PAIGEWhat had they done with Jay, to Jay? The creature in front of me looked to be just like the Jay I knew, I couldn’t mistake his grip, the tattoo was the same, the scars were there. It just...wasn’t Jay. His hair was gone, there was a fine coating of brown over his skull, it wasn’t as dark as it had been. Somehow he had gained more weight, but I figured that was more from the drugs than anything else. When he looked up at me, I saw that they hadn’t managed to destroy his spirit. The Jay that I knew dwelled in the murky depths. They had beaten down his appearance, but not his essence. I wished that I could say the same about myself.
“Paige.” he whispered. “You came.” Knelt and hugged him until I thought I would burst. He finally broke out of my grasp and pulled me to my feet. Stood and hugged me. I felt like crying but I didn’t want to disturb him. Ryan and Bobby hovered in the periphery, watching but acting like they weren’t. “She said you wouldn’t. I knew you would.” Whispered vehemently against my neck.
Saw the pieces of paper taped to the wall. Every single one of them was a picture of me, except for one in the middle. Someone had dated them all, at the beginning he had drawn me crying, then there were brief periods where I was smiling, but as the dates grew closer and closer to the present I was crying more and more. The one in the middle was totally unrelated to the rest. It was Jay in a pool of blood, he was smiling. Jay was looking at me expectantly, biting down on the knuckle of one finger. Was I supposed to fawn over them like some parent over his child’s artwork or was I supposed to see them for what they were? “Jay...” I began, but stopped.
“I missed you.” he sighed. “They wouldn’t let me put them up, but I made them. I didn’t want to be alone.” I looked at the window. There were smudges on the wall where someone had tried to reach it, but hadn’t quite had the height to do it. Decided not to mention it.
Then someone peeked in the door, a...well, she wasn’t a girl, but she wasn’t a woman either. It looked like she was constantly in between the two. Jay’s grasp on my arm tightened. “Is that your boyfriend? I should tell nurse! He might hurt you again!” she chirped.
“He’s not like that!” Jay yelled.
“Then why would they say he was? He punched out that nice therapist that gives out all the candy!” she yelled back.
Jay looked on the verge of tears, but he was holding them back. Ryan stepped in between and closed the door. “They think you’re a monster.” Jay whispered, pulling me down next to him on the bed. “They said that you were the one who did this to me, that you were the one who cut my arms.”
“I’ll get you out of here somehow.” I promised. He nodded slowly, as if he didn’t quite believe it. Shivers wracked his body, but the room was on the warm side...I hoped it wasn’t from the shock of seeing me again.
“You can’t. But thank you for saying that. Sometimes that’s the only thing that keeps me going.” Small tear dribbled down his cheek. “I know you’re trying as hard as you can, but I don’t think it’s possible.”
A knock on the door and the nurse poked her head in. “Visiting hours are over. Please follow me to the exit.” Jay pulled me down for a desperate kiss, he tried to make it last as long as he could, but it had to end eventually. Saw his haunting eyes one last time before the door closed.
JAY
It was so hard to stop myself from caving and betraying myself, betraying Paige. The nurses wouldn’t let up, every single inmate was shoved at me as a possible friend, all the darker colors removed from the box, more questions asked of me during group. They said that I could send Paige letters. Handed them to the nurse knowing that they would be analyzed, dissected, and then filed away without Paige ever seeing them. When I wouldn’t agree to something or just ‘looked wrong’, it was off to the happy land of drugs and one on one discussions. She seemed to be there twenty four hours a day with the express purpose of torturing me.
“What do you want out of life?” she asked, drumming her pen against the clipboard. The occasion? I had dared ask how I could see Paige again.“I just want to go home and see Paige. I don’t care about the rest.” I muttered. Pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my face in them. The cameras couldn’t see my face.
She patted my leg gently, then traced the lines on my arm. “Need I remind you who did this?”
“He didn’t do it! It was me. I don’t care how much evidence you come up with, it was me...I wanted to die, I still want to die, and you won’t believe me!” She smiled condescendingly.
“I know that’s what you think happened, but from the way Paige acted with me, I don’t think that he’s the kind of man you should have a relationship with.”
“Why don’t you let me find that out myself?! You’re just a sick bitch without anyone of your own, you want to ruin everyone else’s happiness because you don’t have any.” I snarled. She tapped her wedding band softly. “Fuck that! Fuck you! I’m sick of you telling me what I should do with my life. I’ll bet your husband just married you for the money, I can’t imagine it was for looks, and any children you have wish you were dead..” Stood up and towered over her. Her eyes widened in fear, was I truly being that awful? My bravery died a lonely death in my heart. “All I want is to go home, I’ll take whatever drugs you shove at me, I’ll say whatever you want, just let me go home and be with Paige.” Sank back into the chair and curled into the seat. She pressed the call button and the nurse came in.
“I think Jay’s tranquilizer dosage needs to be upped. Other than that, he can go back to his room now.”
PAIGE
Sat outside her office, she said there had been ‘developments’. Wondered what she meant. Had Jay attacked someone? Did he hurt himself again? Or was it me that she wanted to discuss... I hated being made to feel like I had done something wrong when I hadn’t.
“The doctor will see you now.” the receptionist said, leading me to the back.
Door opened, she swivelled in her chair. Glanced at her clipboard. I knew that she knew my name by now, she just did it so that I would feel worthless. “Mr. Haley, we’re here to talk about Jay’s progress. Sit down.” She gestured to a leather armchair. I sat down slowly, unwilling to start the discussion.
“How’s he been doing?”
“Apart from a penchant to constantly discussing and drawing you, very well. I wish I could claim the credit, but I think the facilities that we have here have done a wonderful job.”
“What do you mean ‘very well’?”
“For starters, he’s been talking more, and expressing his feelings in a more constructive manner. Of course, some of it is probably because of the drugs. He’ll have to discontinue those, but I think that can wait a while, don’t you?” Narrowed my eyes at her.
“What exactly are you saying?”
“I don’t see any reason why he can’t go home for a week or so, just to see if he’s able to adjust.” Tried to restrain any hopes that I had. It was only a week, a week out of the rest of his life, of our lives.
“Is there a catch to this?” I asked.
“That depends on you. Your friends may vouched for your character to the point where you sound nigh unto a saint, but you still have to prove it to me.” Her finger traced the barely visible bruise. “You have to behave. And if Jay hurts himself intentionally at all during that week, he’s here for a long time to come.”
“I don’t think that will be a problem.” I said.
“Good. Then we have nothing more to discuss.”
JAY
Paige handed me some clothes, some normal clothes, not like the institutional white crap I’d been forced to wear. I stared at him, what the hell was I supposed to do with them? There was a barely restrained smile on his lips. “Put them on, you get to go home for a week.” he said softly.
“No...she’d never let me.”
“She did.” Handed me a piece of paper. I read through it slowly, pausing when I came to the part where it said that I could go home for a week. Glanced up at Paige for a second, he was smiling like an idiot. I noticed the conditions, he had to ‘behave’ and I had to....I couldn’t hurt myself. Shuddered. I hadn’t thought about the blood once since I’d gotten here, but I had been too doped up and surrounded to do much thinking at all. “Now come on, let’s go.”
My stomach was starting to churn again, but I smiled and took the clothes from him. I could deal with anything if I was at home and with Paige.