it

Hope exists still
the memories will
fight the pain
and grief lessons
in time

A gift is needed
something special
and wise words offered
I have nothing but
a thought to leave
behind as I float
down the river

Life flares
as a burst
of light from
the brightest of suns
and even alone this
light we call life
can illuminate the  
darkest parts 
of our universe  
  
Departed friends  
and family  
are the stars  
that guide us  
through the darkness  
we face in our lives 

IN MEMORY OF JEFF WHO DIED 0CTOBER 1996


Paul Vernon Deffendall
September 20, 1996


PREVIOUS POEM

NEXT POEM

BACK TO FADED GLORY



Hosted by www.Geocities.ws