On The Time I Met Death

I never written before
of this one time
back in nineteen eighty-eight

I didn't know the words
or understand
my feelings

Strange
even today
I have only images
cloaked in shadows

Though I remember
everything
chiefly surprise
and a great 
feeling of weariness

I often heard
that death
was like that
just wanting to sleep
just being tired

I'm ahead 
of the story

I never knew
that anything was wrong
just some red spots
all over my body

I later learned
they were caused
by uncontrolled bleeding
that my platelets
were being destroyed
by my body

I finally caught on
that something wasn't
just right and
eventually I went
to the hospital

I took a while
before the doctors
figured it out

I felt nothing
just a little puzzled
no real feelings

I just waited
not really caring
one way or the other
just a little tired

Now I realize
I was also scared

my sister was with me
keeping me calm
while my feelings
ran wild within me

finally I learned
that I had to stay
for the night

that my platlet 
count was too low
I might bleed to death
if I was jostled

which explained
what tipped me off
the sudden explosion
of red spots
on my wrist after
I carried something
wrapped around them

I just wanted to sleep
it was past midnight
and I felt tired

It took five day
to get my count right
and a bone marrow tap
to check for cancer
just in case

nothing was there
just one of those things

they watched me
and gave steriods
to reduce my
white blood cells

And to straighten
out my system

Finally 
I was released
but checked weekly
to see if things
were working properly

I felt so drained
when I got home
with the slow
withdrawal from
the steriods

But the platelets
started to disappear
until surgery
to remove my spleen
was the only option

On the table
prepping for surgery
I received good news

A miracle from God
my count surged forward
and stabilized
no surgery was needed

I felt relief
of course
and I dressed immediately
before they changed their minds

My energies renewed
with a zest for life

But I remember
that brush with death
I felt his presence
his seductive touch

It just wasn't time
for me to go yet

Paul Vernon Deffendall
August 18, 1996

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